Shadow in Serenity

twenty-two


When Logan drove up to Carny’s house the next afternoon, Jason was waiting for him, armed with two fishing poles and a bucket of bait. Out of his pocket stuck a fat envelope, and his shirttail was half out of his pants. His face had grown more freckled from time in the sun, and Logan smiled at the sight of him.

“Logan, I’ve got something for you!” he said, running to the car and dragging one of the poles in the dirt. “Something really great.”

Logan got out and took the poles from Jason as Jack hopped down from the front seat. “What? Tell me.”

“Our investment.” The boy stopped to breathe. “At school, everybody brought their investment, and they gave it all to me —”

“Whoa,” Logan said, bending down and getting eye level with him. “Start over. What do you mean ‘everybody brought their investment’?”

“I mean, the kids. The teachers didn’t know, because we thought they might not like it. But they each brought what they had to me. I’ve got three hundred dollars here. Is that enough, Logan? Can you go back to those people now and get them to start building the park?”

Logan straightened slowly and took the envelope from Jason. “Three hundred dollars? Where did everybody get it?”

“Allowances, birthday money, piggy banks. I had sixty dollars that was last year’s birthday money and the money in my stocking last Christmas, and another sixteen dollars and fourteen cents in my piggy bank. And don’t worry. I made a list of all the investors and how much they gave, so when we get rich, you’ll know who gets what. That’s how you do it, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Logan said quietly. “That’s how, all right. But I was serious when I said I wasn’t trying to get money from the children. I just wanted ideas. And I’ll have to check with all the parents.”

“We know. And the teachers are collecting the ideas, ‘cause there’s so many. But isn’t this great, Logan, about the money? Aren’t you happy?”

“Yeah, sure,” Logan said, trying to sound enthusiastic. “It’s great. Really.”

“Is it enough? ‘Cause we could probably raise some more, if we had more time. We were thinking we could have a bake sale or wash cars.”

“No,” Logan said. “This’ll be fine. It’s real close.”

Jason’s eyes danced. “Are we gonna be rich, Logan?”

Logan hesitated. “You know, Jason, being rich isn’t always about money. You already are richer than you know, what with your mother and all the people who love you, and this great town you get to grow up in. Money isn’t going to make you happier.”

“Sure it is, because you can buy lots of cool stuff,” the boy said. “You know what’s the first thing I’m gonna buy? One of those pretty red dresses like they have in the window of Miss Mabel’s Boutique, for my mom, so she can get a husband.”

Logan laughed in spite of himself. “I don’t think your mom is too worried about finding a husband.”

“Then he has to find her,” he said, “and I think that red dress is just the thing that’ll lure ‘em. Come on. The fish are really biting today. I just know it!”

Logan stood for a moment as Jason ran off ahead of him and disappeared into the trees. This afternoon wasn’t going to be as carefree as Logan had expected.

It didn’t pay to have a conscience, Montague had always told him. And all afternoon, as Logan talked and played and fished with the little boy who trusted him, he discovered how true that statement was.

His conscience, which he’d always managed to carefully ignore, had begun to rear its ugly head with amazing frequency lately. Even Jack seemed to look at him with shame-filled eyes, as if to say he knew what Logan was up to and didn’t want any part of it.

Stupid. That was what he was. He was stupid to get involved with Carny Sullivan’s son. He was stupid to take on the care of a dog. He was stupid to have stayed this long.

They caught half a dozen fish, but Logan couldn’t shake his melancholy mood. When he was ready to go, Jason wasn’t ready to quit fishing yet, so Logan said goodbye and walked pensively back to his car. He had to do something, and fast. He was sinking so deep that, if he didn’t act now, he might never get out.

Driving back to the motel, he made the decision that it was time. He would take what he’d already gotten — more than he’d expected when he first concocted this scheme — and get out of town. But the thought gave him little comfort. Reaching for the dog that lay curled on the seat next to him, he said, “So, Jack. How would you like to see the world?”

The dog gave him a blank look, and Logan stroked his soft coat and thought about how difficult it would be to travel now. Jack would complicate Logan’s life drastically.

But he couldn’t leave Jack behind. Logan knew what it was to be alone and confused. He understood abandonment and grief. No one, until Montague, had cared what happened to him. Nurturing Jack meant, in some small way, nurturing the child in Logan who had had no one. It was silly, he thought, and some shrink would probably have a field day with it, but there it was, nonetheless.

He pulled into the motel parking lot, and Jack followed him up to their room. It still smelled of must and stale cigarette smoke from the previous occupants. He had fantasized more than once of buying a little house in Serenity, putting a few pieces of furniture in it, and actually unpacking his bag for a while, but his practical side had told him how ridiculous that would be.

Locking the door, he pulled out his bag, rolled up his clothes, gathered all of his toiletries. Then he rounded up all the paperwork and log sheets that he’d kept, all the notes he’d taken on building a real park, and all the books he’d studied about it. He was definitely leaving here with more than he’d come with, breaking another of Montague’s rules.

He would have to move fast. He needed to get out of the country before the people of Serenity realized they’d been had. Maybe Costa Rica. Even with extra baggage and a dog, he’d probably be all right there.

After boxing up his computer and printer, he made one last check of everything in the room. Satisfied that he’d packed it all, he sat down at the table to count the cash he’d gotten from the citizens of Serenity. It was enough to live off for a couple of years, while he kept a low profile wherever he wound up, just long enough for the Feds to stop looking for him. There was no doubt that the moment Serenity realized he’d run out on them, Carny would have the FBI on his case.

He pulled the fat envelope Jason had given him out of his pocket, dumped out the three hundred dollars in coins and dollar bills. At the front of the stack of money, he found a page in Jason’s crude handwriting, listing the investors by first names only, and the amounts they had contributed.

Are we gonna be rich, Logan? The boy’s words echoed through his mind, and he tried to imagine what Jason’s innocent little face would look like when he learned that he’d lost all his friends’ money, and that Logan had been nothing more than a crook.

He searched his mind for the rationalizations that usually came so easily. Jason needed to learn this lesson. It might save him a wad of money later in life. He needed to realize that he shouldn’t trust someone so readily. He needed to understand that crooks come in all shapes and sizes, and that they needn’t look scruffy or questionable to stab you in the back.

But none of those rationalizations worked. Jason would be worse for these lessons, not better. That was why Carny had chosen to raise him in Serenity, after all. She was trying to protect her son in a way she had not been protected.

And what would she think? That she’d been right? That Logan was nothing more than a two-bit thief with an expensive smile? That the tiny bit of trust he’d begun to cultivate in her was proof of her weakness? Would she ever trust a man again?

He didn’t like the sudden black hole that had formed in his heart, and he couldn’t stop the disturbing questions that kept racing through his mind. Finally he made out a new envelope and addressed it to Jason. He stuffed the children’s money into it, along with the list, and sealed it.

Then he began to harden himself enough to leave the town behind forever.