Withering Tights

Chapter 12

Whooo-hoo-oooo

The Tree Sisters in Loveland

Vaisey was waiting for me in the kitchen when I came down next morning.

She was nodding her hair-hat and pretending to be interested in what the twins had made at playschool. Dobbins said it was a vase. But to me it was a washing-up liquid bottle cut in half, with what looked like snot all over it.

As I was eating my toast, Vaisey kept raising her eyebrows at me. She said, “We should go, Lullah, we…need to get limbered up. ”

Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrows.

She said, “You know, the performance lunchtime thingymajig.”

I said, “The performance lunchtime thingymajig?”

She said, “Yes.”

I said, “Hmm…OK.”

Dibdobs said, “Oooo, that sounds interesting, what is it about?”

I said, “Yeah. Good point. What is it about, Vaisey?”

Vaisey looked like she had swallowed a whole shoe. Just then Harold came into the kitchen with a fishing net and wearing thigh-length boots.

“Morning, campers! And what a glorious morning it is. I’m going to take the boys fishing. Come on, Sam and Max, welligogs on and tricycles out!!!”

And he rootled around in the hall cupboard and brought out two wooden tricycles. The boys started making chuffing noises.

Dibdobs smiled, “Oooh, you boys think it’s like Thomas the Tank Engine, but it’s not a train, is it boys? What is it?”

Sam said, “Sjuuuge.”

Dibdobs was determined that although her boys might look like idiots, they were not going to be calling tricycles trains.

“Yes, it’s a huge…tricycle, isn’t it?”

They just went on huffing and tooting.

Then Harold popped back in to say, “Come on, boys, split splot! Look, Daddy’s got his tricycle ready to go as well.”

We looked beyond him into the garden and there it was. His tricycle.

After they had all gone Dibdobs said, “Sorry, girls, you were telling me about your performance, how exciting! What did you say it was about?”

I looked at Vaisey she looked at me and I blurted, “It’s a…bicycle ballet.”

A bicycle ballet?

Actually it sounded quite good.

Dibdobs said, “A bicycle ballet? Gosh, that sounds good. How does it work? What happens?”

I said, “Well…it’s a ballet…done on bicycles. Come on, Vaisey, we must go and er…polish our saddles and so on.”





Vaisey said as soon as we got out of the door, “So, so, what happened???”

I looked thoughtful.

I was thoughtful.

The trouble is I didn’t know what I thought.

What had happened?

I said, “You go first.”

Vaisey’s hair had gone completely mad. She had not strapped it down under a hat or tied it half to death with a laccy band and it was taking full advantage. Bobbing around. Sticking up on end. She looked like an electrified floor mop.

We ambled up round the village green and towards the bridge to go to Dother Hall.

She said, “Well, in the cinema, we sat down, didn’t we? And it was all dark, and I daren’t look to see what anyone else was doing.”

I said, “I know my eyes nearly fell out trying to look out of the corners. I think that Phil put his arm around Jo.”

Vaisey said, “I think he did.”

I said, “I mean, I thought it was his arm, but then I thought it might have been the leg of someone in the row behind, sort of sticking up.”

Vaisey said, “There wasn’t anyone in the row behind. The only people were about three rows back and you would have had to have eight foot legs to reach—”

Then her gaze sort of drifted to my legs.

I said, “Go on.”

“Well, about halfway through, Jack shifted his legs a bit and one of them brushed against my knee. I looked round at him and he smiled at me.”

Wow. I said, “ Yabbadabadooooo…here we go. Then what happened?”

She said, “That was it.”

“OK, well go from the bit when I left.”

Vaisey shook her hair-hat about.

“Well, we all chatted for a bit and then Phil said he would walk Jo home.”

I said, “Oh yes, I see. Walking her home. Leaving you all alone with Jack the smiler.”

I winked at her.

But she didn’t see me, because she had walked in some sheep poo. So I said, “And? When they went, you did a bit more smiling, and then—”

“We talked about stuff.”

“You talked about stuff and then—”

Vaisey looked at me. “He showed me his new plectrum. But said he really wanted to be a drummer.”

