Little Women and Me

Little Women and Me - By Lauren Baratz-Logsted



Prologue


“There’s no such thing as a perfect book,” Mr. Ochocinco says.

Mr. Ochocinco is my English teacher, but that’s not his real last name. Or at least it wasn’t until last year when my older sister, Charlotte, had him. Back then his name was Mr. Smith, but then when he thought his favorite football team, the Bengals, had a shot at the Super Bowl, he legally changed his last name to that of his favorite player, Chad Ochocinco, who had changed his name to match the number on his jersey and whose own real last name before he changed it was Johnson.

This is all by way of saying that Wycroft Academy, the K–12 school where I’m currently a freshman, is an odd place. But then, aren’t all schools?

“A writer may think his or her book is perfect when completed,” Mr. Ochocinco continues, “and pity the poor writer who thinks that! But in reality, there’s probably something that the reader would change. Maybe it’s just a single extraneous paragraph. Maybe it’s a character or an entire plot point! And of course it’s possible that no two readers will agree on what that imperfect something is. But no matter how beloved a book, there’s usually something.”

Blahblahblah.

I normally love English class, which doesn’t even feel like school to me, but today I just want him to get on with it. Never mind if some novel needs changing. I’ve got my own problems, my own things that need changing. Like destroying Charlotte’s love life. Well, not for the sake of destroying it, but because—

“Your assignment,” Mr. Ochocinco goes on, “is to pick a novel that you have always loved deeply. Then I want you to write a paper telling me three things you love about it and one thing you would change. Just one.” Mr. Ochocinco glances at the clock on the wall, sees we’re out of time just as the bell rings, and hurries to finish assigning the assignment.

“It’s Friday,” he says in a rush, raising his voice to be heard over the sounds of students tossing items into backpacks, pushing back chairs, and stampeding toward the door. “I want outlines on my desk Monday morning, finished papers the following Monday. Dismissed.”

For a guy who loves football so much, he sure can sound all formal English teachery at times. But who cares? I’m finally sprung!

Now I can get down to what this day should really be about.



Lunch!

Well, no, I’m not really excited about it being lunch because of the food. I mean, normally I would be, because it’s pizza day, but that’s not it. Plus, I don’t even get pizza, because I don’t want Jackson to think I’m a pig, so I quickly hit the salad bar, piling a plate high with as much designer lettuce as I can. Then I throw on a few other fresh vegetables and put some fat-free dressing on the side in a little cup. Put the cup of dressing in its neat little slot on the salad plate, add a carton of juice to my other hand, and voilà!

Salad is the one food that even when you pile it into an enormous mound on your plate, like I have done, does not make you look like a pig. On the contrary, the more on your plate, the more you look like an anti-pig.

Which is definitely the image that I want to project when I sit down to eat with Jackson, like I’m about to do right now.

Jackson is an architectural marvel of a boy, the architectural part having to do with the way he’s constructed. He’s tall, thin, but with wide shoulders—only a sophomore, Jackson’s a starter on the varsity football team. He’s got a Roman nose, Slavic cheekbones, Scandinavian blond hair, and Mediterranean blue-green eyes. Really, looking at Jackson is like going on a tour of Europe. Right now, though, his cheek is lethargically smushed against a lethargic half fist, his elbow lethargically slouched on the table as he stares at his uneaten pizza.

He comes to life at the sound of me putting my plate and juice carton on the wooden table.

“Emily!” he says, excited to see me.

If only that were really the case.

Yes, he is excited to see me—in theory—but the truth of the matter is it’s really my sister Charlotte he wishes were seated across from him. How can I be sure of this?

Because Jackson has had a thing for Charlotte all year, but he’s too shy to express himself directly to her. You could say I’m his proxy Charlotte. Meanwhile, I’ve had a thing for Jackson all year, but I haven’t let him know, because if he knew, he’d be uncomfortable talking with me about Charlotte and then I would get to spend no time with him whatsoever. I’ve been biding my time, waiting for him to see that I would make a much better girlfriend than Charlotte would.

True, on the surface, he and Charlotte have more in common, like both being involved with sports, while I tend to be more cerebral; like both being tall and gorgeous, while I am somewhat less than. Still, I know I’m meant for Jackson. And Jackson’s meant for me. Sometimes these things don’t make sense to other people, but then, sometimes, a girl just knows. It’s the way I feel when I see him and I don’t see how I can feel what I feel without him ever feeling the same way back. Now it’s just a matter of getting Charlotte out of the way.

