Spencer’s hands slowed, then resumed their perfect speed. “Oh.”
“And with those three,” Nick whispered, “I had to think about it for a long time. Psych myself up for it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s not something I volunteer for without a lot of forethought.” He craned his neck a little, ignoring the vague strain it put on his sore muscles because he wanted to be able to see Spencer. “But the second you asked? The answer was yes.”
And I don’t know what to make of that.
Spencer looked surprised, then pleased, then happy. Adorable. Fucking adorable, that smile. There was nothing threatening about Spencer, nothing violent, nothing even inconsiderate. No macho posturing. Nick was even convinced that the massage hadn’t been the set-up to topping. Spencer had wanted to fix his shoulder more urgently than he had wanted Nick flat on his belly and receptive to the idea of a cock up his arse.
“I’d never hurt you, Nick.”
No way he could be more adorable. “I’d rip your balls off if you did.” Nick smiled. “Can’t promise I’d make bottoming a habit, either. I get a bigger kick out of topping. It’s no comparison.”
“But you . . . it’s fun for you, too?”
“Can be,” Nick replied cautiously.
Spencer leaned down again and kissed the side of Nick’s neck. “And vanilla sex. Do you ever do that?”
“It’s, well, vanilla. The flavour everybody likes and that’s a bit bland.” Nick shrugged, then rolled his shoulders. Sore, but different sore, which was a good sign. “Though I guess I could add some chili. Tying you up, handcuffs, that kind of thing.”
Spencer inhaled sharply. “I’d like that.”
“I know.” Nick chuckled. “Any more questions?”
“Have you ever been the sub?”
“No. Freaks me out. I dislike pain, humiliation turns me into a raging beast, and restraints are a shortcut to a nervous breakdown. I can’t cope.”
“Wow.” Spencer’s hands were sliding, but the movements now felt more like caresses than anything purposeful. “Then how did you learn domming? Is that something you can pick up from a book?”
“Oh, I’ve picked up a thing or two from books.” He tilted his head forward, arching his neck a bit, and Spencer took the invitation. Nick groaned as Spencer carefully kneaded his neck. Then he found his breath and remembered he’d been speaking. “A few books. That’s where I learned about the psychology of it. And a few—” He exhaled as Spencer’s fingertips trailed down the sides of his neck, the touch as erotic as it was relaxing. “Fuck, mate. You are seriously in the wrong line of work.”
Spencer laughed. He slid his fingers up into Nick’s hair, and Nick didn’t care if he had massage oil in his hair now, because bloody hell, that touch was amazing. More goose bumps, another shudder; it was a good thing Spencer had asked him earlier about being a sub, because when he had his hands on Nick like this, he could probably get Nick to do anything.
Then Spencer’s hands drifted back to Nick’s shoulders, and just rested there, a slightly heavy and pleasantly warm presence on muscles that felt nothing like they had earlier. “You were saying? About books and stuff?”
“Right. Right.” Nick pressed back against Spencer’s hands. “Books. A few pointers from guys with more experience.” He turned his head, resting it on his arm again. “I had a sub a while ago who had more experience than me, and he taught me a lot.”
“The sub taught you?” Spencer lifted one hand off his skin, then the other, and eased himself onto the bed beside Nick. “How does that work?”
“We’d talk beforehand. About what we both wanted out of a scene. What the limits were. And the more I got to know him and his wants and needs, the more I learned to be creative—and safe—about fulfilling them.” He turned onto his side and propped his head up with one hand. “And I watched a lot of porn.”
Spencer laughed. “Seriously?”
Chuckling, Nick shook his head. “No, I’m kidding. I mean, okay, I’ve watched a lot of porn. But that’s not where I learned to do the things I do.”
Spencer glanced down and then pulled the blanket up over Nick’s legs and arse. “You shouldn’t get cold,” he said absentmindedly.
There. The guy was just too caring for his own good.
“Porn did teach me a thing or two,” Spencer said, settling close enough to brush Nick, as if he needed the contact.
“Like?” Nick reached out to rest his hand on Spencer’s thigh.
“Well. That I’m most likely a bottom and that pain might be what I like. Part of me was, I guess, at war with my liberal values. Getting my head around my desires took a while, considering history and the inevitable race issues. So I didn’t do anything much, but I dreamed about kinkier sex, fantasised. Until I met you, vanilla worked for me, especially if I pretended . . . in my head.”
Nick nodded. “No wonder you fell asleep over files with the previous guy. You were holding yourself back. In my experience, as long as it’s not sick shit, I mean, criminal stuff, it’s better to simply accept it. Makes a hell of a difference in your life.”