The Sins of the Mother

Chapter 10


When they woke up in the morning, Amanda was full of stories about the people they’d met the night before. They were people she knew from New York, and she was vastly impressed by the house they had rented. Phillip seemed to have enjoyed it, and Liz said they were very nice. It was Amanda who was the most thrilled with their visit.

And after they had breakfast, they cruised slowly toward St. Tropez, relieved that the seas were calm again. They stopped and swam near St. Marguerite Island off Cannes. It was where the Man in the Iron Mask had been imprisoned, allegedly the brother of the king. Olivia shared the story with them, and her grandchildren were particularly impressed. John sat quietly nearby, sketching the island while she talked. He already had one full sketchbook of drawings and had brought several more.

They reached St. Tropez in the late afternoon, and the captain had reserved a space at the dock for them at the outer edge of the port. It was the only space in the port big enough for the boat. The girls wanted to explore the shops and local color, and as soon as they set foot on land, they were besieged by paparazzi, who took photographs of anyone coming off a big yacht, assuming they were someone famous or important. They followed them on scooters and flashed cameras in their faces. Only Amanda loved it, everyone else was annoyed. They wandered around the town, which was one of the most populated vacation spots in the South of France. Everyone wanted to see and be seen in St. Tropez. Olivia was relieved when they went back to the boat. The crew had put curtains up around the decks, so they would have privacy in the port.

Because of the paparazzi, they decided to have dinner on board. They had wanted to try a local restaurant, but it was just too much trouble to deal with the feeding frenzy of the press. And instead of dinner, they decided to go ashore for another nightclub and made reservations at La Cave du Roy. The captain warned them that it might not be quite as much fun as the Billionaire, but when they got there, they enjoyed it just as much, although they drank a little less.

“I think Mom is turning into someone we don’t even know,” Phillip commented as he watched Olivia dancing with Alex. She was actually pretty good, and had learned all her moves the night they went to the Billionaire. And this time Amanda had decided to come along. She was disappointed when no one took their picture, but she actually seemed amorous with Phillip on the dance floor that night. It had taken a long time for her to warm up, and for him to forget her comment about him having no balls. There had been a noticeable chill between them for most of the trip, which concerned Olivia a great deal. But Amanda had seemed in better spirits ever since the night they had dinner with their friends in St. Jean Cap Ferrat. She felt as though she had her own identity again, and wasn’t just part of a mob.

They stayed at La Cave du Roy till three o’clock and didn’t get to bed till four. The next morning, Olivia was up and dressed early. The Factory had a store in Draguignan, in the interior, and Olivia wanted to see it. She had invited Alex and Sophie to come along and both her sons. Olivia was as fresh as a rose when they got into the van, the others looked a little worn. But she was like a racehorse, once she had work to do, or a store to visit. The management of the store had been notified and was waiting for them. She spent two hours touring the store, and Sophie was excited to be with them, now that she knew she would be working for The Factory in six months. And maybe this was one of the stores her grandmother would let her manage one day. It was one of their newer ones.

Afterward, Olivia had a meeting with Phillip and John about the things she had observed while visiting the store, and what she wanted changed. Sophie sat in on that too, and was impressed by how keen her grandmother’s powers of observation were. She had noticed everything right down to the most minute detail. She had even checked the restrooms and the storage areas and had spoken to a number of members of the staff, in French. Alex had been impressed too. And there was a special connection between them now. He gave nothing away, and neither did she, but a silent look passed between them at times that spoke volumes and was filled with her love for him.

Her children and their spouses had dinner in St. Tropez that night, and she and her grandchildren opted to stay on board. They played games for a while and afterward they watched a movie and ate popcorn the cook had sent up for them. They were still in the movie theater when the others came home. They had had a great time together, and Phillip couldn’t help but comment on how different their mother was on this trip, even during their meetings about the business. She was so much more relaxed, and much more easygoing than she was at home. All she wanted was for them to have a good time. It made him even angrier that she had spent so little time with them when they were young.

“When are you going to get over that?” Liz confronted him when he said it. The three siblings sat together on deck, after Amanda, Sarah, and Olivia went to bed.

“Maybe never,” he said harshly. “I never had a mother for my entire childhood. And neither did you. Why are you so willing to forget that now?”

“Because I think she did the best she could. And she did a lot of other things for us. She was always nice when she was home. So she went away a lot. So what? Other parents do a lot of other things that are worse. I’ve been home all the time for my kids. How do I know they won’t be pissed off at me someday for something else? You can’t get it right all the time. It’s easy for you—you don’t have kids. No one is ever going to be telling you what you did wrong. You get to stay a kid all your life and be pissed at her. And look how hard she tries now. She knocks her socks off every year to give us a vacation so we can all be together. She’s still trying, Phillip, and you never give her a break for the past. That seems really wrong to me.”

“Well, listen to Miss Therapy,” he said angrily. “You don’t ever get back your childhood, Liz, and as far as I’m concerned she ruined mine. I never had a mother for all those years.”