“And then he lunged—”

“No, then he said goodnight, thanks, see you later.”

Vaisey said, “Do you think that’s bad? Do you think it means he doesn’t really like me? Except in a musical sense?”

She looked a bit upset and her hair had gone flat. “Anyway, I like him. What happened to you?”

I told her about the kiss thingy.

She looked at me like I was the cat’s pyjamas and said, “You have kissed a boy. In person.”

I said, “Yeppity doo dah.”

Vaisey said, “And what was it like?”

I said, “Well, um, it was a bit like being attacked by a jelly, and then having a little bat trapped in your mouth.”

Vaisey said, “Was it nice? Did you like it? Did he like it?”

And I said, “Well, he shook my hand at the end.”





When we arrived at Dother Hall there was a big notice on the board that said:

Summer School girls

Report to the main hall at 10.30 am

For assessment meeting.

Whoops.

This was all getting a bit scary.

We loped in with the others and sat down. Gudrun came on to the stage with a chair and a drum and started beating a rhythm. The lights flashed and I could see Bob half-concealed by the side curtains, at control centre. Well, the lighting desk. He was crouched over a keyboard, moving dials and waggling stuff like a man possessed. It was only then we recognised they were playing a reggae version of All Things Bright and Beautiful.

As the music reached a crescendo, Sidone appeared on stage, dressed in a suit and braces. She stood looking out at us.

Gudrun sidled off backwards with her drum as Sidone began to speak.

“Girls, my girls. You have been here now at Dother Hall for nearly two weeks, finding your feet. Although Madame Frances tells me that some of you have two left ones!”

She laughed softly.

We laughed. What were we laughing at? Was she talking about me?

Sidone continued. “Tranquil, mes enfants. Of course you have come here to experiment, to enjoy your art, but as I said, this is no life for the faint-hearted. There are no free rides on the people-carrier of Fame.”

Now she looked very serious indeed.

“Some of you will only have a single ticket, for you there will be no return journey.”

Offstage we heard someone fall over a drum and loud swearing.

Sidone paid no heed.

“Next week’s performance lunchtime marks the halfway period of your time here, and it is then that you will receive your assessment mark. This will go towards your final assessment. That is all.”

As she began to walk towards the wings, she spoke again.

“Be alert, keep notebooks, seek out beauty and art where you can. Look around you and remember some of the greatest works of literature were written in these rolling landscapes. Work, work until your feet bleed.”





As we surged out on our way to tap, all us summer school girls were jabbering away.

Vaisey said, “I wonder how many of us they keep on? I’ll die if I can’t stay.”

Jo said, “I don’t know what I will do, if I can’t come back.”

Flossie said, “I haven’t even thought what I would do, if I don’t get on.”

Neither had I.

But I was pretty sure I should be thinking. I had a horrible knot in my tummy.

As if the assessment thing wasn’t bad enough now we had another thing I had never done: tap.

I liked the little shoes we were given, with the tappy bits on. They made a nice noise.

Then Monty arrived. He said, “Madame Frances is indisposed, so I will be taking the tap class. We soldier on.”

Where do men get those far too short shorts from? Surely no shop would sell them. He did have long woolly legwarmers on too, but that is not the point.

Some of us, who hadn’t done tap before had to do ‘shuffle-ball change’ to ‘Bob the Builder’ for forty minutes with Monty doing it in front of us.

With actions and lots of shouting.

“No, no, Tallulah. Shuffle, dear, shuffle. Try not to let your knees knock. And lift your arms up, dear. Like so…oh, mind Milly’s head…are you alright, Milly? Up you get. Stand a bit further away from Tallulah, she’s longer than she realises.”

Vaisey, Honey, Jo, Flossie and the others who could do tap got into a huddle whilst Monty “left them to it”. At the end of the session they did a bit from a show called West Side Story to really fast music, where they were both rival gangs having a knife fight while tap dancing. It was amazing. Really tappy.

I was impressed by my new friends. They can actually do stuff





At break we walked through the woods to our special tree.

