New Girl

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX



HE USUALLY SLIPPED HER THE NOTES, AND SHE always saved them. She didn’t know why, but she always had trouble throwing them out. But this time, she slipped one to him.

Boathouse. One last time.

It was twelve-fifteen now, and Becca was walking down the wooden steps that led onto the sand. It was almost pitch-black, but she could see that he was there when he dragged on his cigarette. She walked toward the orange burn. It was because of her that he smoked. It was f*cked-up, but she liked that she’d affected someone like that.

“Hey,” Johnny said.

“Hey.” She reached up for a kiss. He always tasted the same, every night they met. Like cigarettes and peppermint gum. She so preferred that to Max, who always smelled of soap.

He held out the cigarette for her.

“Thanks.” She breathed it in.

They said nothing for another moment while he finished it and then, as usual, they went into the boathouse. He pulled the string that hung from the exposed lightbulb by the door, and they walked across the dusty, dirty, creaky floor and over to the couch. It smelled like mildew, and the fabric was frayed and matted. It was the kind of couch you’d never want to hold a black light over, and you couldn’t be paid to stick a hand between the cushions.

He popped in a piece of his gum and sat down. As he did, a cloud of dust filled the air.

She felt guilty being here with him whenever she thought of Dana. But she’d missed him so much. His touch, his kiss, his words…

He scoffed. “I just can’t do it.”

“Why?”

She hated it. She hated feeling like this. She should have known better than to try to see him again.

“Because,” he said. “I’ve been trying to get over you. It was never right that we were together. And now we’ve been apart. We’re fine. We should have just stayed that way.”

She wanted to tell him she’d tell Max everything if he didn’t stay with her. But that’s not what she wanted from Johnny. She wanted him to really want her.

“B-but don’t you like me? Don’t you want me?” Her heart skipped a little. She was the girl he wanted. “If you want me then why not just say screw everyone and do it?”

“It doesn’t work like that in real life, Becca.”

“Screw real life.”

“I’m sorry, Becca.” He stood and went to her. He leaned over to kiss her head. He lingered a moment, and all she wanted to do was grab him and kiss him back. But she couldn’t do that now. She just stared at her shoes and listened to his footsteps until they were gone.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Becca asked Dana, staring up at the ceiling from her bed. She’d been counting the embossed fleurs-de-lis there, but Max had been in her head the whole time. It was April. There was only a month left of school. And she’d been flying solo for months now. No Max, no Johnny. No Johnny at all.

It’s not that she’d been floundering. Being single had provided her with the chance to flirt with and be chased after by everyone else. But that wasn’t what she wanted. And now, with this, she wanted that boy more than ever.

“Of course,” said Dana, putting down her book. “You can tell me anything.”

“I…” Becca was losing her nerve.

“I won’t tell anyone.”

“Well…I haven’t even told Max.” Or Johnny. She took a deep breath. “I’m…I’m pregnant.”

The room fell silent as the news sank into both of them.

“You—what? How do you know?”

“I went into town last weekend. I stopped at the drugstore. I…I just found out.”

She hung her head. She felt blood rushing to her cheeks and head.

“Are you serious? Are you…are you sure?”

“Yes, Dana, God! Am I serious? No I’m not f*cking kidding. It’s not funny.”

“You haven’t told Max? Don’t you think he has a right to know?”

Becca shook her head. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter now anyway. It would only make things harder.”

“I don’t know, Becca....”

“Look, just forget it.”

Dana nodded, and studied the end of her bed intently.