The Year I Almost Drowned

Chapter 20

I finally felt comfortable running the diner–not exactly confident, but comfortable enough that I felt like I knew what I was doing–most of the time. Things were starting to click–to make sense, and I was making fewer mistakes and more prudent decisions. Nana hadn’t had any offers except from Mike Wyatt. No one seemed to be interested in buying the diner, and that was fine by me. The problem was summer was zipping by in a flash, too fast, which meant that I would be starting classes at Harrison within a month. This made me wonder what would happen to the diner. How many months would it sit closed until there was a buyer? Was I just doing this to prove something to myself, to my grandfather, to everyone else, to show them that I was capable?

It was more than that. It was more than just dealing with the grief, than just proving a point. It made me feel whole, like I had a purpose. For the first time in my life, I was passionate about something which was both simultaneously exciting and utterly frightening.

“I better start baking for tomorrow night. I’m sure Sidney will want to help,” Nana said.

“Probably. I do, too. I haven’t helped you bake a pie in a long time.” I wanted the house to smell like it used to–warm and welcoming, like life was in it.

“This will be the first dance I’ve gone to without your grandfather. He always met me there for a few dances. He never stayed long; just long enough to make an appearance and dance a few of the slow dances with me. I’m gonna miss our dances tonight, honey.” She looked at me with a sad expression and then touched my arm. “Get Sidney down here and let’s make ourselves some pies.”

***

The three of us baked for hours that night. Sidney made a peach pie; Nana a cherry pie; I made chocolate peanut butter pie–my grandfather’s favorite. It was fun, the three of us baking together, and seeing my Nana like her old self made me feel better. I knew that being at the dance was going to be difficult for her, but she never backed out of her commitments.

Sidney found a date for the dance. His name was Tony, and he was a friend of Matt’s. She wasn’t thrilled about being his date and decided to settle for him because “he would do” for the night. I think she agreed to go with him because she was desperate to have a date for the dance even if that meant going with someone she wasn’t even interested in. That was one of the major differences between Sidney and me. Going on a date with someone that I didn’t even like sounded like a waste of time.

Tony arrived before Everett did. He was too early, which irked Sidney. “Geez, talk about desperate,” she muttered under her breath. “I told him seven o’clock. It’s frickin’ six thirty-five.”

“Maybe he can’t tell time,” Nana teased. The two of them had gotten close, and their relationship was nothing but sarcastic banter on a regular basis.

Sidney made an annoyed face. “Obviously he can’t,” she said and then put on the most fake smile I’d ever seen. “Hi Tony. You look nice,” she said.

I don’t know how she did it, but Sidney was a master. “You look great,” he said. His face was red; he appeared nervous and was sweating slightly.

“Thanks. Let’s go.”

“Nice to meet y’all,” he said to Nana and me before Sidney literally dragged him out the front door.

“Poor thing doesn’t stand a chance,” Nana said when they left.

“He’s already smitten. Sidney has that effect on men.”

Nana looked at me and then at what I was wearing. “You look pretty,” she said.

I felt pretty. My hair was slightly curled; my make up simple.

“Thanks,” I said, pulling on the straps to the light green sundress I had borrowed from Meg.

“Those are cute shoes,” she said, staring down at my floral ballerina flats. “No flip flops tonight?”

I shook my head. “No, not tonight.” I learned from attending last year’s dance that wearing flip flops was a bad idea when you’re dancing.

She put on her red cardigan and picked up her purse from the coffee table. Nana was dressed in denim capris, red Keds, and a red gingham button up shirt. “Listen, I’d like to stay here and watch you become embarrassed when your date arrives, but I’ve got to get to the dance. It’s bad enough I only helped with set up for a couple of hours. They’ll come after me with pitch forks if I don’t show up soon.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Well, regardless. I’ll see you tonight.” She kissed me on the cheek and opened the door to leave.