I was dying to ask Jo what had happened with her and Phil.

When we sat down and got out our snacks, I said, “So what happened, then?”

And instead of answering, Jo was bouncing up and down on a tree trunk.

Just bouncing.

I said, “Did he kiss you?”

And she got up and ran around in a circle and then threw herself into a bush.

I said, “Can you just tell us in words what happened?”

And Jo got up on to a tree stump and started belting out, “I did it MYYYYYYYY WAY!!”

In the end, Vaisey and me grabbed hold of her and I said, “Will you tell us what happened?”

She said, “Well, you saw that he sat down and then, you know, said I should sit down, in case he got frightened. And we were sitting there, sort of watching the bats, only I wasn’t really watching the bats because I was too excited. In fact, I think I may of gone momentarily blind. Well, then I felt this thing in the dark. Snaking around my shoulders.”

Honey said, “The thnaking awound thing?”

Jo said, “Exactly. And it was his arm. At first it was on the back of the seat, but then it sort of snaked round my shoulders.”

Vaisey said, “Tallulah thought it was somebody’s leg.”

Jo said, “What sort of a person would put their leg round your shoulders? In the cinema?”

I said, “It’s only because I was squinty-eyed and couldn’t see properly.”

Jo said, “Anyway, you might not have noticed, but we held hands on the bus.”

I said, “All I noticed was you bouncing around on Phil’s knee and giggling.”

Jo said, “Well, it’s very soothing actually, sitting on someone’s knee and them jogging you about. I was thinking he could be Mr Darcy. And I could say, “Oh Mr Darcy, I fear you are making fun of a poor London girl not used to country ways.”

Vaisey said, quickly, “Well nothing much happened to me, but you tell, Lullah.”

I felt a bit red. And my legs were aching. Pray God it wasn’t growing pains.

Flossie said, “Go on. Tell.”

I said, “Well…you know when you have your first snog, and it feels like a tiny bat is barging around in your mouth? Well it felt like that.”

They just looked at me.

Then Jo said, “Anyway, can I get on to serious stuff? Phil walked back to Dother Hall with me. It was a dark, soft night, the moon blushing in the sky.” She was leaning against the tree. Lost in Loveland.

“As we drew near to the gates of Dother Hall the old bell in the belfry rang out. I said, ‘I must go in, it’s nigh on ten of the clock.’ He half-turned away from me, his jacket collar hiding his expression. Was he angry? Disappointed?”

Jo looked intently and I said, “Hungry?”

Jo ignored me, but as she passed by acting out walking away from Phil, she allowed her hand to slap against my head.

“As I turned to enter the gates, feeling shaken and weak, I felt his hand on my arm.” She mimed feeling his hand on her arm.

Flossie said, “It wasn’t Bob, was it, out for a late-night-rubbish run?”

Jo slapped her on her head as she passed.

Then in a soft voice she said, “And it was then that he gently pulled me towards him. I felt powerless to resist and he kissed me on the mouth.”

Wooooooohoooooooooo.

Wooooo-hooo-hooooooo.

Honey said, “Wath it thoft or medium pwether?”





Just as things were about to get really good on the snogging information, there was a crunching twig sort of noise, and Phil and Charlie came slowly jogging into the copse.

I felt a bit shy seeing Charlie, I don’t know why. I wonder if he can tell that I have kissed someone. They both jogged on the spot for a minute, which I thought was very funny.

Charlie said, “Hey hey, Tree Sisters. Please let us lie down, we’re pooped.”

And they both flung themselves down under our tree.

Phil winked at Jo.

“Did you get back into Dither Hall alright?”

Jo looked sort of pleased and pink and shy all at the same time. She didn’t say anything. Just nodded. And did a high-pitched sort of snort.

Vaisey said, “Have you been made to go jogging again?”

Charlie said, “No, it’s far, far worse than that. We’re on a gruelling six-mile run.”

I felt a bit funny. Charlie was nice and seemed pleased to see us, but not particularly interested in me. He didn’t really pay much attention to me. When Phil was talking about the Vampire Bats thing and doing his impression of a vampire being attacked by bats (which looked like a mad teddy bear waving off some bees), Charlie said, “Yeah, Ben said you had a laugh.”

