The Sins of the Mother

Chapter 22


They packed quickly and closed the house, and Taylor offered to drive them back to the city. Phillip let her, which was unlike him, but he was distraught. He said almost nothing on the way back, and whenever she looked at him, she saw that he was crying, and she reached over and touched his face or his hand. She didn’t know what else to do. She was glad that she was with him when he heard the news. She remembered as though it was yesterday how devastated she had been when her parents died. And his grandmother had been like a third parent to him. He was crying all the tears of his childhood, and for all the times he had been brave. Forty years of pain and disappointment were flowing out of him like a flood that engulfed everything as Taylor drove.

“I can’t imagine life without her,” he said miserably. “I was going to visit her this week, but I didn’t have time.” But Taylor was aware that he had seen her two weeks before. One always regrets the last time one missed, but she knew how attentive he was to her. He went out to see her at least twice a month, sometimes more.

“You’re lucky you had her for so long,” Taylor said quietly, “and that she enjoyed her life right to the end. It’s hard for all of you now, but it’s a nice way for her to go.” She reminded him, “She didn’t suffer, she was happy. She played cards with her friends and she went to sleep.” It was a perfect death, but it had shocked them all. They had all believed Granibelle would live forever because they loved her so much. “How was your mom?” Granibelle was her mother after all.

“I think she was in shock. She always does everything with us by order of age. I was probably the first one she called. I’m sorry to leave you, baby, but I’ve got to go to Bedford when we get back. My mom said something about making arrangements. I don’t even know what that means. I guess the funeral will be in a few days.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said with a loving tone in her voice. “I’m here for you. I’ll do whatever you want. I just don’t want to intrude.” She hadn’t met any of them yet, and although they knew about her, this wasn’t the time for her to suddenly appear. She totally understood that, and was a gentle caring person.

“I’m glad I was with you when my mother called,” he said as they reached the city.

“So am I,” she said, and asked him if he wanted to stop at his apartment first. He said he had to get some decent clothes so she drove him there, and said she’d take a cab home after he left. She didn’t want to delay him, she knew he was anxious to get to Bedford as soon as he could. The others would be gathering there, and were probably already on their way.

“You don’t mind getting home on your own?” He looked worried about her, but he was concerned about his mother too. She wasn’t young either, and this would be a huge shock for her. He had thought about it on the way back. At first he had thought only of the loss to him, and now he realized what it meant to her too.

“I’m fine,” Taylor said quietly. “Don’t worry about me. Just take care of yourself. Are you going to be okay driving? Do you want to call a car service?”

“I’m okay. Thanks for driving us in, though.” She helped him pack his clothes, and remembered underwear and socks, shoes and a belt. He had been about to leave for Bedford with only two suits and three shirts and nothing else. He didn’t know how long he’d be there. He suspected they might all stay out for the week, until after the funeral, and told Taylor he’d let her know. “I’ll miss you,” he said sadly, and then started to cry again. “I’m sorry I’m such a baby, but I just loved her so much.”

“I know you did.” She understood.

He wondered if he should call Amanda, but he didn’t want to. He’d text her about the funeral, but he didn’t want her there sooner. He wished he could take Taylor with him, but it wasn’t right to introduce her to all of them when they were dealing with their grief and the shock of losing Granibelle. He wanted her to meet them at a happier time, when they could appreciate her. He was just sorry she would never meet his grandmother now. It was a huge, huge loss to all of them.

He kissed her goodbye when he left, and the doorman hailed a cab to take her to the Village, and she watched Phillip’s car disappear up Park Avenue and hoped he’d be all right.

He called her from the road, and reached Bedford an hour later. He was the first to arrive, his mother said the others were on their way. Her housekeeper had come in to help. All of Olivia’s children and grandchildren would be staying at the house, crowded into every room.

Olivia looked dry-eyed and strong, but she was shaken, and Phillip could see her hands tremble, whenever she picked up the phone. It was a terrible shock for her too. She had been close to her mother all her life, and Phillip didn’t remember a single disagreement or argument between the two of them. He just hadn’t heard them—there had been some, but not many. The two women had been inordinately close for all seventy years of Olivia’s life.

“At least they’re together now,” Olivia said sadly, thinking of her late husband, and her mother’s sudden death that afternoon. “Apparently she was fine,” she explained to Phillip over a cup of tea. She sounded as though she were trying to explain it to herself and just didn’t understand how this could happen, although her mother was ninety-five. “She wasn’t sick, she didn’t say anything to anyone about feeling ill. She was playing bridge with a group of ladies, and afterward she said she was going to lie down before dinner, and that was it. The doctor said she never woke up. Her heart just stopped, just like that.”

