The Back Road

26

Day Five : Tuesday

After the police had left the previous evening, the atmosphere had been very strained. Leo didn’t understand it. There was clearly something that Ellie had wanted to say to Max, but for some reason she’d held back, throwing hurt glances at him every time he looked away from her. Max himself seemed confused and uncomfortable, and Leo had never seen them like this. They occasionally argued, but never had she witnessed this obvious holding back of emotion.

Max had told them that the police had only wanted to check his route home from the end of term party on Friday night, and confirm the details of who was driving. That was as much information as he’d offered, and a bemused Leo had realised that Ellie wasn’t going to ask anymore. At least, not in front of her.

The mood at breakfast hadn’t improved either. Ellie could hardly bring herself to look at Max, and he wasn’t much better. He looked as if the sword of Damocles was hanging over his head, and yet nobody was even attempting to discuss what the problem was. Leo knew better than to interfere, and she tried to keep the twins amused while the brooding silence between Ellie and Max became ever more strained.

Finally, Max pushed himself up from the table without his usual energy. When he spoke, Leo could hear the tension and uncertainty in his voice.

‘Ellie, I think you said you’re working again today, so I wondered about taking the kids to that new heated outdoor pool. You know, we talked about it the other week. They can have a splash about, and then do a bit of proper swimming. Is that okay with you?’

Ellie pulled what could only be interpreted as a ‘do whatever you like’ sort of face.

‘Fine. I’m actually only working this afternoon - as you’d know if you’d been listening. But that’s okay. I’ve got plenty to do round here. You go and have fun. I’ll get on with some housework, and then go to work.’

Leo looked down at her toast and picked up her knife to spread some jam on it. She didn’t like jam much, but felt she needed to be doing something.

‘I don’t mind staying and helping with the housework first, you know. We could go this afternoon? Would that be better? Or come with us this morning - the housework can wait.’

Leo could see that Max was trying, but he wasn’t getting anywhere.

‘Just go, Max. I’ll have gone to work by the time you get back, but I’ll be home about eight. Perhaps we can order a takeaway or something, if that’s okay with you, Leo?’

Leo glanced up and gave a brief nod. She knew she should probably offer to cook, but she also knew that nobody would thank her for it in the end.

Max looked confused, as if he were about to say something and then thought better of it. He blew out a big puff of air through pursed lips, then turned away.

‘Right, you two horrors. Swimming stuff and towels - last one ready and standing by the front door gets no ice-cream.’

They set off at a run, Leo knowing full well that Max would fake some fall on the stairs or do some idiotic somersault as if he had tripped - just to make sure he was the last one to the door. And the twins knew it too, but it didn’t make it any less fun.

As the kitchen door closed behind them, Leo risked a word.

‘Coffee?’ she asked gingerly.

Ellie didn’t respond for a second, as if she hadn’t heard the question. She was staring at the opposite wall, but Leo thought she detected a hint of a nod, so got up from the table. She had now mastered the finer points of this machine, and thought a cappuccino might revive Ellie’s flagging spirits. She didn’t attempt to break the silence until they heard lots of banging and crashing followed by three voices shouting ‘bye’ from the hall and the door slamming closed.

Leo put the coffee down in front of Ellie.

‘Talk,’ she said, taking a seat opposite her sister.

Ellie was staring into space, and for a moment she focused on Leo as if she didn’t know what her sister was talking about.

‘Less of the puzzled look. Talk to me, Ellie. What the bloody hell’s got into you? You’re behaving like a witch, and Max actually looks frightened.’

‘As well he might,’ Ellie responded, picking up her coffee and hissing as the hot drink scalded her mouth.

Leo said nothing, as usual trying the silence trick first. She was fairly sure that Ellie would step right into the trap.

‘He was with her - the night of the party. Max was with Alannah. She was driving.’

Ah, thought Leo. So that’s what this was about.

