Need You Now

Chapter Seventeen




Darlene’s white tennis shoes were rooted to the ground as her thoughts swirled in a thunderous tornado.

It was a beautiful, sunny day, birds chirping, cows mooing in the distance, and enough breeze to gently ring the wind chimes on the front porch. A beautiful day for anyone whose world hadn’t just slipped off its axis.

She stood perfectly still. Listening.

“Fine. That’s fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

She heard Brad click his cell phone off, but she still couldn’t move. Taking a deep breath, she tried to assemble her thoughts. Should she confront him? Would he just lie to her? How long had it been going on? Who was she? Was Brad going to leave her?

Seeing a movie or spending quality time together no longer held the appeal it had a few minutes ago. She took a deep breath and edged forward. Until now, trust had never been an issue between them. That was one thing they’d always held sacred, and despite Brad’s long hours at work, she’d never once suspected him of cheating.

But if he was, she wasn’t going to play all her cards right here and now. She had children to think about, her life, their future. A future without him? She swallowed hard. There had to be some other explanation. She replayed his words over and over in her mind. “I’m telling you, Barbara . . . if my wife finds out about this, my marriage is over.”

Hatred raged inside of her toward a woman she’d never met. And toward Brad.

She shook her head, despite the tears building in her eyes. There had to be an explanation. Not Brad.

She jumped when he walked out of the barn.

“Hey. Whatcha doing?” He walked up to her, his cell phone in hand.

“Just lookin’ for you.” She put a hand to her forehead and blocked the sun, her heart racing. “Everything okay?” She glanced at his cell phone.

“Oh.” He lifted the phone, glanced at it. “Yeah, just work stuff.” He dropped his arm to his side again. “All the kids leave in Grace’s car?”

“Yeah. It’s just us.” She forced a smile, wishing her heart would stop pounding against her chest. It was everything she could do not to cry. Or punch him in the gut.

“I need to go run some errands. We need more chicken feed, and one of the Longhorns busted the fence again. I need to fix it before Layla sees it.” He started walking toward the house, so Darlene got in step with him, looking at her first and only love. This can’t be happening.

She recalled her conversation with Layla. “Never say never,” Layla had said when Darlene said she and Brad would never cheat on each other. She finally turned toward him. “Okay. I’ve got things to take care of around here.”

Gritting her teeth, she followed him up the porch steps and into the house. The Brad who didn’t cheat on her would have jumped at this opportunity for them to spend some time alone. Cheating Brad couldn’t wait to get out of the house.

Ten minutes later, her husband pulled out of the driveway, and Darlene got to work. She went to her computer, logged into their cell phone account, then quickly pulled up the most recent activity for Brad’s number, her hands shaking the entire time. She’d never looked at his phone bill, and despite her suspicions, she felt like a spy. She put her head in her hands and cried.

Please, God. Don’t let this be happening. Please don’t let me find anything bad.

After a few minutes, she lifted her head, sniffled, and decided she had to know. She scanned the numbers, starting with the most recent call, which ended with 2481, and according to the time, it would have been the call to Barbara. She ran her finger down the screen.

Covering her mouth with her other hand, her eyes teared up again as 2481 stuck out all down the page. They’d talked one . . . two . . . three . . . four . . . seven times yesterday. All were short conversations except for the last one. Thirty-two minutes.

Darlene searched her brain to recall what she and Brad did yesterday.

It was Saturday. She’d taken Grace and Ansley shopping for school clothes.

She tapped her finger to her chin. Brad had stayed home with Chad.

Scanning the rest of the page, the woman’s number was scattered in between other calls, but there were several per day.

After an hour, Darlene had traced the calls back for about two months, most of them made by Brad during the workday. She closed the computer, cried again, and wondered if maybe Brad was trying to end it with this woman. His voice on the phone with Barbara had been harsh. The same tone he’d been using with Darlene—until recently.

Lord, I can’t get past this.

She closed her eyes and brought both hands to her chest. Something Layla once said rang in her ears.

“When God decides your life is going too good, He will find a way to humble you, bring you back down to earth, even if it means destroying you. It’s what He does when you sin. He takes, takes, takes . . . everything that means anything to you. Then He looks down on you with no mercy, even though you beg on bended knee for Him to stop the pain.”

Darlene knew that wasn’t true. That wasn’t how God worked. And Darlene was pretty sure Layla would take back everything she’d said, comments that were the result of bitterness and too much wine that evening.

