“I’m sure that’s not all you want,” he comments, looking down as he weaves his fingers with mine; the touch, delicate and although minimal, is intimate. “Go on,” he prompts, clearly seeing my expression says more than I wanted it to. “Tell me,” he urges me.
“I don’t want much in this life, I really don’t,” I whisper, hoping not to sound pathetic with this comment. “I want that all-consuming love.” I deliberately pause and look at him, knowing he is that. “I want to make a life with the man I love and have so many children that all we know is undying love, and I want to have that picket fence and that stupid swing on the porch like Bruno does.” I watch as Zane’s smile illuminates the more I talk. “I want friends and I want to walk outside and not worry about my next job and I-” I hiccup, looking down at our hands as they sit holding one another. “I want my happily ever after.”
“You can have just that,” Zane replies, moving closer to me. “You said before that you wanted to run, wanted to get away. We can do just that.”
“It’s not that easy,” I tell him, shaking my head to rid myself of the thought. “Plus, I just know that dreamers don’t survive long in this life. It’s not built for them. It’s all orchestrated for people like Gio. They’re the ones who will survive long after the rest of us.”
“I think you’re doing a perfect job of surviving,” he muses lightly. “I know I’ve been in the family only almost two weeks, but I have seen so much. Amelia, you might think you have this clear-cut idea of what life you’re meant to have, but you’re so wrong. There are so many possibilities and I know what Carlo can do.” He cocks a brow as my eyes widen. How does he know?! “I caught him making some calls about helping someone escape. When he saw me there, he finally told me what he was up to and he also told me how you gave up your chance before for Manuel.”
“I blew that,” I grumble, feeling shame douse my wounded ego.
“But did you?” he asks rhetorically. “You came back, Amelia, and you fight for him as much as you do yourself. I’ve seen how tender you are with Manuel. When with Sal, you’re a conniving bitch.” He laughs but only when I show some sign of amusement. “You’re loyal to those who deserve it and you show courage to those who don’t. All it will take is one call and you could have Manuel living a life you want and it’ll only take a second call to have you doing the same.”
“I can’t leave,” I whisper solemnly. “Like Enzo, I can’t. I stay because I don’t want to abandon any of them.”
“From what I’ve seen there, too, they won’t care. They’d be happy to have you out of the family if it meant you’re not doing things you don’t want to do.” He leans in closer, the intimacy arousing all of my hidden emotions and I cave to the weakness I keep forbidden. “There’s an entirely new world outside of the Dio Lavoro, sweetheart, and it’s waiting for you. Believe me when I say I know you’re destined for that white picket fence fantasy. I only know because I’ll be the one building that damn thing for you.”
I laugh at the thought of Zane and me setting up home. Not one trapped in a tiny apartment, but one created with the hope for the future. It’s all I ever dreamed of, but sadly, my pipedreams always end with my father tearing them down and laughing at the lunacy. I always wind up waking in a cold sweat, feeling stupid for ever thinking I can escape the clutches of my father.
Like me, my father has too much dirt on me to set me free. As much as I could get him sent down for life, he could do the same with me. I am a prisoner and soon, without saving himself, Zane will be the same. You live this life until death, not fulfil a part-time vacancy in.
“Zane?” I query in a low whisper. When he looks at me, I bite the bullet. “Why are you doing this?” My own voice sounds so weak, ready to break in defeat. “Why are you even being nice to me when I’m a total bitch to you?”
Releasing my hand, Zane reaches up to my chin, forcing me to hold my head a little higher. “Because you need to feel something other than hate. I need you to feel love again. That’s all.” He smiles at me, his stance and expression exudes sincerity, and I know one thing – he’s right. He’s always right. I do need to love again. But not right now. Right now, I need a friend, a confidante, someone to give me hope. “Fight all you want, but the joke will be on you, darlin’.”