‘Isn’t she the one they were talking about at dinner the other night? The girls’ PE teacher? He works with her. He sees her every day. So what if she was driving the car? And anyway, how do you know?’

‘I know, because I’m not thick - although it appears that everybody thinks I am. Max couldn’t drive that night, he was totally pissed. He said they’d drawn straws and that ‘a mate’ was driving him home. He never said that the ‘mate’ in question was Alannah.’

Leo frowned.

‘Did he need to? Did it matter whether Alannah was driving, as opposed to some other person he works with?’

Ellie looked up from where she was stirring her coffee.

‘Of course it matters. If there was nothing to it, he would have told me she was the one giving him a lift home. But he didn’t. He let me believe it was one of the guys from school. Then Alannah’s car was picked up on CCTV in the village, and Max had to corroborate her story - that they’d never been near the back road. That’s why the police came round.’

‘Did he actually lie to you about Alannah being the driver?’ Leo asked, not unreasonably in her opinion.

‘He evaded the truth, which is as bad. You have no idea how hard it was to get him to admit to me - finally - that it was her car.’

‘What made you suspect it in the first place?’

‘I thought about it on Saturday night at the dinner. Pat mentioned that Alannah was driving that night. And then you told me the villagers were gossiping about a PE teacher being invited into the police station - presumably because their car was seen in the village. It was enough to make me ask the question - but it was like getting blood out of a stone! You can be one hundred per cent sure Max had no intention of telling me. I had to force it out of him last night after you’d gone to bed.’

Ellie slammed her teaspoon down on the table.

‘And if it hadn’t been for the accident, I probably would never have found out. That’s what he was banking on. You can bet your life on that.’

Leo calmly stirred the frothy milk into her coffee and spoke in a measured tone.

‘Well I’m not surprised that he didn’t want to tell you if this is your reaction. What are you so agitated about? From what I gathered of Max the next day, he could have been brought back by Angelina Jolie in the nude and it wouldn’t have had any impact on him.’

‘That wouldn’t have worked anyway, because he thinks she’s too skinny,’ Ellie said petulantly.

Leo laughed.

‘It’s okay you laughing. You’re not the one whose marriage is falling apart.’ Ellie put her head down and started to cry. Leo was shocked.

‘Oh God, Ellie. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I wouldn’t have joked if I’d known it was so serious.’

Leo leaned across and patted Ellie on her arm a couple of times. She wished she could offer more, but at least she was here.

‘Why do you think it’s falling apart, Ellie? Just because he came home with this Alannah woman one night?’

Ellie grabbed a napkin to wipe her eyes and nose.

‘I’m not quite that pathetic. It’s much worse than that.’

‘So tell me. Tell me what you know and what you suspect, and let’s try and sort this out. I can’t believe you’re right, though.’

Leo’s natural distrust of men didn’t quite extend to Max. She might ultimately be persuaded that he was as bad as all the rest, but she would need some pretty strong evidence.

Ellie stood up and shoved her chair back so hard it fell over.

‘A great place to start then, if you automatically think that he’s so bloody perfect that it can’t be true. But this is just the last in a line of things that have happened. And he lied to me. I thought Max would never lie to me. That was weeks ago, so this is nothing new, Leo. And as for Friday night, I know there were two other guys in the car that left the rugby club - two other people that Alannah was giving a lift to. He told me about them. But I know where they live, and I know where bloody skinny-arsed Alannah lives.’ Ellie bent down and picked up the fallen chair, banging its feet hard on the tiled floor. She turned to Leo and placed her hands on her hips, leaning forward at the waist like a fishwife. ‘For Max to be the last one in the car that drove through the village - which it seems was the case - Alannah would have had to drive about three times farther than necessary. Max should have been the first one to be dropped off - not the last. But he wasn’t. She took the other guys home first, and then came all the way back here with Max. They obviously had to have some time together after they’d got the other two safely home. It makes no sense in terms of a route - it only makes sense if they wanted to be alone.’

