Chapter NINE
BY THE time Liz had Danny taken along to the X-ray department, Jack had arrived with Sarah and Suzy. He had the toddler balanced easily on one hip, her precious orange walrus dangling from his hand. The image he made with the child in his arms was gorgeous…and, in an odd way, threatening by the very naturalness of it. He didn’t look at all like a man who didn’t want children.
Liz dragged her eyes away and noticed Sarah’s bag swinging from his other hand. Glad to have something concrete to focus her attention on, she signalled an orderly and arranged for the suitcase to be taken through to Danny’s room.
She turned back to Jack. ‘You’ll be all right to look after Suzy while Sarah and I have a talk, won’t you?’
She heard the words coming out of her mouth, felt the sharp look Hilda, the duty nurse, gave her. What was she doing? Hadn’t she just gone to a great deal of trouble to wangle a sitter for Suzy?
‘Sure.’ Jack’s quizzical look made her wonder if he realised her abrupt change of plans.
‘There’s, um, a box of toys in the corner.’ Perhaps asking him to look after Suzy was inspired thinking. But Liz’s innate honesty wouldn’t allow her the comfort of dissembling. Was she setting him up, hoping he’d fail? Why would she do that? Shouldn’t she want him to have good experiences with children so he’d embrace his own? She shoved the thought aside for later. Right now she had things to do. ‘If you have any problems, um, Hilda’s on the front desk. She’ll help you out.’
Liz sent a pleading look Hilda’s way and was given a well-deserved disapproving one in return. Resigned to having to explain her behaviour later, Liz picked up Sarah’s chart and pinned a determined smile on her face.
‘Let’s go through to a cubicle, Sarah,’ she said, indicating the way. ‘Hop on the scales for me first and then we’ll get you up on the bed.’
‘Oh, no,’ Sarah protested good-naturedly. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have had that extra chop at the barbecue today.’
‘Have you noticed any sudden weight gain since I saw you last?’ Liz jotted the weight down, noting how it had jumped since Sarah’s last appointment six weeks ago.
‘Yes, I feel like an elephant. Much worse than I was with Suzy. But Mum said it was the same for her after her first pregnancy.’
‘You’ve got quite a bit of puffiness, too. Did that start about the same time, can you remember?’ Liz looked critically at her friend, taking stock of her rather swol en hands and face. A quick glance at her feet showed they were worse, with the sandal straps cutting into oedematous flesh.
‘Isn’t that just because I’m drinking so much water with these hot days we’ve been having? I’m always a bit like this in summer anyway. And Mum said it was normal in pregnancy.’
‘Your mum’s right, a little bit of oedema certainly can be normal. But it can also be a symptom of an underlying problem.’ Liz picked up a small yellow-topped specimen jar from the shelf. ‘Feel like giving me a urine sample?’
‘Always.’ Sarah pulled a face as she took the proffered container. ‘Don’t you have the same problem?’
‘Absolutely.’ Liz smiled sympathetically. ‘Some days, my bladder rules my life.’
When Sarah came back, Liz helped her up on the bed and chatted while she tested the fluid sample with a dipstick. She frowned as the pale green square turned darker. A two-plus reading for protein. Not a good sign. She discarded the stick in the biohazard bin.
‘Jack’s a dark horse, isn’t he, Liz? Suzy doesn’t usually like strangers. Not that Jack’s a stranger, but he’s never made a huge fuss over her or anything so she’s not all that familiar with him. But she was really happy for him to carry her and Wally. Which made things so much easier for me.
He’s going to be a great dad.’
‘Hmm.’ Liz’s stomach gave an odd little swoop as she fumbled to secure the sphygmomanometer cuff on Sarah’s arm. Luckily her friend chatted on happily, not needing an answer.
Liz released the air valve and took the readings as the mercury fell on the gauge.
‘Had any headaches, Sarah? Nausea? Visual disturbances?’
‘Nothing out of the ordinary. I’ve seen stars a couple of times when I got up too quickly.’ Sarah frowned. ‘Why? Is something wrong?’
‘Your blood pressure is higher than it should be.’ Liz looped her stethoscope around her neck. ‘One hundred and fifty over ninety-two.’
‘But that’s only because of Danny, isn’t it? I mean, he gave me an awful fright.’