Unfortunately, biding my time has not been working out so well for me thus far. Jackson has yet to realize that Charlotte’s all wrong for him and that I’m all right. I mean, who’s been metaphorically holding his hand and eating salad while he’s been mooning over Charlotte? I’ll tell you one thing: it hasn’t been Charlotte. It’s been me, playing the gal pal, the good buddy, the supportive listener.

But as I say, that hasn’t been working out, so it’s time for me to take matters into my own hands.

“Did you talk to Charlotte last night?” Jackson asks eagerly.

“I did,” I say neutrally.

“And?” he asks, still eager.

Here’s what I was supposed to be asking Charlotte about: I was supposed to ask her, on Jackson’s behalf, if there was any chance she might like him. It was all my idea.

Oh, and who does Charlotte like, if I like Jackson and Jackson likes Charlotte? Why, she likes Jackson, of course. Who wouldn’t? After all, he’s got that whole architectural-Europe thing going on. But Charlotte doesn’t know that Jackson likes her, because she always sees him eating lunch with me, and I certainly haven’t told her, nor did I ask her The Question last night.

“I’m sorry,” I say now, feigning sadness, “but she said no. As a matter of fact, she likes someone else.”

This last inspired tidbit snaps him out of sadness and into surprise.

“Who?” he says. “I never see her hanging with any one particular guy regularly.”

“Charlotte likes …,” I start, but then I’m stumped. I hadn’t planned this far ahead. “Charlotte likes …” I scan the dining hall quickly, spot Charlotte standing in line waiting for her pizza, with her perfect long black hair. Right behind Charlotte and her perfect long black hair is Boyd Tarquin. As far as I can tell, they don’t even know each other all that well, since he’s a senior. Still, I get another inspiration. He’s standing really closely behind her, probably eager to get his pizza. This could work.

“Boyd Tarquin,” I say. “She likes Boyd Tarquin. And he likes her.”

“Boyd Tarquin?” Jackson says in equal parts shock and disgust.

“See?” I say, giving a chin nod toward the waiting pizza line. “There they are together now.”

Jackson looks just in time to see Boyd reach across the counter to accept his pizza from the server. As Boyd reaches, his elbow grazes Charlotte’s arm and they turn to each other, exchange words we can’t hear. He probably said, “Excuse me,” and she probably said, “No problem,” but it certainly looks intimate from here.

“Huh.” Jackson looks deflated. “I never would have guessed.” He sighs. “I guess maybe it’s time for me to accept the inevitable and move on.”

Yes. Yes! He’s finally going to turn his attention to me, see what’s been right under his nose all this time: me. Which is doubly true, because I’m short. So what if it took a little lie or two or three to get me here? I wait, eagerly, for Jackson to come to his senses. I’m sure when he does, it’ll be just like a Taylor Swift song.

Jackson brightens suddenly.

Jackson brightening suddenly—that must be a good sign!

Jackson speaks.

“What do you think my chances are with Anne?” Jackson says.

“Anne?” I’m so thunderstruck, I drop my salad fork. “Who is Anne?”

“Your little sister. Anne. I know she’s only in eighth grade now, but next year she’ll be in Upper School with us. I can wait. I’ll be a junior, she’ll be a freshman—not too big an age difference. And she’s really cute.”

I can’t believe this. What, is my life a sitcom with me the butt of all the jokes?

I contemplate the idea of my younger sister, Anne, with her pretty blond hair. I could see where a guy would like her, even an older guy.

But never mind that now, because …

I’ve wasted so many lunches eating salad while listening to Jackson moon over Charlotte … and now he’s going to switch his affections to Anne?

This cannot be happening to me.



When I get home, I go straight to my room.

I cannot believe how much my life stinks.

Immediately, I fish my iPhone out of my backpack and text Kendra. Kendra and I have been best friends for as long as I’ve been at Wycroft, but our schedules this year are so different, plus I’ve been wasting all those lunches eating but not eating with Jackson, that sometimes I barely even get to talk to her until after school.


Call me! Call Me!! CALL ME!!! I text madly. This is 2 big & involved & crisis-worthy 4 texting!


A minute later my phone rings and for a second I’m happier than I’ve been all day. There’s something to be said for friends you can rely on. Too bad the same thing can’t be said about sisters. Or at least not my sisters.

“Yo, dude, what’s the emergency?” Kendra says.

I ignore her “yo” and her “dude” and head straight for the emergency.

“Jackson is no longer interested in pursuing Charlotte,” I say.

