Marriage Matters

Seventy-one

After leaving her mother’s house, Kristine hailed a cab. They sat at the curb for a long moment as Kristine debated. Should she?

Giving the address, she leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes. Heat blasted out from the vents in the front seat and she shivered, wondering if she would ever be warm again. Her heart was aching, her mind torn in too many directions.

Kristine couldn’t believe what she’d done. She could only imagine the look on Kevin’s face when he got her message and how much it would hurt him. Twenty-five years of expectations sinking to the bottom of the sea. But there were too many problems, too many things that a vow renewal ceremony wouldn’t fix.

They didn’t talk. Not anymore. Why did June, of all people, know some deep, dark secret about their marriage that Kristine didn’t even know? Something to do with money, which explained Kevin’s intense behavior over the past few years. She would call their financial advisor first thing in the morning and find out.

The thought was so humiliating. The fact that she would have to pick up the phone and explain to someone they’d worked with for years that she had no idea what was going on. Still, that would be the least of the embarrassment they’d have to face. As soon as word got out about the cancelled vow renewal, everyone would know they’d failed. She wondered what people would think. She wondered if they’d say, “We can’t believe it, they were so in love” or, “Yeah. Saw that one coming a mile away.”

Kristine had always done that. When she heard of a marriage ending, she’d quantify it in her mind, thinking, “Oh, that makes sense because . . .” Or, her reaction had been the opposite, too. Completely taken off guard. Even though it didn’t matter anymore, she really hoped that people were surprised when they heard the news about her and Kevin. Otherwise, what had they been doing for all those years?

“Ma’am?” the cab driver said. The windshield wipers were moving back and forth, making a rhythmic sound against the snow. “We’re here.”

Kristine opened her eyes. She gazed at the large building. The moment of truth. Could she really do this?

Fumbling with her purse, she paid the driver and opened the door. Her clothes were wet and for a brief moment, she’d gotten used to being comfortable and warm. The chill of the wind hit her, even harder than before. She really didn’t know what she was doing here.

Navigating the ice on the sidewalk, she looked up. It was hard to see through the thick white flakes that were falling in earnest. But in a vague outline against the sky, she took in the sight of the church where she and Kevin had gotten married.

Kristine hovered in the entryway, staring up at the nave, letting the sudden warmth engulf her. It had been years since she stepped in this church, but the faint smell of candle wax and incense took her right back to her wedding day. She’d been terrified at the idea of walking down the aisle, all eyes on her. If it wasn’t for Kevin, holding her hands the way he had, she might have just passed out at the altar.

Taking a few tentative steps forwards, she remembered the way the red carpeting had swallowed the sound of her footsteps and the way the pipes of the organ gleamed overhead. On that day, light had shined like a beacon through the stained glass windows but tonight, with the snow and the darkness, the colors seemed old and faded. Sliding into the hard wooden bench in the back, she bowed her head.

Freeze-frames of her and Kevin clicked through her mind. The moment they’d met, the kiss they’d shared after welcoming Chloe into the world, even some random day when they’d bickered over what security system to buy for their home. There was so much history between them, it was almost impossible to sort out. It was even harder to think of letting it all go.

Opening her eyes, Kristine stared at the place at the altar where they had pledged eternity to each other. She ached for the innocent girl she’d once been. So idealistic, so sure that life and love would give her everything she’d ever wanted. She was marrying the man of her dreams! What could go wrong?

Kristine waited for the inevitable barrage of tears. To her surprise, they didn’t come. Instead, her heart was filled with an icy calm, like the sea after a storm. She bowed her head. Reaching down, she slid off her engagement, vow renewal and wedding rings. Snapping open her pocketbook, she dropped them inside like loose change.

* * *

“Do you have everything you need?” June asked.

Kristine had arrived back on her doorstep half an hour later, pale and removed. June had brought her inside, drawn her a hot bath and made her a strong drink. It did not escape her notice that Kristine was not wearing her wedding rings.

“I’m fine.” Kristine’s voice was quiet. “Thank you.” She was buried in the bubbles of the bathtub, her head against the blow-up pillow. The delicate skin around her neck was flushed a bright red and finally, she seemed to have stopped shivering.

June nodded. “In case there’s any confusion about the matter, you’re welcome to stay here,” she said. “As long as you need. Until you figure things out.”

“I know.” Kristine gave her a weak smile. “That’s why I’m here.”

Shutting the door gently behind her, June walked down the stairs and into the parlor. Charley was sitting in a straight-backed chair with a worried expression on his face. As she walked in, he stood up, as he did every time she walked into a room. She felt a wave of appreciation for this wonderful man. Then, her eyes filled with tears.

“June.” Charley pulled her into his strong arms. “Is she alright?”

“No.” Impatiently, June wiped at her eyes. “She left him. The man who I begged her not to marry all those years ago, she up and left him. The man who . . .” Her voice caught in her throat. She sank down on the couch, letting her face fall into her hands. Looking up at Charley, she said, “The man who loves her more than anything in the world.”

Laying his hand on her back, Charley held her tight. In the safety of his arms, June cried as if the heartbreak were her own.