Need You Now

Chapter Eighteen




Brad pulled into the driveway, hoping the package from UPS had been delivered today. And he was glad that Barbara seemed to be listening to him, to his way of thinking. The woman was going to destroy him if he wasn’t careful. He hurried up the porch steps. Darlene was in the kitchen.

“UPS show up today?” He kissed her on the cheek. “Mmm . . . smells good in here.”

“No. I was at Layla’s for a while around noon, but I’ve been home the rest of the day, and no deliveries.” She pulled plates out of the cabinet as Brad helped himself to a glass of tea.

“Well, maybe tomorrow. I know it was back-ordered, so I’m not sure exactly when to expect it.”

As she laid the plates on the table, Brad noticed her red and swollen eyes for the first time. He edged closer to her. “What’s wrong? Did everything go okay at Grace’s counseling session?” Brad had been praying a lot for Grace, and his heart raced as he waited for Darlene to answer.

“I spoke with Dr. Brooks after Grace’s session, and she thinks Grace is making progress.”

Brad breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness.” After he took another sip of his tea, he leaned down, touched Darlene on the arm. “Then why do you look like you’ve been crying? You okay?”

She eased away from him, opened the oven, and pulled out a casserole. “I’m okay. Just tired.”

After she put the dish on the table, Brad walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist. He kissed her on the neck. “Maybe we can go to bed early.”

“Maybe.”

There was no mistaking the way she tensed up.

Darlene had been distant the past few days, but he knew better than to push his wife. She’d talk to him when she was ready.



Three days later, Darlene still hadn’t confronted Brad. Talking to him might end everything she’d cherished and known to be true throughout her entire marriage. She wasn’t ready to face a reality that might shatter her whole life. Her stomach was a wreck, but she thought that not knowing was better than what Brad’s reaction might be. Would he adamantly deny being involved with Barbara? Would he say it was over? Would he lie to her?

If Brad lied to her, she would know. He was a terrible liar. When she’d guessed her Christmas present last year, Brad had looked her in the eye and denied getting her the pearl necklace she’d pointed out a few weeks earlier at a jewelry store in the mall. She’d just smiled and let him think that it would be a surprise. Brad loved to buy her gifts, but he never could keep a secret.

She sat down on the couch, stared at the ham sandwich she’d made herself, and forced a bite down.

Apparently Brad had been successful about keeping his secret about Barbara, so maybe he was a better liar than she’d thought. She put the sandwich on the plate beside her as she eased her feet up on the coffee table. Her house was the cleanest it had been in years. Staying busy had kept her mind occupied, but she’d run out of things to clean. And with the kids in school, it was quiet enough for her mind to wander to bad places. Is Brad having lunch with Barbara right now? Are they in a sleazy hotel somewhere? Or maybe Brad ended it?

She took a few more bites of her sandwich before she went to the kitchen and tossed it in the trash, knowing she needed to do something. As she looked around for ways to occupy her time, she heard a car coming up the driveway.

Peeking out the window, she watched Dave and Cara step out of Dave’s car. Darlene pulled off her small loop earrings, tucked her dove pendant inside her T-shirt, and wrestled with her wedding ring until it slipped off her finger. She put everything on the hutch by the front door and walked onto the porch. Blocking the sun with her hand, she called out as friendly a hello as she could muster up.

“I hope it’s okay, but The Evans School closed early today when the air-conditioning stopped working, and Cara and I were wondering if we could visit the chickens.” Dave waved, and as always, he was perfectly put together in navy shorts and a yellow, collared shirt. Darlene glanced down at her blue jean shorts, white flip-flops, and her pink T-shirt with the Nike emblem on it. She’d had the T-shirt for as long as she could remember. It was a favorite, but it was as raggedy a thing as she owned. Why did Dave always catch her looking like this? She twisted her hair up on her head and secured it with a band she always kept on her wrist during the hot summer months. Her short ponytail wasn’t necessarily going to improve her appearance, but it was over a hundred degrees outside.

“Of course you can visit the chickens.” Darlene walked slowly toward Dave and Cara. “Nice to see you.” She turned to Cara and smiled. “Hello, Cara.”