I sat down on the couch. Then I stood up and looked out the window. Then I sat back down on the couch. I was nervous and antsy. I hadn’t really gone on a lot of dates in my life: one in high school with Trace Johnson, tons with Jesse, and then this one with Everett. There was something about him I liked, even though I didn’t know what that something was. Maybe it was because he was so nice? Really, he was a stranger to me, and I wondered if I was going out with him because he was so good looking.

After going to the bathroom for the millionth time and walking back and forth to the window and then back to the couch to sit down for a few seconds only to get up again, Everett arrived. I saw him approach the door and opened it before he could knock. I know that’s not proper date protocol; in fact, it probably made me look kind of desperate. Sidney would have berated me for appearing so anxious, but I wasn’t into following social customs. It was ridiculous to make him knock on the door when I knew he was there.

“I was just about to knock,” he said and smiled. He looked really good, like too good to be true.

“You look nice.” He was wearing a pair of dark denim jeans and a light blue polo shirt with a khaki jacket.

“I was just about to say the same to you. You look more than nice, though, you look very pretty.”

I blushed slightly. In the past year, I had learned to control how much I blushed and had finally gotten to a point where my face didn’t turn bright red as often. “Do you want to come in?” I asked. It was rude for me to just stand there in the doorway while he was stuck outside on the porch.

“Sure.” He came inside my grandparents’ house and looked around at everything. “This is a nice house. I always liked it when I drove by and was wondering what it looked like on the inside.” He continued to stare at everything, taking it all in. “Now I know.” He smiled at me.

“I can show you around if you want,” I offered.

“That’s okay. Maybe some other time?”

“Do you want a Coke or something?” I was really bad at this date stuff. Wasn’t that what I was supposed to do? Be hospitable or something to that effect?

“That’s all right. We can go if you want.”

“Sure,” I said. I grabbed my purse and followed him out the front door.

He opened my car door and as I sat there waiting for him to get to the driver’s side, I had a moment of major anxiety. Being on a date with someone other than Jesse felt strange, almost wrong. Like I was cheating even though I wasn’t. Jesse was all I had ever known. I wondered if these feelings I was having were because I missed Jesse or because Everett was someone different. My palms were sweaty; my heart was racing. I tried to calm myself down, but thinking about nothing to get your mind off of something doesn’t work.

“You okay?” he asked.

Great he noticed, I thought. “Yeah,” I lied.

He didn’t press the issue and started his truck. The loud v8 engine roared as we moved out of the gravel driveway and onto the two-lane road. Country music played in the background. It was some unfamiliar tune about a man having the blues because his woman left him for the next door neighbor. I wasn’t a country music fan and was surprised that Everett was. But really, I didn’t know much about him except that he had been a Marine and was now a police officer.

“Are you comfortable?” he asked, motioning to the air conditioning vents.

“I’m fine,” I said. Really, I was still sweating from being overly anxious. I wasn’t about to share that news with him.

“I haven’t been to a dance since high school.”

It didn’t sound like that long ago to me, then I remembered how old he was or at least how old I thought he was, and figured it could’ve been a very long time for him. I had never asked Everett about his age, but I was very curious. Meg said he was twenty-six. She was pretty bad with details, though. “Senior prom?” I asked.

“Yeah. I had to wear a tux to that one.”

“What was your theme?” Proms always have a theme. I helped come up with my school’s prom theme even though I didn’t attend. I didn’t go to a single dance in high school. Last year’s dance was the first and only one I had ever gone to in my entire life and it was unforgettable. It was one of the best night’s of my life. It was when I realized how much I liked Jesse.

“A Night of Magic,” he said and rolled his eyes. “It was pretty cheesy. I haven’t thought about prom in a long time.”

“I try to forget high school,” I said.

He laughed. “Most people do. You graduated last year, right?”

“Yeah,” I answered and then asked, “When did you graduate?”

“Eight years ago. I hope that doesn’t make you think I’m an old man,” he joked.

“No, Meg kinda hinted your age,” I answered truthfully. “Twenty-six isn’t old.”

“I’ll be twenty-six in a month.”

“Then you’re really not that much older than me,” I teased.