“Yes, you did. She wasn’t perfect—well, neither is anyone else’s. And looking at her now, she seems pretty goddamned good to me.”

“That’s up to you. I don’t happen to see it that way.”

“That’s unfortunate for you. You’re never going to be able to forgive yourself, or anyone else, until you learn to forgive her. Are you so perfect? Haven’t you ever screwed something up?”

“Not the childhood of four children. That’s why I don’t have kids.”

“I feel sorry for you,” Liz said quietly, and John stepped in and changed the subject. He didn’t say it, but he thought Liz had a point. Their mother went all out to entertain them royally every year, and he had to admit, she was wonderful with their kids. It made up for a lot with him. And he had never been as unhappy as Phillip. For him, Granibelle and their father had been enough. And when their mother was home, it was icing on the cake. For Phillip, as long as she was gone, nothing else had ever been enough. But he wasn’t a happy person, even now. He was always grumbling about something, and he had a wife who withheld approval and affection, which their mother never had. She had been gone, but whenever she came home, they knew that they were loved. Phillip and Cass had just refused to accept her as she was, recognize that she had tried, and forgive her her mistakes, even now. It seemed like a waste of energy to John. Forty years of anger seemed like an unfair sentence to him. John thought their mother didn’t deserve the punishment she’d been given, particularly with all she’d done for them in other ways, and still did. They dropped the subject after that, but Phillip was still annoyed. He thought his brother and sister were far too easy on her, and Cass was right. If he didn’t work for her, he would have taken his distance from her too.

The next day they left St. Tropez and headed back toward Antibes. They didn’t stop at the Hotel du Cap again, but docked outside the old port instead, and went into town by tender, to wander around the ramparts, and Olivia took them all by cab to a little church she knew on top of a hill with a lighthouse, which overlooked the entire coast, and had a breathtaking view. The church, called Notre Dame de Bon Port, had been built in the eleventh century and had a fourth-century chapel. Miracles were said to have happened there. They wandered into the church, and Olivia lit a candle for Joe, and afterward they stood outside, eating ice cream and admiring the view.

“How did you ever find this place?” Sarah asked her with interest. She had already taken dozens of pictures of the chapel and the view.

“Joe and I found it when we stayed at the Hotel du Cap. I always wanted to come back here one day. I just never thought it wouldn’t be with him.” She smiled sadly, and Sarah gently touched her arm in sympathy. They all fell silent after that, and were quiet on their way back to the port in the cab. Olivia didn’t say anything, but she had lit a candle for Alex too, for the smooth transition of his coming out, whenever it occurred.

They had dinner in the port that night, then went back to the boat. In the morning, they were going back to Monaco to spend their last day of the trip and celebrate Olivia’s birthday. It had really been a perfect trip, for all of them. Even Phillip and Amanda seemed on better terms. And Alex seemed a lot happier than he had at first. Sophie had the promise of a job when she graduated. And Liz was going to call her agent as soon as she got home and had her mother’s endorsement of the book. Olivia had dedicated the whole time to taking care of them, and she had had a wonderful time too. Her best birthday gift to herself every year was her holiday with her family.

And the next day, thanks to Olivia’s meticulous organizing, everything went according to plan. They got to Monaco in the morning, and after wishing Olivia happy birthday over breakfast, they all relaxed and talked. After lunch on deck in the port, they took the boat out again so everyone could swim. Phillip and John went off on the tender to go fishing. And Olivia got a final ride on a jet ski with Alex, and all the kids rode the banana for a last time. At the end of the day, they pulled into port and had a sumptuous birthday dinner for her with lobster and caviar, and soufflés and a birthday cake for dessert. They went to the casino afterward, while Olivia kept Alex company on the boat and played gin with him, and then they met them all at Jimmyz, and danced until three in the morning, and they stayed up till four o’clock reminiscing about the trip. The crew had packed for all of them so they were ready to leave. They would all be off the boat by noon, and Olivia thought it had been the happiest two weeks of her life, and everyone agreed with her, as they hugged each other and wished her a happy birthday again, and went to their cabins for their last night.

She and Alex had discussed his problem with his parents again that night while the others were at the casino, and she had encouraged him once more to tell them that he was gay. And he was just as adamant that they wouldn’t understand, and he wasn’t willing to take the risk. Olivia thought about Alex when she went to bed that night. She had so much to think of, as well as so many happy memories to take with her. And when they left the boat, the others were going home, and she was going to London to check on their store there. They had been remodeling it for six months, and she wanted to see what had been done. It had been their original flagship store in Europe, and she had a deep personal attachment to it.

And in the morning, they all shared a last breakfast together. Phillip and Amanda were the first to leave, and she was anxious to get back to her office. John and Sarah were going to Paris for the weekend with Alex. Liz and the girls were going home to Connecticut. And then Carole would be packing up to leave for L.A., to work for her stepmother and father. She could hardly wait to get started. Her father had called and made her an offer while she was on the boat, and Carole had jumped at the chance.