Even though Darlene knew it wasn’t true, she couldn’t help but think of it anyway, and she wondered what she’d done to possibly deserve this. Wasn’t she a good enough wife to Brad?

What about Grace? How could she have missed the signs that her daughter was in trouble? Maybe she was too self-absorbed, always looking for ways to fulfill her own needs and not noticing her family’s.

Please, Lord. I’m begging You. Please don’t let this be true about Brad. I’m praying there is another explanation. I couldn’t bear it without him in my life. And please, dear God, heal Grace of any pain she might not know how to express. Heal my family, Lord.



Monday morning, Chad was glad to be back at school. That’s where the girls were, although the first girl he ran into wouldn’t have been his first choice. He was just closing his locker when Cindy walked up. She was still just as pretty as she’d always been with her big blue eyes and long blond hair. Her tan looked good too. But other than that, Cindy Weaver didn’t interest him one bit.

“How was the rest of your summer?” She swung her hair over her shoulder and smiled. It was one of those no-teeth smiles that girls used sometimes when they were mad.

“Pretty good. What about you?”

“Great. I partied until I could party no more.” She lifted her shoulders, dropped them slowly. “And you missed it.”

“Uh, you know . . .” Then, just in time, he saw Grace. He’d know those pink jeans of hers anywhere, and she always wore them with the same pink and white blouse. “Hey, I gotta go. There’s my sister. I need to tell her something.” He didn’t wait for a response as he hurried down the hallway, edging his way in between all the other kids hurrying to class. “Grace! Wait up!”

His sister didn’t turn around. Typical. He picked up his speed, careful not to run, since Mr. Radcliffe was up ahead. “Grace! Are you deaf?” He grabbed her by the arm and swung her around, and—he thought he might fall over from shock. “Skylar?”

Chad couldn’t believe the transformation. She was wearing Grace’s clothes. Her hair was blond like Grace’s, and her face didn’t have all that black stuff on it. And no nose ring. She looked . . . normal. She looked . . . beautiful. He forced his jaw up, but all he could do was stare at her.

“Cat got your tongue?” Skylar adjusted a stack of books up on her hip.

“You—you look . . . Wow.” Chad blinked his eyes a few times. This new look took her from friend of Grace’s and friend of the family to something Chad couldn’t quite wrap his mind around.

“I needed a change,” she said as she raised an eyebrow. “Don’t make a big deal about it.”

Don’t make a big deal. Every dude that walked by was checking her out, and Chad had a sudden urge to punch them all. “Okay . . .” He scratched his cheek, unable to take his eyes from her. Grace had told him that Skylar would be graduating early, which made Chad wonder if they might be in some of the same classes. “Where you headed, what class?”

“Ms. Johnson. English.”

Thank You, God. “Me too. I’ll walk with you.”

Skylar started walking, so Chad got in step with her. He wondered if he should ask to carry her books, but that seemed dumb. He wasn’t even sure if guys did that except in the movies.

“Can you please quit staring at me?” Skylar said through gritted teeth without looking at him.

Chad chuckled. “Skylar . . .” He shook his head. “I just really don’t think I can.”

She turned toward him and smiled.

The school year was starting off with a bang.

Oh yeah!



Grace endured all the first-day-of-school questions her mother fired at her, and Ansley and Chad also received an ample amount of questioning. That was cool. Mom was just being Mom, wanting details about how her kids were doing. Ansley did most of the talking throughout the meal, half the time with her mouth full. Twice Grace told her to swallow before she talked, but that was just Ansley. She was excited, and it was hard not to be excited along with her. Turns out, her little sister had all the teachers she was hoping for, early lunch, and Tim Zimmermann in her first-period class. They’d all been hearing about Tim Zimmermann since they’d moved here.

“Uh, Grace . . .” Chad, also with a full mouth, looked at Grace and grinned. “You’ve been keeping a secret.”

Grace finished chewing, and unlike her siblings, she swallowed before she spoke. “What?” Then she grinned. She knew what Chad was talking about. Although, after seeing Skylar and Chad huddled together after school, she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. It seemed weird.

Chad glanced back and forth between their parents. “You should see Skylar. You wouldn’t believe it. I mean, she’s wearing normal clothes, her hair is blond, none of that dark makeup on her face.” He focused on their father. “Dad, she’s a knockout.”

“Skylar’s a sweet girl. She was just finding her way with all that goth stuff. Don’t you think, Grace? What made her change?” Mom paused. “I guess being around you, maybe.”

