Becoming Calder

CHAPTER THIRTEEN


Eden



The morning after the festival, Hailey woke me early and told me Hector wanted to see me after breakfast. I sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, feeling a nervous flutter in my belly. "Did he say why?" I asked sleepily.
Hailey shook her head, opened my closet, and pulled out my clothes. She laid my skirt at the end of my bed and then sat down. I propped my pillows behind me so I was sitting up, too.
Hailey studied me for a few seconds and then looked down at her hands. "Your wedding is drawing near, Eden." She paused and I furrowed my brow. "Hector would like me to educate you on the details of your wifely duties. He instructed me to do it as soon as possible."
I froze, her meaning immediately clear and a feeling of dread raced down my spine. I took a deep breath. I would never be Hector's bride. Calder was going to take me away from here before that could happen.
But I could use the lesson, couldn't I? I wanted to know all the ways to please a man. I wanted to know all the ways to please Calder, without him having to show me himself.
"Please do," I said softly.
Hailey glanced at me and her cheeks turned pink. Before she looked away, I thought I saw distress flash in her eyes.
"A woman doesn't enjoy these things, Eden, but a mistress or a wife performs them anyway. Do you understand?"
I shook my head. "No," I whispered. "Doesn't Hector bring you pleasure?" I felt my own face fill with heat and knew my cheeks were flushed, too.
Hailey looked back at me and pursed her lips. She took one of my hands in hers and said, "It is not always unpleasant, and you shouldn't fear it. But only a loose, impure woman takes pleasure for herself. You should focus on your husband only."
I furrowed my brow. Was I loose and impure? I must be, for I had surely enjoyed pleasures of the flesh with Calder. In fact, enjoy might be an understatement.
Hailey took a deep breath. "Things happen to a man when he is aroused. You'll know he wants you in bed when he . . . hardens."
I glanced down. I already knew that. And the thought of it alone, of Calder . . . hardened, sent a bolt of electricity between my legs. I swallowed.
"He will then want you to touch him, with your hand, and with your mouth." The last word came out as a squeak and my eyes widened. "My mouth?" I whispered, incredulous. Calder had used his mouth on me, but I was expected to use my mouth on him, too? "What do I do with it?" I asked.
Hailey let out a small, hysterical sounding laugh, her blush deepening. "Well, uh, you put it in your mouth and you . . . uh," she let out another small laugh, "suck on it."
"Oh," I whispered. I liked it when Calder used his mouth on me, so, would he like it if I used my mouth on him? I started to feel tingly just imagining it. I wanted to squirm with the feeling, but I held myself still.
"I know it sounds absolutely terrible and awful, but you'll get used to it."
"Oh, um, yes, awful," I whispered again.
Hailey cleared her throat. "So, uh, then he'll put his hardened manhood between your legs and enter your body. The first time will hurt and you'll bleed, but after that, it will be okay. Do you understand?" Hailey looked like she wanted to flee.
I kept imagining Calder naked with me—his tight muscles and masculine beauty clear in my mind's eye. I swallowed again, flushed all over, and became wet between my legs. Yes, I understood. And I wanted it. I wanted it right that very second. I wanted Calder, in my bed, putting his manhood between my legs. Surely I was loose and impure. And I didn't care. I nodded my head.
Hailey stood up and took a deep, shaky breath. "We'll discuss this more before your wedding night, of course. And if you have questions . . . well . . ."
"Thank you, Hailey," I said. "You've been very helpful."
I had asked Calder to make love to me, not knowing exactly what that was. But now I ached for it. I felt dizzy with wanting.
I stood under the warm spray of the shower, thinking about what Hailey had told me. When Calder made love to me, he would enter my body. Goose bumps erupted on my flesh at the thought alone. I washed myself slowly, cleaning between my legs, and as I did so, I slipped the very tip of my finger inside my opening as Calder had done. Heat bloomed all over me, my nipples puckered. My finger felt snug and squeezed. How would Calder's manhood . . . fit? I heard voices and footsteps outside the door to the bathroom, so I finished my shower quickly and then got dressed. I ate breakfast and walked to Hector's office as he had requested, and nodded demurely at him when he opened the door and ushered me in. My mind was too focused on Calder's manhood to be nervous about the reason Hector might want to see me, and so when I walked inside and saw Calder standing in front of the fireplace, I didn't catch my expression soon enough. Calder's eyes widened in warning and I startled, realizing that a goofy grin was plastered all over my face. I went serious, but not before Hector turned from the door and caught me staring joyfully at Calder. I bent my head and chewed on my lip. When I glanced up, a storm passed over Hector's face and then he, too, schooled his expression as he walked over to his desk and stood behind it.
