2. JAKE
The next morning I jumped out of bed, far too eager to see Jake again. I ran to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and hair, and put on some make up. I was going for the I-look-this-gorgeous-every-time-I-get-out-bed look. I opened my door and let out all my breath when I saw the empty sofa. My disappointment concerned me, especially since I hardly knew this guy.
Issy was sitting at the bar, slowly sipping what looked like a disgusting green drink. She looked awful. She was still wearing her clothes from the night before and her makeup was smeared down her cheeks.
“Don’t say a word. I’m fully aware of how scary I look this morning, and I really don’t care.”
My lips turned upwards as I thought, Even hung over this girl has spunk.
“When did Jake leave?” she asked, slowly sipping her green drink.
“I’m not sure. He fell asleep on the couch, and then I went to bed.” I tried to sound as nonchalant as I could, but I saw Issy’s eyebrows go up as she looked at me.
“I was kind of brutal to him last night.” She looked genuinely remorseful until a moment later when her eyes became cold once again. “I’m so frustrated. I mean, I love him, don’t get me wrong, but I’m in college and I feel like I have my dad following me everywhere I go. It’s not like he doesn’t have his own demons. He spent the last two years in a frat house hooking up with anything in a skirt.” She let out a dramatic sigh, reached her arm across the bar and laid her head on it. “Owww…my head hurts!”
I held in a laugh. I was honestly starting to wonder if this girl ever had a thought that she didn’t verbalize. I looked at her drink again and couldn’t help but ask, “What on earth are you drinking?”
“It’s my hangover juice. Does the trick every time.” She sat back up and looked at me intensely, making me a little nervous. I swear her eyes could penetrate the soul. “So, what did you and my cousin talk about last night?”
I shifted uncomfortably and started pulling some cereal out of the pantry. “What do you mean?”
“Oh come on, that’s Jake’s MO…the tortured, brooding type. Girls love it.”
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to believe her words had no effect on me. I mean, I just met this guy, who cares what his “MO” was. My defenses immediately went up, a practice I was used to doing when a situation got out of hand.
“He told me about his mom and how he came to live with you. That’s all. We really didn’t talk much. He did say you were his best friend, though.” I was hoping she would take the bait and change the subject.
“I am his best friend, and that’s why I know he’s intrigued with you.”
As I looked up at her, my eyes must have completely betrayed me.
“Ah ha, I knew you liked him,” she accused. “Yes, he’s intrigued with you. I know this because he mentioned you more than twice last night. But don’t be deceived. Jake is not the fall in love type. He’s just not.”
“Maybe I’m not the fall in love type either,” I retorted, feeling annoyed by the conversation.
“Oh please, you have hopeless romantic written all over you.”
I rolled my eyes and continued to make my breakfast. It didn’t seem to deter her and she continued on.
“Every once in a while a girl gets a glimpse of who he is and they immediately fall head over heels. But a glimpse is all you get. He doesn’t do more than that. Jake is complicated.” She seemed careful in how she said those last words.
“What do you mean?”
“It doesn’t matter. Just trust me. If I thought he would ever treat a girl the way he treats me, I would move out of your way, but he won’t. You need to hear this before it goes too far.”
I nodded and looked at her. “I hear you. I do. You don’t have to worry; I’m not going to fall head over heels for Jake. I’m much too practical,” I lied, searching my head for anything else to talk about. “By the way, I met some guys from apartment 315. I think one of them likes you.”
“Ugh, no thanks. I’ve already met Aaron and feel like I have to shower every time I see him,” she explained, grinning for the first time this morning.
I laughed in agreement. “Not him. It was his roommate, Danny, that was asking about you.”
“Huh? I haven’t met him yet. Doesn’t matter, I don’t date guys from our apartment complex.”
“Really, why not?”
“Because I only got out with guys once, maybe twice, and it’s hard enough to make them go away. It would be impossible if they were living just up the stairs from me.” She gave me another penetrating stare, almost a warning. “I’m a lot like Jake in that way.” I didn’t respond to her comment and she got off the stool. “Now, I’m heading back to bed. Don’t you dare wake me before two o’clock. It’s Saturday for crying out loud.”