Cara didn’t move toward her but instead pointed toward the chicken coop. “Ansley’s chickens.”

“Yes. We can go see Ansley’s chickens.”

Dave pushed his dark sunglasses up on his head. “I hope you don’t mind us just stopping by. It was a last-minute thought since we found ourselves with a free afternoon. I looked up your home phone number and tried to call, but my cell kept losing service, and I couldn’t get the call to go through.”

“Cell service is touch and go out here, and I don’t mind at all.” Darlene welcomed the distraction. “Now, you know I’m not a big fan of these birds.” She smiled as she motioned for them to follow her to the chicken coop. “So I might not be venturing in there.”

“Oh no. It’s all right. We can just look at the chickens from outside. You don’t have to open the cage door.” Dave was holding Cara’s hand as they approached the birds. Two chickens were running around, and the others were perched in their roosting boxes.

Cara let go of Dave’s hand and ran to the cages. “Feed Ansley’s chickens!” She bounced on her heels as she pointed to the chickens. Cara looked so pretty in her red shorts, white blouse, and flat white sandals. The Evans School was open year-round, so a day off was a nice treat for Cara.

“Cara, I don’t think we need to go inside,” Dave said as he and Darlene walked up beside her.

“Feed Ansley’s chickens,” Cara repeated, this time looking up at Darlene.

“It’s fine with me, if you don’t think the chickens will scare her. I don’t like when they start flapping and running around. Ansley doesn’t mind when they do that, but Cara might.”

“Maybe just for a minute, Cara.” Dave leaned down and untwisted the piece of wire that kept the small gate closed. Cara walked inside, and as Darlene had feared, the chickens began to get worked up, flapping their wings and scurrying around. Darlene stayed outside while Dave followed Cara in. Cara didn’t seem bothered as she moved about the chickens, giggling every time one of them made a noise or raced in front of her.

As Cara moved to the back of the pen, the unthinkable happened. Four of the chickens darted in front of Dave, past Darlene, and out the door. Knowing how Ansley felt about her beloved chickens, Darlene jogged across the yard to round them up. “Back! Back!” she yelled as she tried to corral the birds back toward the cage. It was one thing for Ansley to let the birds run loose occasionally, but Ansley also had a system to get them back in their pens.

Out of the corner of her eye, Darlene saw Dave pull Cara out of the coop, even though she screamed and tried to resist. He locked the door so the other two birds were secure. “I’ve got to help Darlene get Ansley’s chickens, Cara. Don’t move.” He pointed a finger at her, but Cara scurried about, laughing and sending the chickens racing even farther away. One large brown hen disappeared behind the farmhouse.

“Darlene, I am so sorry,” Dave said as he dropped his sunglasses back on his face. Then he ran to the left, and Darlene ran to the right, both of them waving their arms and making shoo noises as they tried to coax the chickens toward the coop. But every time one got close, Cara jumped up and down and scared it back in the other direction.

Ten minutes later, Darlene and Dave were both soaking wet from sweat, and only one chicken had ventured back toward the cage. Darlene stopped and tried to catch her breath. Dave took her cue and also took a break.

“Are we doing this right?”

Darlene laughed. “Probably not.”

Dave walked closer to her and eyed all the loose chickens kicking at the grass a few yards away. “Should we lure them with some feed in a pan?”

“That might work.” Darlene went into the pen and picked up an empty feed pan. She walked around the corner to the barn and dipped the pan into a large feed bag. She jumped when she felt Dave brush up beside her. He was dripping in sweat like she was, and with only a small amount of light shining in through the barn window, she watched him run a hand over his forehead. Then he took the pan from her.

“Here, let me do that.” He reached down in front of her, so close his chest brushed against her leg as he scooped deep into the almost-empty bag. When he lifted up, his face was within inches of hers. Sweat rolled down her cheeks as she locked eyes with him. She could hear Cara laughing around the corner, and she studied Dave’s face. So serious, gazing back at her. She thought about the tenderness he’d always showed her, and for reasons she would analyze to death in the near future, she leaned her face closer to his. He didn’t move as she leaned up and kissed him lightly on the mouth. When she eased away, Dave’s eyes clung to hers, searching her face. He cupped her face in his hands, and even though she pulled against him, his lips were persuasive, passionate, and as he explored her mouth in a way that she knew was forbidden, she kissed him back.

