The Sins of the Mother

Chapter 14


The night after Olivia visited her mother, she found herself thinking about Cass, more than ever. She was less concerned about Phillip now, and his reaction to her affair with Peter. And as her mother said, Phillip needed to grow up and develop some empathy and compassion.

But Cass was heavily on her mind. And at seven o’clock she decided to send her an e-mail, telling her how much they had missed her on the boat. It was true, Olivia always did, and always wished she was there.

The e-mail was only a few lines, just to tell her that she was thinking about her, missed her, had seen Maribelle that day and she was fine. She hit the send button, and didn’t expect a response. She was amazed when an answer came back a few minutes later, even though it was midnight in London. Cass said that she was coming to New York on business the following week, and was amenable to seeing her mother for lunch. They managed to do that once or twice a year. It was no substitute for a real relationship, but it allowed them to keep some kind of link to each other, which Cass had never dared sever entirely. Olivia was grateful for that.

Olivia responded immediately that she would be happy to see her, whenever and wherever convenient.

Cass suggested a restaurant in SoHo, and named the time and day, and her mother answered instantly. “I’ll be there. All my love, Mom.” It was the best they could do for now.



The place Cass had suggested was a French brasserie with bistro food. It was trendy and popular and jammed when Olivia walked in, but she saw her daughter immediately, at a table in the rear, wearing a black leather jacket. She had a thin, angular face, she had porcelain skin and enormous green eyes, and she had long since darkened her already dark brown hair into nearly jet black with a navy blue sheen, and it was short and spiked with gel. She looked like one of the rock stars she represented. She was wearing a slash of bright red lipstick and she looked very modern and chic. She stood up as her mother approached the table. She was wearing a miniskirt and high heels, and there was no denying she was a beautiful girl. Several people turned to stare. As Olivia did in her world, Cass exuded self-confidence and power. She was one of the most successful music producers in the world, and highly respected in her field. She was cool as she met her mother’s gaze but allowed her to kiss her cheek.

“Thank you for meeting me for lunch. You must be busy,” Olivia said, feeling her heart pound and wanting to put her arms around her youngest child, but she forced herself to be restrained. Cass was never affectionate with her.

“You’re busy too,” Cass said respectfully. “Thank you for coming downtown. All my meetings are down here. I never get uptown anymore. I’m leaving for L.A. tomorrow. Danny’s starting a tour there, at the Rose Bowl. He’s going to Vegas after that.” She spoke about him as though he were any normal mate, despite the fact that he was twenty-four years old and one of the hottest rock stars in the business. Cass had made his career, and moved in with him five years before. Or actually, he had moved in with her. She had a house in Mayfair that Olivia had never seen. When they met in London, Cass suggested restaurants there too, instead of inviting her to the house. It was her way of keeping her mother at a distance. And Olivia had never met Danny Hell. From what she had seen of him in the press, he was a handsome boy, and they made a striking couple.

“It must be hectic for you when he’s on tour. I can’t even imagine what organizing something like that is like.” And she did several a year, for other clients. As Olivia looked at her, she realized that Maribelle was right. They had both started mammoth businesses at a young age, and been extraordinarily successful, just in different fields. But few women could have done it. The only difference between them was that Cass wasn’t married and didn’t have children. At her age, Olivia had had three, and a husband, which had added even more responsibility to her shoulders.

“It’s crazy, but I love it,” Cass said with a smile, referring to the tour, and then ordered an omelet of egg whites and several health food options on the menu. She had been a vegetarian for years. And she had an incredible figure. Olivia ordered a salad and was more interested in her daughter than food.

Cass asked about her business then, and the boat trip. She didn’t ask about her siblings. She had distanced herself from them too, and always told her grandmother they were all her mother’s puppets, which Maribelle denied. Olivia mentioned Liz’s book to her, and Cass was pleased for her. She knew her older sister had been floundering for years. And she always thought that it was sad that John had given up his dreams of being an artist to work in their mother’s business. She had the least respect of all for Phillip, who she thought was pompous and a snob, and she hated Amanda. They had all been married when she left home. She hadn’t seen her nephew and nieces since then, and had no desire to. She always said she didn’t like children. They reminded her of her childhood, which wasn’t a pleasant memory for her.

They talked mostly about external things at lunch, and politics. Cass still got money from the trust Olivia had set up for them, but she was financially entirely independent, and didn’t need her mother’s money. She had made her own. Liz was entirely dependent on her trust, and hadn’t been able to fully support herself yet at forty-four, which Cass thought was pathetic. And she considered the fact that the boys worked for their mother disgusting. She was critical of them all, which she shared liberally with her grandmother, not her mother. And they talked about Maribelle for a while, which was a safe subject.

Their lunches were always stressful because so much was left unsaid, and her anger at her mother was always felt, even if unspoken. She didn’t need to say it anymore, she had said it often enough in the past, and nothing had changed. You couldn’t change the past.

Olivia finally dared to ask a personal question just before the end of lunch. “Are you happy?” Cass hesitated before she answered, which worried her mother.

