Reason to Breathe

37. Gifts





I followed their rules for the next two weeks. Not because I wanted to, because it’s just how it ended up. Evan and I didn’t go to his house the following Sunday, we went to the sports complex where he talked me into the driving range instead of the batting cages. I concluded in frustration never to do it again.


I spent time in Art and part of study period preparing his birthday gift. Ms. Mier didn’t know exactly what it was for but was encouraging as I completed each page. I had a feeling she knew more than she admitted, but then again, she always did.

When it was finally finished, I let Sara look it over to make sure I hadn’t stepped over any lines that would make it too… much. She understood its entire content since I told her everything, so it was unnerving to watch her reaction as she scanned each page. She smiled at the end and shocked me by giving me a hug.

“Em, it’s perfect.”

“Really?”

“Definitely - he’s going to love it.”

“Then why do I feel like I’m going to throw up at the thought of giving it to him?”

“Because it’s so personal and thoughtful. He has to love it.”

I hoped she was right.

My stomach was in my throat the entire ride to school on Friday. I nervously wrung my hands in my lap. Evan finally said something when we arrived at school.

“What’s going on?” He turned to face me after shutting the car off.

I took a quick breath. “I didn’t know when was the best time to do this, so I’m just going to do it now.” I reached into my backpack and pulled out the flat, wrapped square. “Happy birthday.”

Evan produced an uncomfortable grin. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to open it now,” I blurted when he started to unwrap the gift. “You can look at it later, when you’re by yourself.”

He eyed me suspiciously and opened it anyway.

“Evan, really, you don’t have to look at it now.” Maybe I was going to throw up.

“Did you make this?”

I bit my lip and nodded.

To my horror, Evan started turning the pages of the ribbon bound collection of art. A smile crept onto his face. I held my breath, watching his bright eyes take in each moment captured by the stroke of my brush.

He turned to the page with the image of Sara’s scarf and remarked, “I still have this, don’t I?” He hesitated at the page with the blue hand print, smiling wider, which sent a warm chill through me. I took in his soft expression while he scanned the lyrics I transcribed from one of the songs he downloaded on my iPod, and he shook his head with a smile at the Jacobs’ exquisite chandelier. Evan ran his fingers along the brook in the meadow, and he let out a light laugh remembering the cityscape from atop the apartment building in New York. His cheeks flushed at the sight of the pink roses on the last page, and he slowly closed the book with a deep breath.

“This is everything, huh?” he questioned, taking a hold of my hand.

“Only the good stuff,” I corrected, my fiery cheeks now crimson.

“This is amazing. Thank you.” He leaned over and found me waiting for him. My head was swirling already from not being able to breathe, but with the touch of his lips, the sensation escalated, a rush of flitters in my chest. He left me needing a minute to float back down before stepping out of the car.

Evan met me on the other side of the car and wrapped me tightly in his arms. My heart still hadn’t recovered from the kiss and continued to falter when I looked up into his steel blue eyes.

“That is the best gift I’ve ever received,” he grinned. He kissed me again, but with a little more restraint.

“Oh,” I sighed when he finally released me. “I’m glad you like it.”

“That was hard for you, wasn’t it?” Evan noted, holding my hand as we walked into school. I hesitated, unsure of what he meant. “Having me look at it with you right there.”

“You have no idea,” I confessed. He smiled at my honesty.

“So tomorrow night’s my turn,” he declared with a slight squeeze of my hand, leaving me perplexed as he disappeared down the hall.

Evan wouldn’t explain what he meant when I asked later that day. But, he did want me to wear his favorite pink sweater, which I agreed to do with a shrug – it was his birthday. He continued to avoid telling me what he meant by his statement, making me nervous. It made Sara giddy. She came up with a thousand reasons he was being so mysterious, but none of them were even close to what he actually planned.





“We’re having dinner at your house?” I questioned in confusion when we pulled in his driveway. Evan grinned.

“Close your eyes,” he requested.

“What?! Why?” I demanded in a rush. “Evan, what did you do? This is supposed to be your birthday, right?”

“Yes,” he replied with a quick smile, “and this is what I wanted to do for my birthday. Close your eyes.”

I swallowed the anxiousness and obeyed. Evan helped me out of the car and wrapped a silky fabric around my eyes.

“Are you serious?”

“I know you’ll peek before you’re supposed to.”

“Evan, I have heels on; I’m going to kill myself.”

“No you won’t.” He swept his arm under my knees, and I fell back, cradled in his arms. I yelled out in surprise and wrapped my arms firmly around his neck.