“I hope she won some money,” Phillip said, trying to lighten the moment, and his mother smiled. “She taught me everything I know about cards.”

“She taught me everything I know about life,” Olivia said, looking stricken. “She was always so wonderful to me. Even when we were poor, she made sure that I had everything I wanted or needed. She forgave me everything, all my stupid mistakes.” She looked at Phillip as she said it and he looked pained. He realized now what a tough time he had given his mother over the years. It seemed so much less important now, in the face of this enormous grief, and it reminded them all of their own mortality and how brief life could be, as in the case of Phillip’s father. At least for Maribelle it had been a long, full life, although they had all hoped she would make it to a hundred and often talked about the celebration they would have for her hundredth birthday. She had almost made it to ninety-six, in remarkably good shape.

Liz arrived shortly after Phillip and she said the girls were on their way. Sophie was driving down from Boston, and Carole was catching the red-eye from L.A. and would be there the next morning at dawn. And John and Sarah had left Princeton with Alex half an hour before. The family was coming together, as they always did in good and bad times. More than an empire, Olivia had built a dynasty. It was at moments like this that they all understood it, and relied on each other to get through hard times. The last funeral they had experienced together was Joe’s. That had been far more shocking, and Cass’s misplaced anger at her mother had made it even worse. Phillip suddenly understood that now. Maribelle’s death was much more peaceful. No one was angry. There was no one to blame. She had just slipped away the way she herself would have wanted, peacefully, after an afternoon of playing cards.

“Did you call Cass?” Phillip asked her quietly after Liz arrived.

She nodded. “Of course. She’s flying in from Dallas. She’s on tour there with Danny Hell.”

“I hear he’s a big deal,” Phillip said, trying to distract his mother, and she smiled.

“So I’m told.” They were both acutely aware that it would be the first time Cass had come back into the fold in fourteen years. And it took Granibelle to do it. Olivia knew she would have been pleased. She couldn’t imagine a life without her, and neither could anyone else.

An hour later Sarah and John arrived, and Alex looked as devastated as they all felt. He went out to the kitchen with Liz, and they talked for a while. He said things were going better with his parents. They were still getting therapy, and he had gone with them once, to explain the way he felt. He said they were being more accepting, and trying hard, although his father had asked him if he thought he might change his mind one day about being gay, as though it were a choice, and they both smiled.

“Your father always was a little obtuse, even as a kid. I think it’s the artist in him. He just doesn’t get what goes on in the real world. He’s got his head up in the clouds, or up his ass,” Liz said, and Alex laughed. He always liked how outspoken she was, and how honest with her girls. His parents weren’t dishonest with him as much as they were with themselves. They saw the world as they wanted to perceive it, and as though everyone were like them. Liz had had some hard knocks, and was more realistic about the world and honest with herself. Alex wished his parents were more like her, but at least she was his aunt. And Olivia was his hero. She had handled his recent crisis perfectly, and he had loved staying with her. He was glad to be back in Bedford, but not about the reason why. Everyone was sad to lose Granibelle, no matter how old she was.

Phillip ordered dinner for all of them from a nearby take-out restaurant. The three siblings and Sarah, Olivia, and Alex sat down to dinner in the dining room. The housekeeper set the table and stayed to clean up. They talked about Maribelle all through dinner, and they told funny stories about her, and some of the outrageous things she’d done when they were kids. And this time Olivia added some stories of her own, which made them all laugh. It was a relief to remember the happy times. They all knew about Ansel Morris too, because of the hardware store he had left her. They thought he was a devoted beau she had never married, out of deference to her late husband, Olivia’s father. What they didn’t know was that he had been married for most of the time they were together. She had never told them, they didn’t need to know, and Olivia didn’t tell them now. It was a racy side to their grandmother that they were unaware of, that she had been the mistress of a married man. Olivia found herself thinking that maybe that kind of relationship was genetic, since she was now in the same situation herself, after being critical of her mother for it for a lifetime, until their recent conversation, which had cleared it up for her. She liked knowing that her mother had planned to marry him in the end, and that he had died before he could. It seemed more respectable to her, although she had no intention of marrying Peter.

When she called him to tell him the news, he expressed his deep sorrow for her loss and offered to drive out from the city, but she didn’t think he should be there. The children knew about him now, but he was still her lover and a married man, and the children weren’t close enough to him to warrant his being with them, and he understood. She didn’t need to explain.

