Lucian
I resist the urge to do something completely out of character, like pulling over on the side of the road and throwing up. I should be calmer now. Lia is beside me, with her bags tucked between her feet. Her hand is on my leg, silently giving me the support I need, but still my heart races in fear. Telling her my story is almost anticlimactic. I no longer believe she will leave me as a direct result, but I do fear it will alter her opinion of the type of man I am.
Cassie committed heinous and unforgivable acts, but I was not without fault. Maybe the result would have still been the same, but that’s something I’ll never know. We were two kids who had no idea how to survive the type of toxic relationship we’d found ourselves in. Ultimately, our unborn child paid the price. There was a time I believed that I loved her and maybe I did. But those feelings were nothing compared to what I feel for the woman sitting next to me. My life was but an empty shell before she came into it. To keep her, I can no longer be the man I have been. She has worked so hard to overcome her past. How can I be worthy of her and do any less?
We arrive at the apartment far too quickly. I take her hand and lead her from the parking garage and into the elevator. She then curls her arms around my waist, resting her head against my chest. “I love you,” she whispers. The elevator opens to our floor, but neither of us moves. I wrap my arms around her small frame and hold her. It seems that we are both hesitating to cross the threshold into our home.
“I love you too, baby,” I say, before pressing a kiss against her head. She shudders against me and I don’t know if it’s from the words or the kiss. Just hours earlier when I declared my love for the first time, she had been livid. She felt I was just saying the words under duress to stop her from leaving. Maybe I wouldn’t have blurted them out so abruptly had she not been packing a bag, but the feelings had been true just the same. Not everyone has a shiny, perfect kind of love. Sometimes it’s messy, complicated, and painful. It doesn’t lessen the depth of the feelings involved though. I love her with an all-consuming intensity that scares the hell out of me. There had been times in my life when I wanted to give up, but if I lost her, I truly don’t think I would be able to recover.
“You really mean that, don’t you?” she asks in something akin to wonder.
“More than you can even imagine. I’m sorry I didn’t return the words when you first spoke them to me. I just panicked.”
She surprises a laugh out of me when she says, “I know. I’m kind of irresistible though so I knew you’d come around.” And that right there is one of the big reasons I do love her. Her ability to adapt and bounce back is like nothing I’ve ever seen. She was blindsided by Lee Jacks just hours before and can still find it within herself to make a joke. The fact I haven’t been worshipping at her feet every day should be a crime.
“You are that and more, Lia,” I agree, before reluctantly pulling away from her and leading her from the elevator. When we enter the apartment, Lia goes straight to the liquor cabinet and fixes a glass full of scotch. I raise a brow in question, hating to mention she shouldn’t be drinking until we know if she’s pregnant. Instead of taking a sip though, she brings the glass to the coffee table and then takes a seat on the sofa.
“You can drink it now or later,” she says before patting the place next to her. The time for running is over. She’s letting me know that there is no reprieve today. She expects to hear my story now. I pick up the glass and down half of it before sitting beside her. She takes my hand in hers and just waits. I decide to jump, praying she’s there to catch me in the end.
“I met Cassie in elementary school. She and her father moved into the area in the middle of the school year. Her mother had passed away when she was younger so it was only the two of them. Before her, it was mainly just Aidan and I. For some reason, she picked us out almost immediately and was determined to be friends. Eventually, she wore us down and we were inseparable. That continued into our teenage years. Aidan had a crush on her almost from the beginning, but she wanted me as we got older. I was a bit of a book nerd so my indifference was probably a challenge to her.” Lia giggles at my description of myself and I smile in reply. “I wasn’t always this man, baby,” I tease before I realize how true that statement is.
“I love the man you are,” she says softly before waiting for me to continue.