"Please," he motioned to Calder, "sit down. Eden, you may remain standing." Hector's voice was cold and a chill moved up my spine. I clasped my hands in front of me and stood still, waiting to see what was going to happen.
Calder moved cautiously toward the chair in front of Hector's desk and sat down.
Hector shook his head. "No, I meant sit down on the floor, not the chair."
Calder looked confused and glanced uncertainly at the chair in front of him. "I'm sorry, Father, I don't—"
"Kneel on the floor, Water Bearer. You'll understand when I explain it to you," Hector commanded, his expression angry.
Calder narrowed his eyes. His hands flexed and un-flexed. But he glanced at me quickly and then paused before pushing the chair aside and kneeling down on the floor in front of Hector's desk. My belly clenched in fear, but I raised my chin and looked unflinchingly at Calder. Hector was meaning to humiliate him in front of me and I wouldn't be embarrassed. I understood this was about the festival. This was about Calder showing Hector up in front of his people.
Hector focused on the objects on his desk, seeming to suddenly notice something distressing about them. He rearranged them and then frowned, putting them back the way they'd been. Then he frowned again, straightened them all, using his arm to line them up perfectly.
Calder and I glanced between each other and then back to Hector. Hector suddenly furrowed his brows and took one of the objects, a glass statue of a woman, and threw it at the fireplace so it shattered loudly. I gasped and Calder's eyes shot to me, alarmed.
Hector sat back, his lips tipped up in a small smile. He took a deep breath and looked at Calder, continuing as if nothing strange had just happened.
"I see you've noticed how very beautiful my blessed one is," Hector said slowly. Calder simply regarded him for several beats.
"Yes, Father, you're a lucky man."
Hector narrowed his eyes. "Yes, I am a lucky man. I have the gods to thank for that. I have the gods to thank for Eden."
Calder waited, not seeming to move a muscle. I glanced between the two of them.
Finally, Hector continued, "It's understandable you would notice Eden's beauty. But things won't go well for you if you think to take it further than that. Am I clear?"
"Yes, of course, Father," Calder said.
Hector studied him, seeming to consider his sincerity before he went on. "Good, that's good. Now, Water Bearer, I can tell you're an ambitious boy. Your," he waved his hand around dismissively, "system thing, was not pleasing to the gods, but," he sat down in his large, black leather chair, "you have always served me well as my cup bearer, my server." He looked at Calder thoughtfully. "I can see a promotion in that same capacity could serve us both well. And so from today on, you'll be my personal cup bearer, serving not just the Temple, but me as well."
Calder's expression didn't change. "Thank you, Father. What is it I'll be expected to do in this capacity?"
Hector leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers. "You'll serve me when I require it. If I need something, you'll fetch it. And you'll kneel before me to do it."
Calder's eyes flashed at Hector and I flinched. For several long seconds, they stared at each other. Finally, Calder said slowly, not breaking eye contact, "Thank you for your faith in me, Father. It will be my pleasure to serve you."
Hector tapped his fingers together, regarding him. "Yes. The gods will be pleased with your sacrifice, as am I. It will serve to make you more holy, to further wash the sin from your soul. You may stand."
Calder stood, looking powerful as he straightened his lean, but muscled body. I resisted the urge to drag my eyes up and down him. I bowed my head.
"In order to best serve me, you'll need to move to the main lodge," Hector said, standing as well. Calder looked shocked for a second before replying, "Of course, Father. Should I pack my things?"
"What things would those be?"
Calder shook his head slightly. "I suppose nothing much. A change of clothes."
Hector waved his hand. "If you want. There isn't anywhere to store anything in the back room, but bring what you like."
My mouth fell open. The back room was where the laundry machines were and where the dogs slept. I snapped my lips together and looked down so as not to show any emotion on my face.