Sophie arrived from Boston at ten o’clock, and they all sat around till midnight and decided to play cards, in honor of their grandmother. It had been Phillip’s suggestion, and they liked it. Even Olivia joined in. They played for money, as she would have, and the table got rowdy and loud. It was the perfect way to spend the night, thinking about her. She would have approved. And Phillip called Taylor between two rounds of cards. She could hear the screaming and hooting in the background and was surprised.

“What’s going on?”

“We’re playing cards in honor of my grandma. I just won twenty dollars from my sister, and she’s mad as hell. And my nephew won ten from her. She’s lousy at cards,” he said, sounding better than he had when he left. Taylor was glad that he was with them.

“That sounds like the perfect way to spend tonight. She would have loved it.” It sounded like a good Irish wake to her, although they weren’t Irish, but it was the right idea. She couldn’t wait to meet them all and hoped they liked her. Phillip said that after everything calmed down and everyone had done their mourning, he was going to introduce her, maybe on Thanksgiving. And for now, Phillip had a lot to do to help his mother. Taylor was grateful that he’d called. She told him that her heart was with him and all her thoughts, and he told her that he loved her.



Liz walked her mother to her room that night when Olivia was ready to go to bed. She looked tired and more her age than she did normally. This had been very hard for her. It was the end of an era.

“I was lucky to have her this long,” she said to her daughter, and put her arms around her. They were both wondering what it would be like to have Cass home, but neither said it, and Liz stayed with her until she undressed and got into bed. And then Liz went back to the others, and had a drink with her brothers and Sarah. Alex had gone to bed by then too, after hanging out with Sophie for a while, and bringing her up to date on everything that had happened with him in the last month. She told him that she’d always known he was gay, even when he was a little kid. She said his parents would probably adjust eventually. Alex was beginning to think so too, after a very bumpy start.

The three siblings sat drinking wine after Sarah went to bed. It was comforting to be together, and Liz asked Phillip about his divorce.

“It’s going to be a mess,” he said, resigned to the reality of it. “I’m beginning to think it was always about money with her.” Their mother had long thought so, although she had never said it to him. It would have been too wounding and would have caused yet more problems between them, but she had always said it to Maribelle. And Liz always thought so too.

“What’s with the new woman in your life?” Liz was curious to hear about her, and hoped she was better than the last one. But she had done no better than he in the marriage market.

“She’s wonderful. You’ll love her. I didn’t think she should come here now. But you’ll meet her soon,” he promised. Eventually they all went to bed, sad, but grateful to be together, to give each other strength.

Liz got up when Carole arrived from California. It was early, but she heard her come in and went to greet her, and Sophie joined them a few minutes later. They went out to the kitchen for coffee, since the housekeeper hadn’t come in yet, and then Olivia came in, looking tired but with a clean face and freshly brushed hair, in a satin dressing gown. And within half an hour the whole family was there. They were up early, and talking animatedly at the breakfast table, when the doorbell rang. Liz went to get it, and Cass walked in. The two sisters looked at each other and put their arms around each other. Liz hadn’t seen her in years.

“Wow! Are you beautiful,” she said, and Cass laughed. She was wearing tight black leather pants, a tank top, a leather jacket, and high heels, with her hair short and spiked. “You are hot!” she said, and Cass laughed again. They were happy to see each other, and walked into the kitchen together, and for a moment everything stopped as they all stared at her. Olivia was the first one on her feet, hugged her, and then the conversation exploded at the table again as everyone got up to greet her, and looked happy to see her. The prodigal daughter had returned.

She sat down at the table with them, ate a piece of toast, and told them about the tour with Danny Hell. They had a thousand minor problems, but it was going well, until this bad news about Granibelle. She looked as devastated as they all did, but by the end of breakfast it felt as though she had never left. She didn’t seem angry anymore, just sad about her grandmother. Granibelle was the focus of it all.

And that afternoon was hard for all of them. Olivia had made the arrangements, with Liz and Phillip’s help. Her mother’s body had been taken to a funeral parlor in Bedford, and there would be a viewing for the family, if they wished it. But Olivia requested a closed casket, and they were going to the funeral parlor that afternoon to pay their respects. Phillip had offered to pick up the clothes Olivia had requested for her. They wouldn’t see her in them, but Olivia wanted her mother properly dressed. And Phillip, to lighten the moment, said he was going to throw in a deck of cards.

But the moment was painful for them all. They all cried as they stood around the casket, in the small chapel. There were white roses and orchids all around that Olivia had ordered, and a heavy scent of flowers in the air. And Olivia broke down in Liz’s arms, at the enormous sorrow of losing her wonderful mother. And then she knelt and said a few moments of prayers, as they fell silent, heavily impacted by the sudden awareness that this was all too real. Granibelle was gone.

