Knotted Roots

Chapter TEN



The drive home from the pond was quiet. Neither of us spoke, the air heavy with tension. He dropped me off in the driveway and immediately left. No goodbyes. No assurance that we would see each other again. While I still had the urge to taste him, I knew it was for the best. Nothing could ever happen between us, right? But that didn’t mean that he was any less enticing.

I noticed Grandma’s truck parked out front, but it wasn’t until I made it closer to the house that I saw her sitting in one of the rocking chairs, watching me. I walked up the stairs slowly, watching her carefully. Could she tell that Chase and I had a fight? If she launched into another lecture about staying away from him I would scream. Now I knew she had been right to tell me to stay away, but there was no way I was going to admit that to her.

“Did ya have a nice day honey?” she asked, her chair no longer rocking. I looked over at her and she looked relatively calm, so I decided to sit with her.

“It was fine,” I said as I sat down gently in the rocking chair next to her.

“Just fine?” She chuckled. “Where did y’all go?”

“The tattoo parlor in town. We decided to cement our love with ink,” I smiled at the snark in my tone. The scandalized look on her face made me laugh. “I was just kidding you know. We went to the pond.”

“He took ya to the pond? Brennan’s Pond?” she asked incredulously.

“I guess that’s the one. It’s close by, surrounded by trees. Very secluded,” I replied as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I could already feel the headache building behind my eyes. How could I tell her that I had done exactly what she had told me not to do? I had somehow managed to screw up the budding friendship between us in one short afternoon.

“Yep, that’s Brennan’s Pond. I’m shocked he took ya there,” she paused, glancing over at me. “Do ya know what that place means to him? He has never taken anyone there.”

“I get it Grandma, I do. It’s a special place for him and his dad. Fishing and all that stuff.” I stopped rocking and stood up.

“Did he tell ya anything else? About his dad, I mean?” she asked as she gazed up at me, her eyes turning glassy with each passing second. I shook my head and took a few steps away from her, making my way to the front door. “Then ya don’t really get it. But maybe one day you will.”

I stared at her for a moment as tears welled up in her eyes. A few escaped, and she quickly wiped them away, but the pain in her eyes was harder to hide from me. I wanted to comfort her, to ask her what was wrong, but instead I left her there on the porch and retreated to my room. I literally ran away from her overflowing emotions. I couldn’t tell you why I did it. All I knew was that my heart refused to budge, refused to stutter for her in that moment. It was a useless organ in that moment, only able to pump life through my veins. It should have been able to deal with sadness and desolation, but no. It was useless.

Amber used to tell me that I was socially inept, but I had never really understood what she meant when she said that. Now I knew. She had been right about me. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to show that I cared; it was that I just couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to get attached. But without those attachments, how could I relate to what someone is feeling? I couldn’t, so I didn’t even bother to try anymore. I should have stayed with Grandma. I should have dried her tears and gave her a hug, promising that everything would be fine. I should have been the person she needed me to be, but I wasn’t. I avoided her sadness like it was a disease.

What kind of human being was I that I couldn’t empathize with someone that I was supposed to love? I felt utterly useless, which seemed to be a recurring theme since I’d come to Perry Point. When I was in New York, life seemed to be simpler, easier. My friends didn’t expect much from me, we were just happy to be in the same social circle. We could spend hours, days, weeks together and never truly know each other. That may sound lonely, but it was the norm. We didn’t cry for a friend’s loss, at least not outwardly. We stood by them physically, our bodies present, while our hearts were hidden behind an enormous brick wall. There was no depth to our relationships, and that seemed to work for everyone involved.

It had always been easier to keep people at arm’s length. They couldn’t hurt you if they couldn’t get a grip on your heart. They couldn’t make you feel things that would make you squirm. You were safe within your own walls, protected from the harsh realities of life. It was a protective measure and it had worked so far. I was still shocked that Chase had been able to see it for what it was. I was more concerned about him finding out why than trying to figure out how he had known. We all had secrets, but some of them were harder to deal with than others. Mine belonged to me, unfit for other’s consumption.

A light knock at my door drew me out of my thoughts. “Come in.” I waited for the door to open. Katy, of course. She walked in, her hands clasped behind her back and a nervous smile on her face.

“Ms. Betty told me I could find you up here. I saw Chase leave. He didn’t look too happy. Everything okay?” She walked over to my desk and took a seat, swiveling the chair to face me.

Why did everyone insist on asking me if things were okay? If I wanted them to know, I would tell them. I let out a big sigh and flopped down on my bed. “Everything is great. Just wonderful. Don’t I look happy?” I didn’t bother to look at her when I answered, closing my eyes instead to ward off the gnawing headache.

“I bet you’re wondering why I’m here.” Not really, I thought to myself. “I was hoping you’d be interested in going to a party with me tonight.”