‘The stress of his accident might be a contributing factor, but you also have protein in your urine, which tells me that your kidneys aren’t functioning as well as they should be. I want to run some more tests, but for now I want you on pretty strict bed rest to see how your blood pressure settles. I’d like to keep you in hospital for observation for a day or two.’
‘A day off my feet would be bliss.’
‘It might be longer than that, Sarah. I’m concerned that you’re showing symptoms of pre-eclampsia. We should take extra precautions immediately rather than wait for the tests to confirm it.’
‘I feel fine, though. Wouldn’t I feel sick if there was something really wrong?’
‘Not always. It can be insidious.’
‘Surely it’s not that bad. What if I promised to take it easy?’
‘You’re not going to be able to get the rest you need if you’re running around after an active two-year-old.’
Sarah stared, her dismay obvious. ‘But what will I do about Suzy? And Danny, now that he’s hurt himself? Mum’s not coming for another fortnight.’
‘Do you think she’d be able to come sooner?’
‘Liz! You’re really scaring me.’
‘Sarah, pre-eclampsia is a serious condition if it’s not treated properly. We’ll run some more tests. But if you do have it, and I think it’s highly likely, we’ve caught you early. With care we should be able to stop it from progressing.’ Liz laid a hand on her friend’s shoulder. ‘It’s important that we get control of this. For your sake and for the sake of the baby.’
‘The baby? I’m not going to lose the baby, am I?’
‘No, not if we take steps now.’ Liz knew she shouldn’t give such a definitive answer, but with Sarah’s eyes pleading with hers, with her own pregnancy nearing the same stage, she was powerless to resist giving the reassurance. ‘You’re thirty-four weeks. Even if we had to deliver you right this minute your baby would have a great chance. But it will be even better if we can keep him where he is for another three weeks. So, how about it? Will you do the bed rest?’
‘Yes. Absolutely. Just try to get me off it.’
‘Good girl.’ Liz chuckled. ‘We will let you do a bit of gentle exercise, but mostly bed rest until I’ve done a consult with one of the Melbourne Women’s OB specialists. I’ll find out what monitoring we can do for the baby to make sure everything’s the best it can be. Now, let’s get you along to Dustin Base Hospital’s brand-new family room. We’ll discuss with Danny how we’re going to manage this before we settle Suzy in with you.’ She checked her watch. ‘His chest X-ray should be back by now as well.’
‘I’ll get Jack to bring Suzy through now,’ said Liz after she’d finished talking to Sarah and Danny. ‘I want you to ring for assistance if she needs anything. Anything at all. The nurses will pop in to feed her and to check on her through the evening. I don’t want either of you out of bed except to visit the bathroom for twenty-four hours. Got it?’
‘Yes, ma’am,’ they chorused in unison.
‘That’s what I like, well-behaved patients.’ Liz grinned, hooking Sarah’s chart onto the foot of the bed. ‘I’ll come and say goodnight before I leave.’
Her mind on the phone call she needed to make to the obstetrics specialist, Liz strode purposefully along the corridor. When she turned into the waiting room, her steps faltered. Jack was slouched comfortably in a chair, his feet resting on the low table, his long legs bent to form a saddle for Suzy who sprawled on his stomach, fast asleep. One hand rested across the toddler’s back, fingers splayed to hold her securely in position.
The poignant picture pierced straight to Liz’s heart, bringing a painful lump to her throat and quick moisture to her eyes. Fortunately, Jack hadn’t noticed her arrival with his attention focussed on the magazine he held in his other hand. She took two careful steps in reverse and leaned her trembling frame back against the wall outside the room.
Today had presented such astounding revelations about her husband. She struggled to balance them against the reality that she’d thought she knew. Who was he really? The man who didn’t want a family but was prepared to do his duty by his pregnant wife? Or the man who handled groups of children with consummate ease all day then stepped up in an emergency to gently cradle the slumbering toddler of friends?
intellectually, she knew which she wanted him to be. But why was her spirit so disturbed when he slotted so perfectly into that role?
She bent her head to massage her temple with stiff fingers, feeling the tension there begin to ease slightly. If only she could massage the turmoil out of her beleaguered mind as simply.
‘Liz? Everything all right?’
She jolted out of her reverie to see Hilda looking at her with concern.
‘Oh, yes.’ Liz could hear the husky wobble in her voice. ‘Just, um, reviewing, um, some treatment to make sure I hadn’t missed something.’ She straightened away from the wall and continued brightly, ‘Well, I’d better get on.’
