“Do you visit her?” Lia asks, looking uncomfortable. I guess if the situation were reversed, no matter how fucked up it was, I’d be a bit uneasy knowing she had someone like that still on the fringes of her life.
“No, not in a long time. She has gone through periods of acting as if she’s still pregnant.” When Lia looks confused, I add, “She would stuff a pillow under her shirt and stroke it—like a baby. She doesn’t appear to remember anything about that night and what she did.”
“Oh, God.” Lia flinches. “Is she never expected to recover? To be normal again?” I really didn’t want to answer those questions, knowing it would cause her to worry, but she needed to know—just in case. It appeared being with me was never going to be easy.
“There have been things happening recently. New developments with her. It may turn out to be nothing, but I don’t know at this point. She’s been engaging with people there and has said a few things to Aidan, leading him to believe she is beginning to recover. The doctors have tried many medications, but the new one is part of the drug trial. They believe she may be responding to it.”
Lia chews her bottom lip, the only outward sign she’s distressed by my news. “If she doesn’t remember anything, then if she gets better, won’t she think that you are still…together? Shit! You don’t have to answer that. It sounds incredibly selfish of me to worry about losing you after everything you’ve shared.” She looks down as if embarrassed and I see a tinge of red on her cheeks.
“Look at me, baby,” I order gently. She slowly lifts her head and I cup her cheek. “I’ve never loved a woman the way I love you. Cassie and I were kids…and the worst thing to ever happen to each other. If I hadn’t been such a competitive and selfish asshole, I would have never crossed the line from a friend with her. Aidan has always loved her and they should have been together. We’ve all paid the price because that didn’t happen. No matter what becomes of her, it changes nothing with us. You are my present, my future, and my forever. I can only hope that you’ll see all of this through with me because I need you. I can’t go back to who I was before. If you feel insecure because of what I did while I was with Cassie…I swear on my life, I will never—” Before I can finish, she puts a finger to my lips.
“I’m not worried that you will cheat on me, Luc,” she assures me. “I mean I know that Monique and Laurie would love nothing more than to see me gone, but you would break up with me before that happened.”
“I was feeling pretty good about that until you added that last part.” I laugh, amazed I’m able to joke after the emotional hell we’ve both just been through. That’s what being with Lia does to me though. She takes my usual intensity and makes it into something softer.
“Sorry.” She smiles. “I guess I should have left it at that. Thank you for sharing your pain with me. I know it wasn’t easy and I want you to know how much it means to me that you let me in. I also want you to believe that I’m not judging you for anything that happened in your past. It sounds as though you were both in a situation you couldn’t escape. My heart breaks for you, Cassie, and Aidan.”
At that moment, I feel something inside me begin to unfurl. I’ve spent so many years hating Cassie and myself that it has been slowly eating away at my life. I showed Lia my shame. Although I would never truly be free of it, she made it into something bearable. I can now look at it objectively and see the three kids destroyed that night. I can never fully forgive Cassie nor absolve myself of guilt, but maybe it’s time to let the hate go. Have we all not suffered enough? Fate brought Lia into my life and gave me a second chance. After the part I played in the tragedy that night, was it right that I begrudge Cassie the same? I vow that I will step back completely and allow Aidan to make the decisions concerning her if recovery becomes a real possibility. The man who has always loved her deserves his second chance as well and I will not deny either of them that. “Thank you, Lia,” I say, meaning it more than she knows. When she yawns in reply, I stand, taking her with me. It’s been an emotionally and physically draining day. I carry her to the bedroom, before setting her on her feet. I strip down to my boxers while she gets one of my T-shirts from a drawer and quickly changes. Within moments, I am lying on my back in bed with her against my side. “How are you handling what happened to you earlier?” I ask, not wanting to dwell on Cassie anymore tonight.
“Do I really have a father now, Lucian?” she asks timidly, sounding afraid to believe it might be true.