“That was not necessary,” I scolded.

“Don’t want you to kill yourself,” he remarked, a smile in his voice.

I heard his feet crunching along the gravel that led to the barn and then the squeak of a door. I recognized the scents of the garage as he continued up the stairs. He pushed the door open and effortlessly lowered me onto my feet. I was afraid to open my eyes after he untied the fabric.

When I did, my mouth dropped open. The entire room was shimmering in a soft glow, with lines of candles on every surface. The couch was pushed toward the wall to allow room for a small table in the center of the floor, adorned with candlesticks and set for two. I recognized the soft whispery female voice floating through the speakers.

“Is this from my playlist?” I questioned.

“I told you it set a mood,” Evan smirked, then examined me intently and asked, “So, how’d I do?”

“It’s beautiful,” I breathed. He stood behind me with his arms around my waist, bending to kiss the top of my shoulder.

Evan escorted me to the table and pulled out a chair for me. Even though I knew it was part of who he was, the chivalry still felt awkward. I smiled nervously as he sat across from me, a colorful salad in front of us.

“Is this weird for you?” he asked, observing my fidgeting.

“No,” I answered reluctantly. “I’m trying to get over that you thought to do this.”

“Thanks,” he replied sarcastically. “You didn’t think I had this in me?”

“It’s not that,” I corrected. “It’s your birthday, so it doesn’t feel quite right.”

“This is exactly what I wanted to do for my birthday. So, relax, okay?”

“Okay,” I breathed, searching for the appetite to eat the berries and greens before me.

“We are going to the prom together, right?” he confirmed. “I know I didn’t officially ask you. Actually, I think my mother did.”

I laughed. “Yes, Evan, I will go to the prom with you.”

“Please don’t tell me that you’re going to go shopping with her,” he begged.

“I could never afford any place she’d take me.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure she wants to buy the dress.” My eyes widened in surprise. He added, “It would just be too strange having you and my mother alone together. I know she’d tell you things that would freak me out.”

“Really?” I teased. “Maybe we should go shopping together.” Evan shook his head as I laughed at the idea of bonding with Vivian.

After I got over the initial shock of the romantic setting and recognized that it was only Evan and I, everything felt comfortable again. We talked casually and laughed easily. It was perfect. I’d almost forgotten that we were sitting in the barn. The flickering light transformed the room, hiding the games and tables in the shadows. I was soothed by the candles and the music - lost in the soft light flickering in Evan’s eyes. But, the anxiety returned when Evan set down a small blue box in front of me, instead of the dessert I was expecting.

I couldn’t find my voice or even breathe. He smiled at me from across the table, watching me struggle for words.

“Don’t say anything,” he insisted. “This is what I wanted to do.”

I stared at him, unable to bring myself to open the box.

“You have to open it,” he pleaded. I looked nervously between him and the box. “Please open it. You’re killing me.”

I took a quick breath and slid the top off the box. I looked up at Evan with wide eyes, still unable to speak.

“I thought you should have one of your own to go with the sweater,” he explained. “You like it, right?”

“Yes,” I breathed, too overwhelmed to touch the sparkling rock inside the box. Evan stood behind me and removed it from the velvet to place it around my neck. I gently caressed it with my shaking finger tips as it lay against my skin.

I stood up to face him. “Thank you,” I whispered. I wrapped my arms around him and extended on my toes to find his lips. My lips brushed gently against his, lingering for a moment before slowly pulling away.

Evan had his arms around my waist, holding me against him. The music settled in around us and we found ourselves slowly moving to the soothing seductive voice.

“Are we dancing?” I questioned with a smile.

“I think we are,” Evan agreed with a slight nod of his head. “Is that bad?”

“No, just something else I’ve never done before,” I admitted. I laid my head under his chin, allowing him to sway me.

The delicate strums and smooth melodies were mesmerizing, adding to the enchantment of the flickering lights and the warmth of his body. I searched his face as he gazed down at me with a soft smile. My stomach fluttered and my head felt light, I was completely consumed by him.

“I love you,” I whispered – the words flowed effortlessly from my mouth.

Evan pulled me against him and pressed his lips to mine. The tender kiss soon turned urgent, sending electric charges throughout my body. His lips moved down my neck and his hands slid along my back under the sweater. I let out an excited breath as I ran my hands along his taught frame under his shirt. He pulled it up over his head. We separated long enough to allow him to drop it to the floor.

