Take Me On

There’s a craziness that invades my brain, an insanity worming inside my soul. It distorts colors, sights and sounds. The world becomes gray and cold. Years of fighting, years of confidence, years of any self-worth disintegrate, scatter and drop along with the pouring rain.


One knee goes down and sinks into the freezing mud, then another, and in front of pure madness, I beg, “Throw me out. Just me.”

Because I am nothing.





West

Give her the choice. Stop being an impulsive, controlling jerk and give her the choice. The same choice Dad should have possibly given me countless times. Not a choice between ripping your heart out from the right or the left, but the choice of controlling my own future.

Outside school, I get a few raised brows from people. The rumor mill must have already spit out I broke up with Haley and returned to Worthington.

A Plymouth older than my parents backfires. The brakes screech and the car stops. The side door pops open and Abby barrels out. “Thank God you grew a fucking brain.”

I glance at the Plymouth that shakes out of the way. “Who’s that?”

“Nobody. You’ve got problems.”

“Not worried about Denny right now. I’ve got to talk to Haley.”

“That’s it,” she says. “Her uncle kicked her out last night and her family followed. I saw them packing up a car this morning. Her little sister said they’re leaving for California.”

I slam my hand into the concrete wall. Fuck.





Haley

I fold the blanket John gave me last night and leave it on the pillow in the corner of the gym. My grandfather canceled today’s sessions because of what happened last night and the gym is unusually quiet.

Jax grunts when I nudge him with my toe, and instead of waking up, he rolls over.

“Come on, Jax. John’s going to be back with my parents soon.”

With an even louder grunt, Jax sits up and the blanket falls away. After blinking repeatedly, he shrugs on a shirt. “Where’s Kaden?”

“Taking a shower.” I plop on the matt beside him and think about how many years the two of us have spent in this place together. When we were six, one of us used to hang on a bag while the other pushed it as a swing.

Jax is more than a cousin, more than a brother; he’s a part of me and I’m not sure how I can live life without him. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Fuck!” He slams his hand onto the mat, then rubs his eyes. “Just fuck.”

My uncle did what I asked. He threw me out and me alone. What I didn’t expect was my brother and cousin yanking me to my feet and Jax spitting into his father’s face. I left and they voluntarily left with me. When we arrived at John’s half-drowned and desperate for shelter, he reopened the gym and called my mom.

Mom and John had a long talk and the result is he’s giving us his car and we’re leaving for California—today.

“You didn’t have to leave with me.” Guilt consumes my stomach because my thoughtless comment to my uncle caused Jax to leave his home.

“Yeah, I did. I should have left a lot sooner. He’s toxic.” Jax presses his finger against his head. “He worms his way in, past your skin, past your muscles and into your soul. Once he’s in, he continues, eating you until you’re dust. I’m already half-dust, Haley, and I’m tired of trying to hold together what’s left.”

I lay my hand over his. “I love you.”

He lowers his head and grabs on to his hair, causing his knuckles to go white. “I’m gonna fucking miss you.”

Jax jumps up and slams his fist into a bag as he takes off for the showers. My mouth turns down and I rap my head against the wall. Jax and Kaden are staying. I don’t know who I am without them.

The door to the gym opens and my grandfather walks in. He starts for his office, but one glance at me and he changes directions. Air rushes out of my mouth with such force that my hair moves. I escaped questions last night. My luck, like always, has run out.

John’s slow as he slides down to sit next to me and he does something very un-John-like: he pats my knee. “Stay.”

“The camper’s barely big enough for you and one of the boys. I have no idea how you’re going to squeeze Jax and Kaden in it.” As much as it will kill my mother, Kaden won’t come. His life is here—with the gym. I don’t know where I belong anymore.

“We’ll figure it out. There’s the bed, two bunks and the floor once I clean it up. I’m not sure Jax would be comfortable on a mattress after all this time.”

I check to see if he’s teasing, but he’s not. “Why is my uncle scared of you?”

“I saw him grab Jax by the arm once when he was a toddler when we were at your old house.” John grasps his biceps. “Left a huge mark on his arm. I said nothing to him then, but paid him a little visit later that night.”

It’s not surprising he and my uncle had a chat. John’s an advocate of keeping fights in the gym. “What did you say? I can’t imagine one word I could have said that would have changed him.”

John scratches the stubble on his chin. “I beat the shit out of him.”