Chapter THIRTEEN
CREATIVE abdominal acrobatics jolted Liz awake in the small hours the next morning. The room was awash with light from the full moon. She lay for a moment, half-asleep, looking at the familiar bedside scene.
Something was different.
She felt different. Smug. Whole.
A movement in the bed behind her brought memories of the evening flooding back.
Jack.
Her lips curved as she stretched lightly. He’d always been a considerate lover, wanting her enjoyment and satisfaction as much as his own. But last night he’d been so gentle, so tender with her that she’d felt infinitely precious. His care warmed her heart, filled her with love for him. And the memory of his hands, clever and compelling, on her skin sent her system buzzing all over again. He knew her, knew what worked for her, what made her body clamour for the magic of his touch.
Thank goodness for the prenatal class. To think she’d been afraid it would be a catalyst for dramatic change to their relationship. And the change had been dramatic, but it’d been the very best thing that could have happened to them.
Falling asleep with Jack’s arms around her had been the sweetest experience. He was a haven to her, safety and security. She felt ready to tackle anything with him at her side. Even if he couldn’t bring himself to lavish affection on their daughter, to bond with her, Liz knew she would be able to cope as a parent if she had his support. He was a man who could be relied on.
She rolled over to face him. A moonbeam cut a swathe through the open curtains, giving her a clear view of him. He lay on his back with his face turned towards her. His eyelashes fanned out in two dark crescents. Her gaze was drawn to his mouth, soft in repose, deliciously wicked when kissing hers. Stubble shadowed his cheeks and tussled spikes of hair framed his forehead.
He made her feel so special, cherished.
He made her feel safe.
But only months ago she’d been so close to losing him. She’d convinced herself she was ready to let him go, to let their love die. Her heart squeezed hard. If he hadn’t been so determined to stay and try to make their marriage work, how very different her life would be now.
How very different her future would be looking.
His strength and courage had saved something precious.
If his fiancée had allowed herself to be swayed by his determination all those years ago, he’d have been married to someone else. Liz shivered. She would never have experienced loving him.
He’d been nonchalant about the long-ago affair, but she could still hear the echo of his heartbreak for the baby. And maybe for his fiancée’s call ous betrayal. Hadn’t Kylie understood what a treasure she’d caught?
But she must have. She’d instinctively turned to Jack—not her other lover—when she’d discovered her pregnancy. Choosing him as the best partner for her future, the best potential father for her baby.
Poor Jack. First his mother, then his first love had proved to be fickle creatures. With such a background, it was a wonder he’d leapt so precipitously into marriage. Though maybe the very spur-of-the-moment nature of his proposal while they’d been on holiday together in New Zealand was the only way he could have done it. If he’d given it more thought, would they be married?
‘Hey, gorgeous,’ said a husky voice. ‘What’s up?’
‘Your daughter’s early morning call isthenics.’
He rolled onto his side to face her, his hand finding her stomach to stroke it softly. He opened his eyes properly. ‘So she’s gone back to sleep and you can’t?’
‘Mmm. I was just thinking.’
‘I can see that.’ He smiled, the moonlight glinting off his teeth. His eyelids drifted down. ‘Should I be worried?’
‘Jack?’
‘Hmm?’
‘Why did you marry me?’
His eyes blinked open wide. ‘Bloody hell, Liz. What sort of question is that for…’ he raised his head and squinted at the clock ‘…three o’clock in the morning?’ His arms reached out and pulled her closer. ‘There are much better things to do.’
‘Really? Like what?’
‘Mmm.’ He nibbled on her ear. ‘Kiss and cuddle for a start.’
‘You’re trying to distract me,’ she said a few minutes later when his lips released hers.
‘Mmm-hmm. Guilty.’ He sighed. ‘But obviously not doing a very good job of it.’
‘Pretty good.’ She shivered as his fingers trailed over her sternum. ‘But I still want to know.’
He nuzzled her ear and his hand settled over her breast, fondling gently as though to punctuate his statement. ‘Marrying you seemed to be the best way to have my lustful way with you whenever I wanted to.’
‘You were anyway,’ she said breathlessly.
‘Oh, yeah. That’s right.’ He chuckled, a lovely rumbling sound vibrating in her ear. After a moment, he said, ‘Then it must have been because you swept me off my feet while we were on holiday.’
‘You always did have a convenient memory. The way I remember it, you did the sweeping.’
