The Back Road

31

The hospital canteen was busy, but fortunately there was nobody there that Ellie knew well, so she was able to grab a corner table and sit by herself to have her break. The progress that day with Abbie had pushed all other thoughts to the back of her mind until now. She was so pleased that the girl was showing signs of recovery and the doctor was talking about taking her off the ventilator the next day, if all went well.

The story of how Abbie had been abducted was infinitely more disturbing, though. The village had always seemed such a safe place to live. Apart from what had happened to Fiona, of course - but that was different. Ellie had lived in Little Melham all her life, and knew practically everybody. Suspicion would be rife everywhere, and she could only imagine the havoc it was wreaking in some households as doubt was cast on the integrity of friends and neighbours.

So had this person abducted Abbie and then knocked her over? Perhaps they thought that an accident might hide the abduction. She had no idea, but she hoped and prayed that this wasn’t anybody she knew.

She wanted, more than anything, to be able to talk to Max about it. He knew kids of that age so much better than she did, and he might understand how it could all have happened. But she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to Max at all. The thick, heavy sensation of sorrow settled at the back of her throat again.

Max. She had never wanted anybody else. Even when he was away at university, she had waited patiently until he was ready to make a commitment. Max had thought that it would be better if they were free to see other people, but even though she’d tried, nobody had lived up to him. As a student nurse she’d had a great social life, but it was common knowledge that she was only interested in Max Saunders. And he had been worth the wait. At least, until now.

Ellie couldn’t help feeling that she had already been abandoned by one man she’d loved and she couldn’t bear to be abandoned by a second. Much as she held out hope that her father’s disappearance was a foolish mistake that he’d regretted ever since, or that her mother had driven him away, the pain of realising all those years ago that he wasn’t coming back had been so acute, she was certain she couldn’t cope with that again. And this would be so much worse.

If she confronted Max, what would that gain? If he denied it, would she believe him? If it really wasn’t true, it would expose a weakness – a lack of trust – that might forever drive a wedge between them. And if it was true, she would give him the very opening he needed to say he was leaving.

No. She was going to fight, and her best weapon was silence.

The problem with Max was that subterfuge was never his thing. She always knew exactly what he was going to buy her for every birthday and Christmas. He seemed to think that if people couldn’t see him, they couldn’t hear him either, and he always overlooked the fact that they both used the same computer, so browser history was often an unintentional giveaway. She couldn’t help a small smile when she thought of some of the ‘secrets’ that he had failed to keep. The smile faded though, as the thought occurred to her that perhaps she would have preferred it if he had been able to keep a secret this time.

If it hadn’t been for that bloody Mimi, she would never have suspected anything. She’d even had a go on Saturday night, for God’s sake. It was as if she hated to see them happy, and wanted to disturb the balance of their lives.

She couldn’t ignore the fact that Max had been withdrawn lately. Not all the time; he could still clown around and be his usual silly self, but she sometimes glanced at his face and saw him gazing into the distance, as if he were present in body but not in mind.

Her thoughts drifted to the last few weeks, and the distance between them in bed. He often pretended to be asleep when she got into bed now, and that was so unlike him. And one night, after she had persisted, they had made love - but Max had eventually stopped.

‘It’s not working, Ellie. I’m sorry,’ he’d said. ‘I guess I must have drunk too much wine with dinner.’

She’d cuddled him, and told him it didn’t matter. But they both knew that he hadn’t drunk very much, and they both knew it was nothing to do with alcohol. He hadn’t wanted to talk about it, so she had tried to be extra affectionate. But it had been like cuddling a plank of wood. Perhaps the problem was her. Maybe he didn’t find her attractive anymore.

Ultimately though, it was when Mimi told her about the conversation she’d overheard in the pub between Max and Alannah that the damage was really done. It was exactly as she had told Leo that morning.

‘You’d be surprised what barmaids hear, you know. People treat us as if we’re invisible most of the time, until they want a bloody drink, that is. But you’d better be careful,’ Mimi had said. ‘I don’t know what Max and that PE teacher were whispering about, but I did hear Max say, “I can’t tell Ellie. We need to wait until everything is in place - when it’s too late for her to stop it”. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I thought I should tell you.’

Ellie had tried to make a joke of it, saying Max was probably getting Alannah to help him with a housewarming present or something. And she might have believed it herself, if it hadn’t been for the following day.

It was the day before they were due to move in, just a few short weeks ago. Max had promised to meet her at the house at lunchtime, but he had cried off at the last minute with an excuse. An excuse that wasn’t true. He’d lied to her, and she’d found him out. All of which meant that maybe Mimi was right. There was something going on.

The agony of realising that Max had found somebody else had been so acute, she would have done anything to dull the pain. She had lain down on the floor in the empty sitting room and curled into the tightest ball she could manage in a vain attempt to ease the aching inside.

And then… Ellie didn’t want to think about what had happened next. Her distress was so profound that she had made a terrible mistake; one that she regretted more than she could say. But she wasn’t being allowed to forget it.

The vibration of her phone in her handbag brought her back to the present. The ring of the phone or a buzz of a text had always been a good moment; maybe it would be Max or Leo phoning for a chat, or a friend with an invitation to dinner. But now, every time her phone made a sound she was filled with dread. Each time she walked to her car she was scared of who she might find there, and even opening the front door was torture.

She’d not had time to think of the awful text she had received yesterday and what it could mean. But she was fairly certain it was him. Nobody else knew what had happened between them, or that they had met on Friday night. So it was just a trick to make everything seem even more unstable than it already did - if that were possible.

Ellie ignored her phone and put her head down on folded arms. She wanted to cry, but no tears would come. All she could do was think of the utter hopelessness of it all.