Pieces of Truth

Chapter 19

Lick, Sip, Suck

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I cradled the bottle of tequila in my hand as I sat on the floor, swaying in time to the music. The room was moving with me. It was as if I was on a sailing ship, and the floor was the ocean. Even sitting on the ground, I was still getting that back and forth, up and down, seasickness effect. I knew that I had passed that moment when it was sensible to stop, but I needed to numb the pain of my lost relationship, so I just kept going.

“Pick some music Josh,” I screeched, pouring another shot into my little shot glass I was holding unsteadily. I was sitting on the on the floor leaning up against his sofa, in the middle of Josh’s lounge room.

“Blink 182 good enough?” he asked me as he stood scanning the music on his iPod, on a shelf on the far wall.

“Yep, you choose the song.” I took another shot of tequila and slammed down my glass.

“How about, What’s my age again?” Josh eyed me for approval.

“I’m twenty-three, bitch!” I yelled back, and giggled as I held the bottle even closer to my chest.

“Alright Norah, give me that bottle. Enough is enough. You’ve had your fun.” Josh sounded so serious as he tried to take the bottle from my claw-like grip. He failed to free it from my hands, and I laughed at his failure.

“But Josh, it’s my birthday,” I said, pushing out my lips into an exaggerated pout.

“It was your birthday yesterday Nor,” Josh pointed out in my inebriated state. He tried to paw again at the tequila bottle and I continued to push his hand away.

“Yes...ter...day Joshua,” I stammered, “Does. Not. Count.” I glared at him for understanding. Any reference to yesterday did not exist in my mind right now. It was a closed-off memory for the evening. It would be in complete blackout until I was ready to shine some light on it.

“OK, OK. Today is your birthday.” Josh grinned, knowing how much his acceptance would make me happy. I don’t think he wanted to see me get any more depressed so he tried keep me as pleased as he could in my stupor.

“Yay!” I said. “Twenty-three and single. The world is my oppster!”

“Don’t you mean oyster?” Josh corrected.

“Quiet young ‘un.” I pointed my finger at Josh, scolding him like a naughty boy.

Josh tried again to take the bottle away from me, but I rolled away from his attempt. Josh looked annoyed by what I said. “I’m only younger by a month. That doesn’t count Nor.”

I got onto my knees to look at Josh, who looked down at me as I bit my lip. “Oh, it totally counts Joshua, and as your elder, I demand you play a drinking game with me.”

His eyes expanded, almost considering saying yes, but then I saw sensibility kick some weird thought out of his head. “I don’t know Nor. I think you need to go to bed. Sleep this off. You’re not thinking straight right now.”

I got up off my knees, and stood up, rather awkwardly and walked up really close to Josh, invading his personal space. “Quiet party pooper.” I poked at his chest. “Look Josh, you play one game with me and I will go to sleep. Sprout’s promise.” My hand was over my heart as I tried to convince Josh I was being honest.

“I think you mean Scout’s Promise?” Josh corrected again, as he assisted my swaying body.

“Don’t make me slap you! Now, lie down on the couch and take off your shirt.”

Josh looked at me confused. I saw his hesitation once again so I moaned loudly as I led him onto the couch with my hands. “Look Josh, I don’t make the rules of the game, so take off your shirt.”

Josh shook his head, trying not to laugh at me, but he removed his T-shirt and lay on his couch, his head resting near where I was knelt on the floor.

“Alright Joshy. We are going to play lick, sip, suck, except I’m going to pour the tequila into your mouth and then I’ll be using my mouth to get the tequila from yours by licking, sipping and sucking.”

Josh’s eyes bulged as I explained how to play. He bit his lip and looked sideways, like he was thinking, and then he tried to get up. “Norah, that is not how it is done. Now come on, let’s get you to bed.”

My hand came charging down on his abs, which surprised him and forced him to lay back down again.

I couldn’t help but run my hand all over his abs as he watched me take control. Josh with no shirt on. Rippling abs, broad shoulders, muscles. F*ck those muscles!

Josh noticed my glazed stare on his body. I shook my head, and returned to the task at hand. “This is the game I want to play, and this is how I want to play it Josh. Alright?”

His eyes darted to where my hand was now resting near the buttons of his jeans. “Norah,” he began, in a very concerned voice.

My fingers started to play with the top button of his jeans. “You hear the song playing right now by Grinspoon?”

Josh tried not to stare at my hand on his jeans as he responded. “Yes, it’s Lost Control.”

I smiled crookedly. “That. I. Have. Now open up Joshy.”