When she finally pulled away from him, he whispered her name. “I’ve wanted to do that for as long as I can remember.” He reached for her again, but Darlene backed up, a full realization of what she’d done slamming into her like a truck that wouldn’t stop crushing her. She backed up even farther.

“You have to go. Now.” She swallowed hard, Brad’s face everywhere.

“Darlene, it’s okay,” Dave said, holding a hand out to her as he eased forward. “This was bound to happen, and—”

“No . . . It was not bound to happen. And it shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry. I don’t know . . .” Her eyes started to burn with tears. No matter what Brad had done, two wrongs didn’t make a right, and Darlene couldn’t stand the person inhabiting her body right now. “Please go.”

“Sweetie . . .”

“Don’t, Dave. Don’t call me that.” She stared at the ground, not wanting to look up at him. He put a hand on her arm.

“I’ll go. But please, Darlene. Don’t beat yourself up about this. It was just a kiss.”

Darlene knew it was more than just a simple kiss, and she was lost in a river of guilt. “I know,” she said, for lack of knowing what else to say and not wanting Dave to think it was anything more than a kiss. “It just shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have . . .” I shouldn’t have initiated it.

Dave moved closer, and Darlene could feel her heart pounding against her chest. She didn’t move when he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. Instead, she started to cry. He pulled her into his arms. “Sweet Darlene. It’s okay. We didn’t do anything.” He eased her away, touched her wet cheek with his thumb. “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about you all the time.” He kissed her on the cheek.

“I can’t do this.” I don’t want to do this. She backed away. “Please tell Cara bye for me. I need you to go. I’ll worry about the chickens later.”

Dave didn’t move for a few moments.

“Please, Dave.”

He held up a hand. “Okay. I’m leaving. But, Darlene, I’m here if you need anything.”

She nodded, knowing that what she needed was a swift kick in the butt. She waited until she heard Dave’s car pull out of the driveway before she left the barn.

It took her two hours to round up the chickens and get them back in their cage, and the entire time, she pictured the look on Brad’s face if he found out what she’d just done.

Intermingled with that image was the image of Brad kissing another woman, possibly more. What is happening to us?

Once all the birds were secure, she slid down the outside of the chicken cage, put her head in her hands, and cried. Good Darlene would be praying right now, but Bad Darlene had nothing to say to God. Shame engulfed her, and she wished God couldn’t see her, couldn’t hear her thoughts, couldn’t be as disappointed with her as she was with herself.

But He knew.

And she’d never felt more alone in her life.



Dave waited until Cara was settled at home, coloring at the kitchen table, before he allowed himself to think about what had happened with Darlene. Something had possessed her to kiss him first, but she’d clearly regretted it. However, his thoughts didn’t end there. She’d kissed him back, passionately, the way a wife kisses her husband. And that left him feeling both hopeful and ashamed. He’d never kissed another man’s wife. Nor had he ever wanted another man’s wife. He dialed her home phone number, but as he’d expected an answering machine picked up. He didn’t leave a message.

As he paced the kitchen, he thought about Julie and wondered if she was looking down from heaven, shaking her head. Worse yet, God knew what he’d done. But for all his knowledge of those facts, he knew that he wouldn’t have changed anything. The feel of Darlene’s mouth on his, and the way she’d responded to him, left him craving more. Husband or no husband.



Grace sat down beside Skylar at lunch, like she had since the first day of school this year, despite the looks she got from Glenda and her other former lunch buddies. But those girls weren’t her friends. Skylar was her best friend.

When Chad slid into a chair beside Skylar and set his plate down, Grace’s muscles tensed.

“What are you doing here, Chad? Go sit with that dumb group of guys you hang out with.” Grace glared at him, then glanced at Skylar, who just smiled.

