The Back Road

23

For the first time that she could ever remember, Ellie hadn’t wanted to come to work today, even though it was only to do half a shift. She’d run the usual tests on Abbie soon after she had arrived and those had kept her busy for a while, and she had sent Abbie’s mum, Kath, to get herself a cup of coffee and something to eat. The poor woman looked shattered. Ellie sat down on the chair by Abbie’s bed, and for a moment allowed her mind to be bombarded by her own doubts and problems. She was praying that the answer would appear in a flash of clarity, but the trouble was, there was no magic solution.

Her doubts about Max were tearing her apart. Just the thought of not being with him was too painful to imagine. And if he found out what she’d done, she would lose him. At any moment, this could all blow up and put an end to everything that mattered. Somebody was bound to have seen either her car or his on Friday night, and when the police came knocking she was convinced that he wouldn’t keep her out of it. Why should he?

And then there was the phone call. Why would somebody call the house and withhold their number? What was Max hiding?

‘Stop fooling yourself,’ she muttered out loud. Because hard as it was to admit, she knew exactly what he was hiding.

Leo would say. ‘Ask him. Just bloody ask him.’ But that would open a door that she wanted to keep firmly shut. As long as Max believed Ellie didn’t know about his affair, he would have to find the words to tell her - and she didn’t think he’d be able to do it. So he would stay with her. With them. Everybody knew that choosing the right moment to tell your partner that you’re leaving is the hard bit. How many marriages had stayed together because nobody had had the guts to admit the truth? And over time, the danger dimmed slowly to become no more than a distant echo. At least, that’s what she hoped.

So she couldn’t ask Max. He might say ‘Oh, thank God you know. I’m so sorry Ellie, but at least it’s not a secret anymore, and we can all move forward.’ She had imagined that conversation so many times in the last few weeks.

On top of all this, she wished she had never mentioned that somebody had been in their house. It was obvious who it was, and it was equally obvious not only why, but how.

The bastard.

If she was correct, that meant he could get in at any time, even when she was alone, or when they were sleeping. Ellie shuddered. It was one thing trying to manage this horrendous situation by phone and text, but if she found herself alone in the house with him, she didn’t like to think about what might happen. Perhaps a masked intruder would be better. She couldn’t tell Max what she suspected. He wouldn’t believe her, and she could never explain.

Ellie was staring vacantly at Abbie as the turbulent thoughts churned round and round her mind. A flicker of movement caught her eye, and she focused on Abbie’s young face. Nothing. But she was sure she’d seen something. Maybe it was the shadow of a cloud moving over the sun, or a flickering light on the other side of the unit. She looked at the smooth clear skin on the girl’s face, the side that hadn’t come into contact with the gritty road. She reached out and stroked its peachy surface with the back of her fingers, hoping and praying that she had been right; that there had been some flicker of movement. Suddenly she felt that all her problems were trivial. Imagine if this was your child, she thought. That’s what devastation is - not worrying about secret phone calls and foolish mistakes.

Somebody in the village knew what had happened to this child. Why was she out so late, and on her own? Why was she in the middle of nowhere? And who in their right mind could have just left her there, bruised, battered and practically dead?

Ellie tenderly stroked the girl’s hair back from her face. She remembered Kath trying to sing to Abbie on Saturday, but she was so choked she’d had to give up. Ellie had asked her what the song was, and Kath had told her that Abbie had always loved Adele and her dad sometimes played Someone Like You on the piano for her to sing to. So now Ellie hummed it quietly. She didn’t remember the words, but hoped that didn’t matter.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Ellie felt a flicker of hope. She’d seen it again, and this time she was certain.

‘Sam,’ she said, turning to the doctor who had just arrived at Abbie’s bed. ‘It might be nothing, but I think there was a small response from Abbie when I was with her a minute ago. Nothing much, but her eyelids fluttered. Only a second, and I know it could have been anything, but I thought I should mention it.’

Sam looked up from the chart he was reading.

‘Great news, Ellie. The swelling on her brain has come down, and with the reduced sedatives let’s hope we start to see a bit more of a reaction. What was her GCS?’

Ellie pulled a face.

‘No change, I’m afraid. But I’ll check again in another hour and let you know.’