“But that’s good news, right?” she says.

“Where’s the crisis?” “Where’s the crisis? I’ll tell you where the crisis is. He’s decided to switch his romantic allegiance to Anne.”

“Who is Anne?” she asks, echoing my question from earlier in the day and giving me a moment of nostalgia as I remember how simple my life was before I knew the awful answer.

I tell her who Anne is.

What do I expect when I tell her? I expect outrage. I expect sympathy. Certainly I feel plenty of both of those on my own behalf. But instead I get:

“HA!”

I’m in shock. “You’re laughing?” I don’t believe this!

“Come on,” Kendra says. “You’ve got to admit, it’s funny.”

“I don’t have to admit anything of the kind!”

“It’s like that old sitcom The Brady Bunch. Have you ever seen it? It’s like if Jan liked a boy who liked Marcia only to have him turn his attention to Cindy. You know, ‘the youngest one in curls’?” She breaks out laughing even harder.

“Stop this!” I say. “My life is not a sitcom!” It’s doubly harsh to hear her imply that it is since I’d had that thought myself earlier. “And Anne isn’t some cute little ‘youngest one in curls.’ She’s … she’s … she’s some hot little eighth-grade number—a vixen in Justice clothing!—and now somehow she’s gotten Jackson to fall for her!”

I’m fuming. Not at Kendra. She’s my best friend, meaning she can say anything she wants to me and no matter how outraged I might seem, it’s okay. Rather, I’m fuming at the unfairness of it all.

“Emily?”

“Hmm …?” I say vaguely, still fuming.

“Why do you resent Anne so much?”

I can not believe she is asking me this.

“Do you not remember the Incident of the Shawls?” I say.

“Oh no,” I hear her groan, although I’m fairly certain it’s a loving groan. “Not the Incident of the Shawls again!”

“Oh yes,” I say emphatically. “It’s the Incident of the Shawls again. When I was eight, Charlotte was nine, and Anne was seven, Mom went on that two-week trip to Spain with her women’s club. She brought back three shawls for us as souvenirs. You wouldn’t think a shawl would be a cool thing, but these shawls were amazing. They were pure silk and had all this really awesome fringe and each one was a different color. Charlotte got to pick first, which was okay, since she’s the oldest. Well, of course she chose the ivory-colored one, which was far and away the prettiest. But that was okay too because the second-prettiest was this orchid purple. With my auburn hair, I figured I could look very dramatic in it. And I was all ready to say that’s the one I wanted, but then my mother said—”

“That Anne should pick next,” Kendra said, “because she didn’t think it was fair for Anne to be last in everything, just because she’s the youngest.”

“Exactly right. So Anne picked the orchid one and I got stuck with—”

“The puke-green one.”

“Yes! Green in general is my favorite color and nearly every green in the universe is cool, except this one shade that looks like what people throw up when they puke in horror films. So what did I look like in it? I looked like a Christmas tree that someone had upchucked.”

“Totally gross image.”

“You’re telling me! And that’s exactly what my entire life has been like. Charlotte or Anne gets first in everything because they’re the oldest and the youngest, and then the other gets second because the oldest or the youngest can’t possibly be last in anything, while I’m always stuck with—”

“Why do you like Jackson so much?” Kendra asks, cutting me off.

“Hello!” I say. “Because he’s gorgeous? Because he’s nice?”

“How is Jackson nice to you?”

I open my mouth to answer, but nothing comes out. Why do I like Jackson?

“And why did you like Kurt so much last year?” Kendra presses. “Or Michael the year before that? Or Dale when we were in sixth grade?”

“I don’t know!” I say, exasperated. “Because they’re all hot! Because they’re nice or funny or smart or something like that. A person can’t always explain why they like who they like!” I pause as something hits me. “Wait a second. Are you saying that I’m … shallow?”

Kendra sighs. “No. I would never say that. I wouldn’t even think it! But sometimes, you go after things or people without thinking everything through first.”

Huh.

That’s a lot to think about. Only problem is, I don’t want to think about it right now. I’ve got to figure out how to fix things so Jackson doesn’t become Anne’s orchid shawl.

“I gotta go,” I say. “I’ve got a ton of homework, plus Mr. O. gave us this big English assignment.”

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” she says hesitantly. “For laughing before and because of the things I said?”

“Are you kidding me?” I say. “Sometimes I wish I could laugh at myself. Don’t worry, we’re good—bests forever.”