I sat up and looked at her. She was still smiling at me, but the sparkle in her eyes had diminished, leaving a look of uncertainty in its wake. “A party? Where?” My interest was fully aroused. I had been craving some excitement since I arrived in town. A small part of me wondered what kind of fun these country kids had in mind, while another part didn’t give a shit. I was ready for some fun.

“Max Lewis is throwing his annual summer party tonight. It’s very exclusive. The location of the party isn’t known until about an hour before it starts.” I could tell from the look on her face that this was not part of her normal routine. I would even venture to say that she had never been to a party before. Ever.

“And you think that you can find out where it is?” I was unable to hide the skepticism in my voice. This party sounded like some of the raves that Amber and I used to go to back home. The invites were very exclusive and only the best of the best were invited. I couldn’t imagine Katy ever being considered part of “the best.”

“I’m positive. My brother goes every year and he’s promised to bring me with him. I didn’t feel right going with just him, ya know? That’s why I was hoping you would come with me.”

While I still didn’t think this girl knew what a real party was, I was desperate for some fun. Even if we ended up in an empty field, surrounded by oversized trucks and blaring country music, anything was better than sitting on my bed all night. “I’ll go with you. On one condition.” She looked at me and nodded enthusiastically. “You can’t bring up Chase for the entire night. Not one single mention or I’ll leave. Deal?”

She squealed loudly and jumped out of the chair. She bounded over to me and threw her arms around me, both of us falling backward onto my bed. “Yay! I’m so glad you’re going! And don’t worry. Chase’s name will be mud tonight. Girl Scout’s promise.”

Great. My first party down South and I was going with a former Girl Scout. Hopefully former. What had my life come to?



* * * *



I spent the afternoon getting ready for the party. I made sure to straighten my unruly hair, carefully applied my makeup, taking great care to highlight my emerald green eyes, and picked out one of my nicest outfits. I settled on a slim pair of black capris with a one shouldered white top. Cute, but casual. I didn’t want them to think I was trying too hard, after all.

I walked downstairs to wait for Katy and found Grandma watching television in the living room. I knew she had heard me come down the stairs, but she didn’t acknowledge my presence. I walked over to her and sat down on the couch beside her. Still, she didn’t divert her attention from the television.

“I’m going out with Katy tonight,” I said nonchalantly as I picked at the nonexistent lint on my shirt.

“She told me. I don’t have to tell you to be careful, do I?” She never looked at me, but the tense set of her jaw told me she was not happy about my plans for the evening.

“I’ll be with Katy all night. I’m sure she’ll keep me out of trouble.” I stood up and walked to the window that faced the front yard. Headlights were bouncing down the dirt road, approaching the house at a snail’s pace. I willed them to hurry up, eager to get away from Grandma and begin my night of fun.

“Katy’s a good girl, but it’s her brother I worry about. Dan is a troublemaker. So please, be careful tonight,” she spoke as she turned off the TV and looked at me for the first time tonight.

“I’ll keep my distance from him, don’t worry. Ending up in jail is not on my schedule for tonight.” I walked over and placed a hand on Grandma’s shoulder. I gave her a gentle squeeze before stepping back once again.

A knock at the door startled me. In that brief moment, when she warned me away from danger, it seemed that she genuinely cared about me. She may not have said it in so many words, but with her simple words she had shown that she was also worried about me. It was a novel idea. She had seemed so detached and distant so far, spending her time treating me as only the hired help, but tonight it felt different. It felt real.

“Be home by one Roxie. No excuses. And if you need me, call me. No questions asked,” she said as she walked to the stairs. I opened the front door and found Katy standing there. She looked incredible! Her hair was no longer a mass of broken curls. She had obviously taken great care to curl each and every one of them. Her face wasn’t covered in makeup, which suited her, and her clothes weren’t fancy, but they looked amazing. Was this the same girl who had been here only a few hours before?

“Ready? Dan’s in the car,” she said as she scanned me from head to toe.

“Sure. Let’s get going.” I gave Grandma a slight nod before shutting the door. We walked down the stairs and made our way to the car. Before we got too close, Katy leaned over and whispered in my ear.

“Dan invited a friend of his. His name is Jackson and he’s pretty harmless. Just be warned, he’s a charmer,” she spoke so close to my ear that I could smell the fresh mint on her breath.

I nodded my head and we continued to the car. Katy climbed into the front seat, leaving me to sit in the back with the nefarious Jackson. As I closed the door I looked over at the person sitting next to me. No wonder Katy warned me ahead of time. He was stunning! His dark black hair fell in waves around his head, partially obscuring his grey eyes. It wasn’t quite dark out yet, so I was able to catch a glimpse of his strong jaw and chiseled cheeks. When he smiled at me I shivered. It wasn’t the same kind of shiver I felt around Chase. This one felt dangerous.



* * * *



The ride to the party was stifling. Jackson tried to make conversation, but after Katy’s warning, I kept my own responses to one syllable. I didn’t want to give him any encouragement. Eventually he gave up trying and decided to talk sports with Dan instead. The two of them acted as if Katy and I weren’t even there, and that was perfectly fine with me. I caught him staring a few times, but the angry glare that I shot at him almost gave him whiplash.