I watched as she slowly threw herself on her bed, arms and legs spread out across the entire thing. Yes, it was Saturday, and I was already so behind. Two of my professors had posted the syllabus and expected three chapters read before the beginning of class. I put my cereal bowl in the dishwasher and headed to my room, determined to make today as productive as possible.
As I passed by my mirror, I stopped to examine myself. Jake was intrigued with me, huh? I wasn’t sure exactly why. I mean, I wasn’t ugly, but I’ve never seen myself as beautiful, and Jake definitely was the type who could get the beautiful ones. In grade school, kids teased me a lot. I’ve always had predominant features that seemed to get attention. Growing up, my blue eyes were too big for my head, and I spent most of my awkward years being taller than the boys. It also didn’t help that I was pretty chubby in junior high. It wasn’t until my sophomore year in high school that I finally quit growing and the boys caught up. That same year I joined the cross country team and learned how to run. Weight came off pretty easily after that and all of a sudden boys started noticing me in the halls. It didn’t last long, though. My shyness and insecurity kept boys at arm’s length, and they gave up without much of a fight. It still amazed me how I could look so different but feel exactly like that chubby girl they poked fun at all those years.
I continued to scrutinize my large lips and straight nose in the mirror and wondered how men noticed me at all. Then again, my courses were predominately in the math and science arena, so I didn’t have a whole lot of competition.
Jake was different. He didn’t look me up and down when we first met. In fact, he spent more time examining my room than he did me. He treated me like a friend, or at least someone he wanted to get to know, and I couldn’t help but admire him. He was fourteen when he had to become an adult and take care of his mom. Of course he would be emotionally guarded…who wouldn’t be in the same situation? To his credit, he didn’t seem bitter at all; just factual, almost nonchalant about what he went through.
I pulled out my statics book and settled in to read the first chapter. No luck. My mind kept going back to Jake on the couch, fully confident and relaxed, yet exposed, all at the same time. I shook my head, scolding myself, “This is ridiculous.” I obviously needed to clear my brain before I could hope to get anything done. Reading could wait; it was time for a run.
The breeze outside immediately cooled my flushed skin. The rain came earlier, and I could still smell the scent of raindrops in the air. A haze fell just above the surface of the lake; it was eerie and breathtaking, full of mystery. The ambience reminded me of Jake, and once again sent my stomach into a whirl.
I stood outside, stretching, when I saw Danny and Aaron descending the stairs. They looked ready to workout too, and I wondered if it was a coincidence that I was running into them again.
“Hey Avery,” Danny called from the top of the stairs. “You going for a run?”
“Yep, too beautiful outside to waste the day,” I answered, trying not to look as uncomfortable as I was feeling.
“Can we join you?” he asked once he got to the bottom step. Aaron was right behind him, checking me out again.
I really didn’t want them to come with me, but I had the misfortune of being one of those people who never could say no. “Um, sure.”
Danny smiled and then looked around. He was trying to be subtle, but I knew who he was looking for. “Issy’s not coming,” I offered, hoping that meant they would change their mind about coming with me.
Aaron started laughing and stepped around Danny. “Dude, give it up. Alright Avery, let’s see what you’ve got.”
We ran down fraternity row. The area was quiet and serene, a vast difference from the life it took on each night. I wasn’t having any problems keeping up with the guys. I knew I was a pretty fast runner, at least for a girl. We passed one house that had plastic cups strung over the front yard and two empty beer kegs in the driveway. Five guys, who I assumed were pledges, were carrying around large trash bags to pick up the mess. I wondered what house Jake was a part of and what he was doing at one o’clock on a Saturday afternoon.
Aaron pulled me from my thoughts of Jake and I felt grateful. “You didn’t come by last night,” he stated.
“I had to unpack.”
Danny chuckled. “That’s pretty sad when unpacking is more appealing than hanging out with us. We really are fun, if you get to know us better.”
I didn’t know what to say so I just smiled at him. We turned right to take the trail around the lake. The route would put us at six miles for the day, but I didn’t care. Every time Jake popped in my head, my stomach started to flutter and then came an onset of nervous energy. I picked up the pace and the boys matched my stride.