They were somber and silent when they got back to the house, and discussed what to do next. The funeral was in two days and they decided to stay in Bedford together, before they disbanded. Phillip, John, and Olivia had a phone meeting with the office, and everything was in control. This was a family time and none of them wanted to leave until after Maribelle’s funeral.

And Peter came out to visit Olivia that evening after work.

“How are you holding up?” He was worried about her. He knew it was a terrible shock and an enormous loss, and there had been no preparation since she hadn’t been ill or failing.

“I’m all right,” she said with a sad look, and he put an arm around her and held her gently. “It’s nice having Cass home. My mother would love that. I just wish she hadn’t died to make it happen.” She smiled through her tears, as he held her hand with an arm still firmly around her shoulders.

“I’m so sorry, Olivia.”

“I know you are.” He patted her hand. He stayed long enough to see all the others and extend his condolences to them. Everyone was pleasant with him, and Phillip was polite, and then Peter left. And that night they had dinner together again. As much as a wake for her mother, Olivia felt as though it was a celebration to welcome Cassie home. She seemed surprisingly comfortable with her siblings and even her mother after being away for so long, and she was catching up on all the family news, and telling them a little about her life, which was very different from theirs. Her nieces and nephew were in awe of her and thought she was very cool. She hadn’t seen them since they were children, and she was impressed by how grown up they were.

The next day they received visitors at the funeral home who came to pay their respects. And the following day was the funeral, which was beautiful and elegant and deeply sad. Olivia had selected the music she knew her mother would have wanted, including Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy,” which was the essence of her—light and beautiful and happy and effervescent. And after the minister, each of Olivia’s children spoke about Maribelle from the pulpit. Phillip went first and told wonderful stories about his grandmother, remembered from his youth, and how she had taught him to play poker when he had his tonsils out when he was six. Liz threaded beautiful stories about her grandmother, and John explained how she had loved art and encouraged him to be an artist and be himself. And then Cass went up to the front of the church solemnly, in a plain black dress, black stockings, high heels, and a hat with a small black veil. She looked striking as she stood there and told stories that reduced them all to tears. She was a powerful speaker and a beautiful woman, and her love of her grandmother and how important she had been to her were evident in every word she said. As Olivia listened to her, she realized that her baby was all grown up, and had turned into a remarkable person who had tremendous powers of drawing people to her and focusing their attention. And what was evident to her too, as she listened to each of her children speak, was how much of a mother Maribelle had been to each of them when Olivia couldn’t be herself. She had filled in for her and given them something Olivia never could have, and she felt guilty and grateful all at once. It made her feel very small and insignificant and brought the point home to her all over again of what a remarkable person her mother had been and what an enormous loss for them all. As the family filed out behind the casket in the recessional, to the sounds of Beethoven, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

They went to the family plot afterward and had a small service with only the family present, and then they went home to the two hundred people who had gathered there to mingle and lend their support. Peter stood close to Olivia most of the time, without intruding, and she was grateful for his comforting presence. Her children saw people they hadn’t seen in years, and Cass was welcomed back by all who knew her. Amanda had been at the funeral in a serious black Chanel suit, but had had the good taste not to come to the house. Phillip thanked her for coming on the way out, and she looked moved by the service too. She was human after all.

And when everybody finally left, the family collapsed into chairs. They looked exhausted. It had been an emotional few days, and a beautiful funeral for the mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother they all loved so much. There had been a lovely photograph of her on the funeral program, she was laughing and looked as joyous and mischievous as she had been. They all looked worn out. And Liz was organizing a big pasta dinner, left for them by the caterer for that night. They had served champagne and hors d’oeuvres after the funeral, but Phillip admitted that he was starving now.

“Let’s get out of our black clothes,” Olivia suggested. “We need to lighten up a little. Granibelle wouldn’t like us being so sad.” Peter had left with the others, and Phillip had spoken to Taylor dozens of times in the past few days. He couldn’t wait to see her now. They were all leaving in the morning, after one last night together, and the next day, Olivia, Phillip, and John were going back to work, and Cass, Sophie, and Carole were leaving to go back to the cities they had arrived from. It had been an intense family time.

And dinner that night had all the exuberance and excited chatter that had been so typical of Maribelle herself. The pasta was delicious and the wine and conversation flowed.

They all toasted Maribelle, and then Phillip tapped his glass with a spoon and said he had an announcement to make. All heads turned toward him, wondering what it was. He was a little tipsy from the wine, but they all were. It had been an intense few days and they needed relief from it now.