She could feel Hilda’s eyes lingering on her as she took a few seconds to compose herself before facing Jack. She fiddled with her white coat, checking the lapels, adjusting her stethoscope while she took a deep breath. In. And out. Fixing a smile onto her face, she walked back into the room to find Jack sitting up, watching the door expectantly.
She stopped, her fragile poise fracturing as her eyes met his.
‘Problems?’ He arched one brow.
‘No. No. Um.’ She swallowed and tried to gather her thoughts. ‘Would you be able to take Suzy along to the room now? I’ll get someone to come down in a few minutes to give her dinner. And, um, I need to make a phone call before we can go home.’
‘Sure.’
Before he could say more Liz was gone, leaving only the memory of her stricken face. Jack sighed, feeling suddenly tired. She was confusing him. One minute she was open and approachable, the next so prickly and cold that he didn’t know whether to advance or retreat. With the way her eyes darted away every time he caught her gaze, he was beginning to get the feeling that she couldn’t bear the sight of him.
And she’d looked so ill at ease just now. A far cry from the calm, competent professional who’d acted without hesitation to save Danny’s life a couple of hours ago.
When he’d helped her up after the paramedics had taken Danny to the ambulance, she’d been so soft and warm as he’d held her against his chest to steady her. Her dark hazel eyes had clung to his, almost seeming to invite his kiss for those precious seconds before they’d been interrupted. The timing had been appalling and a moment later she was moving away, the opportunity lost. Too late now to wish he’d gone with his first crazy impulse to swoop on her slightly parted lips. Her response, or lack of it, might have answered at least one of the questions swirling in his mind.
He tossed the magazine back onto the table and shifted Suzy’s weight in his arms. The toddler murmured a sleepy protest as he got to his feet. His lips curved as he looked down at her. She was so relaxed she seemed boneless. Just the way Emma used to lie in his arms all those years ago, so innocent, so trusting. His heart swelled with the memory.
In just under three months it would be his own child he’d be holding in his arms. He never wanted his child to feel the destructive fear and uncertainty he’d felt while he was growing up.
Safety and security. That’s what children needed. They needed to know the adults in their life would do the right thing, or make a damned good attempt to.
Whatever happened between him and Liz, they had to make sure they did the right thing as parents.
He looked down into Suzy’s untroubled face and suddenly realised how fiercely he wanted to be there for his child. Not just a part-time father at weekends. He wanted it all. And he wanted Liz in his life, in his bed. In his heart. He firmed his resolve. He was prepared to wait, but he wasn’t prepared to let go.
He smiled grimly. Look out, darlin’, he warned his wife silently. Things are going to change around here.
Later, Jack walked through to the lounge at home with two cups of freshly-brewed green tea.
‘You—’
‘I—’ Liz accepted one of the drinks. ‘Sorry, Jack, what were you going to say?’
He grinned at her, appreciating the picture she made with her glossy dark hair now loosely curling over her shoulders. She seemed to be glowing with good health. Pregnancy obviously suited her. ‘Always the way, isn’t it? Nothing to say since we left the hospital and now we both want to talk at the same time.’
‘Hmm.’ She looked into her drink as though she might see the answers to the world’s mysteries there.
Refusing to be put off by her lukewarm response, he sat on the two-seater couch beside her, resting his arm along the back and curving his body towards her. He smiled mentally at the brief, wary glance she shot him from the corner of her eye. ‘I was going to say that I thought you were fantastic today.’
That got her attention. Her head came round and troubled hazel eyes met his.
‘What do you mean?’
‘With Danny.’ He reached out to tuck behind her ear a strand of hair that had curled across her cheek. Her eyes darkened briefly before she looked away.
‘Oh, that.’
‘You saved his life today,’ he said softly.
She shrugged. ‘It’s my job.’
‘Yes, it is. All the same, I enjoyed watching you work. I saw how quickly he went down. One minute he was great and the next…’ He grimaced.
‘If we’d had to call the ambulance and wait for them to arrive, I don’t think he’d have made it. Because you were there he got the treatment he needed when he needed it.’
After a small pause he said, ‘Which reminds, why were you there?’
Because his eyes were still on her, he saw her almost imperceptible start.