"There's no bed, either. I trust you can make do," Hector went on.
A flash of confusion passed over Calder's face, but he said simply, "I'm used to making do."
Hector regarded him. "Yes. The sacrifice of my workers is most pleasing."
Calder didn't answer.
Hector waved his hand toward the door. "You're dismissed. Gather your things and come back here. You will follow me and attend to my requests, starting today."
"Yes, Father." Calder turned and headed toward the door, but not before making eye contact with me. I held it until he had passed me and then looked back at Hector who was straightening things on his desk again.
"Eden, do you know why I called you in here while I spoke to my new server?"
I shook my head. "No, Father."
"Because, Eden, it is my job to help that boy. I want you to understand the order the gods have ordained. There are workers, and there are leaders. I am a leader, as are you. We must trust in the gods in their ultimate wisdom, and not try to change that which has been foretold. Satan tries to change our course, by averting our attention from the ways of the gods. But we must not listen. Dire consequences will rain down if we are swayed. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Father," I said.
"Good." Hector came to me, cupped my face in his hands, and gazed down into my eyes as he towered over me. "My princess, I've waited so long for you. Nothing must get in the way. Satan will try his hardest now that our union is so very near. You must ignore all temptations."
"Yes, Father."
Hector let out a breath and then leaned forward and planted his lips on mine. I froze, pressing my lips together. After a minute, Hector leaned back up. "Has Hailey spoken to you yet?"
"About what, Father?" I hedged.
"About the marriage bed."
I cleared my throat. "A little," I said, averting my eyes.
Hector nodded his head. "Good, that's good. Soon, so very soon. I feel as if I've waited a lifetime for you, my love. If only the foretelling . . ." He frowned, looking away for a moment. "But, we must follow the instructions of the gods, not our own selfish wants." He looked at me for a moment longer and then released my face. "You may go, Eden. And I want you to increase your Holy Book reading, especially the section on temptation and sacrifice."
"Yes, Father," I repeated, backing away toward the door. When I was almost there, I turned and walked out quickly, shutting the door behind me, releasing the breath I'd been holding for far too long.
Calder was moving into the main lodge. And all I could feel was dread. Xander's words came back to me. A storm is coming.

**********

The next day at Temple, I walked in with the other council members and sat down in my usual chair. Calder walked behind Hector, Hector's appointed slave. He didn't use the word, but it was obvious that's what it was: a method to humiliate Calder. Anger and defiance battled the fear inside me at what Hector would do to make our lives more unbearable before we could leave. We needed to play it safe, I knew that, and I was well practiced in that role. But seeing Calder degraded by Hector made me want to stand up and declare my love for Calder right in Temple, right in front of everyone. My love for Calder would serve as a mighty sword against Hector. There was nothing he could do to fight that, nothing he could do to enslave that. It was true and untouchable. It was ours.
Hector signaled to Calder and Calder kept his face blank as he kneeled on the floor to the left of the last council member. I bowed my head as Hector took his place at the podium and leaned forward, waiting as the people quieted. The council members bowed their heads and closed their eyes.
As I looked down, something blue caught my eye and I moved my head slightly to look just under my seat, where a lone morning glory sat. I bit my lip not to smile. I moved my eyes over to Calder and saw he was turned slightly toward me and he saw the morning glory, too. He looked a little confused. I watched as he turned toward the audience and looked out to where Xander was standing. Xander winked at him and then bowed his head and closed his eyes, too.
I looked back at Calder and he shot me a very small, covert smile before he, too, bowed his head.
"My people," Hector said, his deep baritone voice commanding attention. He walked out from behind his podium and stood quietly in front of the congregation for a good minute before speaking again. "Today, I am going to talk about disobedience, and then I'm going to perform the water purification of one of my beloved workers, the boy who has served as my cup bearer since he was old enough to follow instruction. Calder Raynes."
My eyes darted to Calder and his face showed a brief moment of surprise before he frowned very slightly. I looked back out to the people, all eyes now on Calder.
Hector turned and paced for a minute, his finger on his lips as if he was deep in thought. Finally he stopped and looked up. "The gods love us, just as I love you. But we must remember that although the gods bring us the gently flowing river, so do they bring us the violent thunderstorm that stirs up the waters of the sea." Hector paused, looking around. "The storm may be violent, the storm may cause wreckage, but ultimately," Hector paused again pivoting on his foot to turn and look at the other side of the room, "ultimately, the point of the storm is to show you where you've gone wrong and to guide you once again to peaceful waters."
