Need You Now

Chapter Twenty-One




Darlene cried in the waiting room until she felt like there was nothing left in her. The doctor’s words rang in her ears. “I’m very sorry. The surgery on her brain went well, but her internal injuries were too bad. Her kidneys and other major organs are failing. You can go see her, but she doesn’t have long.”

The doctor had said that Layla was in and out of a coma. When she’d fallen off her horse, her foot had gotten caught in the stirrup. They thought something must have spooked the horse, maybe a snake, and that she’d been dragged across the pasture for a long time before the mailman came by and saw what was going on.

Darlene finally lifted herself out of the chair in the waiting room and made her way to Layla’s room. She opened the door hesitantly. Layla looked surprisingly calm, even with the many wires and tubes. A large bandage was wound around her head and across her forehead, but no ventilator or anything else obstructed her face. She had two long cuts on the left side of her face, both with stitches, and several smaller cuts on the other side of her face. Her upper lip was swollen, her eyes closed. Darlene pulled the chair closer to Layla’s bed and reached for her hand.

How was it possible that she could still cry? She gulped hard and blinked as fast as she could, but hot tears slipped down her cheeks just the same. A few minutes later, the door opened and a nurse walked in. She checked Layla’s breathing, her pulse and heart rate, then put a hand on Darlene’s shoulder. “It won’t be long, honey. Can I get you anything?”

Darlene just shook her head.

For the next six hours, she sat with Layla. Twice she’d called Brad with updates. Nurses came in and out, each time seeming surprised that Layla was still hanging on. Twice Layla had opened her eyes and stared at Darlene. Darlene had squeezed her hand and tried to talk to her, but Layla closed her eyes again. One time, Darlene thought she was gone. Her heart monitor still showed a heartbeat, though, and her breaths were shallow but there.

Darlene hadn’t realized she’d dozed off until she felt a gentle squeeze on her hand. She opened her eyes and met Layla’s glassy gaze. “Hey,” Darlene said as she leaned forward.

To her surprise, Layla whispered, “Hey.”

Please, God, don’t let me cry. Give me strength. And when Layla goes, take her to Your kingdom in paradise where there’s no more pain.

“Do you need anything?” Darlene didn’t know what else to say, and she didn’t know how much Layla knew. She couldn’t help but wonder if a person knew when life was slipping away. Or did Layla just think she was temporarily in the hospital, anxious to get back home?

“Tom?” Layla’s face twisted in pain as she spoke.

“He’s on his way, Layla. He took the first plane out of Thailand.” Darlene squeezed her hand again. “Is there anyone else you want me to call? Sheila was here earlier. She had to leave for her husband’s heart surgery.”

“No. You stay.” Layla’s voice was low and raspy.

Darlene’s entire body was trembling, and the knot in her throat made it difficult to swallow. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep from crying. Her chest hurt from the effort, but she was determined to be strong for her friend.

Then Layla whispered something Darlene didn’t understand. “I didn’t hear you, Layla. What did you say?” She leaned her face closer to Layla.

“Tell—tell Tom . . .” Then she closed her eyes, and Darlene started to cry. She shook her head, forced herself to stop.

“I’m listening, Layla. What would you like for me to tell Tom?”

Layla slowly opened her eyes again. “Tell him that I’m sorry I won’t be around.”

Darlene’s entire body shook, tears pouring down her face. “I’ll tell him.”

“Tell him he’s always been the one . . .” A slight smile formed on one side of her mouth. “Tell him snow bunnies never freeze. He’ll know what it means.”

Darlene squeezed her hand. “I will, Layla. I will tell him.”

Layla locked eyes with her. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Layla closed her eyes again, and Darlene yielded to the sobs that burst out of the heaviness in her chest. She couldn’t take her eyes off of Layla’s breathing, and relief washed over her when Layla opened her eyes again.

“Thank you, Darlene, for nudging me back onto the path. His path.” She said something else, but Darlene didn’t hear her. She leaned closer, but Layla’s eyes shifted to her right. Layla smiled again, and a tear rolled down her cheek. “Marissa . . .”

Darlene looked to the far corner of the room, to where Layla’s eyes were fixated and glowing now. She looked back at Layla and saw her smile broaden.

“Marissa . . . ,” she said again.

Then Layla closed her eyes for the last time.



Layla’s funeral was three days later in Round Top, and Sheila made sure that the details were kept from the public. Tom and Sheila agreed that Layla would have wanted a small gathering, so after the funeral, Sheila had organized a meal at Layla’s house, catered by a local company. Darlene couldn’t have eaten anything if she’d tried. And seeing Dave among the guests only upset her more, especially when she saw him talking with Brad in a corner at one point.

She knew she had to tell Brad, but it might be awhile before she was mentally able to focus on anything. She was trying to be strong for her children. All three kids had liked Layla a lot, and Grace was taking it the hardest, crying uncontrollably on and off throughout the funeral and even now. Darlene stayed close to her, and she thought it was touching the way Ansley never left her side. Chad had cried during the funeral, and Darlene had hardly been able to breathe, but he was holding himself together here at Layla’s.