“I think so. I don’t know. I’m not sure I’m a happy person. I have a lot of angst, which probably makes me good at what I do.” She was a perfectionist like her mother. “I never assume anything, or take anything for granted. I check it all out.”

Olivia smiled when she said it. “So do I. I’m a fanatic for details.” It was one of the rare times they had talked about themselves and how they worked. Now that Cass ran a booming business, she had more in common with her mother, and they had more to say to each other.

“I micromanage everything,” Cass confessed. “But there’s a lot of detail work to what I do.”

Her admission made Olivia brave, and she ventured another question. Maybe it was time. “What’s Danny like?”

“Crazy, young, incredibly talented, noisy, nuts, spoiled, beautiful.” She spoke of him like a child, as though he were her baby, not her man. Olivia suspected he was both. “He’s fun to be with, when he’s not having a tantrum or driving me nuts. It’s hard for rock stars to behave like real people. They’re expected to act out, so they do. He does. A lot.”

“And that doesn’t bother you?” Olivia was fascinated by her life, it was so different from her own experience.

“Sometimes. I manage. I give him shit when he gets too bad. He’s my alternative to having children.” She smiled. And Olivia sensed that she loved him from the way she looked when she talked about him. They had been together since he was nineteen and Cass was twenty-nine. Not having family around her, and being on her own, had made her more mature. It struck Olivia that she was more so than her brothers, who were much older.

“You’re still happy not having kids?” Olivia asked sadly. She felt as though she had damaged her, and Phillip, irretrievably, for them to not want children. It seemed like a huge loss to her. Cass didn’t tell her mother that she’d had many abortions, and always would, if her birth control failed or she made a mistake.

“Very.” They both knew why and didn’t go there. It was dangerous territory for them, a minefield. All of Cass’s old resentments were buried there, close to the surface.

Olivia paid the check then, when she saw Cass look at her watch. They left the restaurant, and Cass thanked her for lunch.

“Good luck with the tour,” Olivia said, and kissed her, and Cass looked at her hard for a moment, as though still trying to figure out who she was. “Thank you for seeing me,” Olivia said sadly. Cass nodded, and then hurried away, as Olivia got into her car and was driven uptown. She felt as though she were hanging on to her youngest child by the thinnest of threads, but thank God it was holding and hadn’t broken yet.



And when she got back to her office, Olivia called Alex. She’d been wanting to check on him. He was at home with friends, and his parents were out.

“I miss you,” she said to him. “How’s it going?”

“Okay. I have three more weeks before school starts.” His senior year in high school. He was looking forward to it, although stressed about his college applications. They had talked about it on the boat, and she had tried to reassure him, but the competition was fierce.

“Let me know if you want to come into town and have dinner,” she suggested. He liked the idea but was too lazy to do it.

“I will,” he said vaguely.

It was harder to maintain the connection when they didn’t see each other every day, which was why being on the boat was so wonderful. For those days, she had been able to strengthen her bond with him.

“What about telling your parents what we talked about, before you go back to school? It might make this year easier for you—one less thing to worry about.”

“Or one more big thing when they go nuts.” He was still convinced they would.

“I think you need to have more faith in them than that.”

“I know them. My father is homophobic, and my mother has denial.” They were damning statements about his parents, and Olivia hoped he was wrong.

“I can talk to them with you, if you want,” she offered again, as she had on the boat.

“Thanks anyway, Grandma.”

“You’ll do it when you’re ready.”

“Yeah, like when I’m ninety.” He laughed, and she felt sad for him. He promised to call her soon, and then they hung up. She didn’t want to lose touch with him now. There was so much to worry about, about all of them.

And she thought about Cass on her way home. Olivia realized that she could reach her by e-mail or on her BlackBerry, but she didn’t even know where her daughter was staying in New York, and she had forgotten to ask her. Probably downtown. There was so much she didn’t know about her, it nearly broke her heart. But at least they’d had a nice lunch. It was all they had for now.

Olivia hated the feeling that she lost touch with all of them to some degree once they went their separate ways after the summer vacation. They each had their own lives, problems, and joys. And so did she. It was only when they came together for an extended time that it all intertwined and meshed, and when they left, the threads fell loose again, and she had no idea what they were doing. It was so much easier when they were all under one roof, like when they were small. But those days were over forever. Even her grandchildren had their own lives.

Carole had left for California a few days before. She had called her grandmother to say goodbye. Sophie was in Boston and going to the Cape with friends until school started. And Olivia realized then that she hadn’t heard from Phillip since their big blowout the week before. She wondered when she would if at all. She hadn’t seen him at work either. She had been swamped since she got back. She hoped he was all right, despite his harsh words to her. Her mother had soothed those wounds. She was planning to see Peter that night. He was the bright spot in her life. She had much to tell him, and about her lunch with Cass. She wasn’t going to tell him about Alex—she had made a sacred vow. But at least she could share with him her concerns about the others, her victories and private griefs. Her life would have been much harder without him. It was what Phillip didn’t understand, and her mother did.