‘Okay. I suggest you don’t mention the fluttering eyes to the mother, though. It’s a bit early to get her hopes up.’

Ellie nodded. She had to get better. She didn’t think she could bear it if this child died.

Sadly, there were no further signs of improvement, and although Ellie tried to talk to Kath Campbell, the poor woman was still barely able to speak without crying. All Ellie got out of her was ‘it’s all our fault’ and ‘how could we have been so stupid.’ She had tried to understand why Abbie’s parents were blaming themselves but when asked, Kath just shook her head and cried some more.

So it was with a heavy heart that Ellie made her way from the hospital to her car.

‘You okay, Ellie?’

Ellie glanced behind her as Maria, one of the young nurses new to the ICU caught up with her.

‘Not really,’ she responded. ‘Abbie looks such a sweet kid, and I thought there were signs of improvement, but I guess I was wrong.’ Ellie gave a despondent shrug.

‘Well, there’s something to cheer you up then.’ Maria nodded her head towards the car park, and Ellie followed her gaze. A tight knot of panic formed in her throat, but Maria didn’t notice her reaction.

‘He’s a bit tasty, isn’t he? I love the sexy hat. Is he waiting for you?’ Maria’s eyes were open wide as she looked at the figure leaning against Ellie’s car, dressed in dark jeans and a navy-blue T-shirt, sporting a leather bush hat.

Ellie forced her voice into indifference.

‘He’s a friend of Max’s. I’ve no idea what he’s doing here, but I guess I’m about to find out. See you tomorrow, Maria.’

Ellie walked towards the car, but could feel that Maria’s eyes were on her. She tried to be as nonchalant as possible, her smiling face belying her first words.

‘What are you doing here? Are you completely mad?’ she hissed.

‘I wanted to see you. You refuse to come to me, so I’ve come to you. Let’s get in the car, shall we?’

‘No!’ Ellie realised that she had raised her voice, and Maria was still watching. She was out of earshot, but Ellie had to keep her face calm and her voice down.

‘No,’ she repeated. ‘We are not getting in the car. What do you want?’

He smiled.

‘Ellie, darling, if you don’t get in the car with me, your friend over there is going to wonder if there’s a problem. She might come over and ask. Do you want her to wonder?’

Knowing he was right, and hating him even more for it, she clicked the remote. He held his hand out.

‘Keys, please. Don’t look at me like that. If you get in the car first, you’ll drive off while I’m walking round to the passenger door. Give me the keys, darling.’

Ellie wanted to look around her, to see if anybody was watching. Don’t call me darling was the thought echoing round her head. But if she opened her mouth, she would scream.

He opened the driver’s door for her, as if he were being polite, and sauntered round to the passenger side. As he sat down, he handed her the keys.

‘I suggest you drive somewhere, Ellie. Otherwise you are drawing attention to yourself, and you keep telling me that it’s not what you want.’

‘Please, can we stop this? I’ve told you so many times that what happened was a foolish mistake. I love Max. I’m sorry if I hurt you, but that was never my intention.’

He shook his head.

‘It was no mistake, darling. You wanted me. I could tell. Every inch of you was craving for me, as I was craving for you. We just need to decide what we’re going to do about it. Take me for a drive, Ellie. Let’s talk sensibly.’

With shaking hands, Ellie put the keys into the ignition and turned the engine on.

‘We can drive, but I’m not going to stop the car. We can drive round and talk - but only talk. Do you understand?’

‘We’ll see,’ he responded with a smile.

Ellie knew that he didn’t believe her. He thought she was just scared of the upset it would cause if she left Max for him, and she had failed abysmally to persuade him otherwise. The last time she had agreed to meet him - the night of the fateful accident - she had begged, pleaded, shouted, cried. In the end, he had pulled her into his arms and tried to soothe her. For a moment, it had felt good. She was too weak with emotion to resist, and it felt as if he were comforting her. Until he kissed her. She had come back to earth with a crash and screamed at him to get out of her car. She never wanted to see him again. She had thought she’d convinced him - but she was wrong.

Now she drove without speaking. She needed to get away from the hospital; away from where anybody who knew her might see her. But which was worse? If she went down some of the lanes and found a lay-by and they were seen there, that would be far worse than being seen in a public place - something that she could explain away if she had to.

