Pia hadn’t thought about it that way. “I could have walked away.”
“Walking away was a possibility, yes, but not for you. That’s not who you are. We all see it in how you are with this town. You get the details right, you do the work. And anyone who knows you personally, knows that you’ve been hurt by the people who were supposed to protect you. And that you would never do that to anyone else. You don’t need to worry about connecting with the babies you’re carrying. It will happen. The reason you’re sad is you’ve lost one of your children, as well. If this was just about Crystal, you’d only feel guilty.”
Pia turned the other woman’s words over in her mind. “You’re right,” she said slowly. “If I didn’t care, I guess I’d secretly be relieved. Two babies is going to be a lot easier than three. But I can’t get away from the sense of loss. And letting Crystal down.”
“This isn’t about your emotions. An embryo could have been lost at any point in the process. It’s a miracle all three of them got this far. Do you know how unlikely it was for you to get pregnant at all? You’ve done great.”
“Thanks.”
Somehow Denise had cut to the heart of the problem. In a way, exposing the issue to the light made Pia feel better.
“I worry that I won’t do a good job,” she admitted. “I’m not ready to buy maternity clothes or look at baby furniture.”
“Most women get married, then plan having a baby. This was thrust upon you without warning. You need time to catch up. As for maternity clothes, trust me, it won’t be long until you don’t have a choice.” She smiled. “The baby-furniture issue will take care of itself. Pretty soon you’ll have freakish hormones coursing through your body. You’ll be biologically compelled to nest. But until that happens, don’t sweat it. You’re being too hard on yourself.”
“I’ll try to do better.”
“I hope so. You’re going to be a great mother. You already are. If you need anything, you know we’ll all be there for you. This whole town loves you.”
The two women hugged. As Denise straightened, Pia heard footsteps on the stairs. Seconds later, Raoul entered the apartment.
He’d brought a small duffel with him. More clothes, she thought.
“Denise,” he said. “Thanks for stopping by.”
“I had to see our girl. She’s doing better.”
Raoul glanced at her anxiously. “I hope so.” He hesitated, then said, “I’m trying to convince her to move in with me, at least temporarily. My house is all one level.”
Pia rolled her eyes. “I’m fine.”
“You can’t take the stairs.”
There was a difference between can’t and don’t want to, Pia thought. Although she was supposed to take it easy for the next few days, after that, there weren’t any restrictions. Which might be medically sound, but emotionally, the thought of taking stairs made her beyond nervous.
Denise glanced between them. “Pia, it might be a good idea. You’d be more relaxed if you didn’t have to worry about stairs. It’s only for a week or so, then you can move back.” She raised her eyebrows. “Although I’m not sure how long you’re going to want to climb those three flights as your pregnancy progresses.”
Raoul looked both pleading and smug. “See.”
It might be the practical solution, but Pia didn’t like it. Moving in with Raoul said something about their relationship. Or maybe it simply made things more real. Not that she’d been able to ignore the very large engagement ring on her left hand.
“I’ll think about it,” she promised. It was the best she could do.
Denise hugged her again. As she was bent over, she whispered, “He’s very handsome and doting. There are worse traits in a man.”
“I know. Thanks for coming by and talking to me.”
Denise kissed her forehead. “Anytime.” She straightened. “Take care of her. She’s precious to all of us.”
“I will,” Raoul told her, then walked her to the door.
They spoke for a few seconds. Pia couldn’t hear what they were saying, which was probably the point. She leaned back against the sofa and closed her eyes. Despite being exhausted, she couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Every time she tried, she flashed back to the sight of the blood on the chair and felt the same terror flooding her. Not exactly a sequence designed to get her to nod off.
Instead she thought about what Denise had told her. Denise’s observation that it was amazing that the babies had gotten this far was the most help. Maybe it was okay that she hadn’t totally absorbed the idea of being pregnant. Maybe all that would change with time.
She opened her eyes and saw Raoul close the door. He glanced back at her.
“Why don’t you try to rest,” he suggested.