Wish You Were Here

Chapter 27



Being irresistible to men wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, Alice couldn’t help thinking when she got home that night. Things were getting out of hand. She’d thought she could control everything but it was becoming obvious now that she couldn’t.

She thought of the wounded expression on Ben’s face as she’d told him she thought they should break up. How was she going to face him the next time he came into the department? And how was she going to stop Larry from talking about her in his sleep? Wilfred the postman and Bus-Stop-Bruce were still professing their undying love for her too and old Mr Montague had been waiting by his garden gate to serenade her when she’d got home from work.

‘I’ve got to stop this,’ she told herself. ‘There’s got to be an answer.’

Dropping her handbag on the floor and kicking off her shoes, she went through to the spare bedroom and found the copy of the book, Know Your Gods, but there was nothing in there about wishes going wrong so she turned her computer on, searching for the forum she’d found where other people had detailed their experiences about making a wish on the statue of Aphrodite. Surely there were some negative experiences amongst them? Not everyone could have had a happy ending, could they?

Sure enough, Alice soon found what she wanted.

Two years ago, I made a wish on the statue of Aphrodite in the gardens at the Villa Argenti. I wanted to become a man magnet. It was such a stupid thing to wish for but I’ve always been unlucky in love. Men just don’t look at me and I wanted to change that.

It was a total nightmare.

Alice shook her head. Here was somebody who was experiencing exactly what she was going through but what had happened to her? Had the nightmare stopped? Or was this poor woman still being plagued by too much male attention? Alice had to find out.

‘Kerry Colter-Webb,’ she read the name at the top of the entry. There couldn’t be too many women with that name, she thought, immediately logging into Facebook. Sure enough, there was just one and, on her page, it listed ‘Greek Goddesses’ amongst her interests. Even better than that, her home town was listed as Bury St Edmunds which wasn’t that far from Alice. This had to be the woman, Alice thought, as she prepared to send her a message, telling her how she, too, had made a wish on the statue of Aphrodite – a wish to be noticed by men – and how her life had been a nightmare ever since.

It was only an hour later when the reply landed in Alice’s inbox.

Dear Alice, it read, we must talk. Give me a call on the number below and we can arrange to meet.

Kerry.

* * *

It was Saturday morning and Alice had arrived way too early in Bury St Edmunds in her anxiety to be on time and had been forced to pace the cathedral grounds. Everywhere she looked, she was reminded of Aphrodite and the dreadful mistake she’d made because the gardens were full of rose bushes. Aphrodite’s flower, she thought, cringing at the thought that the plants were mocking her.

She looked at her watch. She was still early so she walked into a little art gallery and looked at some Suffolk landscapes in oil that she couldn’t afford to buy. There was one with what looked like a temple in the distance. A Greek temple in the middle of Constable country? Alice peered closer and saw that it wasn’t a Greek temple at all but part of a ruined church. She moved away from the painting, her heart beating as she thought of the temple on Kethos – the place where she and Milo had made love. She hadn’t thought about it for a good few weeks now. She’d managed to block Milo out when she’d been seeing Ben but, suddenly, all her memories of Kethos came back to her and she couldn’t shake them away.

‘They say that if you make love here, you will be bound together for all eternity.’

Milo’s voice drifted back into her mind. She took a deep breath. Bound together for all eternity, she mused. Eternity had obviously become a lot shorter in the modern world, she couldn’t help thinking.

Leaving the gallery and heading towards the café where she was going to meet Kerry, Alice couldn’t help wondering what the next hour was going to reveal. Would Kerry confirm that her suspicions about the statue were right? Or would she simply be mad – as Ben had accused her of being. His words still stung her and she wished with all her heart that she could make him believe her but, as she took a seat in the corner of the café by the window, she knew that it was well and truly over between them and she had to put him out of her mind.

She ordered a hot chocolate as she waited and, just as she was checking her watch for the fifth time in as many minutes, the door of the café opened and a woman walked in. She caught Alice’s eye and they seemed to recognise that they were there to meet each other.

Kerry Colter-Webb was about forty-five. Her hair was short and dark, threaded through with strands of grey. She wasn’t beautiful. She was of average height, had a plain face and looked as if she constantly struggled with diets. Alice could totally understand why she’d made her wish. They were two of a kind, weren’t they?

She smiled at Alice as she pulled out a chair opposite her and sat down. ‘Right,’ she said without any preamble, ‘tell me exactly what’s happened.’

Alice took a deep breath and started at the beginning, working her way through the many different disasters that had befallen her since making her wish. When she stopped, she looked at Kerry and saw her simply nod her head and, in that moment, she felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her. This woman understood her, didn’t she? She didn’t think Alice was mad because she knew she was telling the truth.

Kerry then told her story. Like Alice, she’d been on holiday to Kethos and had stumbled upon the statue of Aphrodite quite by accident.