He drew back and looked at her seriously for a long moment. ‘Perhaps I recognised my destiny as soon as I laid eyes on you and didn’t see any reason to fight it.’
‘Love at first sight, you mean?’
His palm curved over her cheek, his thumb rubbing her bottom lip. ‘Yeah. That.’
Her heart skipped a beat. Yes, but what about now? Was it still love that held him to her? Or duty? She knew he had a strong sense of duty and she hated the thought that it might be his main reason for staying.
‘And you didn’t need me. That was a hell of a turn-on.’ He rolled onto his back and gathered her close to his side. ‘I wanted to look after you.
And I hadn’t wanted to do that for anyone for years. Your independence was a challenge. And a relief.’
‘After Janet?’
‘Mmm. And Kylie. You were busy getting on with your life. You didn’t need a partner to make you whole.’ He slid his free hand under his head.
‘My relationships were short and shallow until I met you.’
‘Left a trail of broken hearts, did you?’ She ran her fingers across his chest, enjoying the texture against her palm.
‘Not fair. I was always up front at the start of my relationships.’
‘Big of you.’ She lightly tugged a few of the hairs. ‘So why didn’t you warn me?’
He grunted, capturing her playful fingers. ‘You weren’t the one who needed warning, I was. Why’d you agree to marry me?’
‘Um. Lots of reasons. I’ve always liked a man in uniform and you do fill yours out very nicely. And I was enjoying having my lustful way with you.
And you proposed to me so romantically.’ She smiled, remembering the holiday madness. ‘It was crazy. Spontaneous. You were magic and you made me feel as though I could be fun.’
‘Hey, darlin’. Trust me, you are,’ he growled suggestively.
‘Then there was the fact that I loved you.’ She swallowed, gathering her courage and tilting her head on his shoulder so she could look him in the face. ‘I still do.’
‘Oh, Liz. I love you, too.’
‘Thank you,’ she whispered, blinking away the sudden rush of moisture in her eyes. ‘I’ve needed to hear that so much.’
‘Hey, all you had to do was ask. You’re everything a bloke could want in a sheila.’
She chuckled, feeling the urge to cry recede. ‘You’re such a romantic, Jack Campbell.’
‘I know.’
‘I mean it.’ Liz pushed herself up on her elbow and looked down at him. ‘I found the airline tickets. Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘We had more important things to work out.’ He looked uncomfortable.
‘I’d love to go back to New Zealand.’
‘We can.’ He rubbed his hand over her shoulder. Liz couldn’t suppress a small shiver at his touch. ‘When Emma’s old enough, we will.’
‘I’d like that. A second honeymoon.’
‘Mmm-hmm. Now, go back to sleep. Roll over so we can snuggle.’
He curved his body around hers. She could feel the roughness of his chest hair against her shoulder blades. His muscular legs bent against the backs of hers, his exhalations fanning the nape of her neck. She could hear his breathing slow as he drifted off. Sleep claimed her as she was thinking how delicious the sensations of having him close were.
A feather-light caress on her lips woke her the next morning and she opened her eyes to find Jack leaning over her.
‘Mmm. Prince Charming, I presume.’ She reached up, sinking her fingers into his hair, pulling his head down. His lips moved warmly over hers, knowing all the spots she liked to be touched. Varying the pressure, light and teasing one moment, firm and thorough the next. Powerful, skilful caresses that she’d missed in the months he’d been away. And missed even more poignantly in the weeks he’d been home, so near and yet so far.
His touch felt right, perfect for her.
He drew her arms away from his neck and held her hands pinned to the bed above her head, finishing the kiss with a light nip of her bottom lip.
‘Stop it, Dr Campbell, or I’m going to have to come back to bed.’
‘What’s stopping you?’ She shifted, her fingers curling helplessly in his grip.
‘I’m being considerate.’ He leaned in to give her another quick peck before releasing her and standing up. ‘Now, I’m going for a run to work off some of this excess energy you’ve left me with.’
‘I can think of something else that might help.’
‘You’re a wicked woman, Liz, my love. But I’m not undoing all the rest you’ve had by wearing you out in bed the first chance I get. I do have some self-control.’
‘Too much.’ She tried a pout.
‘Sorry. Gorgeous though you look, pouting is not going to work.’
Liz watched him walk to the door, enjoying the sight of his broad shoulders and long, lean back. His Lycra running shorts showed off his taut backside and the flex of well-toned muscles.
