“Make sure it’s a decent one,” I quip sarcastically. “If you don’t have enough for it, you can use my card. My father might as well pay for something.”
“His pay is generous, Amelia,” Zane replies, matter-of-factly with a sense of sarcasm. “I don’t think I’ll need you for this.”
“Okay,” I laugh and then look over my shoulder, spotting an empty bench. “I’m going to go sit over there and wait. Is that okay?” I say, pointing to it. “I’ll take the bags with me and you can browse. If you need me, just call me in.”
“Okay, I won’t be long, but if I need a woman’s opinion, I’ll call you,” he adds as he hands me the bags and disappears into the store.
I go and sit down on the bench, setting the bags down around me and pull my cell out to look occupied. My eyes flit between the other shoppers, trying my hardest to indulge in their normality. Between the elderly couples, the lovers, and the ‘BFFs’, my heart rate slows to a shallow pulse that I struggle to acknowledge. I lower my phone to my lap as I consume the sights before me.
There’s an entire other world out there that I’ll never be able to experience because of the life I was born into. I never got to go to high school, never went to prom, never managed to have a high school sweetheart. I never experienced bullies, or being popular, or being a geek. I was never able to find my niche or discover what I wanted to do with my life. I was never allowed to experience sleepovers and shopping dates with friends. I never experienced my father scaring boys off, or my brothers being the guys all the girls talked about when they walked down the corridors of the school.
I only knew shelter. I experienced an education within the walls of my home; the friends I made were my family’s business associates and their children. But even the latter was limited. I never got to go on play dates or make blossoming friendships. I never had sleepovers or makeovers, or gossiped with girlfriends.
The only reason I managed to meet Zane was because I ran free one night with one of my father’s friend’s son. Dante was always one of my closest friends, but only because of our families. Without that, I wouldn’t even have him. He was there to support me, but he’s no longer around. He’s gone, but I have Zane, so I haven’t lucked out entirely. Had I never taken the chance, I would never have wound up in Dynasty and I would never have had my chance at another life.
When Zane drops beside me, blue eyes trained on me. I offer a smile and turn to him and just ambush him.
“I planned to come back so harsh that I wouldn’t get hurt by sights like that and people like you.” I sigh disappointed in myself as I point out people. “Want to know a little secret?” I ask, wondering if I should bare this part of myself to him. When he nods, I know I can’t back away, and if I do, I’ll spend the rest of my day kicking myself for being so pathetic. Inhaling some strength, I put my sole attention upon Zane, offer a small smile, and speak. “I come here most of the time to see what I’m missing out on.”
I see his eyes flicker. They radiate with glorious amounts of confusion, and I feel my cheeks begin to burn. The sensation only magnifies when I look away and my gaze lands on a group of girls who are roughly my age – all smiles, all so carefree. When I look back at Zane, I see the realization has hit him and as he tears his watchful stare away from the same group of girls I had being gawking at, he puts his hand out to cover mine.
“I watch girls like those and see how much fun they have and how close they are and just imagine what it would be like to have some real friends.” I roll my eyes, pushing down my feelings. I look at him, smiling through my emotional pain. “Pathetic, right?”
I struggle to force laughter to cover up, but in the end, desolation reigns and I shake my head in dismay. How could I be so fucking stupid to let that out?
“Amelia,” he begins, but I can’t allow him to turn into some psychic who knows what I’m thinking.
“I just want to feel normal, Zane. That’s why I do it. I sit here and watch people live out these perfect lives and wonder what I did so wrong in a past life to be granted with what I have.” My lips pull into a smile, but I know it’s unconvincing. “I just want a slice of normalcy to know what it felt like to live.” I take a few deep breaths and worry what my next comment will do to Zane, but I know there’s no point in hiding the truth from a man who’s only been honest with me. Deception tore us apart once; I won’t allow it this time. “A bit like we used to live. When the doors were shut, the world forgotten, and I just got to live my life with you.”