What did he know?

Were boys like girls? Did they tell each other everything?

Maybe Ben had said, “Yes, that Tallulah was rubbish at kissing, she just stood there and pulled hair out off her mouth.”

When Gudrun sounded her gong for the afternoon sesh, Phil said to Jo, “We’ve been confined to barracks at nights.”

Jo said, “Oh my God, what did you do?”

Charlie said, “A couple of the prefects, also known as the Posh Trevs, caught us accidentally juggling with West Riding otters.”

We looked at them both.

Honey said, “Juggling ith not a cwime.”

I said, “It should be.”

And Charlie and Phil laughed.

I felt quite proud that they thought I had said something funny.

Flossie said, “Did you really juggle with otters?”

Charlie said, “Nah. But we did change a country sign on our marathon and the Posh Trevs rode their mountain bikes into the river.”

Phil said, “Yeah, it’s really, really serious…we are forbidden to go out after hours for the next week.”

Jo looked a bit sad, even though she tried to hide it.

Then Phil said, “Or to put it another way, see you after college. Bye, small bouncy person.”

And Jo blushed and bounced off proudly.





We had art all afternoon with Dr Lightowler. I wasn’t feeling great, because she hadn’t really taken to me. But as we were waiting for her, Sidone swept into the studio, all in black – Capri trousers, bolero top and a matador hat. She stopped and looked at us.

“Girls, Dr Lightowler is covering for Madame Frances with the lower sixth group. Madame Frances is, I am afraid, still a little under the weather. So…use the time to ‘experiment’ in different forms. There’s paper, paints, chicken wire, plaster…Think of where you are, think of what the experience of Dother Hall means to you.”





Flossie did a sketch of a giant ironing board and iron which she’s going to make out of chicken wire. Vaisey went off to do moody sketches of the Dales and the clouds over Grimbottom. It was quite jolly having no one to tell us what to do.

Jo and Honey started singing and chatting.

Jo said, “I love it here now, I want to come and be here full-time, more than anything in the world.”

Honey said, “It would be fun, to be here full time weally. I weally hope and pway I get chothen to thtay. I hope we all do.”

And she started singing, “Thome where over the wainbow faw-a-way.”

And Jo joined in and they ended up standing on the desk singing, “Why, oh, why can’t I?”

Originally, I thought of wrapping the whole of Dother Hall in brown paper. That would get me noticed. There is a French artist who does stuff like that. He wrapped up the White Cliffs of Dover in clingfilm, or something. I don’t know why, but I know I liked it. However, when I went and asked Bob where the brown paper was kept he said, “In Gudrun’s top drawer.”

So I had to think of something else on a smaller scale for the time being.

I decided to make a cover for my performance art/summer of love notebook. I have collaged the front and back of it with a mixture of leaves and sheep’s wool, and stuck on some bits of slate I found which had fallen off the roof

To me it says ‘Yorkshire, the beginning of my dream’.

I am going to pour my heart and soul into it.

Alright, I can’t dance or sing, but I have got something to offer, I know I have, and I don’t mean my knees.





Gudrun came to tell Vaisey that her bed in the dorm was ready at last and that Bob will drive down later to get her stuff from The Blind Pig. Vaisey is really excited.

After the bell went, Vaisey and I walked home together, probably for the last time this summer.

Maybe forever.

We were both a bit quiet. Me, because I was thinking I would miss walking along with my new friend, but I think Vaisey was thinking about Jack. Or her hair. Or what larks she would have in the dorm.

I’m a bit jealous.

The trees were full of birds singing and you could see the moors rising above Heckmondwhite. Some of the higher crags had bits of snow on the top still.

I hadn’t really noticed how many birds sang in the woods, or the moors, probably because Vaisey and I didn’t stop talking or acting things out as we walked along together. Or she was riding Black Beauty and I was revving my Harley. And doing wheelies.

Funny how quickly you get to be good friends with someone. I was going to miss trying not to alarm Black Beauty with my bike in the mornings.