“I have to admit I’m impressed,” Aaron said, starting to breathe a little heavier now. “Most girls just act like runners; they don’t actually do it. But, it does explain those rockin’ legs of yours. Muscular and tan…oh yeah.”
I almost stopped running. Who says stuff like that?
“Shut up, Aaron,” Danny scolded. “I’m trying to convince her that we are nice guys.”
“You just want to meet her roommate. Gees dude, just go to Caesars. She’s there every Thursday night.”
“I’d be happy to introduce you,” I finally cut in, looking at Danny who was notably embarrassed. “But I have to tell you that she doesn’t date guys from our apartment complex. From what she said, I really don’t think she’s that much into dating at all.”
Aaron snickered. “That’s what all girls say. They act like they don’t care, but deep down they are all dying to fall in love.”
Aaron’s words made me think about what Issy had said, Women get a glimpse of who he is and fall head over heels, but that’s all they get, a glimpse. The words were haunting. Was I going to be one of those girls? I obviously was headed in that direction, as Jake had consumed every thought since I went to bed last night. I pushed it out of my head and turned back to Aaron.
“Well, I don’t know her all that well, so I couldn’t tell you,” I finally said.
We finished the run, keeping mostly to small talk after that. I learned that both of them were also Sophomores and were from Charlotte. They’d known each other since childhood, which made sense, because they were so different it seemed impossible they would get along. Danny was kind and somewhat shy, while Aaron, well he was everything a girl should run from…and fast.
We made our way back to the apartment and I checked my time. 52:25…by far my fasted in a while. We were all panting heavily and gripping our knees.
“Girl, I don’t think I’m running with you again,” Aaron declared, catching his breath.
I laughed and started towards the stairs. The guys followed and I noticed they hung by the landing, not taking the stairs up to their apartment.
“Are you guys going out tonight?” Danny asked, looking shy again. I felt bad for him. He obviously had a pretty severe crush on Issy, and hadn’t even met her yet.
“I’m pretty sure she’s still asleep, but you’re welcome to come grab a water from my fridge.” I had no idea how Issy would feel about me bringing two guys back to the apartment, but I had a soft spot for people. Years of being teased and ridiculed had made me more sensitive to other’s feelings, and I hated to see anyone upset.
Danny’s face lit up and Aaron just shook his head declining my offer. Danny walked over to the door and I opened it, hoping Issy wasn’t going to kill me.
“Avery! Where have you been?” Issy’s voice called out as I came in the room. The hung over monster from the morning had totally disappeared, and in her place was a stunning figure dressed for yet another night on the town. “I invited some friends over before we head out to the club; you just have to come with us tonight.”
I checked my watch…it was barely two in the afternoon. What club opened that early? Before I had the chance to ask, Issy noticed Danny standing behind me and I watched a grin form on her face.
“Who’s your friend?”
I motioned for Danny to come inside and didn’t miss the appraisal Issy gave his bare chest. I also didn’t miss that Jake was standing right next to her with his eyes slightly slanted.
“Issy, this is Danny. He’s Aaron’s roommate from apartment 315.”
If she was irritated with me, I couldn’t tell. She was the picture of beauty and grace as she grabbed a towel out of the drawer and walked over towards Danny who watched her with fascination. She seductively draped the towel over his shoulder, touching him ever so slightly.
“You’re sweating on my rug,” she said flatly, her voice completely contradicting her body language. Danny seemed stricken and backed out of the apartment apologizing. Issy put her hand on her hip and smiled coyly at him. “I didn’t say I minded.”
Danny was lost, so out of his league that I felt sorry for him. He somehow managed a “nice to meet you,” and a “goodbye” before running off. Issy shut the door behind him and shot me an annoyed look. “I told you I don’t date guys from our complex. Now you owe me. Go shower; we’re going out.”
I looked around at our guests. Jake was leaning against the bar talking to a shorter, stockier guy with a buzzed haircut. On the couch sat a guy and girl who were obviously dating, as they were practically wrapped around each other watching TV.
