Chapter 27
I stared over at her. So here, I'd spilled my guts, expecting a shoulder to cry on. But what I got was a kick to the teeth.
"Gee," I said, "maybe I should've called Loretta. At least when she insults me, it's not exactly a surprise."
"Yeah but Loretta's a bitch. Me? I'm just delightfully honest."
"I wouldn’t exactly call it delightful," I said.
"Want to hear my theory?" she said.
"Probably not."
"Too bad," she said. "That agreement with the Parkers? That's just your excuse."
"For what?" I said.
"Do I seriously need to spell this out?"
I crossed my arms. "Apparently."
"Alright, admit it. You liked the fact he thought this was your house."
"Oh shut up."
"So you passed the test. Congratulations, you fit in. You belong. Yippee for you."
"I don't f*cking believe this."
"Hey, I'm not judging you." She grinned. "Last weekend? I told this guy I was a stripper. He totally got off on it."
"You know what?" I said. "You're not as smart as you think you are. Did I tell you about Lawton's brother?"
"What about him?"
"Apparently, he has this thing for breaking and entering."
Her eyebrows furrowed. "How do you know?"
"Because," I said, "he broke into here once."
She looked around. "So what'd he do? Make off with the TV? Raid the liquor cabinet?" She waggled her eyebrows. "Panty-raid?"
"Oh stop it. Technically, he didn't steal anything."
"So what'd he do? Break a window, smash a door? What?"
"No, it was nothing like that. But he did look at my license."
"Oh, heaven forbid. I hope you called the FBI."
"C'mon, this is serious," I said. "You know where my license was? In my purse. Right here in this house. And I wasn't even home."
"And Lawton put him up to it?"
"Well, no," I admitted. "But still, the guy's his brother. They're related."
She gave me a look. "Just like you and your Mom are related?"
"Hey, I'm not my Mom."
"Oh. I see."
"No," I said. "I don't think you do."
"So lemme ask you this. Does Lawton even know his brother broke in?"
"Yeah, he knows."
"So Lawton was the one who told you about it?"
"No. I just overheard them talking, that's all."
"Oh," she said. "So you were eavesdropping."
"No. It wasn't like that."
She shrugged. "If you say so."
"Jeez, what's up with you today?"
"Nothing." She crossed her arms. "If you can't handle a little truth, it's not my problem."
"Yeah? Well, maybe instead of judging me, you should look in the mirror."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she said.
"You know what started all this? Our little birthday party, with that stupid movie poster."
In the poster, a gag gift designed by Erika herself, Lawton had been shirtless with beads of sweat glistening on his bare chest and a woman's arms encircling him from behind.
That fictional woman had my face, just like the fictional movie had its own title, Riding the Rastor. The whole thing had been a joke, right until Lawton saw the poster and assumed it was real.
"So now my poster's stupid?" she said.
"No," I said. "Sorry, I didn't mean that. Honest."
"Well, what did you mean?"
"It's just that between the poster and that stupid sex tape you brought over, well, Lawton went a little nuts when he found everything. He thought I was this crazy stalker chick looking to make a porno on the sly."
"Well, excuse me for wanting to celebrate your birthday." She stood. "You know what? I really don't have time for this crap. Where's my keys?"
"Crap?" I said.
"Do you have my keys or what?"
"Oh, so that's your big problem? You can't find your keys? Poor you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean," I said, "that you have no idea what it's like to be me. Wanna know what'll happen if you lose your keys? Your parents will buy you new ones. Wanna know what happens to me when I lose my keys? I get locked out." My voice rose. "And I don't have a single f*cking person I can call."
"Yeah? That's funny," she said, "because actually, you've called me plenty of times. And my parents. Or do you pretend those are yours too?"
I felt my face grow hot. "That's unfair, and you know it."
"Whatever." She started walking toward the door. "You know what? F*ck the dorm keys. You're right. I'll just have my rich Mommy and Daddy bail me out like they always do."
"Erika, c'mon. I'm sorry, alright?"
"Why should you be sorry? You're exactly right. I wouldn’t know a real problem if it bit me on the ass."
"C'mon. I never said that."
"Whatever. I'm just saying, so what if you're just the house-sitter? It's not like you're Hitler, for God's sake."
"I never said I was."
"And if you like this guy enough to let him stick his dick in you, then you sure as shit should like him enough to be honest with him."
With that, she opened the front door and stalked out toward her car.
"Oh yeah?" I yelled out the open doorway. "Tell that to the guy who thinks you're a stripper!"