Before Josh had time to divert my actions, I held the bottle of tequila above his head. He looked into my eyes, then back to me and slowly opened his mouth. I poured the tequila into his mouth, and then put down the bottle.

I moved slowly, purposely making Josh watch me as my head moved nearer and nearer to his mouth. His lips were shut when I got close enough to touch them with my own. I then used my tongue to start licking his lips. In a matter of seconds, Josh’s mouth sprang open and my tongue dived into his mouth, our lips and tongues frantically consuming one another. In our frenzied and passionate, tequila-filled kiss, my hand started to undo Josh’s buttons on his jeans.

Josh’s hands were in my hair as I continued to undress him. My mouth and my mind were moving a million miles an hour. Tequila, betrayal, lust and escape. My hand started to slide into Josh’s jeans, when my brain alerted me of a pounding, and not of the drunken head pounding variety.

What is that?

“NORAH! NORAH! Are you in there?”

My hand tensed and I swung my whole body around to look at the vibrating door.

Josh’s body bucked as he realized who it was. “Hide, quickly!” Josh managed to say as he got to his feet and buttoned up his jeans. I crawled, somewhat awkwardly, towards the curtains near Josh’s terrace to hide. They were floor to ceiling length, so the only thing I needed to do was to stand very still behind them.

Easier said than done.

From behind the blackness of the curtains, I heard the front door open, and thunderous footsteps come marching in.

“Where is she Hollows? Where? I know she would have come straight to you. Tell me where she is!” Clint was in Josh’s apartment. Clint. The boy who wanted to marry me, yet had ripped my heart out, twice. F*cker. The booze in me started to call Clint every name imaginable in my head. I didn’t want to be thinking about this pain right now. It would lead to me getting physically violent, and I didn’t want to face him when I wasn’t in a state of mind to inflict the maximum amount of pain.

“Hey calm down. She isn’t here,” Josh declared in a steady and convincing voice.

“That’s bullshit. You’re hiding her aren’t you? NORAH! NORAH!” The footsteps were now pounding around the apartment. After a minute, they stopped near the front door. “She always comes back to you. Now tell me where she is Hollows!” His voice sounded so frightened and for a second, I debated about showing myself, but this time my head knew better. I was not confronting Clint right now; not like this.

“Clint, I’ve told you, she isn’t here. She’s probably staying with her Dad. Why don’t you ask him?”

There was a long pause before I heard them speak again.

“Josh, you have to help me find her. I need to get her back. I made a terrible mistake. I think...I think I’ve lost her for good this time.” I knew he must have looked lost and broken, but I was still too angry to see him, and too worried about what I would do to him if I did.

“I want to help you, but I can’t. You really hurt her. You are lucky I don’t drop you to the ground, right here, right now.” Josh’s voice had lifted in anger as he spoke about defending me. I felt comforted by hearing that.

Suddenly, I heard a body slump to the ground.

No one had been hit had they?

“She was my future Josh. I don’t think you know how serious I was about her. What I would be willing to do to get her back. Maybe she’ll listen to you if you just tell her to forgive me.”

Josh choked as Clint pleaded with him. He knew exactly how serious was about me. “Whoa! No! Not happening! No way!”

There was another long pause before I heard shuffling again and feet walking around near the doorway. “I don’t know what to do. Please, if you see her, can you tell her I love her and that I’m sorry.” Clint’s anger at trying to find me had been replaced by despair.

“Clint, I’m sure she already knows that, but maybe it’s time to let her go. I really don’t think she’ll get past this.”

I heard a fist hit Josh’s door. “Maybe if she understood why I did what I did...”

Josh cut him off. “Hey steady, that’s my door. Look, I don’t know Clint, but if I see her, I will tell her you came looking for her. OK.”

I heard Clint sniffle before his footsteps led out from Josh’s loft.

Did I feel bad for Clint? Could I forgive him? I had forgiven him once before, I gave him a second chance, and it led me back to the exact same place where I had been side-swiped and gutted. No, with me it was, two strikes and you’re out. There was no going back.

The door closed and I sidled out from behind the curtains. Josh stared at me from across the room. There weren’t any words that could be said right now. Everything that I tried to avoid this evening had just walked through Josh’s door, causing the darkness that had tried to get drunk, be hit with a sobering punch of reality. I couldn’t focus on what I felt about Clint or what I had just been doing with Josh. I needed silence and sleep. I needed to get away from everything that was making me weak and emotional.

I kept my head hung low, avoiding Josh’s eyes, and then slowly, and very quietly, walked past Josh and went to his spare bedroom to pass out.