“I don’t know, Issy, I’m already so behind, and class starts Monday.” I was moving as quickly as I could to my bedroom, suddenly feeling out of place in my running tank and shorts. Not to mention, I was sweating buckets in front of the one person I wanted to impress. Just then Jake stopped talking and looked up at me. “You should come. It will be fun.”
It was ridiculous how cute he was. “Ok, I’ll think about it,” I answered, already knowing I would probably go.
“Well don’t think too long,” Issy called from the kitchen. “Happy hour starts at four, and Jake here has agreed to back off tonight.” I saw her slam her elbow into his ribs, and he retaliated by tickling her.
I shut my door and headed straight to the shower. It dawned on me that I had seen Jake three times now. Once, dancing like a fool in my PJs, next, coming out of mid-sleep with wild hair, and now, sweating head to toe with a face the color of a tomato. I must be out of my mind to even worry about whether or not I liked Jake, because it was glaringly obvious he was way out of my league. Yet, all the same, as if on auto pilot, I got dressed to go out with everyone. For some reason, I couldn’t physically say no to him even though my head was screaming at me, Danger!
I found my favorite pair of skinny jeans, the ones I could swear took off ten pounds, and a strapless blue shirt that fell right at my hips. I added a chunky necklace and hoop earnings and looked in the mirror. I felt good. I felt pretty, which didn’t happen very often. My hair was actually behaving today. It was parted in the middle and the long waves fell gracefully below my shoulder blades. The blue in my shirt brought out my eyes, which were even more enhanced by a touch of brown mascara. I wasn’t one to wear much on my face and opted to stop with the addition of a soft peach lip-gloss. With all the confidence I could muster, I came out of my room and said, “Ok, I’m in.”
I’m not sure what I expected Jake’s reaction to be, but the look on his face far exceeded anything I had hoped for. Jake was one of those guys that had subtle charisma, where his expressions and body language said far more than his mouth ever did, a vast difference from Aaron’s obnoxious banter. I had his full attention and when we locked eyes, I smiled shyly at him, knowing full well I was failing at the hard-to-get game.
“Wow girl. You clean up well,” Issy stated after whistling, “Now come over here so we can get the night started.”
I walked over to the bar not knowing what to expect and found a spot open next to Jake. I was immediately slammed with his scent and almost closed my eyes. It was woody and inherently masculine with a slight hint of cinnamon.
All six of us were huddled around the bar staring at five shot glasses full of a clear liquid. Personally, drinking was not really my thing. I tried it a couple of times my freshmen year and always hated how out of control I felt. In addition, anything so expensive that included a ridiculous amount of empty calories seemed like a waste. But this was my first impression with these guys, and I didn’t want to seem boring. Issy passed each one of us a shot, except for the guy with the buzzed haircut, who I assume was the designated driver for the evening.
I felt Jake move his head closer to mine and whisper, “You look beautiful tonight,” which immediately put me at the top of cloud nine.
Issy lifted her glass and said, “To being young and stupid.”
Jake’s words had put me in a dream world and I eagerly drank the shot with the rest of the group. Unfortunately, I was the only person in the group coughing and gagging on it. My throat felt like it was on fire and my eyes immediately started to water.
“Oh my, Avery, I have a lot to teach you this year.” Issy said as she got me a glass of water. I was totally embarrassed at this point and “sorry” was all I could say.
Jake wrapped his arm around me. “No worries, I’m the ultimate caretaker, remember?” He was flirting…and I was thrilled.
I smiled back at him, looking him directly in the eyes, “You promise?”
The Varsity Club was in Asheville, which meant a thirty-minute drive with all of us crammed in a very small SUV. I soon learned that the buzzed haircut guy’s name was Terry, but everyone called him T.J. He had met Jake though their intramural basketball league. The intertwined couple consisted of Cindy and Blake. They had been dating for six months and were over the moon for each other. I guess Cindy lived in apartment 200 and had met Issy a few weeks back.
Jake sat in the front with T.J., which was a good thing since his mere proximity sent me into cardiac arrest. I was sitting between Issy and Cindy who were both preoccupied. Issy was madly texting on her phone to multiple friends who were going to meet us. Cindy was giggling and whispering things to Blake that I certainly did not want to hear.