“Good.” She sounds relieved. “Meet you in the lunchroom for doughnuts before school on Monday?”

“I’m totally there,” I say, and snap my phone shut.



I decide to be true to what I told Kendra and get my homework done first. True, it’s a lame way to spend Friday afternoon and evening, but once that’s out of the way I can devote the rest of the weekend to plotting a new strategy for Jackson.

Not that I know what that is yet.

I work through my assignments from least favorite class to most favorite, which means moving through biology, algebra, and history before I come finally to English.

What was that assignment Mr. Ochocinco gave us?

Oh, right.

We’re supposed to take a book we feel is nearly perfect, give three things we love about it and one thing we’d change; outline due Monday.

This should be easy enough.

But which book to choose?

I go to my bookshelves. I have a lot of books. You could practically say I live in them.

Something modern like Harry Potter or Twilight? No. Teachers are never impressed with anything modern. They like the older stuff.

Maybe Judy Blume? But what would I change? Turn it into Are You There, God? It’s Me, Marcus? Nah, that wouldn’t work. Besides, to impress teachers, you need to go for the really old stuff.

Which is fine, because I like some of the really old stuff too.

A Separate Peace? No. Even though the ending always makes me cry, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s a perfect example of how jealousy corrodes love. People really should be careful about that.

Wuthering Heights? No. There’s too much I’d want to change there.

Winnie-the-Pooh? It does qualify as “old stuff,” so you’d think it would have the potential to impress, but how would I change it for the better? Add conflict by making Eeyore a depressed serial killer?

Little Women.

Huh.

For the first time, I pull one of the books from the shelf. As I tug the volume loose from the bookcase, my fingers tingle as though zapped by electricity.

Weird.

I hold the red cloth-covered volume in my hands. I loved this book when I was younger, but I haven’t read it once in the last four years. How much do I still remember of it? Enough to do the assignment without rereading? After all, I’ve read a lot of books in the years in between. Still …

I go to my desk holding the book in one hand, sit down in front of the computer, and think about what to put in the outline. Hmm … Three things I loved about the book …

One. The first is easy. The name of the family: March. You’d think that with daughters named Charlotte, Emily, and Anne, my parents’ last name might be Brontë. But no. Our last name is March, which is something I loved about Little Women. It may sound superficial, but the characters having the same last name as me always made me identify with them, kind of like Mr. O.’s ability to identify with a football player now that they share the same last name.

Two. Jo March is a writer. I’ve always loved writing, even more than I love reading, and a lot of that can be traced back to Jo March. What girl doesn’t want to be Jo March after reading about her writing stories in her garret while chomping on crisp apples? Chomping apples may not seem like the definition of cool, but the way Jo did it, it just set her apart from everyone else, and in a good way, like it was somehow a sign of her independent spirit. Jo is the March girl every reader wants to be.

Three. The amazing relationship between the four sisters: Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy. They were all so different, yet even when they argued—unlike with Charlotte or Anne and me—they always managed to love and eventually support one another. They actually made having siblings seem like a good idea. Girls without any sisters want to have sisters like them. And girls like me, ones with sisters who always make you feel like the least important people in your own families—those girls really wanted to have sisters like them!

This is good. My outline is practically writing itself.

Now for the second part. What’s the one thing I would change to make Little Women a perfect book?

Hmm …

I open the book, figuring maybe reading a little bit will help me decide, flip past the first woodcut illustration to the first chapter and the first line:

“Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,” grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.

Having read the first line, I read another, and then another. Before I know it, I’m caught up in the story. This surprises me, given how often I’ve read it before. And what further surprises me is that even though I have read it many times already, there’s so much of the story that feels new, things I don’t remember reading before. Is that because it’s been four years since I last read it? Or is it because I’m different now, older?

I stare at the pages, still stuck with trying out what should be changed about the book.

Maybe the thing that happens to Beth? I always hated that. But wait a second. What about how things end up for Jo and Amy with the boy next door, Laurie? That has to be the most frustrating romantic outcome in any book ever.

But which to change?

The thing with Beth? The thing with Jo and Amy and Laurie? The—

V~ROOM!

What’s that sound? Is that Charlotte vacuuming in the hopes of getting our mother to think her even more wonderful than she already thinks her to be?

I cross the room, bang my copy of Little Women against the closed door. Rude, I know. But still.

The sound doesn’t stop, however. Instead, it grows in volume and suddenly I feel myself spinning in circles rapidly, spinning and spinning until …

WHOOSH!

Talk about being sucked into a book.