‘Nice buns.’
‘Glad you think so.’ He flashed her a grin and was gone. His voice floated back to her. ‘I’ll fix you breakfast when I get home.’
Liz sighed and fell back on the pillows for a few extra lazy moments.
Everything was perfect.
Perfect.
Jack still loved her. still wanted her physically even though she was enormously pregnant. He was talking to her more than he ever had before.
Their marriage was back on track. He might not actively want to be a father, but he was going to be here to support her.
So why did she feel uneasy? Was it just her pregnancy mood swings making her feel this way? Surely she wasn’t turning into one of those difficult people who didn’t allow anything to please them. Maybe it was just that their reconciliation was so new she was a little uncertain about it? All she needed was time to adjust to this new reality. That was reasonable, wasn’t it?
But her uneasiness hadn’t abated over the following week, Liz acknowledged silently as they drove to the hospital for the next class.
She’d covered it up as best she could, not wanting to make Jack think he was failing her in any way at all. Because he wasn’t. He’d been brilliant.
She didn’t want him to think she was impossible to please. He’d spoken of her independence being one of the things he loved. Lord, if he knew how she was feeling right now he’d be terrified. She’d never been like this before. What was wrong with her?
She couldn’t talk to him about her nebulous anxiety. How could she say to him, I’m not happy, but I don’t know why? No, until she could pinpoint the problem, she couldn’t dump it on him.
But perhaps she could talk about other things. Maybe finding out how Jack felt would make her feel better.
‘It’s the last class tonight,’ she said as he parked the car at the hospital.
‘Mmm.’
‘Scary, isn’t it?’ She tried to sound casual, but perhaps she hadn’t succeeded because she could feel his gaze on her. ‘Just think, after this we’re supposed to know what we’re doing.’
‘Yeah. Worried?’
She sighed and turned her head to look at him. ‘Yes, I am. Not about the birth,’ she said quickly when he opened his mouth to speak. ‘About after. About actually being a parent. Aren’t you?’
‘Yes. And no.’ He smiled as he captured her hand. ‘I know you’re going to be a great mum so I figure if I take my cue from you, I can’t go wrong.’
She felt a lump forming in her throat. ‘You’re a very sweet man, Jack.’
‘Sweet?’ He sounded disgusted.
‘Mmm. It’s a side of you I haven’t seen before. Why is that?’
‘Perhaps you’ve never needed me to be sweet before.’ He squeezed her hand then opened his door. By the time she’d got herself organised to get out of the car he was waiting to help her.
She clambered out awkwardly, pausing for a moment to arch her lower back.
‘Sore?’
‘No worse than usual.’
‘I’ll give you a massage later.’
‘Sounds good.’ She loved his hands on her, couldn’t get enough of his touch. They hadn’t made love as often as she’d thought they might. He seemed concerned about the baby. She should appreciate his consideration.
And she did. Much as she craved his closeness, her advanced pregnancy was making her tired.
She waddled beside him, feeling slow and cumbersome. He shortened his long strides to accommodate her pace, making her even more aware of her lack of grace.
‘It’s when she thinks she’s ready to date that scares me,’ he murmured as they reached the classroom. ‘Will Julie be giving lessons on that?’
Liz chuckled, her tension unwinding a fraction. As long as they could keep their sense of humour, everything would be all right, wouldn’t it?
After they’d done the relaxation and exercises, Julie brought out her dummy babies and announced the next segment.
Nappies 101.
Liz’s unease returned in full force as she watched Jack. Through the general hilarity around the table, she could see his long fingers competently folding the square cloth in thirds, making the thick pad, pulling out the flaps to pin.
‘Don’t worry too much,’ said the midwife to reassure the struggling partners. ‘You’ll all get plenty of practice. Your baby will need about ten changes a day. That adds up to more than three thousand nappies in the first year.’
But Liz could see that Jack needed no practice. He wrapped the nappy around his dummy’s legs and pinned the flaps in place as the others fumbled their way through the exercise.
The line of men held their ‘babies’ up. The nappies of all the first-time fathers promptly dropped to the table.
Except Jack’s.
His was snug and tidy.
Perfect.
And unbelievably threatening.
‘Oh, dear. Look at Pete’s disaster,’ groaned one of the other mothers-to-be. ‘Perhaps Jack could come over and give him some lessons.’
Liz managed a smile, hoping it didn’t look as sickly as it felt.