“I know I’m a little older than you, Finn, but you’re really mature for your age.” He looked at me seriously and then back at the view of the winding roads that were in front of us.

“I’m really not that mature.”

“I’d say running a diner at, you’re nineteen right?” he asked. “Running a diner at nineteen takes a lot of maturity.”

“I think the diner is running me,” I said, and we both laughed.

***

We arrived at Skyland barn which had once been owned by the McMurray family. Once Ted McMurray passed away, his son sold all the land and the barn, as well the old farm house, and it became a place for events like weddings, family reunions and The Rotary Club’s Annual Square Dance fundraiser.

The outside of the barn was illuminated with twinkling white lights. Even the trees were adorned in lights. Fiddles and banjos and a man with a slight twang in his voice, could be heard from the distance. The closer we came to the barn, the louder the music became. People were clapping, shouting “yee haw” and “woo hoo,” while pounding their feet onto the hard wooden floors.

White lights were wrapped around each and every weathered wooden beam. Antiqued chandeliers surrounded by greenery hung from the tall, timber-framed ceiling. Teak wooden folding chairs sat unfolded, encircling each round table. Every table had white hydrangeas in shiny glass vases as center pieces. The décor was similar to last year’s dance, only it was prettier. Off to the side, sitting against the wooden beamed walls, were rusty patio chairs. And even though they were dingy, they fit perfectly and looked right at home.

A live band filled the raised stage. The band included a fiddler, banjo player, guitar player, double bass player, and a piano player. Most of the music was instrumental with the exception of a few cackles and vague lyrics sung by the lead musician who was an older man with a long gray beard. He wore a pair of denim overalls and a plaid button-up top.

Everett placed his hand on the small of my back. We moved through the crowd, searching for a place to sit. “How’s this?” he asked, pointing to an empty table off to the side of the crowded and bustling dance floor.

“This is fine.” We sat down facing the throngs of square dancers, their bodies moving to the beat of the music.

Everett said something to me, but I couldn’t hear him over the music. I pointed to my ear. He leaned closer to me and said in my ear, his lips almost touching my earlobe, “We used to square dance in my PE class when I was in grade school.”

I nodded and then smiled. Only in Graceville would you square dance in PE and receive credit for it. I found myself tapping my feet on beat to the music. I was ready to dance. I just didn’t know if Everett was.

“Next dance: The Virginia Reel,” the announcer called.

“Do you want to dance?” Everett asked.

“Yes.” I jumped up.

We made our way onto the dance floor. I stood in the single-file line of all females; Everett was across from me, adjacent to all the other guys in a single file line. The music started, and the dance began. The couple at the front of the line started to move, advancing toward us, interweaving through both lines, as we cheered them on. The lead guy came to each and every female in line and wrapped his arm around theirs, swinging them around before moving on to the next girl. The band upped the tempo; the lead couple held hands, raising their arms up to form a make-shift bridge. All the couples joined hands and ran under their raised arms, forming two single-file lines to start the dance again, only this time with a new lead couple. And one part of that new couple included Jesse.

Jesse swung his partner around, raising her high off the ground. I didn’t recognize her; we’d never met. She was pretty and seemed to be enjoying herself. A lot. Which bothered me. I’m not a jealous person but, that’s exactly what I was–jealous.

Jesse moved through the long line of girls, twirling each round and round and then it was my turn. We stared intently into each other’s eyes as he wrapped his arm into mine and we do-si-doed. Then he was on to the next girl. Even after the new lead couple started another dance, I found myself searching for Jesse in the long line of guys.

Everett and I were finally at the front of the line. He grabbed a hold of my hand and swung me around. He’d never have Jesse’s dancing skills; he just wasn’t as graceful. I know it’s unconventional to describe a guy as being graceful, but Jesse’s dance moves were flawless. I weaved through the long line and found my way to Jesse. He held onto my hand and we do-si-doed again. Our eyes locked, and I couldn’t gauge what he was thinking or feeling. I felt like it was only the two of us out there dancing, like no one else existed. Maybe its because he was my first love, my only love, that these intense feelings struck me? All I knew was that a part of me yearned to be with him and him only on this night. I quickly moved on to the next guy and within a matter of time, the dance was over.