The mix of our perfumes was becoming stifling in the closed space, and I quietly wondered why in the world I had agreed to go. My stomach was now fully growling, as I forgot to eat after my run…ok, maybe forgot wasn’t exactly true. I didn’t really want to eat, since I was wearing tight jeans and going out with Jake. I was slightly regretting that decision now. My head was already swimming a little from the shot and I could tell by Issy’s conversations that more were coming.
We finally got to the club and paid our cover to get in. Issy and I got red stamps on our hands that said, “Under 21” and the rest of the crew got wristbands. Almost immediately after we got in the door, Issy pulled me into the bathroom, took nail polish remover out of her purse and wiped the ink off our hands. Next thing I knew, she put a matching wristband on both of us and smiled. “Happy Birthday. You just turned twenty-one.” Before I could say a word, she pulled me out of the bathroom and onto the dance floor.
It was eighties night at the Varsity, and Issy totally looked the part. She was wearing a short, black skirt with lace at the bottom and a black tank top with a loose white shirt over it. Her shirt had a black and white picture of Elvis on the front, which only added to its originality. On her right hand was a fingerless black glove and she had a black dog collar bracelet on her left wrist. The blue and purple from the other day had been replaced with long pink streaks. They were striking in the light and looked amazing against her dark hair.
I watched as she danced with complete freedom and saw how others were also drawn to her. I could feel the vibrations in my chest from the extremely loud music, and my eyes kept darting around the room as I wondered if people were looking at me while I bobbed next to Issy’s erratic dancing. Next thing I knew, Issy and I were surrounded by three guys, each rubbing themselves on us. At first, I tried to politely move, but they were not having any of it. Suddenly, there were strong hands wrapped around my waist and I was pulled out of the group. I knew immediately who had me, because he had a smell that I could pinpoint even in a crowded room.
“I told you I’d take care of you.” Jake eyes were smoldering as we danced so close his lips were almost touching mine. I stared at him, mesmerized. I no longer cared who was looking at me, only that I was in his arms. We stayed on the dance floor through two more songs, and I could feel sweat beading on my forehead. I suddenly felt self-conscious and took a step back.
“This isn’t really your scene, is it?” Jake yelled, trying to be heard over the music.
“No, it’s not…but, I’m still glad I came.”
“Let’s get a drink.” Jake held my hand and led me off the dance floor and over to the bar. He ordered a drink for himself and then gestured for my order.
“Oh, water please.”
With water in hand, we made our way to the back of the club where there were couches and chairs. Jake found one empty seat, sat down, and pulled me onto his lap. I was taken by how forward he was and butterflies bombarded my stomach. I had never felt such a physical reaction to a boy before. Sure, I had been kissed and even dated one guy for a month last semester, but none of them ever made every inch of me tingle. Even Aaron and Danny, who were both attractive, had nothing on the desire that raged through me whenever Jake even glanced my way.
I felt guilty for all those times I judged girls who absorbed themselves in the guys they dated. For the first time ever, I truly understood what pure, chemical attraction was to someone else, and Jake did it for me.
He was rubbing his hand up and down my back and playing with the nape of my neck, sending chills down my spine. He leaned in and I could feel his breath on my neck, making me almost moan out loud.
“Let’s go outside,” he whispered in my ear, rubbing his hands seductively up and down my arm. I stood and blindly followed him out as if in a trance. As soon as I felt the outside breeze lift my hair, my lungs begged for the freshness of it compared to the hot, stuffy club. Jake led me around the corner and backed me up to the wall. He had his leg jammed between mine and his chest was so close I could feel every breath he took. My body was shaking, overwhelmed by the physical attraction I felt for him.
He leaned in and started kissing my neck and then moved up until he firmly covered my mouth. My body raged with fire, as I brought my hands to his face and then up around his neck. I could hear my inner voice screaming at me, What are you doing? You are making out in public, outside a club. This is not you! But my inner voice was a soft roar compared to my desire to stay right where I was.