“I’m in love with a wonderful woman and I’m going to marry her when I get divorced.” A cheer rose from the crowd, and Liz said loudly, “Goodbye, Amanda!” and they all laughed, and then she went next. It reminded Olivia suddenly of when they were children and made outrageous announcements at the table. She had an instant sense that her mother would have loved this and would have joined in with some outrageous announcement of her own. They were a lively group and carried away in the moment, with love for each other.

“I sold my book for a fortune,” Liz announced, and Sarah managed not to roll her eyes although she looked momentarily pained, “and I think I’m dating my agent, although I’m not entirely sure. He’s British and very handsome and aristocratic. But I am sure I sold the book!” she said, and they all laughed. Her not being certain if she was dating Andrew was so typical of her.

“Tell us when you know,” Phillip shouted across the table, and they all laughed again, with her but not at her. Liz was rarely sure of anything, for most of her life.

Alex got in the spirit of it then, looked around at his family, and spoke up in a clear voice. “And I’m gay. And I am sure,” he said, laughing, as even his mother smiled, and everyone else chuckled, and both his cousins, seated on either side of him, patted him on the back for being so brave and coming out. No one at the table looked upset, not even his parents, and Alex looked pleased.

And then Cass stunned them all. Her return to the fold had been heartwarming and surprising enough. She could have flown in for the funeral, kept to herself, and left right afterward. Instead she had been with them for three days, like everyone else. And she seemed to have enjoyed it too. She had spent hours talking to her sister and mother, and trying to get to know her nieces and nephew, and had been a good sport about her two older brothers teasing her, as they always had.

Cass’s announcement topped them all.

“I’m having a baby. I’m pregnant. I just found out. And I’m keeping it. And I’m not marrying Danny Hell. He’s the father. I’m having it in June. And I’m sure too.” They all stared at her openmouthed for a minute, and then the conversation at the table exploded again as they all congratulated her, and her mother looked at her with a long, slow smile of approval. She didn’t care that she wasn’t getting married, she had come that far into modern times. She was just happy that her daughter had healed enough from the wounds of her childhood to want a child of her own.

“I’m thrilled,” Olivia said in a clear, strong voice, raised her glass to her daughter, and blew her a kiss.

“And as the oldest of the grandchildren,” Sophie said, taking over the floor, “we love you, but we think you’re all a little nuts. You’re supposed to be our role models, Uncle Phillip is getting divorced and remarried five minutes later, Mom can’t figure out if she’s dating her agent or not, which is pretty typical of her, and means she probably is. And Aunt Cassie is having a baby and not getting married, and it will probably be born with a tattoo. You’re terrific, guys, and we love you. Thank you for being our family.” They laughed uproariously, and everyone talked at once to Cass about her baby and congratulated her again. Olivia wondered what had changed her mind and made her decide to have a baby, but whatever it was, it seemed like a good thing to her, and she knew her mother would have been thrilled.

And as a final tribute to Maribelle, they all played cards until three o’clock in the morning, drank a lot of wine, and reluctantly went to bed.

They were a sober group the next morning at breakfast, ready to go back to their own lives, but in the bittersweet way of real life, the three days they had spent together had been wonderful and beautiful, happy and sad. And before they disbanded, Olivia invited them all to return for Thanksgiving. It would be sad for all of them this year without Maribelle, but Olivia wanted them to be together.

“And that means your significant others too,” Olivia said precisely. “Phillip, you’re welcome to bring Taylor. Liz, if you decide you’re dating your agent, you can bring him. And Cassie darling, I would be honored if you bring Danny. He’s the father of my next grandchild, after all.” There were tears in her eyes when she said it, and Cass hugged her mother before she left.

“Thank you, Mom, for everything.”

“Thank you, and take care of yourself and the baby.”

“I will. I just hope I don’t screw up his or her life. I’m as busy as you were.”

“You won’t make the same mistakes I did,” she said gently. “You’re going to be a wonderful mother.” Cassie hugged her again, and then went out to the limo that was waiting to take her to the airport. The tour had moved on to Houston, and she was meeting Danny there.

They had all agreed to come back for Thanksgiving, and it was only six weeks away. When everyone had left, Olivia rode into the city, to go to her office. She felt as though she’d been away for a year. And she already missed her mother. She had so much to tell her. So much had happened in the past few days, but somehow she had the feeling that her mother knew it already, and wouldn’t have been surprised. They were the children she had brought up, to be their own people, and follow their hearts, use their heads, and always be honest and brave. They were the same lessons she had taught Olivia, and they had served her well.