Chapter 24
We were getting closer to the Parkers'. It wasn't actually my home, even if I was living there. I was just the house-sitter, dog-walker, plant-waterer, mail-getter, whatever.
When I answered the Parkers' ad, I approached it the only way I thought they'd hire me. I acted like I didn't need the money.
There was only one problem. At the time, I hadn't known about Lawton. I didn't know that we'd get together, or realize how the secrets would pile up. By now, Lawton knew it wasn't my house, but that was pretty much all he knew.
I wanted to keep it that way. And I wanted to tell him everything.
So, what did he think now? That I was some rich guy's mistress? The niece of the owners? Some surgeon's love child?
I took my agreements seriously. As part of the deal with the Parkers, I had a strict confidentiality clause. They didn't want a single person to know they were out of town, and I honestly couldn’t blame them.
And even if I wanted to tell someone, Lawton would be a terrible choice. He had baggage of his own, starting with his brother, who had a nasty little habit of breaking into people's houses when they weren't there.
But was that my only reason? I recalled what Lawton had said about Brittney. He'd practically called her a poser. In truth, I was a poser, too. Sure, I was a paid poser, but did that make it better or worse?
My head was swimming, and the silence stretched out.
Lawton's question hung in the air, getting heavier with every step. After a couple of minutes he said, "Is this your way of telling me no, that it's over?"
Up ahead, I spotted the Parkers' house, a two-story brick Tudor nestled behind a long, tree-lined driveway. It wasn't my home, but it almost felt like it. I'd been here weeks already. I was scheduled to be here most of the winter. Chucky felt like my real dog. Lawton felt like my real neighbor.
More than my neighbor, actually.
I felt like I belonged here. There was only one problem.
I didn't.
Eventually, whether I told him directly or not, Lawton would learn that for himself. When that happened, would he call me pathetic too? Would it be any less pathetic if I told him directly?
And if I did, would he tell his brother that the owners were out of town? And would his brother use that information to steal more than a glimpse at my driver's license?
There were too many questions on not enough sleep. At the foot of the Parkers' long driveway, I stopped, turning to face him.
He stopped too, looking down at me with parted lips and wary eyes
As I studied his face, I considered how easy it would be to melt into his arms and tell him everything. We could start over, no more secrets, no more barriers.
Or maybe, he'd decide I was just another Brittney. Maybe I was just another Brittney. Were we really that different?
"Chloe," he said. "I do love you."
I looked down at my feet. "I love you too. But I'm not sure it's enough."
"It's enough for me," he said. "The first time I saw you, I just knew."
I looked to the horizon. The first streaks of pink appeared in the eastern sky. "It's really late," I said.
He turned to follow my gaze. "No. It's early, remember?"
"Lawton," I said. "I'm not sure you really know me. And if I'm being really honest, that's my fault not yours. But it is what it is."
"I do know you," he said. "At least all that matters."
"No. You don't," I said. "And honestly, I probably don't know you very well either."
"You wanna know me?" he said. "Come with me tomorrow."
"Where?"
"You'll see."
I was too exhausted to plan anything for tomorrow. If I didn't get some serious sleep, I'd never make it through my shift. "Tomorrow's not good," I said.
"Then how about the next day?"
"Monday?" I said. "I'm working that day, too."
"But you don't go in 'til late, right?"
"Yeah. But I can't afford to be late anymore."
"I won't make you late," he said. "I promise."
I bit my lip, thinking about it.
"C'mon," he said. "It's my last day in town this week. Say yes."
"You're taking a trip?" I said.
"Not a vacation. Work. This event in Vegas. You wanna come?"
"Very funny," I said.
"You think I'm joking?"
"I don't know what to think, but it doesn't matter. I'm working every day 'til Friday."
"Then c'mon, say yes for Monday." His gaze met mine. "Please?"
I stared into his eyes, and something in my heart gave way. "Maybe," I said.
His eyes softened. "I'm taking that as a yes." He glanced toward the house. "Can I walk you to the door?"
I shook my head. "Nah, that's alright." Awkwardly, I gave him a little wave and headed toward the house. As I walked down the long driveway, I felt his gaze on my back, but I didn't turn around.
When I unlocked the front door and went inside, I peered through the window blinds and saw him still standing there, a dark silhouette on the quiet street. I left the window to flick on the living room lights. When I looked out the window a second time, he was gone.
I found Chucky asleep in his favorite basket.
Five minutes later, I stumbled upstairs and fell into bed, fully clothed, in the Parkers' guestroom. Just before sleep claimed me, I saw Lawton's face, looking at me the way he used to, before all the drama, all the heartache.
It would be nice to see him look at me that way again.
But would he, if he knew who I truly was?