The Sins of the Mother

Chapter 20


Olivia was enjoying a peaceful Sunday afternoon in Bedford after Peter left to play golf as he always did, when she got a call from Alex. He sounded as though he’d been crying.

“Well, I was right.”

“What about?”

“I told them. Dad went nuts. And Mom couldn’t stop crying. He called me a fag.” And by then Alex was crying too, and Olivia was shocked.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m leaving. I just wanted to call you and tell you what happened.”

“Where are they now?”

“They’re out. They went to lunch with friends.”

“Where are you going, Alex?” She was desperately worried about him, and sorely disappointed in her son.

“Maybe a friend’s house.”

“Why don’t you come here? You can stay with me for a few days.” But she knew he’d already started school. “Can you take a couple of days off school?”

“I’m dropping out.” This was serious.

“Don’t do anything stupid. They’ll calm down.”

“I don’t care. I hate them. And they hate me.”

“They don’t hate you. They don’t understand.”

“They don’t want to understand. Dad says he’s ashamed of me. Of my being gay. He says there’s something wrong with me.”

“How could he say something so stupid?” Alex was crying again. “Take the train to New York. I’ll meet you there. I’ll drive you back here.”

“You don’t have to do that, Grandma.” He sounded so lost and broken. She wanted to strangle John, or give him a good shaking, and Sarah too.

“I want to. Just call and tell me what train you’ll be on.” He called her an hour later, and she told him to leave a note for his parents that he’d be with her, and he promised he would. And as soon as they hung up, she picked up her handbag and car keys and ran out the door to meet him in New York.

He came off the train looking beaten. And he threw his arms around her and burst into tears. She held him for a long time while he cried, and she did too, and then they went to her car and she drove him back to Bedford. When they got there, he sat slumped in a chair looking sad, and they talked all afternoon. He said he hated his parents and his school, and he didn’t want to go to college, and the boy he liked liked someone else, and maybe wasn’t gay after all, he wasn’t sure. It was all so complicated and so much weight to carry for a boy of seventeen. She wanted to call John and Sarah, but since they knew where Alex was, she was waiting to hear from them. They never called.

She cooked dinner for Alex that night, and put him to bed in her guest room. All she could do was tell him how much she loved him, and be there for him.

And at midnight, she got a call from Liz.

“I don’t want to worry you,” she said, sounding serious. “But I got a call from John and Sarah. Alex ran away. They had some kind of fight about something, and when they got home, he had left. You haven’t heard from him, have you?” She knew how close the boy was to her. “They didn’t want me to call you, but I thought I should.”

“He’s here,” Olivia said quietly. “Did they tell you what the fight was about?”

“No, something about school, I think.” She sounded surprised. “He’s usually such an easy kid.”

“It’s a lot more serious than that.” She didn’t want to violate Alex’s confidence, but since he had told his parents, she decided to tell Liz. “It’s my fault, actually. I told him to be open with them. He’s gay. And apparently, John went berserk and called him names and told him he was ashamed of him. I told him to leave a note when he left. He said he did, but I guess he lied to me about that. He says he doesn’t want to go back.”

“Shit. How could John be so stupid? And they lied to me about it, but they sounded scared. They wanted to know if he had called Sophie. I called her, but he hadn’t. So I figured I’d call you. I’m glad he’s with you. I’ll tell John and Sarah.”

“Tell them not to come out here. I want to talk to them first myself. He wants to drop out of school.”

“He can’t,” Liz said, sounding worried. “He’ll screw up everything for college.”

“But they could screw up his life if they handle this badly. It will mark him forever. Maybe it already has. He was a mess when I picked him up in New York.”

“You picked him up in New York? That was nice of you, Mom.”

“He’s my grandson, and I love him. I don’t care if he’s gay or not. And John better figure that out too, and fast.”

“Maybe I’ll go talk to them tomorrow.”

“I wish you would. He always listens to you,” her mother said, sounding sad. She felt so sorry for Alex.

“I’ll let them know he’s with you now.”

John called her ten minutes later.

“How did he wind up with you?”

“He called me, and I invited him out. I told him to leave you a note. I’m sorry he didn’t.” But that was all she was sorry about, she was furious with her son. “You and Sarah have some serious fence mending to do, and you’d better start thinking about what you said. He has a right to be treated like a human being, by both of you, and with respect.”

“Did he tell you what happened?” John said in a trembling voice. “I caught him kissing some kid at the pool, a boy. So he told me he’s gay.”

“Would you have been mad if you caught him kissing a girl? No, you wouldn’t. He doesn’t like girls. He’s attracted to men. That’s who he is.”

“He doesn’t know who he is at this age.”

“Yes, he does. Just like you did at his age. What if I told you that I was ashamed of you because you’re attracted to women? Could you change that? Would you want to?”

“He’s not gay.”

“Yes, he is,” she said firmly, in the voice that made strong men quake. She meant business. She was a lioness defending her grandson. “What right do you have to tell him what he is? He knows better.”