I’m not sure how long we stood there wrapped up in each other. It could have been seconds, minutes, or even hours. Time was of no consequence to me. Jake was the first to pull away, and I was left breathless, staring at him.
“We better get back in before Issy starts looking for us. I don’t think she’d be that keen on us kissing.” He looked as surprised as I was by the intense chemistry between us.
I looked down, trying to settle my trembling hands. “You’re right, we should go.”
Jake tilted my head back up, lightly kissing my lips again before he led me back into the club. The rest of the night was a blur, dancing and drinking, then more dancing. I felt like I was dancing in the clouds, and Jake never left my side the entire evening. At the end of the night, we all piled in the car. This time Issy was in the front seat and Jake was in the back with me. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. A perfect end to a perfect night...and I was right where I wanted to be.
When I woke the next morning, I thought it had all been a dream until I was slammed with the most excruciating headache I’d ever felt. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls, and I could actually smell alcohol coming out of my pores. I didn’t remember drinking that much, but honestly, I didn’t think about much after the kiss. In fact, the last thing I remembered at all was getting in the car to come home.
I looked down at my clothes; everything was intact minus the shoes. Did Jake put me to bed? Did I act like Issy had the night before? I was horrified. How could I not remember?
I pulled myself out of bed and into the shower. My clothes smelled like smoke, and my eyes had large dark circles under them. How in the world could Issy do this every night? It was already after twelve, and I started to panic. There was no way I was going to get my chapters read in time, not when I couldn’t even get my face to focus in the mirror. My body was full of toxins, and I couldn’t stop sweating, even in the shower. I threw my smelly clothes in the laundry bag and put on my running clothes. I had to get this stuff out of me.
In the kitchen I found a note on the fridge that said, “Hangover juice inside…you’re welcome.” I was officially starving, but everything I looked at made my stomach turn. I took the green hangover juice and brought it up to my face. It smelled and tasted like the produce department in the grocery store. Disgusting…but I just kept thinking of the transformation Issy had made and somehow managed to drink the thick liquid.
My head was swimming. Where was Jake? Did I embarrass him? Did I throw myself at him? The butterflies were rampant in my stomach as I relived every moment of him touching me. “Enough!” I told myself as I grabbed my headsets and headed out the door.
I could only go a mile, and it was a slow one…lots of walking. The heat of the day and the exercise was making me sweat profusely, and I felt like my body was finally ridding itself of the alcohol. The only positive I could find was that I felt really skinny. I had practically gone twenty-four hours without eating and was sure I’d dropped at least two pounds between the run and the dancing.
I hated to admit it, but the green juice was really helping. Issy could sell that stuff and make a fortune. Ok, new plan of action. As soon as I got home, I would get dressed and head to the library. I still had time to get my work done if I really focused.
I walked into my apartment and stopped short when I saw Jake lounging on the couch watching TV.
“There you are,” he said, sitting upright. “Here I was coming over to check on you, and you are already out running again. I’m impressed.”
My stomach fluttered and I smiled. “Oh, don’t be that impressed. You should have seen me an hour ago.” I felt more nervous than ever, not knowing exactly how to act towards him after last night.
“It’s the hangover juice,” I heard Issy call out from the kitchen. “We brought home some lunch if you’re hungry.”
“Yes, thank you. Let me go shower first.”
“Wow, you were hammered last night,” Issy recalled, walking into the living room, while she popped a grape in her mouth. I stopped at my door and cringed. “You totally passed out in the car, and Jake had to carry you up the stairs. If he wasn’t here, you’d probably still be passed out in T.J’s car.”
She acted like it was the most amusing event ever, but I was mortified. Not just at the fact I’d passed out, but that Jake had to carry me. The insecurities of childhood flooded my mind as I imagined him straining as he tried to manage my weight. I wanted to crawl into the biggest hole I could find and never come out. I shook my head and shut the door, tears streaming down my face the whole time I showered.
“Lord, I know she will face temptation and disappointments. I pray you serve as her mighty deliverer. I pray you bring her peace in the midst of hardships and carry her when life’s burden’s are simply to much to bear…”