Shadow in Serenity

thirty-seven


The house was lonely without Jason, and Carny lay awake in bed, listening for sounds of the boys in the woods behind their house, camping out with Nathan’s father for a combination birthday and “school’s out” celebration. But it wasn’t the quiet that kept her awake. It was Logan.

He had been wonderful with the children today, and without him, Jason’s party wouldn’t have been the success it was. The paradox of Logan Brisco puzzled her … yet part of her understood him.

The doorbell rang and she jumped out of bed and grabbed her robe. It was probably Jason. He had probably heard a noise, or gotten cold, or suffered one too many mosquito bites.

She hurried into the living room and peered through the window. It wasn’t Jason who stood there, but Logan. Her heart jolted. She opened the door. “Logan?”

He looked as serious as she had ever seen him, but he made no attempt to come in. He merely leaned against the door casing with his hands in his pockets. “I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “I need to talk to you.”

Slowly, she stepped back, allowing him in. She closed the door behind him. “Just a minute. Let me go get dressed.” She ran back to her bedroom and threw on the clothes she’d had on earlier. This is it, she thought. This was the moment when she’d have to deal with the emotional havoc of getting involved with a man like Logan Brisco. “What about?”

His face was somber, and his eyes held no trace of their usual amusement. “I haven’t been entirely honest,” he said. “I want to change that now.”

“I’m listening.”

He took her hand, led her to the couch, and sat down beside her. She pulled her knees up, hugged them, protecting herself from whatever was about to come.

“Today, when you took my picture … I lied when I said it was okay for you to take it. The truth is, I was avoiding it.”

Her heart deflated slowly. “Why?”

“I’ve already told you that I had a checkered past, Carny. Just like you.”

“But if you’re not a criminal, what does it matter?”

He sighed and looked down at his hands. They were shaking. “I have been a criminal. I spent years in prison for my crimes.”

Every muscle in her body grew rigid. For a moment, horror overcame her, the horror of knowing she had been right, but that she had fallen for him anyway. She got up and went across the room, as far away from him as she could get without walking out entirely. “I … I was right about you? About … being a con artist? You really were out to fleece my town?”

“Not anymore, Carny,” he said quickly. “The banks and Eric Hart and all the numbers are real. I’ve worked myself half to death trying to work it all out, once I decided to make it right. But I can’t lie to you anymore.”

She leaned against the wall, her face still twisted, and shook her head. “Why not, Brisco? Why can’t you lie to me?”

It was almost a plea that he take back his confession, allow her to slip back into the naiveté of his lies. To let her feel good just a little while longer.

She hated herself for it.

“Carny, where were you the day you realized you couldn’t live the kind of life your parents did anymore? Do you remember?”

She didn’t want to stroll down memory lane. She wanted to lash out, scream at him, curl up in her bed and cry.

“Please, Carny. I need for you to think about that. Where were you?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know … I was … in some little town in Louisiana. We were driving all night, because they’d almost been caught at something. I don’t even remember what.”

“And you knew, didn’t you, that at some point, you had to jump off the mad merry-go-round you’d been born onto?”

She hugged herself as her eyes glazed over with the memory. “I’d never felt so lonely in my life. Or so scared. Not of getting caught with my parents and going to jail … but of trying to stop the cycle. Of escaping it, somehow, when it was all I’d ever known. And then our carnival wound up in Serenity, and I went into a little church, and everything changed …”

“I’ve been scared, too, Carny,” he said, his luminous blue eyes glistening in the lamplight. “And the closer I’ve gotten to you, the more terrified I’ve been. But I will do what I’ve promised. Tonight, God spoke to me. Not with words, but with this knowing in my soul.”

Slowly, his words penetrated, and she let the fragile edges of hope work their way back into her heart. She turned back to him, struck by the sincerity in his eyes.

“I was sitting in front of the church with Jack. There was this shooting star, and then the verse on the sign at the church. About living water. And it was from a passage about this woman who’d been married like four times before, and Jesus told her he could give her living water.”

“The woman at the well,” she whispered.

“Yes. She was as messed up as I am. Well, maybe not quite as bad, but she had a history, and lots of baggage. And Jesus wasn’t repulsed by her. He gave her something no one else could give her.”

She took a step toward him. “You read that?”

“Yes.” His mouth was shaking. “Back at the hotel. And I talked to God and told him how sorry I was. And I asked him to wash me like he washed you. And he did.”