“How did you get into this, Mother?”

“He told me this summer. And I encouraged him to tell you and Sarah. I told him you’d understand. He didn’t think you would. And I’m ashamed of you that he was right. If I’d had any idea you would behave this way, I’d have told him not to tell you. I love you, but I’m very disappointed in you. Alex needs our support, all of us. If his family doesn’t support him, who will?”

“I’m not going to support his carrying on with boys in my house.”

“Then he shouldn’t live with you, because he’s gay, and he has a right to do that.”

“What are people going to think?”

“Come out of the dark ages, for God’s sake. They’re going to think you’re a total jerk if you don’t, and they’ll be right. What about Sarah? Is she as backward about this as you are?”

“She’s heartbroken. She hasn’t stopped crying since he told us.”

“Neither has he, and he has more reason to than you do. His father is an idiot. And what does Sarah have to be heartbroken about?”

“First, she couldn’t have more kids, now she’ll never have grandchildren. She’s devastated.”

“She might. Lots of gay men have children now, of their own or they adopt them. And that’s beside the point. This is about Alex, not about her. You all need counseling so you can deal with this decently for Alex’s sake.”

“When did you get so modern?”

“When he told me. And I’m telling you right now, I’m not letting him come home to you until the two of you get your act together and can treat him right.” John was shocked. “And you can take me to court if you don’t like it. I’m not sending him home with your attitude and Sarah’s. You’ll damage him forever.”

“He’s already damaged.”

“Then he needs your help more than ever.”

“What’s he going to do about school if he’s in Bedford? He never should have left.”

“Tell them he’s sick. He wants to drop out.”

“He can’t do that.” John was outraged.

“That’s what I told him. But I’m not sending him home until you shape up. So for now, he stays here.”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” John said and hung up. But at least they knew he was safe, and not lost.

Alex still looked depressed when he got up the next day and his grandmother cooked him breakfast. Olivia told her office she would work from home that day. And Liz went to see John and Sarah. She told her mother afterward that all they did was cry. Both of them had stayed home from work. She had suggested counseling to them too. And Sarah had called someone at the university before Liz left. They were going to see the counselor the next day.

That evening Olivia took Alex to a movie, and out to dinner in Bedford. It did him good, and he looked better when he got home. But he hadn’t heard a word from his parents. They called him the next day. They had been to see the counselor, and he had set up sessions for them for the next month, with Alex if he was willing, or without him if he wasn’t. He told them the attitude adjustment was theirs to make, and he was very clear about it. John sounded like someone had died. His fantasy son. The real one was alive and well and still needed his father and mother.

Olivia stayed home with Alex for another day, and then she invited him to come to the office with her. She had some meetings she had to attend. She knew John had taken the week off, so Alex wouldn’t run into him. Once he heard that, Alex went into town with her. And Phillip was surprised to see him in the office.

“How’s your dad? He’s been out all week.” Phillip had been told he was sick.

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him,” Alex said bluntly. “I’m staying with Grandma.” That came as a surprise too. They were all full of surprises these days. He told Alex he had just left Amanda. Alex then told him he was gay and his father couldn’t deal with it, so he was staying at his grandmother’s, who was fine with it. Phillip looked shocked, and called his brother to discuss it. Basically, Phillip agreed with his mother and Liz. John had to find a way to accept it. He took Alex out to lunch after that. And by the end of the day, Alex was in decent spirits, and he was chatty all the way home to Bedford. And he went into town with Olivia the next day too. John called her in the office and said he and Sarah wanted to come out to Bedford on Saturday, and Olivia told him not to come unless he could be supportive of his son. The counselor had told him the same thing.

Sarah and John looked mournful when they arrived, but they were civil to their son. There were tears and recriminations and questions, but in the end John put his arms around him and told Alex he loved him. It was a major adjustment for them. And on Sunday, Olivia drove Alex back to Princeton. He said he would try going home and see how it worked out. But Olivia could see that John was trying. His acceptance wasn’t going to come overnight, but Alex had learned that his uncle and aunt and grandmother accepted him as he was, and his parents would have to get there in their own time. Alex was willing to live with that. He went back to school on Monday, and he called his grandmother every day. He told her that after two days in her office, he was more certain than ever that he wanted to work there one day.

“Then you’d better stay in school and go to college,” she told him, and he laughed. She hadn’t, but the business was far more sophisticated and complicated now.

“Yeah, I know,” he said. And he reported to her that his parents were doing better. They were trying. It was all she could ask for, and they’d gotten through it. It had strengthened her bond with her grandson. She was his defender, protector, and ally.

“Thanks, Grandma,” he said before he hung up. “For everything. I love you.”

“I love you too.” And she loved her son too, even if he had a long way to go to understand Alex and accept him as he was. It had been a lesson for all of them. And for John most of all, that things don’t always turn out as we expect or even hope. The only thing that mattered in the end was that he loved his son, and that Alex knew it.