The doors to the Temple opened and two younger worker boys carried a large, white tub down the main aisle and set it gently on the floor. Calder had always been part of the ritual of filling the baptismal tub in the past. I didn't recognize the two boys who did it now, although they must have known Calder, as they eyed him with admiration. After several trips with large jugs, the tub was mostly filled.
Hector motioned to Calder to step forward, and Calder did, rising to his full height and walking over to Hector where he stood next to him in front of the tub. Hector was a tall man, but Calder stood just an inch or so taller. Something inside me took satisfaction in that. Perhaps it was the knowledge Calder out-measured Hector not only in inner qualities, but quite literally as well.
"Kneel," Hector said coldly. A shiver went up my spine despite the warm temperature in the Temple.
Calder went down on his knees in front of the tub and bowed his head over the water.
"Beloved gods!" Hector boomed, raising his hands. "Those who believe in your goodness and your never-ending power shall be saved and cleansed of their sins!" He took a hold of the hair at the back of Calder's head. "Calder Raynes, you have been educated in the ways and truths of the gods, and instructed into obedience to them. Through your life, you will avoid evil, acknowledge your faith, and fulfill the promise to always serve the gods, and only the gods. As you are purified by water, so your heart and soul are washed clean of whatever is displeasing to the gods."
Hector pushed roughly on Calder's head and plunged his face into the water and held him there.
"Calder Raynes, do you desire to obtain eternal life in Elysium, serving among the gods?"
I waited for Hector to bring Calder's head up from the water, but when he didn't, my heart picked up in speed and I looked around. No one else seemed to be wondering what was going on. I looked back at Calder, a feeling of nervousness settling in my chest.
"Calder Raynes, do you vow to love the gods with all your heart, mind and soul?" He paused, again not bringing Calder's head up.
I stared at Calder's kneeling frame, my eyes wide, my hands clenching and un-clenching in my lap.
"Calder Raynes, will you live in such a way that will daily be pleasing to the gods, and always serve them before yourself? BEFORE YOURSELF?" he repeated loudly.
My nerves turned into flapping wings of fear in my chest as Hector still held Calder's head submerged in the water.
"Calder Raynes," he paused, looking around, still gripping Calder's hair, "do you promise to cast off the powers of darkness which often will seek to steer you from the truth and the wisdom of the gods?"
I scooted to the edge of my chair, a lump rising in my throat. How long could someone hold their breath under water? Panic settled inside me. If Calder struggled, would Hector let him up? Why wasn't he struggling? Had he quietly drowned?
"Let us pray!" Hector boomed.
He bowed his head, as did the rest of the congregation. If they noticed Calder had been underwater for far too long, no one said a word.
"Gods, banish all sin, selfishness, and evil from this boy. Take the darkness from his heart and deliver grace and righteousness into his soul. Let the water purify him today and forever, so this boy may become a man." He kept his head bowed, eyes closed. My body tensed to stand up and scream, every muscle primed to attack Hector before Calder drowned underwater right in front of us.
But just as I started to move, Hector raised his hand, bringing Calder's head out of the water, droplets raining out in every direction. I could just see the side of Calder's face as he drew in a huge breath, kneeling back up, a beautiful smile spreading across his face. I froze.
Hector walked to the side of Calder, looked at him and seemed to falter slightly, but regained his balance. His voice seemed just a note weaker than it had as he gazed down at Calder, a look that was a mix between anger and confusion.
"DO YOU FORSAKE SATAN?" he boomed.
"I do, Father," Calder said, his voice strong and clear.
"And all his evildoings? All his temptations?"
"I do, Father."
"Do you renounce the wicked lusts of the flesh and of the eyes?"
"I do renounce the wicked lusts of the flesh and of the eyes, Father."
"Do you promise to love the holy way of the gods?"
"I do, Father."
I watched as water dripped down Calder's hair and face, the droplets wetting his shirt and causing it to cling to his muscles. There was something fierce and happy on his face and I couldn't guess what he was thinking. It was as if water was his element and it had not only cleansed him, but also empowered him. I sat confused, still fearful, but proud.