Was this just another con? Had he found the buttons that meant something to her? The ones that could make her believe? Could it be real?

“As soon as I knew I was clean, I also knew I had to tell the truth.” He reached out for her, and she crossed the room and took his hand. “Sit down,” he said. “I need to tell you everything.”

She nodded and let him pull her down next to him. “Go ahead.”

“You were right. It started out to be just another scam.”

She closed her eyes and brought her hands to her face. “I knew it.”

“But now … since I’ve gotten to know the people in the town, I’ve been trying to make the park happen for real. If I do that, nobody gets hurt. And if I my make my lies into truth, then I haven’t committed a crime since prison.” He turned around, closing his hand into a fist. “I can see it happening, Carny, just like I said. But …”

Her lips tightened. “But what?”

“But it’s so much more terrifying, trying to pull off reality. Illusion is a lot easier.” He looked her in the eye. “I’m trying to turn my lies into truth, Carny, if that makes any sense. I’m trying as hard as I can.”

For the first time since she’d met him, she didn’t find a trace of doubt in her mind. “The King Enterprises story. That you resigned. Was that true, or was that made up?”

“I am King Enterprises. I have a business license, a telephone number. And as you’ve seen, a voicemail system. I made up the story about their pulling out, because I was trying to ease you into the truth.”

Ease her into it? She didn’t have to question that. She understood it perfectly.

“This may be why God led me to Serenity — so I could see what it would be like to have my slate washed clean, and to find someplace where I could actually belong. To be the person I’ve only pretended to be. Maybe it’s just another selfish motive … to want what I can get out of this town. But this time it’s not money.”

She took a deep breath and let his words sink in. “Selfish or not, wanting a second chance and cleansing … well, that’s honorable, Logan.” An unexpected peace fell over her, and despite what he’d told her, despite what she knew about him, despite what some part of her had always known, she felt closer to him than she’d ever felt to anyone in her life.

When she reached out to hold him, he sank down until his forehead was on her shoulder. For the first time since she’d known him, she didn’t doubt him. In her soul, she knew his story was true.

“If I go to the church tomorrow, and tell them who I really am … if I offer to give all their money back if they want me to … do you think there’s any chance that they could forgive me? That I could live here in Serenity, and actually belong? Or would the truth make that impossible?”

She sighed. “I don’t know. They’re not going to like knowing that you pulled the wool over their eyes.”

“But they accepted you, didn’t they?”

“Yes, but I didn’t hide who I was. They knew from the beginning that I was a carny. My name made that clear. I guess in some ways they saw me as a project, somebody they could mentor and help grow. I never lied to them.”

The air seemed to go out of him, and his eyes settled on some invisible spot in the air. “Then what would happen if I didn’t tell them? If I just went ahead with my plans, and they never knew that it had almost been a scam?”

She shook her head. “No, Logan. You have to come clean. It’s the right thing to do. The Bible says that we should have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but that we should expose them.”

“But if I lose the chance to settle here, then I lose everything. And I lose you.”

“You can’t do this for me. You have to do it for your relationship with God. You have to trust that even if I’m out of the picture, even if you have to leave Serenity, following God’s will is still the right path for you. Is it worth it to you?”

“Yes, it is.”

“I hope so, Logan. If that’s real, then I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here for you.”

He wiped his moist eyes. “I know it’s too soon, that you’re still trying to feel your way through this relationship, but in the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that I’ve fallen in love with you, Carny Sullivan.”

She touched his lips, quieting him. “You say that to all the girls, don’t you?”

“Honestly, I’ve never said it before. And that makes me want to change even more. You deserve an honorable man.”

He kissed her and she melted into him, her walls fading away and her fear vaporizing. When the kiss broke, she gazed into his eyes. “I’m falling for you too, Brisco.”

He grinned like he’d won the lottery. “I never thought I’d hear those words from you.” He brought his eyes back to her. “I’ll tell the people tomorrow,” he said. “I’ll go to church early and ask Brother Tommy if I can talk to them during the service. But I have to admit, I’m scared.”

She reached up and framed his face with her hands. “Don’t be, Logan. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.”

“Is that in the Bible too?” he asked.

“Yes. Philippians 1:6.”

“There’s a lot of cool stuff in there, isn’t there?”

She laughed softly. “Yep. You should read it all.”

“I intend to,” he said.