We were moving, still in our passionate exchange, in the direction of the room above the garage. I slid my sweater over my head and dropped it behind me. Evan stopped.

“Are you sure?” he questioned with a heavy breath, studying my face for a sign of doubt.

“Yes,” I said in a whispering sigh, pulling him toward me again. He eagerly accepted me. I kicked off my shoes and unbuttoned my pants. Evan caught my hands.

“Really, we don’t have to do this.”

“Evan, I love you. I want to. But if you don’t…” I started to zip my pants, and his hands caught mine again. We stood still for a second, staring at each other. Then he slid down my zipper and eased my pants over my hips. I stepped out of them and followed him into the room. He held me against his warm smooth skin before gently laying me on top of the comforter, his mouth trailing along my shoulders down to my stomach. He stood to remove his shoes and to slide off his pants.

I wrapped my leg around the back of his thigh as he eased himself over me. My mouth found his neck, and I traced my lips along his shoulder. Our frantic breaths revealed our excitement, as his fingers traced along my stomach, sending a thousand sparks shooting through my body.

Evan froze when the lights flashed through the front windows. My eyes widened in alarm, as I held my breath.

“Oh no,” he exclaimed, jumping up to investigate. He grabbed his pants and quickly stuffed each leg into them. I propped myself up on my elbows, watching in shock as he hopped to put his shoes back on.

“Stay here,” he instructed as he rushed out the door, closing it behind him.

“Evan, you up there?” I heard a guy’s voice yell a few minutes later. You have got to be kidding me! The distinct thump of footsteps climbed the stairs.

“Oh,” the voice exclaimed. “Are we interrupting something?”

A flood of light shone through the bottom of the closed door. I panicked. Someone was in the other room. My clothes were in the other room! I heard more footsteps and voices. I snuck off the bed and tiptoed to the closet to find something to throw on.

“No,” Evan replied uneasily. “Um, I was just cleaning up.”

“Had a good birthday, huh?” the voice asked with a laugh.

“Jared, what are you doing here?” Evan finally asked.

“Came here with a few of the guys to surprise you for your birthday. Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks,” Evan responded. Jared didn’t seem to notice the tension in his voice.

“Let’s turn on the music and play pool or something,” Jared suggested emphatically. “Get whatever you want to drink at the bar.”

“Sounds good,” one of the other voices agreed. “What’s with all the candles?”

“It’s from earlier,” Evan stated dismissively.

In the dim light, I made out a pair of jogging pants and a sweatshirt. I threw them on, folding the waistband of the oversized pants. The clothes hung off me, but it was better than being practically naked.

“I should bring these plates to the house,” Evan told the guys. “I’ll be right back.”

The room on the other side of the door erupted with the bellows of a punk rock band and the crashing of pool balls.

I sat on the bed, having no idea what to do. I knew that there was no way I was going out that door while they were still in the other room.

“Emma?” Evan whispered. I jumped at the sound of the voice coming from the floor. I leaned over the edge of the bed to find Evan peering up through an open trap door in the floor. He was standing on a fold-down ladder that led to the garage.

“You can come down this way. They won’t know,” Evan explained.

I carefully made my way down the ladder in my bare feet, with Evan waiting at the bottom. He replaced the floor panel before folding the ladder back up. Without saying anything, he grabbed my hand. I followed him out of the door into the cool moonlit night.

“I am so sorry,” he stressed while we walked in the damp grass of the field behind his house. “I had no idea he was coming.”

“It’s okay.”

“I hid your clothes in the closet before they came up. I promise to get them back to you.”

“I’m never going to see that sweater again, am I?”

“Well, maybe after it stops smelling like you,” he responded with a grin. Evan secured his arms around me. “We’ll have other moments, I promise. I’m not going anywhere… well, not without you.”

“I know.”





“Nice outfit,” Sara observed with a smile when I walked into her bedroom. “You have a story to share, that’s for sure.”

“How was your date with Tony?” I asked, trying to delay the inevitable conversation.

“Done,” Sara declared casually, with a slight shrug. “Is that a diamond around your neck? Em, start talking.”

I brushed over the more intimate scenes, much to Sara’s disappointment, and when I was done with my account of the evening, Sara erupted in laughter. I slowly joined in.

“I can’t believe you almost got caught your first time!” she exclaimed in-between fits of laughter.

“Shut up, Sara,” I laughed, throwing a pillow at her. “It wasn’t my first time. It didn’t happen.”

“You have the worst luck,” she bellowed, tears rolling down her cheeks.