Throughout it all, Brad did everything in his power to ease Darlene’s pain—having food brought in the past few days so she didn’t have to cook, running her hot baths, tucking her into bed, keeping the kids occupied. And always telling her how much he loved her, which made her cry harder.

One thing gave her comfort. Layla had formed a strong faith and renewed her relationship with God before she’d passed. But Darlene worried about her own relationship with God. What if she died tomorrow? Would she have the same kind of peace that Layla seemed to have in the hospital? She’d prayed and prayed the past few days, but not always with a clear conscience. Sometimes she knew she was talking to God because there was no one else. She couldn’t confide in her best friend about how guilty she felt, the regret in her heart. And she couldn’t talk to Brad about her guilt, her suspicions, and her need to have things right between them. So she’d talked to God. For hours.

And even though it seemed to her that she’d chosen God last, He made her feel like she was number one to Him, and love, comfort, and strength had come from those prayers the past few days. Her conversations with God were honest, tearful, and genuine. She’d talked to Him like she would a best friend, often aloud when no one was around.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Tom walked up to her. She’d met him before the funeral that day, but they hadn’t been able to talk. Everyone had been so upset, including Tom, who had cried hard. His eyes were still red and swollen.

“I’m glad you were with Layla when she went,” he said, then swallowed hard. “She said you were the first best friend she’d ever had that she trusted.”

Darlene forced a smile. She wanted to go home, to bed, to cry in private. “I’m going to miss her a lot,” she finally said. Then she remembered Layla’s last words, which she should have told Tom earlier. “Tom, Layla wanted me to tell you that you were always the one.” She took a deep breath. “And that she’s sorry she won’t be around.”

He covered his eyes with one hand for a moment, then looked at Darlene. “Layla and I were in a good place.” He blinked back tears.

“She also said to tell you that snow bunnies never freeze.”

Through tears welling in the corner of his eyes, he chuckled. “That’s my girl. Thank you for telling me that.” He kissed Darlene on the cheek. “I hope to see you again soon, to stay in touch.”

Darlene nodded. Sheila was Layla’s executor and would be putting Layla’s house on the market, so Darlene doubted that she’d ever see him again.

She walked out of the crowded living room and down the long hallway to the bathroom. She ran right into Dave on the way. She’d done her best to keep her distance from him and avoided eye contact whenever she caught him looking at her.

“Can I talk to you?” His tone was urgent, and even though now wasn’t the time to talk about anything to do with them, she briefly wondered if maybe something was wrong with Cara.

She followed him into a large library off one end of the hall. “What?”

“I’m just worried about you.” He touched her arm, and she quickly jerked away.

“I’m heartbroken. My best friend just died.” She knew her tone was laced with resentment, but being around Dave only served as a reminder of what she’d done.

“I know. We’re all going to miss Layla.” He paused, and Darlene could see the sincerity in the depth of his blue eyes. She looked away.

“I don’t regret it, Darlene. The kiss.” Even though his words said otherwise, Darlene detected a hint of apology in his voice.

Darlene glanced behind her, then back at him. “I do, Dave. I regret it very much, and I’m going to tell Brad about it.”

“What? Don’t do that, Darlene. Why would you do that?” He shook his head, frowning. “That’s a mistake.”

“It’s a mountain between me and my husband, and I want it moved.” Although she wondered if her confession might just dirty up the already polluted air. Either way, she couldn’t live with it anymore.

“It was just a kiss. I don’t think you should tell him.”

“Dave . . .” She took a deep breath. “It shouldn’t have ever happened. I regret it. Please stay away from me. And Brad.”

She left the room, even though she could hear him calling after her. She found Brad as fast as she could. “Can we go?”

“Sure, baby.” He put his arm around her, and they found the kids. She nestled herself into the safety of his arms as they went home, knowing that whatever Brad had to say to her about Barbara, she would love him until the day she died.



The next day, Darlene assured her family that she was fine, although the void in her life and in her heart was colossal. She insisted the kids go to school. They needed to keep busy, and Darlene wanted to hole up and cry, stop having to be strong in front of everyone. Brad had offered to stay home with her, but she’d insisted he go to work. They would have to talk soon, but she didn’t have the strength for it today.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home today?” Brad kissed her on the forehead.

She shook her head. “No. I’m fine.”

He finally left, said he’d call her later that morning to check on her. He wasn’t even to the end of the driveway when Darlene lay down on the couch and cried, loud thunderous sobs she wouldn’t want anyone to hear. She’d been bottling it up since the funeral, and she pulled her legs to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and allowed herself to feel the pain of losing Layla. Even on her drive back from the hospital the day Layla died, she’d forced herself to suppress everything, knowing she had to drive back to Round Top, arrive safely, and be there for her children.

She knew that her continued conversations with God had gotten her through all this so far, but she was going to need His help to get her through one more thing. Tomorrow, she’d talk to Brad.