When we reached Heckmondwhite, Vaisey scampered off. She yelled, “Got to dash because Bob is coming for me in his Dude-mobile and I have to pack.”





After my supper of ‘local’ fish and chips from The Wetherby Whaler, it was nice to have Dibdobs around. She was by herself because Harold and the twins had gone to look at some cloud formations.

Dibdobs looked at me through her roundy glasses and said, “Tallulah, it’s been so lovely having you here. The boys adore you, and so do I.”

And she came and hugged me from the back, which made it a bit tricky because I was just finishing my mushy peas. She said, “I just don’t want to think about you not being here any more.”

That makes two of us.

I thought I would go and see Ruby.

Maybe the owls have hatched.

But there was no one around.

I tried calling her from the door of The Blind Pig. I didn’t like to go in when she wasn’t there. Partly because I was so shy about seeing Alex, but also because…oh dear. Mr Barraclough was there. He was cleaning his pie-eating trophies in the bar.

I said, “I was just looking for Ruby.”

He said, “She’s up back, wi’ Matilda.”





I set off up the track behind The Blind Pig towards Blubberhouse, and before I saw her Matilda came hurtling down the track and crashed straight past me, because she couldn’t stop her little bow legs.

Ruby shouted, “She couldn’t stop a pig in a ginnel.”

Whatever that means.

Ruby was hanging upside down from a low-lying branch.

You couldn’t actually see her head, but you could see her knickers.

I said, “Hello it’s me. I can see your knickers.”

She said from upside down, “I know I’ve got my special apple catchers on.”

I said, “I feel all miserable now because Vaisey has gone to stay at Dother Hall.”

Ruby said, “I know, I miss her a bit, too. You should hang upside down, it doesn’t half cheer you up.”

“Does it?”

“Oh, aye.”

I had my trousers on, so I thought I would give it a whirl.

As we hung there, I said to Ruby, “You’re right, I do feel a bit better. I feel a lot redder too.”

She said, “Try swinging a bit at the same time. It makes you laugh.”

Soon we were both giggling like upside down loonies.

Ruby said, “Try swinging and putting your hands over your eyes at the same time. It’s brilliant, you won’t know which way up you are.”

In for a penny in for a pound.

She was right, swinging upside down with your hands over your eyes does make you not know which way up you are.

Ruby said, “What happened last night? Vaisey wunt tell me owt, but her hair looked like she’d bin electrocuted.”

I said, “Actually the film was a bit like this. Lots of hanging around upside down.”

Ruby said, “I’m not interested in the film. I’m interested in hanky panky with boys.”

It felt like being in a cosmic confessional. Just voices in the dark. Ruby threw a stick for Matilda upside down, but Matilda just watched it fly off past her. Then went back to trying to lick my face.

I said, “Well…it happened.”

“Ooooooo.”

“Yes. There was actual kissing.”

Ruby’s voice said, “What sort of kissing? Open mouthed? How long for? Tongues?”

“Ruby this a private thing.”

“I know, I wunt to know the private thing, that is why I am hanging around waiting for you to tell me.”

I went on.

“Jo did arm around and snogging.”

Ruby whistled. “With that Phil boy? The little cheeky one?”

I said, “Affirmative.”

Ruby said, “I quite fancy him mysen.”

“Ruby, you’re only ten.”

“I’m big for my age.”

“OK, so you’re a big ten year old. Phil’s fifteen.”

“I like older men.”

“Stop being daft Ruby, you barm pot.”

“Shuffle over and say that to me face.”

“I can’t even see your face.”

Ruby said, “Well anyway, tell me what happened to you.”

“Well, Jo got Phil, Vaisey got Jack, and I got this boy called Ben.”

“Ben, what’s he like when he’s at home?”

“Well, he’s quite tall and floppy.”

Ruby said, “Good good. Tall is good…floppy, well floppy can be alright, s’long as you don’t mean he’s a noddy niddy noddy.”

“What?”

“You know, a bit simple in the noddle department.”

