She nodded. “I know. The baby knew or sensed and then it was gone. Dr. Galloway said I can’t take responsibility. That not every baby starts out right and when they don’t, nature takes care of things. That’s the medical explanation. The baby wasn’t right. But it wasn’t the baby, it was me.”
He stared at her, confused by what she was saying. “You didn’t have an abortion?”
“What?” Her eyes opened. “No. Of course not. I was figuring I’d give the baby up for adoption. I even had a few brochures. But it was gone, just like today. That’s what I kept thinking. That I was being punished for not wanting that first baby. So I don’t get to have these.”
His anger and sense of betrayal faded as if they’d never been. Shame replaced them—for thinking the worst of Pia. She was nothing like Caro. He already knew that.
He returned to the bed, grateful she hadn’t noticed his retreat, and pulled her close again.
“I’m sorry,” he said, apologizing for his mistake.
“You didn’t do anything.”
He would tell her later, he thought. When she was better.
“Neither did you,” he told her. “You’re not being punished.”
“You can’t know that.”
He looked into her eyes. “Yes, I can.”
“I lost one of Crystal’s babies.”
“No,” he said quietly, for the first time understanding exactly what had happened. “We lost one of ours.”
Twins, he thought sadly. Twins, not triplets.
Her eyes widened. More tears came. “You’re right,” she said on a sob. “Oh, God. Make it come back.”
A prayer that would never be answered, he thought sadly as he held her.
They hung on to each other for a long time. When she seemed to have calmed down a little, he sat next to her on the bed and stroked her face.
“I look terrible,” she said. “Puffy and swollen and miserable.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“You’re either a liar or you need your eyes checked.”
He gave her a smile, then let it fade. After kissing her mouth, he said, “Don’t for one minute think it’s your fault. It’s not. It can’t be. Blame comes with a deliberate action.”
He paused, then decided it was time. “You know that I was married before. Caro was a former beauty queen turned local news anchor. We met at a charity function in Dallas.”
Pia leaned back against her pillows. “Is it okay to hate her?”
“Sure.”
“Good. Because I do.”
At one time he had hated her more. But time had healed him. He would never understand, but he’d ceased wanting her punished.
“We were the perfect couple,” he continued. “Shortly after we got engaged, she was offered a job with a national affiliate in Los Angeles. Her career was important to her, so we moved to L.A. and during the season, I commuted.”
“That sounds very civilized.”
“It was. We talked about starting a family. We both wanted kids. One day I got a call that Caro was in the hospital. I came as fast as I could. I didn’t understand what was wrong and she didn’t want them to tell me.”
He could remember everything about that moment. Standing in the hallway, staring at a doctor who wouldn’t tell him what was wrong with his wife.
“I don’t understand,” Pia said. “The doctor wouldn’t tell you?”
“Not without her permission. I went into her room. She was pale. There were a couple of IVs and blood. I remember seeing the blood dripping into her.”
That had scared him the most. The thought that she might die.
He looked at Pia. “She’d had an abortion that afternoon and something had gone wrong. She’d been bleeding internally. She had surgery and was fine. That’s what she said. ‘I’m fine.’”
He shook his head. “I didn’t even know she was pregnant. She hadn’t told me. She said she wanted kids one day but not right then. Not when her career was going so well.” He turned away. “If she hadn’t ended up in the hospital, I never would have known. She made the decision without me. While I believe a woman has a right to choose, this was different. We were married. We were trying to have a kid—actively trying to get pregnant right then so I could be with her when it was born during the off-season. But it was all a lie.”
Pia’s breath caught. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. That Raoul’s wife had betrayed him, betrayed them that way. It was one thing to put off having kids, or to discuss an unexpected pregnancy, but to pretend to be trying for a baby, then abort it when it happened was inexcusable.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know that’s a stupid thing to say, but I’m sorry.”
He turned back to her. She saw the hurt in his eyes and the loss.
“I’m sorry, too.”
They stared at each other, sharing their pain. Despite their practical arrangement, she’d never felt closer to him. More connected.
There was a short knock on the door. They both turned and saw Dr. Galloway walk in.
“Pia, my dear,” she said. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me, too.”
The doctor shook hands with Raoul, then moved to her side. “From what we can tell, the other two babies are hanging on just fine. They’re growing and look healthy.”