For the next twenty minutes, she cried, prayed, and cried some more. She was crying so hard that she didn’t see or hear Brad walk into the room. He ran to her side. “Baby, honey . . .” He threw his arms around her. “I was afraid of this. I got about ten minutes down the road, and I decided to turn around. I knew you were having a hard time with this.” He sat down on the couch, pulled her into his lap, and stroked her hair. “I’m here, baby. I’m here. What do you need?”

She didn’t answer, but buried her face in his chest and cried. For a long time. When she was done, she eased out of his lap, squeezed her eyes closed for a moment, then took a deep breath. She stared at him for several moments. “I need you to tell me about Barbara.”

Brad tensed as he reached up and scratched his chin. “Who?”

She wasn’t sure she had the strength for this, but she knew she didn’t have the emotional energy to carry the burden for one more day. “I know about Barbara.” Brad’s expression clouded, and fear squeezed Darlene’s heart. “How long has it been going on?”

Brad stood up and paced the floor in front of her in the living room. “A couple of months.”

Confirmation. She felt light-headed as she put her feet on the floor, elbows on her knees, and face in her hands. God, I need You now. More than ever. I can’t do this. I can’t.

She sat taller, but through her tears, she didn’t look in his direction. All of her loneliness and anxiety melded into one upsurge of determination, and she asked him the one question that was fueling the worst of her fears. “Do you love her?” Just thinking about it shattered her, and she squeezed her eyes closed.

“Who?”

She opened her eyes and turned to face him, a war of emotions raging within her, as she wondered how he could innocently ask her that. “Barbara.” Her stomach clenched tight, and the seconds ticked by in slow motion as she waited for her world to change forever.

Brad’s jaw dropped. “Why would you ask me that?”

She sniffled. “Because I just need to know if you love her.”

“Of course not!” He sat down on the couch beside her. “Baby . . .” He reached up to put his hand on her cheek, but she slid over on the couch.

“Don’t touch me, Brad. You tell me everything! I can’t take one more day, one more second of this! I’ve known for weeks, but I’ve been too scared to ask. Then with Layla . . .” She cried so hard she could barely breathe. “I need to know how long you’ve been having an affair with this Barbara woman.”

“What?” Brad dropped his jaw again. “You think I’ve been having an affair with Barbara Rollins?” He gave his head a shake. “What? Why?”

“I heard you on the phone, Brad. I heard you say that if your wife found out about the two of you, then your marriage was over.”

“You never heard me say that, Dar. I’d never say that because there was nothing going on with—” He stopped, stared at her, then sighed. “Oh . . . you must have overheard my conversation with Barbara when I was out in the barn, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Dar . . . Barbara is a stockbroker. The insurance wasn’t covering Grace’s visits to the psychiatrist, and I wanted you to be able to redo this house the way you want to.” He paused, then spoke slower than before. “I invested a large chunk of our savings in a plan that Barbara suggested. And it lost a lot of money almost overnight. I told Barbara that she better figure out a way to reinvest it or get the money back, because”—he took a breath—“if you found out about it, our marriage was over.” He shook his head. “I was just trying to make her understand how important it was.” He sat down on the couch, reached for her hand, then squeezed. “The market shifted, and the money is finally back in a much safer investment program.” He narrowed his eyes. “Did you really think that I would cheat on you? I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you about what I’d done, but it all turned out okay, and I was just trying to make some extra money. I’ll never do anything like that again without discussing it with you, but, Dar . . . I would never, ever even so much as touch another woman.”

Darlene pulled her hand from his, stood up, paced, and chewed on her fingernail. She could barely breathe. She wanted to run away, to run back to a time when Grace wasn’t cutting herself, to a time when she and Layla were sitting on her couch talking, to a time when she and Brad were laughing and loving each other, to a time before she’d ever met Dave Schroeder. “Oh, Brad,” she whispered as she bent at the waist.

He ran to her, wrapped his arms around her. “I’d never, ever betray our love. Never. I’d never cheat on you.”

She shoved him back, then glared at him. Despite the warning voice whispering in her head, the one saying, Don’t tell, she tossed the words into the air, knowing she would be the one to fall. “Well, I thought you did. And I kissed Dave Schroeder! I kissed him twice. Here, out by the barn.”

The color drained from Brad’s face as he stared at her.

“I don’t feel anything for him. It was a mistake, and I’m so, so sorry. I thought you were having an affair with someone named Barbara.” Darlene dropped to her knees. “I’m sorry. You are the love of my life, my everything. I’m so sorry.”

The silence thickened between them like a heavy mist, and Brad’s nostrils flared. He looked like a volcano on the verge of erupting. “You and Dave? Making out in the barn? Our barn?” Brad was yelling now, and Darlene knew she deserved it. She just wondered if he could get past this. And if she could forgive herself.

Darlene stood up and faced him. She reached for him, but he backed away. “Brad, who do you . . .”

But before she could even finish the question, he turned and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.