At noon Olivia left the boat alone. They had arranged for a car and driver to take her to the airport, and she turned back to look at the boat that had been so wonderful for them. Her heart ached now that they were gone, and she looked at the boat longingly as they drove away. She had so many questions in her mind now after living with them for almost two weeks, about Phillip and Amanda, and Alex, and Liz and her book. She had been so much a part of their daily lives, and now she was back to her own nomadic life, heading for London on her own.

She checked in at the British Airways counter at the Nice airport, and an hour later she boarded the plane. As she sat in the first-class lounge before that, she texted all of them about how much she missed them, and how much fun she’d had with them on the trip. Alex answered her immediately. She knew that Liz and the girls were already on their plane. Phillip and Amanda were in the air too. And then she had to turn her own phone off and put it away. She was thinking about all of them as her plane took off for London. And she looked somber when they landed at Heathrow, and she was met by her driver from Claridge’s. He took her to the hotel, where she checked in to her usual suite, which was decorated in bright corals and floral chintzes, and she was startled when the phone rang. She had been lost in thought, and she wanted to order something to eat before she left to see the store. She was surprised when she heard Peter Williams’s voice on the phone.

“I just wanted to be sure you got to London safely. How did the trip go?” He sounded happy to talk to her, and it was nice to hear a friendly voice. She had been feeling so alone.

“It was beyond wonderful. I’m so sad it’s over. I hate to wait another year to go on vacation with them again.”

“I always feel that way when my kids leave Maine too. It’s just not the same when you don’t live with them anymore. And it’s such a gift when you can spend time with them here and there.” It was exactly what she was feeling about the trip.

“I think I’m having withdrawal,” she admitted as she looked out the window of her hotel room. She was homesick for all of them, and she wondered if this was how they had felt when she was away when they were young, as though their hearts had been ripped out through their noses. If so, she thought it was suitable punishment for her that she felt that way now.

“Happy birthday, by the way, a day late. It must have been fun to spend it with the kids.”

“It was. We danced till three A.M. We did that several times on the trip. In Sardinia we stayed up till five A.M.”

“You must be a lot younger than I am,” he said ruefully. “The last time I stayed up till five A.M. was when my son was born.”

“Me too. But I went dancing with my grandchildren. You have to stay on top of it for them.”

“Fortunately, mine aren’t old enough to go dancing yet. And when they are, I’ll be in a wheelchair in a nursing home somewhere.”

“I hope not,” she said, laughing at him.

“I don’t want to be the bearer of bad tidings, but the press has been agitating about the child labor issue at the factories in Asia again.”

“I know. I got a memo about it from my office two days ago, and I told them to copy you on it. Do they know anything we don’t?” She sounded concerned. She had tried not to get upset about it on the trip, but it was an issue she always wanted to keep a close watch on. And if they were going to have to make major changes, she wanted to be prepared. The interview she had done before the trip had gone well, but the press was always unpredictable, and they both knew that the tides of public favor could turn at any time.

“I don’t think so. I just think they like stirring the pot, to see what bubbles to the surface. I don’t think there’s anything new. Those countries are always going to be a problem on human rights issues, but we have no solid proof that any of our factories are out of line.”

“I just want to be sure.”

“I know. We’re as sure as we can be. If anything changes, I’ll let you know. How long will you be in London?”

“Till tomorrow.”

“I’m going back to the city tomorrow too. I’ll see you in the office next week. Have a safe flight home.”

“Thanks, Peter. It was nice of you to call me.” She had been feeling lonely when she got to London. Getting back to real life seemed harsh now without her kids. She was even missing Joe. It had been nice to hear a familiar voice when Peter called. “I’m checking out the remodel of the London store.”

“I figured that was what you were doing. I hope your re-entry won’t be too tough.”

“Hopefully not. Enjoy the last of your vacation too.”

“Thanks.” They hung up then, and she ordered a bowl of soup from room service. She wasn’t even hungry. Nothing seemed like any fun now without her kids.

And an hour later, she was off to the London store. It tugged at her heartstrings to see the old familiar location, and she spent the afternoon looking at the remodel and meeting the new manager of the store. He was taking her to see their new warehouses outside the city the next day, and then she was catching a flight home.

When she got back to Claridge’s at eight o’clock that night, she was too tired to even order dinner. She had just turned seventy, a fact she tried to ignore and which seemed hard to believe, but she felt a hundred years old that night. All she wanted was to go back to the boat and start the trip all over again. Or better yet, rewind the film all the way back to the beginning of her life, and do it differently this time. But there was no rewinding the movie. She just had to go forward, and do the best she could. The rest of how the story turned out was up to Sophie and Alex, and their children after them. She was just a link in the chain. She and Joe had started something, and their grandchildren would finish it, or their children. And for now, all she could do was move ahead, and keep building the empire for them. She had nothing else to do.