‘It was summer and the villa gardens were buzzing with people and there seemed to be a bit of a queue by this one statue so I hung around for a while to see what was happening and people were making wishes,’ she said, smiling at the memory as if she could see the scene before her once again. ‘Hand after hand was reaching out to touch the goddess and I wanted a go too. It’s silly really because I’ve never believed in that sort of thing before. Coins in fountains, fortunes in cookies – it’s all complete nonsense, isn’t it? But I really felt drawn to the statue and my hand was reaching out and I was making a wish before I knew it.’ She looked wistful for a moment but then her coffee arrived and the romantic haze lifted.

‘I don’t believe in wishes either,’ Alice said.

‘Strange, isn’t it?’ Kerry said. ‘I denied it for so long too. I thought I must have got a nice tan or something and that’s why I was suddenly turning heads.’

‘I thought that too!’ Alice said.

‘But it became a nightmare pretty quickly. At first, I thought it was brilliant. It was like an incredible superpower. I really felt like a goddess!’ She grinned and she looked like a teenage girl for a moment – one that’s been told she’s beautiful for the first time in her life.

‘So what happened?’ Alice asked, stirring her hot chocolate absentmindedly as Kerry continued.

‘The same that’s been happening to you, I imagine. Men – all of them – started noticing me for the first time in my life. The things that were happening, the compliments I was getting—’ she paused and then shook her head. ‘I had to keep telling myself that it wasn’t real although I so wanted to believe in it all.’

Alice nodded. ‘Yes!’ she said in complete sympathy.

Kerry gave a little laugh. ‘There was this man who lived in the flat above mine. I’d had a secret crush on him for months but he never took any notice of me. I could have taken my rubbish out stark naked and he still wouldn’t have batted an eyelid but, as soon as I got home from Kethos, he started making a move on me. He sent me flowers and chocolates. He even bought me this gold heart pendant. It was really something,’ she said.

‘So, what happened?’

‘Oh, I sold it. You get a good price for gold these days.’

‘No,’ Alice said, ‘I mean, what happened with the man?’

‘We went out on a few dates,’ she said, ‘and I soon realised that he was just an ordinary bloke. That’s the thing about this wish – you might have it come true but it’s not a cure-all. This guy I’d been fantasising about was a bit boring, truth be told, and his flat was a total mess. You know, I found a sock in his kitchen sink?’

Alice grinned.

‘Anyway, I let things go on far longer than I really should have,’ Kerry said, moving on from the sock in the sink incident. ‘It was fun, you know? I liked being the centre of attention for a while. Who doesn’t? And I had a feeling it wasn’t going to last forever but I had no idea it would be me who’d want to put a stop to it but it just became unbearable. I mean, how many men do you really need falling in love with you on a daily basis? It gets a bit monotonous after a while.’

‘So, what did you do to stop it?’ Alice asked.

‘I went back to Kethos,’ Kerry said, ‘and I went straight back to the villa. The statue was still there, of course, but I wasn’t sure what to do.’

‘Was there a gardener there?’ Alice suddenly blurted unexpectedly.

‘Where?’

‘At the villa.’

Kerry shrugged. ‘I can’t remember. Why?’

‘Oh, no reason,’ Alice said, secretly glad that Kerry wasn’t going to confess to a wild affair with Milo before she reversed the wish. ‘Go on.’

‘Well,’ Kerry said, looking into the middle distance as if seeing the statue once again, ‘I placed my hand on the statue and I asked her to stop the wish. I told her I didn’t want to be a man magnet any more and that she could have her wish back and give it to some other poor soul.’

‘And it worked?’

‘It seemed to. The rest of my time on Kethos was pretty quiet. I seemed to be back to my usual dull and unremarkable self.’

Alice smiled in sympathy.

‘And you’ve not had any repercussions?’

‘See what you think,’ Kerry said, clearing her throat and beckoning the young man over who had taken their order. ‘What’s the soup of the day?’ she asked, batting her eyelashes and beaming him a smile.

‘Mushroom,’ he said with a straight face.

‘Thank you,’ Kerry said and watched as he returned to the counter. ‘See? Nothing. Absolutely nothing! And you know what? It’s such a relief!’

Alice nodded. ‘Did you enjoy it, though? The wish, I mean.’

Kerry looked deep in thought for a moment and then a little smile danced across her face and she nodded. ‘You’d be a fool not to make the most of it, wouldn’t you? And I certainly did that but the joy doesn’t last forever. I guess it’s like suddenly winning the lottery or something. At first, you can’t believe your luck and you splurge out, buying yourself all the things you could never afford before but then the novelty wears off and you’re left with that hollow feeling. You know what I mean?’

Alice nodded. She knew.

‘But you have to undo it, Alice,’ Kerry said. ‘You can’t let it ruin your life and it will if you go on like this.’

The café door opened and a middle-aged couple walked in. They took a seat at the table next to Alice and Kerry and it wasn’t long before the man clapped eyes on Alice.

‘Hello, gorgeous!’ he said, giving her a lascivious wink.

His wife turned around and glared at Alice. Kerry was glaring at her too.

‘Okay,’ Alice said at last. ‘I’ll do it. I’ll go back to Kethos.’