Jack was better at this than she was. He must have done even more for his little sister than he’d led her to believe. Would she feel better if he was as ham-fisted as some of the other new fathers? Surely she couldn’t be that small-minded and competitive. Could she?
But why wasn’t she pleased? intellectually, she could see that she should be ecstatic, but somewhere deep in her psyche it all felt wrong.
Wrong that he was so competent.
Wrong that she was so disturbed about it.
Was she worried he would watch her handling their newborn and find her wanting? After all, he’d judged his mother harshly.
Liz sighed. She wasn’t being fair. Janet had deserved to be judged and if anyone had a right to do it, that person was her own child. The son she’d ultimately deserted because her habit had been stronger than her love.
‘You’re very quiet,’ said Jack on the drive home.
‘Am I?’ She roused herself from her troubled thoughts and glanced at him briefly. ‘I’m tired.’
‘That’s all?’
‘Yes.’
‘We’re nearly home.’
‘You starred in the class tonight.’ She winced at the accusing tone. Trying to lighten the mood, she added, ‘Perhaps you need to give me some lessons. On nappies. And, um, babies.’
That sounded worse.
She shifted uncomfortably. ‘Um. So your, um, expertise, is that because of your little sister?’
‘Yeah. I was Emma’s live-in babysitter.’
‘Janet was lucky to have you, wasn’t she?’
Jack didn’t bother to answer her and in the lengthening silence Liz knew she’d been unreasonable.
‘I—I’m sorry, Jack. That wasn’t very nice,’ she said in a low voice. ‘I’m cranky and I don’t really understand why. But that’s no reason to take it out on you.’
‘Don’t worry about it, darlin’, I’ve got broad shoulders.’ His hand covered hers, the hard palm warm against her cold fingers.
‘Well, don’t be too nice to me or I’ll be crying all over them.’ Tears flooded her eyes. With the back of her hand, she wiped the droplets that spilled onto her cheeks.
‘You’re just tired. I know you haven’t been sleeping very well. Only four weeks to go now.’
‘ Only? Twenty-eight whole days.’ It was a relief to let the words explode out of her, sweeping away the need to cry. ‘I don’t know how I’m going to do it, Jack. I feel ready to burst now.’
‘My poor darling.’
‘You’re being nice to me again.’ She sniffed. ‘I know most women say they feel the same way at this stage.’
‘But it’s different when it’s you?’
‘Yes, it is. Damn it.’ She chuckled softly. ‘I want to cringe when I think of all the words of wisdom I’ve imparted to my pregnant patients over the years. What did I know?’
Later that night, Jack lay listening to Liz’s soft, steady breathing. She’d dropped off to sleep quickly, but he knew the chances were she’d be awake again in a few hours.
Tonight’s antenatal class had been interesting. He was surprised and pleased how easily his old knowledge had come back to him. It’d been fun—though he’d had to endure the good-natured teasing of the other men.
What hadn’t been so good was Liz’s reaction to his expertise. He’d seen her face as he’d held up his diapered dummy and she’d looked…
stricken was the best word he could think of. He’d expected her to be pleased, felt hurt that she wasn’t.
She’d managed to dredge up a smile when Pete McGil ’s wife had leaned over to speak to her, but he could tell it had been an effort.
And he definitely hadn’t imagined it. Her snippy comments on the way home confirmed that. So what was wrong?
He’d thought their problems had been sorted out when he’d come round to the idea of fatherhood. But peeling away that issue seemed to have exposed something he was at a loss to explain. And Liz didn’t seem inclined to even try, passing her comments off as pregnancy crankiness. And this was the first time she’d really complained about the way she felt so perhaps that’s all it was.
He worried about her, the pace at which she drove herself. He loved her independence, but sometimes it would be nice if she would lean on him. Just a little.
She rolled towards him, her hand sliding across his stomach and hooking around his waist. He sucked in a breath sharply as he felt his body react to her touch. At least they seemed to have ironed out the problems in this area of their relationship. Even if he did have to set a much more restrained pace than his natural inclination. He was close to her, sleeping with her. Loving her. They could sort everything else out as they went along. For now, this was a start.
He caught her hand as it strayed lower and she murmured a protest in her sleep. Letting out a long, slow lungful of air, he held her hand flat to his chest and took firm rein on his lust.
She needed sleep. She needed sleep.
He grinned wryly.
And he deserved a damned medal.