Just then a male voice shouted, “Oy you two, what the bloody hell are you doing?”

It was Mr Barraclough. “I said this would happen, Ruby, if you mixed with the artists. The next thing you know I’ll see you in the streets in Skipley with Matilda playing the piano whilst you pretend to stand very, very still.”

Eventually he puffed off and we went back to sitting on the branch.





It was a lovely night with stuff tweeting, sheep scampering, cows frolicking. And then it got to be an even lovelier night because Alex turned up in his car. He got out and saw us up the hill on our branch and waved…and then started walking towards us.

I said to Ruby, “Is my hair alright?”

Ruby said, “Yes, a lot of folk like that matted look.”

I tried to smooth it down casually, but my heart was thumping as Alex approached.

He is sooo good looking, and he’s smiling.

I hadn’t seen him for ages.

Ruby said, “Shut your mouth, a bee might fly in it, and make a little bee house in there.”

I tried to arrange my legs so that they looked less gangly.

Alex came and stood in front of us and crossed his arms.

“What are you two up to?”

Ruby said, “Lullah was telling me that last night she—”

I interrupted really quickly, “I…um…I was just going to tell Rube that I wanted to wrap the whole of Dother Hall in brown paper, as an, um, Art Statement.”

They were both looking at me, not saying anything. So I burbled on.

“But there were only two pieces left, so I covered my book instead.”

Alex said, “I can tell you’re loving it, dahling, loving it at Dither Hall.”

I said, “Well, yes if you like being, you know…useless.”

Why was I telling him all this?

I just felt hypnotised when he looked in my eyes.

I mustn’t start quacking or anything.

Alex looked at me again. Right in the eyes.

“Your eyes are the most amazing colour, aren’t they?”

Ruby said, “Oh no, now you’ve done it.”

Alex suddenly pushed Ruby off the branch and she disappeared into the field. It really made me laugh, she looked so shocked. Alex grinned and then he did the same to me.

Pushed me off the branch!

As we were lying there in the field we could hear him go whistling off

I looked at Ruby and said, “He, he pushed you, and then he pushed me. But didn’t he say something about my eyes or something? What was it, I don’t quite remember…”

Ruby dusted herself down and pulled her apple catchers up.

She said, “Don’t even think about it.”





I did think about it, though. A lot.

Looking in the mirror in my squirrel room. He said I had ‘amazing’ eyes.

Well, he said the colour was amazing.

But that was as good, wasn’t it?

I mean, why would you say ‘amazing’ if you didn’t mean it as good?

If you thought someone had really non-amazing eyes, you wouldn’t mention it would you?

Out of politeness.

You wouldn’t say, “You’ve got the crappest eyes I’ve ever seen. Your eyes make me feel physically sick.”

But on the other hand, say someone did have really crap eyes, you might distract them by mentioning a good feature to make up for it. Like their ears or something.

Maybe he was distracting me from my knees by mentioning my eyes.

Oh, I don’t know.

And second of all he had pushed me off the branch.

Which in anyone’s language is not what people do to grown-ups.

So…

And also what about Ben?

Even if I didn’t want to go out with him, I wanted him to want to go out with me so that I could say sadly, “I’m afraid my heart is with another. I am wedded to Heathcliff, or Alex, as I know him.”





That night as the owls hooted outside, I read about Wuthering Heights in my study notes about the Brontës. It said that Emily and Charlotte and Anne had to pretend to be blokes so that they could get their books published.

They had to display Northern grit.

As I lay there with my squirrels and my budding corkies, I decided something.

I am going to display Northern grit. Like the Brontë sisters. I’m not going to be put off by a bit of, “You’re useless.”

I bet they wouldn’t be.

When Emily went into her publisher and said, “I’ve written a book about some madman who lives on the moors. There’s a lot of moaning and so on, and then the girl dies. I shall call it Wuthering Heights.”

And they said, “Go home, love, and tell your sister not to come back with another story about a girl called Jane Eyre, because that will be rubbish as well. Get tha sen a little dog.”

I wrote in my notebook: I’m going to laugh in the face of fear, like the Brontë sisters.