The Saddest Song

Chapter 14

Rainey

My parents were not as okay with my trip to Big Bear as I thought they would be. They said under no circumstances would I be allowed to go without them getting to meet my friends. That didn’t seem completely unreasonable to me, so I texted Rylee and she arranged for her and Sophie to drop by on Tuesday. Mom made me text her back and invite them for dinner and they were happy to accept.

Mr. and Mrs. McKinley were even less okay with the idea of a ski weekend. It was understandable as they had lost their other son in route from a trip with a bunch of kids. Still, they couldn’t keep him home out of fear, and they both were smart enough to know that. Although we had been hanging out with friends a little older than us, we still weren’t babies ourselves. Both of us would turn 18 soon. Max in December and me in January. I told Max that he should invite the guys to dinner at his house and then we could all meet up at my house for dessert so the parents could say they had met everyone.

Sophie and Rylee charmed mom and dad within minutes. Rylee especially, came in and made them feel like she had been one of my friends forever. They loved her. Sophie was quieter, but no less sweet. It didn’t take them long to see how great they were. Everything I had told them about the girls was confirmed. I saw both mom and dad relax as dinner went by.

The guys got to the house after we had just finished clearing away the dinner dishes, and they too made a positive impression. I noticed that Colin had forsaken his usual T-shirt for a conservative button down shirt, its long sleeves covering up the tattoos he was so proud of. He winked at me and I grinned back. I stifled a giggle when my mom laid eyes on Ethan. Her mouth literally dropped open, and then she quickly composed herself. She too must have thought he was one of the cutest guys she had ever seen. Truly all of them were the nicest people, beautiful on the outside, but really kind and genuine on the inside too. I almost felt like Garrett had looked down and made sure we had them right when we needed them.

When I heard Sophie tell my mom she had plenty of snow gear if I needed to borrow anything for the trip, I was shocked to hear my mom tell her not to worry, she would dig out all my ski gear and make sure it was ready to go.

I definitely had plenty of ski wear, and so did Max. The McKinley’s went skiing at Mammoth Mountain every January. I had been included every year since ninth grade. Garrett had a passion for snowboarding, and Max and I were okay at it, but after an hour we would quit and find a cozy corner of the ski lodge to drink hot chocolate and people watch. I always loved pointing out the pretty girls to him, something I doubt I would be likely to do this time. There was that possessiveness rearing its ugly head again. Oops. I pushed that thought away as I helped mom and the girls clear the dessert dishes. Focus on the positive, I told myself. I was getting to go, and I could really use a vacation!





Max

School let our Tuesday at noon for the Thanksgiving break. Rainey and I decided to tackle the huge task we had both been avoiding all semester. We were going to fill out our college applications. Both of us were feeling a lot of ambivalence about College. Our future plans had shifted from what we always dreamed that they would be and instead of being excited for the future we were feeling confused.

At the time of the accident, my brother was being scouted by at least a dozen excellent Universities to play football. Rainey had scored a 2100 on her SAT so she was likely to get into any of the schools that he received a scholarship from. Their plan was simple, she would apply to every school that showed interest in him, and he would accept the offer from one that she was accepted to. It’s likely they would have had several good choices. Now, college was a subject that I could never get her to even talk about.

My plan was to go to a good music school back east. There was a list that I had my eye on since Jr. High. I knew now that those dreams were as dead as my brother. I could not even consider leaving my parents and going to the other side of the country. I know they would support me and be proud of me if I was selfish enough to leave them, but I wasn’t.

We stopped at a taco shop for lunch and then headed to Rainey’s house, since no one was there. Her mom always took her grandma on her errands every Tuesday. We set our laptops up on her kitchen table. I didn’t want my mom to be present while we decided where to apply. I would rather fill everything out and wait until later to share my future plans. Mom and Dad had mentioned application deadlines a couple of times in the past couple of weeks, and I told Rainey we couldn’t avoid it any longer.

“I brought that pamphlet of College ratings if you want to see it.” She tossed it towards me.

“Thanks,” I said, trying to meet her eyes, which were avoiding mine suddenly. “What’s wrong?”

She lowered her head into her hands and sighed, “You know, I don’t think I am ready to go away to school.”

“What do you mean? You had a huge list of schools that you wanted to apply to.”

Finally she looked up at me, her eyes wet. “I don’t want to go to any of those schools anymore.”

“Because of Garrett, I get it. But you have just as much right to go to them as he did. You earned it, your grades will get you in anywhere.”

“I don’t like admitting this Max, not to you or to myself, but I never wanted to go. I was just going for Garrett, so we could be together while he followed his dreams. It was only for him.”

“Well, what about your dreams, where does Rainey want to go?”

“I have no idea. Isn’t that pathetic? I don’t want to go away from home at all. But my parents will be crushed, they are so excited for me to experience College.”

“That is not pathetic at all, Rainey. I have the opposite problem. I always planned to go to the east coast. Now, all that has to change. I can’t go too far away from my mom and dad, not now.”

“Max, I’m sure they still want to see you follow your dreams.” She reached out and put her hand over mine. “Garrett would hate it if he knew you didn’t go because of him.”

“No, I hope that he would have done the same thing. Some things are just more important. Anyway, I think I will just blanket all the California schools, the UC’s and Cal States and then choose from the ones that I get into. If I’m in the same state it will be easy to come home a lot, and for mom and dad to visit whenever they want.”

“That’s a really good plan, do you mind if I copy?”

I laughed, “No, of course not. I kind of hoped we would end up in the same place.” I meant it, but was afraid she might feel like she had gone from following one twin to the other.

“I will do that too, then we will have some choices. I always thought Santa Barbara would be fun, but they didn’t have a football team.”

“Yeah, I love it up there. We don’t have to make any big decisions now. If we finish them today then we can put them out of our heads until the acceptances come in and that’s not until March.”

We worked all afternoon on our essays and filling out the application questions. When we finished I felt so much lighter. At least I had made a step toward my future. A step and now I could put it out of my mind for four months. That felt like a lifetime from now.