“Shut up, Grace.” He turned to Skylar. “I got tickets to Festival Hill for tomorrow. There’s a percussion performance that’s supposed to be really cool. Wanna go?”

Grace’s heart beat faster when Skylar nodded and said, “Sure.”

She loved her brother, no matter how stupid he was sometimes. And she loved Skylar. But the thought of them together freaked her out. Skylar was her friend, and she wanted to tell Chad to back off and go find someone else to date. But when Skylar batted her eyes at Chad, Grace knew that she was losing her. Skylar would start hanging out with Chad, not Grace.

She thought back to the way she’d treated Skylar at school last year, and she figured she had this coming. But she wasn’t going to give Skylar up without a fight.

“I heard Cindy telling some girls in math today that you guys were going to get back together.” Grace stuffed a fry in her mouth.

Chad grunted, then quickly looked at Skylar. “Not true. Cindy lies about everything. There is no chance we are getting back together.”

Skylar smiled, and Grace wanted to smack them both and say, “No, no, no. The two of you can’t date.” But she wasn’t sure it was a rational thought, and for sure, it was selfish. Just the same, Chad didn’t always treat the girls he dated well. Grace would warn Skylar about him later.

She sighed, knowing that if she did that, though, she would be hurting her brother. She didn’t want that either. But she couldn’t stand the thought of Skylar and Chad hanging out, without her.



Darlene answered the phone on the third ring when she saw it was Brad calling. She broke out in a cold sweat at the sound of his voice, and she wondered how she was ever going to face him after what she’d done. But when he told her that he would be home really late this evening, her indiscretion suddenly seemed almost justified.

“How late?” She heard her voice shake and wondered if he did.

“I probably won’t be home until around nine tonight. The meeting doesn’t start until six.”

“Who’s the meeting with?” She stiffened as she wondered what Barbara looked like. Was she tall and thin? Was she younger than Darlene?

“It’s a partners’ meeting.”

Brad hesitated before he answered. Or did he? Was she just paranoid? “Okay.”

“Love you. See you tonight.”

She heard the phone line go dead. Love you too.



Layla jumped off her horse, tethered him to the pole near the barn, and walked to meet Darlene at her car. Her friend’s eyes were red and puffy.

“I kissed Dave Schroeder,” Darlene blurted out, throwing her arms in the air.

“You did what?” Layla looked at her friend for a long moment. This was the last thing she would have expected to come out of Darlene’s mouth. She brushed the dirt from her clothes before taking Darlene’s arm. “Okay. Come on in. Let’s talk about this.” Once inside, she put her arm around Darlene and led her to the couch. “Sit.” Layla took the chair across from her friend. “What happened?”

After Darlene filled her in on the details of her hanky-panky in the barn, Layla’s first reaction was to tell Darlene that what she’d done wasn’t all that bad, but she suspected Darlene thought it was the most horrible thing she’d ever done in her life. “Then you just forgive yourself, Darlene, and don’t let it happen again. Pray about it.”

“I don’t feel like praying about it, Layla.” Darlene ground the words out between her teeth.

Layla grimaced. This seemed incredibly ironic. Not very long ago, it was Layla who refused to commune with God. But when she’d finally reopened that door, her life had changed so much. For the better. She needed to make sure that Darlene didn’t close the door—and that she didn’t leave it closed for as long as Layla had.

“Pray anyway.” Layla spoke the words forcefully.

Darlene glared at Layla. “I’ll pray when I feel like it.”

Hmm . . . Darlene was itching for an argument. Probably needed someone to blame. And Layla knew from experience that God was an easy mark. “Okay.” She kicked off one of her boots, then the other. “So what are you going to do now?”

“Tell Brad, I guess.”

“Whoa, wait a minute.” Layla leaned her elbows on her knees. “Sure you want to do that?”

“Yes. And while I’m at it, I’ll ask him about Barbara. And I’ll ask him how his so-called late meeting at work went tonight. Then I’ll pull out the phone bill and throw it in his face. Then I’ll . . .” She started to cry. “Why is this happening?”

