"I felt you," I murmur at him. "Every day I felt you with me. I tried so hard to hate you, to forget about you, but you’re buried deep inside me." I swallow hard as my tears build that lump in my throat once more, and I dare myself to look at him, even if for a second. “Zane, it's like you blew my heart apart and rebuilt it with only you inside. And I hate you." I close my eyes, not willing to see that hurt I’ve caused him without finishing. “And love you for it all at once.”
“Amelia,” he tries.
“You built this life around me, gave me so much optimism of a life outside of this, and then you tore it down.” I look at him, not covering up any part of what I’m feeling. He needs to know how he left me reeling. “I make it hard for you now because I need to protect myself, but it’s not what I want.”
There’s a moment of deliberation where Zane ponders what I’ve said, completely takes on what it is I’ve said before rubbing his jaw and setting his hands back down onto his lap, keeping his entire body language open.
“You are hard work to understand, Amelia. You blow hot and cold on me and I know I should run, but I can’t. You are worth the hard work.” Zane’s statement is brisk and mirthful, but a delightful change of the mood in the room. “But you’re the only one who I would work this hard to keep believing that this is the point of no return. There are no more broken moments or denying our love. There is no backing away or running off. I’ve done it twice before and both times told me exactly how fucked up life is without you. I don’t care if it takes forever for you to love me wholly again. I will still be here, combating every woe, denial, and struggle you present me with. I will make you love and trust me again.”
“Slowly,” I whisper to him, cutting the moment short. I have to believe in my own decision to allow our newfound relationship to flourish over time, not rapidly evolve like before. “We have to take it slowly.”
“Slowly,” he reiterates my own litany.
As I turn to him, I listen to my inner voice, the one that usual reprimands me and keeps me from doing stupid things, but right now, it’s telling me to show Zane how I truly feel about the situation. I have to prove that even if I want to take it slowly, I am willing to love him again.
Gradually, we’re instinctively pulled toward one another, our eyes watch one another, and our bodies speak volumes as we come together with blissful intention. As his lips tenderly unite with mine, his hands reach to caress my face, cradling me into stillness. My eyes flutter closed as I become unbidden to Zane. All feelings that have been dragging me down seem forgotten as the man who will forever be locked in my fearful heart, enraptures me. But for the first time in what feels like a tiresome eternity, I embrace exactly what it is I’m feeling for the man I’ve blown hot and cold at endlessly – love. My sorrow ignites as passion burns brightly until my entire soul rages into a bright fire. As the flames course through me, I find myself realizing there’s been a change in our course.
I know this isn’t our ending, we’re far from that, but I can believe this is our true beginning.
After too many false starts, my heart is open wide to the opportunities Zane can present me with. No matter the scar, the burden, or the guilt, Zane is the key to seeking forgiveness. He’s my only get out clause to this life.
The thought causes me to reach up at his shirt and wrap my fingers around as much of the material as I can possibly muster. If he’s my one true hope, I am not letting him go just yet.
There’s always tomorrow to tell him everything I’m feeling.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“I swear we cannot get a quiet life in this place,” I grumble as I hear a loud resounding crash from upstairs. I continue to the inhale the scent of my coffee hoping it’ll hit my bloodstream quicker, seeing as digesting it isn’t helping me much.
“I saw him snorting some cocaine out back,” Enzo remarks, pouring himself a cup of coffee.
“Great,” I comment and take a huge gulp. I swallow, savoring the heat as it races down my chest, and look at Enzo as I set the cup down. “He’s really gotten out of control.”
“You’re telling me,” Enzo grunts back. I take note that he’s well aware of Giovanni’s spiraling nature. “I understand that Zane is quite the kick to the ego, but Giovanni seems to just be sitting around and taking it all when we’re public.”
I cringe as I hear what I assume to be a mirror shattering.