Take Me On

“I promise.”


She squeezes my hand again, and, after I return the gesture, we both let go.

We’re silent and I’m grateful just to have the opportunity to sit with her again. Too many horrible conversations will be had tomorrow. I’m fine with silence tonight.

“The what-ifs,” Rachel starts.

I know the what-ifs—I’ve asked them my entire life. “Yeah.”

“If Colleen had never gotten cancer, me, you and Ethan would never be alive.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s an awful thought to have. To know you’re alive because someone else died.”

“It is.” And I say what I think every day and what she needs to hear. “But I’m still happy to be here.”

Rachel glances down at me. “Me, too.”

I nod and mischief twinkles in her blue eyes. “So, why do you have my clothes? And FYI, you’d look better in the V-neck.”

God, I’ve missed my sister. “Haley needed something to change into this weekend.”

“Abby’s told me about her. So it’s true? My notorious girl-using brother has been tamed? Wait, don’t answer yet.” Rachel slides her finger frantically over her phone and pushes an app that records. “Okay—answer.”

“Yeah.” Her enthusiasm’s contagious, and I smile in spite of myself. “You would have liked her.”

“Liked?” Rachel closes the app and her smile falters. “As in past tense liked?”

I don’t want it to be liked. I want Haley and me to be forever. “Dad will give her a scholarship if I leave her.”

“No, West...”

I throw her a sharp look. “Don’t lecture me unless you’re going to say you wouldn’t do everything in your power to grant Isaiah his dreams. Dad will give Haley what I can’t. What the world won’t give.”

Rachel settles back into bed and stares at her immobile legs. “I ran away from you guys and ended up in a car accident that’s left me like this. Going to the dragway that night saved Isaiah’s life. If given the choice, I would do it all over again.”

“See.”

“No, not see. It’s not the same because Isaiah wants me and I want him. Doesn’t Haley get a vote?”

“Haley’s a little too self-sacrificing to think it through.” I want to keep Haley, but letting her go means she’ll have a future. I stand and head to the door though the pain emanating from my chest comes close to doubling me over.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Rachel says.

“Nah, not stupid.” Just heartbreaking.





Haley

At school, I stand under the overhang and watch the parking lot. My fingers flip through the pages of my book like shuffling cards in a deck. The motion and the crinkling sound of the pages soothe me. I couldn’t sleep last night as I contemplated the same question over and over again. Does West know?

Adrenaline kicks into my bloodstream when West’s SUV pulls into the lot. He’s early, which is good but also weird. A fine mist hangs in the air and the droplets sparkle on his car as he parks under a streetlight. I can’t see his face past the dark windows. I can’t see inside.

I close my eyes and inhale, trying to calm the terror in my veins. What if that’s all West has been? Pretty on the outside, but hiding on the inside. No. I swallow and open my eyes. West loves me. This is going to be okay.

West steps out of his SUV and my entire body rocks back. Nausea climbs up my throat and I turn my head, expecting the dry heave. Please let this be a mistake.

He’s sickeningly gorgeous as he walks toward me. A black tie hangs from his neck and it stands out against the crisp white button-down shirt. His black dress pants fit him like they were tailor-made and his golden hair is gelled into style. He’s poised and perfect and beautiful, but he’s not my West.

I honest to God pinch myself to check if I’m dreaming. What is in front of me has to be a figment of my fears—a nightmare. The prick of pain on my arm does not compare to the slicing at my heart.

West shoves his hands in his pockets when he stops a foot away from me.

We stare at each other—me like I’ve never seen him before. “Why are you dressed like that?”

“I’m going back to Worthington. In fact, I’m going back to everything.”

Everything? “What does that mean?”

West surveys the school building, the cars, the other students who turn their heads like owls in order to observe our showdown. “I don’t belong here. I never have. It’s time I stop acting like somebody I’m not and return to my world.”

A fresh surge of anger rushes through me; I’m pissed off at myself for loving him. “Spit it out.”