"Then I pronounce you purified, made new. You are strong and clean. Depart in peace. Go forth in holiness."
Calder stood slowly, smiling at the congregation as they smiled back at him. He walked back to the place next to the last council member, where he knelt again.
As the two young worker boys came to collect the tub and take it away, I couldn't help but notice the one with black hair and light blue eyes looked at Calder as if he was a god himself.

**********

That night, I lay in my bed picturing Calder downstairs lying in that small room, sharing a bed with the house dogs. I tried to focus on my own anger at the injustice of the situation, but my mind kept going back to the picture of him, lying there, no shirt on, the moonlight shining in on his golden skin. He was so close.
I wanted to ask him about earlier that day. I wanted to ask him what had happened during his water purification, what he'd been thinking, if he'd been as scared as I had been. He was my best friend and I longed to talk to him.
I tossed and turned for a while longer. Hector's plan was to keep Calder close so he could monitor his every move. But would he expect me to be so bold as to seek him out in the night, especially after he had just been cleansed? I knew Hailey was in Hector's room tonight. Perhaps she was keeping him busy.
My feet swung out of the bed before my mind could even make a decision. Apparently, my body knew what it wanted, even if my brain wasn't sure it was such a wise idea.
I put the blanket at the end of my bed under my quilt and formed it into a semi-human shape and then tiptoed to my door and opened it very quietly. I looked down the hall and when I saw no one was there, I snuck out and closed the door behind me. I had to walk past Hector's door to get to the large stairway and when I got there, I paused and listened. I heard a masculine grunt and the very soft noise of what sounded like skin slapping against skin. I hurried past it to the top of the stairs.
Somewhere in the next wing I heard soft voices. I moved quickly down the stairway and across the large expanse of the two-story living room.
I moved through the empty kitchen and down the back hallway until I stood outside the laundry room. Everything was utterly quiet now.
I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it very slowly and opened it on a small squeak. I froze and waited and when no other sound came from anywhere in the house, I opened the door and slipped inside. A hand went over my mouth and an arm went around my waist. Calder's eyes were narrowed at me. He let out a breath and took his hand off my mouth.
"Are you crazy?" he whispered.
I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face at his throat and inhaled his delicious scent, calm washing over me. I nodded my head yes to answer his question.
He released a breath and brought his arms up and around me. I leaned back and whispered, "You're so close. I couldn't sleep. I—" His mouth came down on mine and he kissed me passionately, as if to tell me he had been feeling the same way.
After a few minutes, he broke away from my lips and put his forehead to mine, breathing harshly. "Eden, we can't risk this. Hector's . . . I don't know, like we talked about, he's different. I don't know if it's just what he's seen between us, or something that happened on his pilgrimage, or something more. But if we're going to get out of here, we have to be so careful."
"I know. Calder, what happened today? I was so worried about you. I thought you would drown. I didn't know what to do."
He put a finger to my lips, looking tenderly into my eyes. "I was fine. I'll fight if I need to, I promise. But you have to trust I'll know when that’s necessary and when it's not, all right?"
I nodded. "Okay."
He smiled again. "Okay." He looked over my shoulder for a minute and then back at me. "Today, Eden, when my head was under that water and I could just make out Hector's words, I . . ." he paused for a minute, seeming to collect his thoughts, "I don't know, this feeling of peace filled me, like I was being told everything was going to be okay. It was as if the gods weren't cruel or judgmental like Hector'd have us believe. I felt this feeling of acceptance. I felt like they were offering me strength to get out of here, to make a life for us. It's hard to explain. Do I sound oxygen deprived? Do I sound crazy?"
I smiled and shook my head. "No. What you're saying is the first rational-sounding thing I've ever heard. I think it was the God of Mercy whispering to you."
Calder chuckled. "It made it more clear to me that we need to get out of here as soon as possible. And that's why," he kissed my lips softly, "you can't be down here."
I let out a breath. "I know. I'll go in a minute. I just . . . I need you so much, Calder. I want you. I want all of you. And I want you to have all of me. I want you . . . inside of me." My eyes widened and so did his. "Maybe if you took me, and we told Hector . . .  he'd make us leave."