Everett smiled and said, “That was fun.” He was sweating.

“It was,” I agreed.

I looked all over the barn trying to find Sidney or my Nana. Nana was no where to be found; Sidney was sitting in the corner of the barn next to Tony, giggling. Tony was smiling, too. I tried to get her attention and waved at her. She wasn’t paying attention. I waved again, and she finally saw me and headed my way.

“Having fun?” I arched my eyebrows. “It sure looks like it.”

“Actually, I am,” she said with a surprised expression. “What about you?”

“Yeah. We just finished dancing,” I said, gesturing to Everett.

“How ya doing, Everett?” she asked him.

“A little thirsty,” he answered her and then asked me, “Do you want something to drink, Finn?”

“Yeah, I would. Thanks,” I answered.

Sidney’s eyes glanced in several directions. “Who’s that girl Jesse’s been dancing with?” she whispered once Everett left us alone.

“I don’t know,” I said, trying not to sound jealous.

“Do you want me to find out?” she asked. “Because I can get the goods from Tony, you know what I mean?”

“No. That’s okay.”

“Whatever.” She shrugged. “I better get back to Tony before he misses me too much. See you later.”

I searched the room again trying to find my Nana, but she wasn’t anywhere to be found. There were so many people in the barn, more than there were the previous year. The room was packed, and the temperature was constantly rising. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead and stood awkwardly alone waiting for Everett to come back with my drink.

“Hey,” Jesse said, popping up from behind me.

I jumped a little and moaned, “Jesse, you scared me.” I tried to catch my breath.

“You’re so easy to scare.” He laughed. I glared at him, but I couldn’t keep a straight face. “Where’s Everett?”

“He’s getting us drinks,” I said.

“The dance is probably wearing him out.”

“What?” I gave him a confused expression.

“You know, ‘cause he’s so old,” he joked and then smiled.

I rolled my eyes. “He’s not old, Jesse.”

“I’m just kidding,” he said. “Although, do you realize that he has voted in the last two presidential elections and you haven’t even voted in one yet?”

“You haven’t either,” I replied defensively.

“Still bad with the cut downs, huh.” He smiled.

I folded my arms and pouted. “No. I..., oh forget it!” I said gruffly.

“I remember when you’d spend hours trying to come up with the perfect quip and then it’d still kinda suck.” He laughed again and then playfully nudged me. “You were always so proud of yourself, like you had come up with the best comeback.”

I scowled at him, even though deep down I wanted to laugh because what he said was true.

“So did you guys stop for doughnuts on the way here?”

“Doughnuts?” I repeated, my expression confused.

“For crying out loud, Finn,” he said. “What do cops eat?”

I gave him a dirty look. “Not all cops, Jesse. Besides, you can tell by looking at him that he’s in shape.”

“For now. After a few years of free coffee and doughnuts, he’ll be as big as Gordy.”

Gordy was on the police force and was severely obese. It was a running joke amongst Graceville locals that Gordy was so fat he couldn’t chase a turtle. “I’m surprised you’re making fun of cops. Aren’t firefighters and cops supposed to stick together?”

“No way,” he said emphatically. “Haven’t you ever heard that real women marry firefighters, the rest marry cops?”

“That is absurd.” I wondered if it was a jab toward me. Not that I was marrying Everett, but I was on a date with a cop, so what did that make me in Jesse’s eyes? I folded my arms and pursed my lips. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.

“What?”

“So I’m not a real woman?” I snapped. I tapped my foot on the floor but not to the beat of the music.

He scratched his head and tilted it to the side, giving me a confused look. “Are you guys getting married? That was fast,” he said.

“No. But you made it sound, oh forget it!” I clenched my fists and pursed my lips. I almost stomped my foot like a toddler having a tantrum.

