“I suppose if we have to be in the middle of this circus, we might as well benefit in some way,” Marsha said. “What’s next?”
Talk turned to budgeting. At one point, Charity tried to stifle a yawn, then caught Pia’s gaze and grinned.
Pia nodded in agreement. Not exactly a topic to keep one up in anticipation. She shifted in her seat, feeling a faint cramping in her stomach. At first she didn’t think anything about it. She listened to the latest information on the cause of the fire at the school and the projections for repair costs.
The cramps increased. She frowned as she tried to remember if her period was due. Usually she noted that on her calendar so she could be prepared with…
Dread swept through her. She wasn’t going to get her period. She was pregnant. She shouldn’t be cramping. Not like this.
“Oh, God,” she breathed, terrified to move, not sure what to do.
Everyone turned to look at her. Another cramp hit her. This one was horrifyingly worse.
Then she felt it. A rush of something liquid. Involuntarily she stood and looked down. Blood pooled in the seat.
Pia began to scream.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
PIA GULPED FOR AIR. Even as she gasped, she choked on a sob. Despite the nurse’s insistence that she had to calm down, she couldn’t stop crying.
The nurse held on to Pia’s hand. “Honey, is there someone I can call? Do you want me to get your mom?”
The irony of the question only made Pia cry harder. Marsha would have phoned Raoul already, and he would get here as quickly as he could. There was no one else.
“I’m fine,” Pia managed.
“You’ve got to quiet down. This isn’t good for you or the babies.”
Babies. Because there were two left. At least that’s what the ultrasound had shown. Only one had been lost.
Pia did her best to slow her breathing. Getting upset only made things worse. She knew that, but she couldn’t seem to control herself. Not when she knew she was to blame.
“Where is she?” a male voice asked from the hallway. “Pia O’Brian. She’s my fiancée.”
“Raoul!”
The nurse left her side and hurried to the open door. “In here.”
Raoul rushed in and raced to her side. “Pia.” He bent over her and took her hand in his, then kissed her forehead. “Are you all right?”
The worry and concern had her crying again. But instead of backing away, he leaned close and wrapped his arms around her.
She cried and cried until she felt empty inside. Until there was no way to find relief.
“I lost one of the babies,” she said, the words hoarse in her swollen throat.
“I know.” He smoothed her hair. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not. It’s not okay. I’m the reason. It’s my fault.” She felt her eyes fill again. Grabbing his hand with both of hers, she stared into his eyes. “It’s my fault. I did this. They were never real to me. I didn’t want to tell you, but they weren’t. I knew in my head I was pregnant, but I didn’t feel it. I wasn’t maternal. The baby knew. It knew and now it’s gone.”
“Pia, no. That’s not what happens.”
“It is. I did it. I was out with Charity yesterday. She wanted to look at maternity clothes and I didn’t. I didn’t want to think about how big I’m going to get, or what’s going to happen to my body. Then I freaked out about the furniture. I didn’t even know how many diapers a baby uses in a week.”
The tears flowed again, trickling down her cheeks. “Crystal trusted me. She trusted me and one of her babies is gone and I can’t fix it. I can’t make it better. I loved her and she believed in me and look what I’ve done.”
Raoul shook his head. He looked uncomfortable and helpless. “Sometimes babies don’t make it.”
She raised her bed a little, so she could see him more easily. “There’s more. I’m the reason.” She swallowed, knowing she had to tell him the truth, even if it meant he would walk away from her forever.
Maybe that would be for the best, she thought, feeling sick to her stomach. Then when the babies were born, he could have child protective services take them from her so she wouldn’t damage them further.
“I got pregnant when I was in college.”
RAOUL DIDN’T WANT TO HEAR anything more. He knew where the story was going, what she was going to say. Anger grew. He pulled his hand back.
Pia was talking. He forced himself to listen, to pretend he wasn’t judging.
“I knew he wouldn’t marry me, and I started…” She gasped for breath. “I started wishing the baby would go away. That’s what I thought in my head. How everything would be better if it just went away.”
She closed her eyes. The tears continued to flow, but they no longer touched him.
“Then it did,” she whispered.
“It didn’t go away,” he said harshly. “You did something.”