Grace shrugged, but she was pretty sure she knew what ultimately led Skylar to an overhaul. She’d asked about Chad a few times over the summer, and about Cindy, his ex. Grace could tell Skylar liked Chad, though she had no idea why. He was a slob, played his music way too loud, and his car was always filled with empty soda cans and trash. He usually needed a haircut, and he fell for girls like Cindy Weaver.

Grace had just been so glad to see Skylar ditch that outdated goth look that Skylar’s motivation hadn’t been important at the time. But if Skylar and Chad started dating or something . . . that would be too weird.

Something else was going on too. Grace could feel it, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Mom had served one of her best first-day-of-school dinners, something she knew everyone liked—tacos, beans, and rice. She was asking all the right questions, but something was wrong. Her eyes were swollen like maybe she’d been crying, and although she was trying to make sure everyone else was happy, which was Mom’s way, she wasn’t smiling much. She just seemed . . . down.

Dad wasn’t much better. A for-sure sign that their father was worried about something was when he didn’t eat much. He’d barely finished one taco and hadn’t touched his beans and rice.

She hoped they weren’t still worried about her. Tomorrow was another counseling session with Dr. Brooks after school. Grace liked the doctor okay, and she’d been trying to do what the doctor wanted. They’d been working on other ways Grace could handle her frustrations, and Grace had told her that she no longer had the urge to cut.

That’s what everyone wanted to hear anyway.



That night, Darlene waited until Brad was in the shower before she began searching his drawers, his briefcase, anywhere she could think of to find out more information about Barbara. She felt like a criminal, even though she wasn’t the one who’d possibly broken their marriage vows. Every time she thought about what Brad had said to that woman, she felt a pain in her heart.

What had he turned her into? A pathetic sneak looking for clues to his infidelity? She hadn’t been able to look at him all evening. Partly because she wanted to poke his eyes out, but also because she loved him with all her heart. She knew she would forgive him for anything, if he would just be honest with her, but she didn’t know how to bring up the subject. And she didn’t really want to without knowing more. Tomorrow she’d talk to Layla, if Tom’s car was gone.

She closed her eyes. Why is this happening, Lord? Why?

It was all she could do to pray tonight. She’d always heard that God wouldn’t give you more than you could handle. When she’d walked into Grace’s room, with the blood, the cuts on her baby girl—at that moment, she was sure she couldn’t handle anything else. Never in a million years would she have thought Brad would do something like this. And every time she tried to reconcile her thoughts, she wondered if maybe she was wrong. But what other reason could there be for his sharp tone with that woman, and his saying that if Darlene found out, their marriage would be over? And what about the many phone calls every day? Tears welled in her eyes, and she turned away as Brad walked from the bathroom, his hair wet, a white towel around his waist.

“You okay, baby?” Brad opened his drawer for some underwear, and Darlene was glad he wasn’t looking directly at her. She was already ready for bed. Dabbing at her eyes, she rolled onto her side, facing away from him.

“Yeah. Just tired.”

“Me too. Long day.”

She heard him slip into his boxers and a T-shirt, and he crawled into bed. While he flipped the channels on the television, Darlene fought the sobs in her throat. How could he just lie there beside her, like everything was normal?

Darlene had never felt more abnormal in her life, like she was in someone else’s bad dream.



The next morning, Brad dressed for work, ate a quick bowl of cereal, and kissed Darlene before he walked out the door. Just like he’d always done. She wanted to ask him about Barbara so badly that her stomach hurt. Maybe having it all out on the table would be better than the wondering, speculating— the horrible visions in her head. Or . . . would the truth be so terrible she’d never get over it? What if she confronted him and he wanted a divorce? What if he was in love with this woman?

The kids left for school shortly after Brad, and Darlene forced herself to do the household tasks that morning. But nothing could distract her from what she’d overheard. She looked out the window and across the pasture at Layla’s house—again. Tom’s car was still there, and she didn’t want to intrude. She was happy for Layla and hoped things worked out for her and Tom, but right now she sure needed Layla’s blunt honesty. Layla would tell her what to do.

Finally, around noon, Tom’s car was gone. Layla might have gone with him somewhere, but Darlene grabbed her cell phone to find out. When Layla answered, Darlene hesitantly asked if she was home. When Layla said yes, Darlene invited herself over. Fifteen minutes later, she was on Layla’s couch telling her everything.

“It’s terrible that I went through his phone records and his briefcase and everything, isn’t it?” Darlene laid her head back against Layla’s couch and closed her eyes, waiting for Layla to tell her that she was perfectly justified.