‘Oh. Um, I—I wanted to talk to you. And—and I wasn’t sure how long you were going to be at the station.’
‘It must have been important,’ he said, keeping his voice gentle, undemanding.
She bit her lip then took a quick sip from her cup. ‘It seemed important at the time.’
Whatever she’d wanted to discuss, she obviously wanted to avoid it now.
‘So, talk to me,’ he invited, resisting the temptation to touch her again in case it distracted her.
Her breasts rose as she took a deep breath.
‘I owe you an apology.’ The words seemed to rush out. ‘For not telling you about the prenatal class. It wasn’t fair for you to find out that way from Sarah. And…and I’m sorry for the other stuff.’
‘Other stuff?’
‘Leaving you with Suzy at the hospital, for a start. Not that you didn’t cope brilliantly. And, um, I’m sorry for the other things that I said to you earlier.’
‘That’s okay.’
‘No, Jack.’ She looked at him fiercely. Now that she’d made the commitment to speak she seemed determined to see it through. ‘It’s not okay.’
He shrugged, struggling to maintain a passive exterior while inside he was rejoicing. ‘You must have had your reasons.’
‘Maybe I did. But they’re not reasons I’m proud of. And I’ve realised that you’re right, I can’t have it both ways.’ She took another quick drink.
‘Do you want to come to the classes?’
‘Do you want me to?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said after a few moments, turning to him with an anguished expression. ‘Yes. And no. I feel so contrary. Oh, God. I don’t know what I want.’
His heart went out to her. He didn’t understand why the classes were a problem, but his instinct was to try to make it easier for her. ‘Would you prefer me not to come to the classes?’
‘It’s not that. It’s just the classes are so…’ She looked away again. He watched her throat move as she swallowed. ‘So, um, hands on.’
‘Hands on?’ The implication dropped into his mind, sent his mood into a dive. Where were they going to go from here if she couldn’t bear him near her? ‘As in actually hands on?’
‘Yes.’ She stared at her cup, picking at the design on the front with her thumbnail.
‘I see.’ He digested her words, absorbed the hurt. ‘And you don’t want me touching you.’
‘Oh, no!’ Her head came up and she looked at him. ‘It’s not that.’ The spontaneous denial lifted his suffocating gloom.
She shrugged. ‘I mean, I’d like you to come to the class, um, you know, if you want to, that is. I just want you to know you don’t have to. If you don’t want to.’
‘Good,’ he said. His mood swung even higher, but he ruthlessly subdued his exultation. He didn’t want to spook her now. ‘That’s settled. I’m coming.’
‘I’ll understand if you can’t make it, though. If you’ve got to work or something.’
‘I’ll be there.’
‘Okay.’ She sipped her tea, a small frown pleating her forehead.
‘These classes are to learn about the baby?’
‘Yes. And to learn exercises to make the delivery easier, techniques to manage the pain.’
‘Surely they give you drugs for that. Don’t they do epidurals or something these days?’
‘Not necessarily. I told you I want a natural birth.’
He opened his mouth to argue, but managed to swallow the words before they emerged. He had plenty of time before the due date, surely he could talk her out of doing it tough before then. The last thing he wanted right now was to spoil their truce.
‘The other thing the classes teach us is what to expect at the delivery. I mean, I know what’s going to happen, of course, but I’ve never been on this side of the process before. Obviously. But it’s for the husbands who are going to attend the delivery as well so they know what will happen.’ She looked at him expectantly.
‘Right.’ He could see instantly that wasn’t the response she was after.
The corners of her mouth crimped briefly.
‘Well, are you going to come to the delivery?’
‘Yes.’
‘Because if—’ She stopped, a startled look on her face. Her mouth opened and closed as though she was having trouble finding a response.
‘Oh. Well. All right, then.’
‘So are we having a boy or a girl?’
He looked down to where her hand curled over her stomach in a protective gesture. ‘A girl.’
The rush of primitive emotion that surged through him was a shock. Knowing the sex made the baby even more real. He was going to have a daughter. A daughter.
‘Jack?’
He glanced up to find her eyes searching his face.
‘Are you disappointed?’
‘No. Never.’ He managed a smile as he reached out to link his fingers with hers where her hand rested on their baby. ‘I’ll be rapt as long as both of you are happy and healthy.’
And he’d do a much better job of protecting his daughter than he’d managed with his sister.