Leo didn’t know what to say to this. It did sound strange, but surely there could be a reasonable explanation if Ellie would only ask Max.

Ellie had clearly had enough. She walked over to the door and stopped. She turned dramatically towards Leo, with one hand on the doorknob, the other raised high, jabbing her index finger towards Leo.

‘You believe what you like, but that’s not the only evidence I’ve got. Max was overheard talking to her - his mistress - in the pub. They were talking about some kind of plan that he couldn’t tell me about. At least, not until it was too late for me to stop it from happening. But I don’t know what, Leo. I don’t know what I would want to stop happening - I can only guess. So how would you feel, Leo? Perhaps I should take a leaf out of your book and accept that it’s a mistake to ever trust a man.’

The door slammed hard behind her.

* * *

Leo decided to keep out of Ellie’s way for the rest of the morning. There was no point trying to persuade her sister that she had misunderstood everything when she was in this mood, and she would have to bide her time. But she wondered if Max was aware of the depth of Ellie’s suspicions. The trouble was, suspicion was endemic in this village at the moment, with Abbie’s accident sitting right at the heart of it. If only the driver of that car could be identified, the rest of the confusion might unravel.

She sat on the bed, leaning back against her outstretched arms. She might be completely helpless when it came to solving a hit and run accident, but maybe there was something she could do to reduce the tension in this house.

Her natural instinct was to ask Max what this business with Alannah was all about, but Ellie would be furious if she interfered. Ellie and Max had always been so perfectly in tune with each other, and to see them like this was distressing enough for Leo, so goodness knows how it felt for her sister, who was as taut as a violin string – one extra turn of the peg and she would snap. Max wasn’t much better. He was trying to hide it, but his subtle sarcasm on Saturday morning and his obvious discomfort after the police visit the day before were both completely out of character for the normally relaxed and cheerful Max.

Maybe her thoughts about the malignancy of this house hadn’t been as whimsical as they’d seemed. Max hadn’t wanted to move here. Of that Leo was certain. He’d gone along with it for Ellie’s sake, which all came down to this ridiculous fixation of hers. Perhaps that was part of the problem, and if Leo could persuade Ellie that any reunion with their father was a pipe dream it would be one less thing for her to worry about, because Leo was confident that even if he came waltzing through the front door tomorrow, their father would be guaranteed to disappoint.

Fundamentally, Ellie’s problem was that she didn’t know what had happened to him. Had he actually walked away from them and forgotten about their existence? Did he not even care enough to say goodbye? Or was he taken ill? Ellie couldn’t bring herself to believe that her dad could just march out of her life without a backward glance. Leo, on the other hand, found it entirely credible.

And what of The Old Witch? What had she known about it? Something. Of that, Leo was sure.

She tried to drag memories of him from where they were stashed deep inside her subconscious, but practically nothing would come. He had been a shadowy figure in her life who had not only lied continually to her trusting mother, but who had practically ignored Leo once she had come to live here.

It was different for Ellie, though. She had only seen one aspect of him - the person who was married to her dreadful mother - and she had loved him. He may have been indifferent, but he wasn’t unkind to Ellie. Leo, on the other hand, had gone from being the much loved child of her mother to a young girl who was either hated or ignored by the people who were bringing her up.

Leo lay back on the bed and put her hands behind her head, trying to get a picture of the man. She decided to focus on her mother and some of her memories of their time together, in the hope that he would miraculously appear in the scene.

She was in their sitting room - a small room with a dark red two seater sofa and an armchair. They hadn’t had much money - and now she knew why. It was all coming here, of course - to Willow Farm and her father’s other family. From their sitting room, a door led off into the kitchen, and she could hear her mother singing. She was always singing. Today it was ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’. Who was it by? Rick Astley - that was it. Leo was trying to dance to it, and her mum came in and grabbed her hands so they could both dance together. Her mum was wearing jeans, and an Indian smock top - all bright colours and beads, with her long, almost black hair tied back in a pony tail. She was so young.