He stifled a laugh and then gave me a serious expression. “Still have the bad temper, too.” I glared at him. “Your face is red, Finn.”

“Why are you being this way?”

“What way? Start dating a cop and you lose your sense of humor.” He nodded confidently and then said seriously, “I’m just kidding with you, Finn.” He playfully poked me in the arm.

“I don’t think you’re funny.”

He shrugged. “I guess I can’t make everyone laugh.”

I was about to say something else, but Everett interrupted us. “Everything okay?” he asked, sensing my anger, reading my body language.

“I was just keeping your date company,” Jesse said.

Everett placed his hand on the small of my back. It felt like a territorial move, and I didn’t like that. I moved a little, giving him the subtle hint to take his hand off of me. Jesse noticed it all and raised his eyebrows at me in the process.

The upbeat tempo changed to a slow, softer tune. Couples took hold of each other’s hands and found their way onto the dance floor.

“Excuse me, I promised a special lady a dance,” Jesse said, leaving us as he approached my Nana. He placed his arm in hers and escorted her to the dance floor.

“Do you want to dance again?” Everett asked.

“Sure,” I answered, and I followed him amidst the crowds of couples dancing slowly.

He placed his hands around my waist; I wrapped my arms around his neck. We swayed back and forth to the slow melody. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Nana and Jesse moved to the music. She looked happy, her grin broad. She was laughing uncontrollably at something he had said to her. Everett and I continued to move to the music. He tried to make polite small talk, but my eyes were focused on Jesse and Nana.

The song came to an end. “I want to say hi to my Nana,” I said.

She fanned herself with her hands and laughed at something Jesse had said. “I’ve been looking all over for you,” I said to her.

“Well, hello to you, too,” she replied. “I’ve been on that dance floor most of the night. Let’s see, Cookie and I danced, then Ronald–Charlie’s old buddy, and then Jesse.” She counted on her fingers. “Lord it’s hot in here,” she said, still fanning herself.

“Would you like something to drink, Lilly?” Jesse asked.

“Sure.” She smiled. “Not that punch, though. I hate sherbert.” She crinkled her nose.

He got up off of the chair and pointed to it. “You can sit if you’d like, Finn,” he said.

“Finn, I’ll be right back. I see some old friends of mine,” Everett said to me and then said to Nana, “It’s good to see you again, Mrs. Hemmings.”

She continued to fan herself. “You, too,” she replied.

“You look like you’re having fun,” I said to her.

“Can’t say the same for you,” she said.

“I’m having fun,” I said defensively.

“Whatever you say honey. You just seem to have a sour puss face. That girl Jesse’s been dancing with isn’t his date. He came alone,” she said.

My eyes averted hers. “I wasn’t even thinking about that,” I lied.

“Sure you weren’t. Y’all are fools,” she said.

“Thanks a lot.”

“Just calling it like I see it,” she retorted.

“Here’s your drink, Lilly.” Jesse handed her a red plastic cup. She took it from him and gulped the liquid down in one long swallow.

“Lord, I was parched. You wore me out with that dance, Jesse.”

“Would you like to dance again?” he asked her.

“I think I’ll sit this one out. Why don’t you dance with Finn? She’s young. She can handle you.”

Before I had time to give her a dirty look, he looked at me waiting to see my reaction. I stood up and gave him a half-smile. He took my hand and led me to the dance floor. The tempo was slow. We stood there awkwardly at first, trying to figure out what to do with our hands. He wrapped my arms around his damp neck and then placed his hands securely around my waist. His grip was firm and sent a tingling sensation throughout my entire body– like that feeling you get when a limb falls asleep.

I couldn’t look at him. It was unnerving and too familiar. “Lilly’s having fun,” he said.

“She is.” I garnered a smile. I laid my head against his warm chest. It seemed like the thing to do even though it was intimate, too intimate. He smelled like fabric softener and the earth. Jesse always smelled like the earth–musky and sweet.

His chin rested on my head. I could feel his warm breath blowing onto my hair. “I’m glad. I was worried,” he started.