Ellie swung left into the supermarket car park, and drove to the most crowded area, pulling in beside a white van and a car she didn’t recognise. At least they would be shielded from view from one side.

‘What have you stopped here for? I need to be able to touch you, Ellie. I want to hold you. Remember what I said about your skin? I want to taste it again.’

He moved his hand across the car, and started to stroke her thigh. She closed her eyes to disguise her repugnance at his touch, but he immediately misread her signals.

‘I know you want me to touch you. I want to take you somewhere and slowly remove your clothes, piece by piece. I want to feel your silky soft skin next to mine, and I want to take hours just loving you. I’ll be so gentle with you, Ellie. I want your legs wrapped around me, holding me inside you. We need to do this, darling.’

This was all her fault. He had made it plain how he felt about her, and if she hadn’t been feeling so vulnerable and unloved that day, certain that Max was betraying her, she would never have let it happen. She’d stopped just in time. But of course now he wanted to finish what they had started.

How could she make him go away? Leave her alone? She had to think very carefully about what to say. She turned to look at him, trying to ignore the gleam of desire in his eyes.

‘I’m sorry. I really am terribly sorry. I know this is all my fault. But that day… It was a mistake. A stupid, cruel mistake. I thought Max was having an affair, and I was overwhelmed with hurt. Don’t look at me like that - I know that I’m probably right about Max, but even so it doesn’t excuse my behaviour. He’d lied to me. He said he was with Pat, but he wasn’t. I knew he was with her. I was so vulnerable, and you made me feel attractive and exciting. For one wild moment I thought that if I could be unfaithful too, it would make it easier to forgive Max. It was such a ridiculous idea.’

‘It wasn’t ridiculous at all,’ he said, gently kneading her thigh. She wanted him to stop, but there was a wildness to his eyes, and she was no longer sure of his reactions. ‘Men only lie about where they are if they’re somewhere they’re not supposed to be. It’s all true, Ellie. I’ve seen them together in the pub. In theory, they’re with all the other teachers from the school, but in reality they’re always together - talking quietly to each other. Excluding everybody else. I don’t want to hurt you, but you need to believe me.’

‘Even so, two wrongs don’t make a right. I used you, and I am ashamed of that. All I can do is say that I’m sorry. But this business of following me has to stop. And no more roses. Please. I know you don’t mean to, but you’re scaring me.’

He reached out, as if he was going to touch her face. Ellie instinctively jerked her head away, and he dropped his hand back to her thigh. It made her shudder, but she couldn’t push him too far.

‘But the roses are symbolic for us, aren’t they. Don’t you remember?

How could she forget? Why did she ever tell him that her favourite yellow roses were being planted that day? He seemed to believe there was some romantic link between the roses and what had happened between them. It was all in his mind.

‘There’s nothing to remember. Two events, not in any way connected.’

As she spoke, Ellie could see him shaking his head slowly from side to side.

‘You’re lying to yourself, darling. Look, Max is having an affair. He’s probably going to leave you. How much evidence do you need? You know he’s been lying to you. So why wait for him? Why not be the one to take control, and tell him that you’ve found somebody that loves you and wants you, and will never let you down. We belong together, Ellie. Whatever the obstacles.’

Ellie closed her eyes. She didn’t want to cry, but she was lost.

‘I can’t do this. Please, leave me alone. Look - I’ve just left the hospital where there is a young girl, knocked down and left for dead, who may never recover from her injuries. That’s a tragedy. Whatever happened to her, she didn’t deserve this. We are adults. We have choices, and we should make those that cause the least hurt. And I need you to go.’

She looked at him, and the desire in his eyes had been replaced by something else. Something that scared her more. It was determination.

‘It isn’t over, darling. This time, I’ll go. I can walk back to my car. But I’ll be watching, Ellie. Don’t get too close to Max or I won’t like it. You’re mine now.’

She didn’t look at him, but she heard him leave. The car door slammed, and he was gone. Ellie sat still for a second. Then her mouth filled with saliva, and she started to shiver.

Oh shit - not here.

But she couldn’t stop it. She flung the car door open and leaned down into the gap between her car and the white van as the meagre contents of her stomach deposited themselves on the tarmac.