“I don’t understand why you don’t just ask him about it.” Layla crossed one leg over the other in the chair across from her. Once again, she looked like the movie star she once was, dressed in a bright-red halter sundress with lipstick that matched the dress perfectly. Her hair was long and loose below her shoulders, and she kicked one of her bare feet back and forth, the color of her toenails the same color red as her fingernails. Darlene didn’t think she could ever look that glamorous, and it seemed to come so naturally to Layla. Even when Layla was in her blue jeans, work shirt, and boots, she was beautiful. And today, there was an aura of calm surrounding her. Her voice was softer, she spoke slower, and her movements weren’t as sharp and quick as they usually were. Darlene felt terrible for dumping all this on her friend, but Layla was all she had. Now, more than ever.

“I’m afraid of what he’ll tell me,” she finally said, then swallowed hard.

Layla looked at her long and hard. “Tom cheated on me once, a few years after Marissa was born.”

“So what happened?”

Layla shook her head. “Biggest fight we ever had. I threw things, punched him in the chest, and cried until I didn’t have any more tears.” She paused. “Then I forgave him.”

Darlene raised an eyebrow. “Just like that? You forgave him?”

“We lived a crazy life back then.” She gazed off for a few moments before she looked back at Darlene. “Opportunities to be bad were abundant. But I knew deep down that Tom loved me, and I wanted us to stay a family, to raise Marissa together. And no . . . I didn’t forgive him just like that. It was hard to trust him for a long time.” She paused again. “I punished him for probably longer than I should have, but . . . eventually we grew back into the couple we’d been before. Then . . .” Layla got up and walked to the hutch against the wall. She picked up a picture of Marissa. “Then I just couldn’t look at him after Marissa died. I blamed him. I blamed me. I blamed God. And he did the same thing.”

“But things are good now?” Darlene wondered if she and Brad would fall apart and eventually make things right. She wasn’t sure she’d survive all that.

Layla brought the picture to her heart, pressed it there for a while, then put it back on the hutch. She turned to Darlene and slowly walked back to the chair and sat down. “Yes. Things are good. It doesn’t mean we will get back together, but we are in a good place.”

Darlene nodded. “So what do I do about me and Brad?”

“Talk to him.”

“I can’t. I’m afraid.” She blinked back tears.

“What are you most afraid of?”

She thought about the question. “That . . . that he loves someone else.”

“I doubt that. I thought you guys had a good marriage.”

“Everything’s been great, not perfect. I mean, we’ve had our moments when we’re tired, stressed about money, kids, or something. But overall, yeah . . . we’ve had a very good marriage. I’ve always thought of Brad as my best friend, and I can’t stand to have this between us, and . . .” She stopped when she started to cry. “I’m sorry, Layla. I just don’t know who else to talk to.”

“Yes, you do.” Layla smiled. “You know exactly who to talk to.”

“I guess I have to confront Brad about this.” She blinked her eyes a few times, covering her mouth with her hand.

“That’s not who I meant. If you hadn’t given me a little push to pray again, I don’t think I would have ever gotten the strength to press forward, to believe that it was okay to be happy again. Pray about it, Darlene.”

“I have been.” It was the truth, but Darlene felt like she was detached somehow from God, and she couldn’t figure out why. “You said one time that when God thinks our life is too good, He humbles us by taking something away from us, and—”

“Oh, good grief. Forget all that, Darlene. Really. I was so angry at God, and a bottle of wine usually fueled my rage enough to blame everything on Him. I shouldn’t have said all that, and you shouldn’t take it to heart.”

“I need you to tell me what to do.” Darlene threw her head against the back of the couch again. “Should I just talk to him, get it over with?”

“I just told you what I think you should do. I think you should pray about it.”

Frustrated, she got off the couch. She wanted Layla to lay it out for her, a plan, something besides the obvious. Darlene had been praying, about her and Brad, about Grace. Something wasn’t clicking, and she needed some direction. “I better go.”

“Oh, don’t be mad.” Layla stood up. “I know you came here for me to tell you what to do, and a few weeks ago, I’d have probably told you to string that boy up by his . . .” She took a deep breath. “But life is too short.”

Then Layla did the unexpected. She walked over to Darlene and hugged her, and she let Darlene cry in her arms.

Despite the chaos in her life, Darlene knew one thing for sure: Layla was her friend, and she was thankful for that.

Now she needed to go home and get ready for the inevitable.

She had to confront Brad.