Then the door opened, and he was there - laughing at them both. She could see him now, and could appreciate how handsome he’d been. He had a sort of Caesar style of haircut - very short. But he had a full head of dark brown hair and vivid blue eyes. He was quite tall too - or perhaps he had just seemed it to her. She was probably only about eight at the time.

The image faded, and Leo realised that her face was wet with fat teardrops. Pathetic. She sat up and brushed the tears away. Maybe she should focus on the years between then and when she left home. That would really give her something to cry about.

She grabbed her laptop and pulled it towards her. What did she know about him? She’d kept a note of every bit of information - which wasn’t much. She opened the file, and started to read.

Full Name : Edward William Harris

Date of Birth : 02/12/1943

Place of Birth : Stoke on Trent, England

Events :

1976 - Married Denise Swindon (4th March)

1978 - Daughter Eleanor born (29th September)

1980 - Married (bigamous) Sandra Collier (8th June)

1980 - Daughter Leonora Sandra (24th October)

1979 − 1995 - Director, Goodman Pottery Limited, Stoke on Trent

Last known address - Willow Farm, Little Melham, Cheshire.

Last seen - July 1995?

Conversation overheard (memory!!!) : womaniser, been rejected, ‘she’s gone now’, get out. Overheard some time in summer of the year he went missing.

2002 - Denise Harris (née Swindon) tells daughter Ellie that she had her husband declared dead after he had been missing for seven years.

It wasn’t much.

The crucial fact was that Ellie’s mother said she’d had him declared dead. She told Ellie that she made the declaration in 2002. Armed with these meagre facts, Leo had scoured the records for the year in question. She had searched one year either side too - just to be sure. But there was no death certificate for Edward William Harris within that period. Did that mean The Old Witch had been lying? It would come as no surprise to Leo, but it didn’t help either. Her father had disappeared without a trace.

The money had come from somewhere, though. He must either have given Ellie’s mother everything when he left, or she had acquired the lot after his death. Leo was no closer to understanding it all.

For a long time, she and Ellie had assumed their father had gone away on one of his usual trips. They often didn’t see him for days or even weeks at a time and Leo had paid scant attention, wearing her indifference like armour. She couldn’t remember exactly when they had realised that this time he wasn’t ever going to come back, but it was December when her father’s name was mentioned for the last time. He had already been gone for months, and Ellie had asked her mother if he was going to be back for Christmas.

‘I doubt it.’

That was all she had said. Not a word of comfort to a sobbing Ellie. But looking back on that day, Leo couldn’t help getting the impression that The Old Witch actually knew he wouldn’t be back. She must have known something. Ellie was forbidden to ask about him again, but she had never let it go. It was as if Ellie would never be whole until the secrets of the past were exposed.

Leo knew that this was getting her nowhere. She didn’t have any answers. She needed a distraction, so she opened a new window on her computer screen, and started to type.

A Single Step : the blog of Leo Harris

Living in the present

How easy it is to blame the present on the past, and allow history to shape the future. How many of us justify our current behaviour by reference to events long gone?

Is this true within your relationship? Are you allowing past mistakes to dictate your destiny?

If pain has been inflicted by a loved one, you may search for reasons and explanations that simply can’t be found. You pick away at the scar that is trying to heal, and cause the blood to flow again. You seek reassurances that you may never truly believe. The scar becomes ragged and ugly to all who can see it, and you become the walking wounded, waiting to be hurt again.

Accept that your history has changed you. Rejoice in your survival. Let the wounds heal to form a stronger, more resilient you, and remember that forgiveness is not something we do for other people - we do it for ourselves. So forgive yourself for being a victim.

Look positively to the here and now. Put the past behind you and think of it as somewhere you once visited, and possibly didn’t like very much.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” Buddha