"Shh, Eden," Calder said, smoothing my hair. "I’m not taking your virginity when it has anything to do with Hector at all. And if Hector made us leave today, we'd have to come begging back by morning." His jaw ticked. "When we leave, it has to be for good."
I nodded. He took me by my hand and led me to a blanket and a flat pillow that was lying on the ground under the window. Two dogs, overly friendly mutts that did nothing more than raise their heads and moan softly, lay on dog beds in front of the large washing machine, beds far more plush than what Calder had been given.
We sat down on the blanket and Calder lay back, bringing me with him so I was lying against his bare, muscular chest. I turned my nose into his skin and inhaled.
"I've always slept on the floor. This is no hardship for me. In fact, see this," Calder said, pointing his finger out the window, "now, I have a perfect view of the moon, and the city lights. I've never slept next to a window before. I've never had cool air that came right out of vents in the floor," he said, gesturing over to the other side of the room. "Soon, we're going to be out in that city, under that same moon." He wrapped both arms around me and pulled me tightly against him. "And when you go back to your room tonight, I'll know I'm closer to you than I was yesterday, and my bed will have your smell all over it." He smiled down at me and leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
"On the floor with dogs, or in a bed fit for a king," I whispered back, "I'd choose you, Calder. I'd sleep on a bed of nails if it meant I was touching you."
"Don't give Hector any ideas."
I laughed softly. "I mean it. I would." I leaned up on one elbow so I could see his face better. "Do you think there's a life out there for us?"
Calder paused for a few beats, looking down at me. "I'm going to make a life for us out there. A place for you and me. And until then, yes, I'm going to believe that there is."
I put my leg over his and snuggled into him again. "Someday we're going to sleep every night like this." I tilted my head, looking up at him.
"Yes," he agreed. The look on his face was so serious as he pushed a piece of hair off of my cheek. "I love you, Eden."
I blinked at him, my heart taking flight. "I love you, too," I whispered.
We lay there together, silent, the words "I love you" seeming to float in the air above me like silent music. After a few minutes, I leaned up and looked at him sadly. "I better get back."
He nodded. "If anyone sees you, tell them you were in the kitchen. They probably won't believe you, but—"
I sat up on my knees. "I won't let anyone see me." I hesitated for a second. "I hate watching him treat you the way he is."
Calder let out a breath. "It's okay. He's using me to prove a point to the rest of the people. As long as I know you're strong, I can play his game. I have to know you're not worrying about me, okay?"
I nodded. "Okay."
"Okay." Calder looked at me for a beat and frowned. "I don't like sending you out of here not knowing you'll get back to your room safely." He sat up and we both stood together. Calder leaned in and kissed me softly on my lips. "When you get back to your room, look out your window up at the moon. I'll be looking at it from here." He smoothed a piece of hair away from my face. "As long as we're both under the same moon, we'll always find a way to each other. The God of Mercy wouldn't have it any other way."
I let out a small laugh on a breath and leaned in and kissed his lips one last time. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Morning Glory."
I opened the door quietly and slipped through it. I snuck quietly through the great room and up the stairs. When I got to the top, Hector's door suddenly started opening and I ducked quickly into the room across from his, an empty guest room. I plastered myself up against the wall, my heart beating triple time. If Hector went down the hall to my room, would he look in and see me gone?
I squeezed my eyes shut tight. I heard Hailey say something from inside Hector's room and his voice answering as he moved back inside. I peeked around the corner and saw that his door was still open. I tiptoed hurriedly past it and down the hall to my own room where I opened the door and closed it quietly behind me, letting out my breath on a loud exhale.
I threw back the covers and removed the quilt and got in. Not two seconds later, my door opened and light from the hallway flooded in. I opened one eye just enough to see Hector's outline standing in my doorway, staring at me. I continued to pretend to sleep. After a long minute, my door closed and I heard his retreating footsteps. I rolled onto my back, attempting to get my wild heartbeat under control.
Had Hector checked on me before this? A shiver moved down my spine. Still, I couldn't help feeling thankful for the small amount of time I'd had with Calder. And thankful I hadn't been caught.
I turned over in bed and looked out my window, my heart slowing into a peaceful rhythm as I stared at that full moon I knew Calder was looking at, too.