Layla just stared at her for a minute. Her life in Hollywood had dealt her some hard blows, many of them self-inflicted, but she figured Darlene had led a relatively sheltered life compared to hers. This was hard on her. She stood up and walked to the couch.

“Honey, listen to me. You can get through all of this, no matter what you or Brad has done. The key word here is forgiveness. You have to forgive each other.” She paused, reached for Darlene’s hand. “And . . . you have to forgive yourself. Do you hear me?”

Darlene squeezed her hand. “I just want everything back to the way it was.”

“It might not ever be the way it was.” Layla paused. “But it might be even better. There’ll be an honesty to your relationship that you didn’t have before.”

“Don’t try to tell me that this is all good, that our relationship will improve because of bad choices we’ve made.”

“You don’t know why everything is happening the way it is. God has a plan, that’s all I’m saying.”

Darlene tensed at the mention of God, a reaction that was painfully familiar to Layla. She knew she was being called to help Darlene the same way Darlene had helped her. Just through Darlene’s kindness and gentle mentions of God, Layla had begun to open her mind and heart again, and through prayer, she’d found her way home to Him. Nothing would ever be the same for Layla, and even though she would never stop hurting over losing Marissa, a part of her was at peace. And she knew that was all due to God.

“Maybe I should just sleep with Dave, then we’d be even.” Darlene shot her an icy smile.

“If you think that would make you feel better.” Layla figured she’d fuel the fire a bit and help Darlene release all those emotions that Layla knew she had bottled up.

“Of course it wouldn’t make me feel better, Layla!” Darlene jumped up from the couch. “Two wrongs don’t make a right, as the saying goes. I’m not lowering myself to that!”

Layla stared at her. “Fine. Then what are you going to do?”

Darlene stomped her foot. “This is Brad’s fault. I would have never kissed Dave if . . .”

Layla waited, figuring that within the next five minutes, Darlene would blame everyone she could, including Layla. She knew Darlene needed to feel it, go with it. Then, afterward, Layla would straighten her out once and for all.

Darlene blamed Dave for coming on to her, Brad for his infidelity, God for abandoning her, and herself for being a bad mother to Grace and a bad wife to Brad. Then, as expected, she threw Layla into the mix.

“I should have taken the hint . . . the way he’s always looking at you, like he wants to . . .”

“That’s enough!” Layla stood up and pointed a finger at her. “You don’t know what Brad has or hasn’t done, and now you’re just making things up to justify what you did. So just stop it.” She nodded toward the couch. “You sit your butt down, missy. I’m going to tell you something, and you listen up.”

“Don’t boss me around like I’m a child.” Darlene sniffled as she folded her arms across her chest, and Layla tried to remember who she was dealing with. She took a deep breath, let it out slowly.

“Darlene, please sit down on the couch so I can talk to you for a minute.”

“I’ll stand.”

“Sit.” Layla sat down on the couch and pointed to the spot beside her. Darlene huffed a bit, then sat down.

“Sweetheart . . .” Layla sighed. “You are in a dangerous place right now. Some people flee to God when they have problems, and others run from Him. I think I ran from Him because I was ashamed and blamed myself for Marissa’s death, the breakup of my marriage, and I couldn’t seem to get over all the bad things I’d done in my life. I felt like God gave up on me. But I think He used you, Darlene, to help get me back on track. And in a strange turn of events here, I’m begging you . . . turn to Him for guidance. Don’t let yourself get so detached that it’s hard to find your way back. Don’t let it happen with Brad. And don’t let it happen with God.”

Darlene didn’t say anything.

“I want you to know that for the first time in many, many years, I have hope. And everything that you are going through right now will pass. But, honey, turn to Him. You need Him now more than ever.”

Darlene started to cry, and Layla reached over and pulled her close. She rubbed her hair like she’d done for Marissa when she’d been sad, and she cried along with her friend.

“I love you, Layla.”

Layla wept as she silently thanked God for His wonder. She’d never had a best friend. And Darlene was a gift. Thank You, Lord, for Darlene. Please help her through this difficult time, and . . . don’t let her lose her way.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” she said, sniffling. “And we are both going to be just fine.”