“Me, too,” I answered before he could finish. “You’re so good to her.”

“She’s family,” he said matter of fact. We continued to sway back and forth to the soft melody. “This is nice,” he murmured.

“Uh hmm.” I wanted to stay there forever. Infinitely.

He loosed his grip from my waist and gently unwrapped my arms from around his neck. “Thanks for the dance,” he said. I hadn’t heard the music stop but could tell from the couples departing from the dance floor that it must have.

And just like that, our dance was over.

***

I could hear the hum of the air conditioning and the sound of the tires swishing against the wet pavement. It was raining. Water continued to pound the windshield. I watched as the wipers moved back and forth, the rubber hitting the glass, squeaking against it.

Everett put the car in park, the engine still running, a romantic country tune played on his radio. “I had fun dancing with you tonight, Finn,” he said. He shifted his body so that we were facing each other.

“Thanks. Me, too.” I smiled at him. I did have fun with him. The only problem was, he wasn’t Jesse. He’d never be Jesse. I told myself to quit comparing, but I couldn’t help it. Jesse was all I knew about dating...and love.

“You’re a good dancer.” He stretched his arm out to touch my shoulder.

“Thanks,” I said. I couldn’t say “you, too,” because that would have been untrue.

His hand found its way to the back of my neck. The tips of his fingers grazed my neck. Even though it felt good, in the back of my mind, I knew it was wrong. “You’re really pretty, Finn,” he said.

“Thanks, you, too,” I said and then upon realizing what I had said, became embarrassed. Sometimes I could be so ridiculous.

He let out a soft chuckle. “I’ve never been called pretty, but I like it.” He continued to massage the back of my neck. A part of me wanted him to continue, the other part, the one that knew my heart belonged to someone else, knew he needed to stop.

He leaned forward and placed his lips on mine. Even though he was handsome, nice and had all the qualities in a guy that most girls would love (and he could kiss really well), I didn’t feel anything. Not one thing. No chemical reaction. No goosebumps. No butterflies in my stomach. Nothing. Not like I did when I kissed Jesse.

He must have sensed my feelings, the one-sided chemistry. Was there something wrong with me? Most girls would welcome his soft lips on theirs. But not me; my heart belonged to someone else. Kissing him felt wrong.

His lips parted from mine. He gave me a half-hearted smile like he was about to say something but decided against it. Any girl would want to kiss Everett, any girl but me.

“Guess I shouldn’t have done that,” he said apologetically.

“It was nice,” I said to him, which sounded cliché and insulting. It’s what you say to someone when you’re talking about a wedding you went to or some event, but not when they’ve kissed you. Describing a kiss as “nice” is one of the worst things you can say. It’s almost as bad as saying the kiss itself was awful.

“I knew better.” He shook his head and sighed. “It was written all over your faces tonight, and I still kissed you. I guess I was just hoping that maybe a small part of you was attracted to me.” He looked at me earnestly. “But I can’t compete with someone you’re in love with and really, I don’t want to.” He touched the top of my hand and ran his fingers back and forth, then removed them. “Y’all are in love with each other. I don’t know what broke you up, but I’d try to fix it if I were you.”

My relationship with Jesse had been split at the seams. I just wondered if there was a way to sew it back together.

“I’m in love with him and always have been,” I admitted more to myself than to him. It was the first time I’d said it out loud to anyone since Jesse and I had broken up. Everett had that affect on me. For some reason, he had become my sounding board.

“Then go for what you want. I’ve seen too much death in my life, Finn. You gotta live while you can.”

Unabashed, I admitted my innermost feeling to him. “I’m afraid.”

“Then find the strength. Because you’ll regret it if you don’t do anything about it.”

“You’re a good friend to me,” I said. “Thank you.” I smiled.

“I would’ve liked to have been more, but I’ll settle for being friends,” he said.

“If I wasn’t in love with him, I know there’s no way I’d let a guy like you go,” I said.

I had admitted to my feelings about Jesse; I just didn’t know what I was going to do about it.