When we finally reached the party I couldn’t escape fast enough. Dan had barely put the car in park before I swung open the door and rushed out. Once I was out of the vehicle I was able to take a deep breath once again. The tension had been so thick you could almost run your fingers through it. Katy hurriedly got out of the car as well and turned to look at me. Her playful smile was gone.

“Okay, so. If anyone asks, we’re here with Jackson and Dan. Got it?” she asked as she slung her large purse on her shoulder. I nodded and smiled. “Now, don’t get mad at me, but there is someone here tonight that you should probably know about.”

I glared at her, already suspecting who it could be. “You told him about the party? Why?” I couldn’t believe that she hadn’t warned me ahead of time. I specifically told her that I wasn’t interested in anything to do with Chase tonight.

“He called me earlier and he seemed really upset. I panicked. I told him how to get the party details. Please don’t be mad at me.” She gave me the worst sad, puppy dog eyes and I couldn’t help but giggle at her. She failed miserably at looking innocent, especially with that mischievous sparkle in her eyes.

“Fine, I’ll forgive you this time. But know that if I get cornered tonight, I’m totally blaming you. ” I glanced around, scanning the crowd of people. “I don’t see him, so that’s a good sign.”

“What happened between you two earlier? Is that why he was so upset when he called?”

I considered lying to her. Would she understand if I told her? I doubted it, so I gave her the half-truth. “We had a disagreement. No biggie. But we’re not here to talk about that. Let’s go mingle,” I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the car, advancing quickly towards a group of people gathered around the back of a nearby truck.

We slipped into the group easily. A few heads turned in our direction, but for the most part we were ghosts, blending seamlessly. It felt good to be anonymous, no one expecting anything from me. It had been so long since I had felt so at ease, especially among strangers. It was a feeling that I could get used to. I glanced at Katy who seemed to be enjoying herself as well. She had already been approached by a fine specimen of country goodness. He was every Southern stereotype rolled into one, right down to the faded Levi’s and broken in cowboy boots.

I watched them for a few minutes, occasionally scanning the growing crowd. There weren’t any familiar faces. I started to grow anxious, unsure what to do next. I fiddled with my cell phone, looking through the dozens of apps, but found nothing to entertain me. I now knew what it felt like to be invisible. I had always been a somebody, and while this should have been a humbling experience, the only thing I felt was uncomfortable.

I whispered to Katy that I was going to do some walking around, she nodded and immediately returned her attention to the cowboy she was talking to. I walked away quickly, trying to resist the urge to flat out run. Everywhere my eyes landed there were groups of people congregating around one vehicle or another. It seemed that most of them were trucks, the bed of the vehicle loaded down with coolers of who knows what. I had a feeling it was alcohol, but I didn’t get close enough to find out for sure.

I found a large rock, devoid of people, and sat down. I pulled my knees up to my chin and rested my head on my hands. I felt completely out of my element. This was not what I was used to. This was a whole new world, filled with new people that I had no idea how to deal with. I was shocked that Katy seemed to blend in with everyone so easily. I searched for her and found her at the same truck, her hands locked around a red cup. She was now talking to a group of giggling girls, all of them animated and looking like they were having the time of their lives.

I smiled, knowing that at least one of us was having a good time. I heard footsteps behind me, approaching slowly. I glanced over my shoulder towards the sound and nearly fell off the rock. Chase, dressed in a light blue polo shirt that accentuated every muscle in his upper body, was standing there, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans.

“Room for another?” He motioned to the rock I was sitting on. I nodded and scooted over, giving him enough room to join me. “Thanks.”

I nodded again and then returned my eyes to the scene around us. We sat quietly for a while, both of us content to just people watch. When he finally spoke, I nearly jumped out of my skin. “I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have said all of that. I was out of line.”

“Not interested in talking.” I refused to look at him. My resolve to be a bitch was weakening with every word he spoke. “I’m not even sure why I came over here...” He stood up and looked down at me. “I keep telling myself to just give you some time. That you’re going through a lot of stuff. But I’m wrong, aren’t I? This is just who you are.”

I looked up at him and shivered, the fire in his eyes felt as if it was singeing every nerve ending in my body. In that moment I wanted to throw my arms around him and get lost in his touch. I wanted nothing more than to forget about the world around me and the bullshit that I called life.

“I thought you learned your lesson on analyzing me already?” He cocked his head to the side, studying my face.

“I’m hard headed.” He glanced around, his eyes darting through the surrounding darkness. “I guess I’ll just leave ya to it then.” I grabbed his hand before he could make an escape.

“Look. I’m...sorry. Okay?” I didn’t let go of his hand. The warmth of his palm felt amazing sliding across mine. The electricity coursing between us entranced me, calling to me, pulling me under with each passing moment. “I’m messed up. You know this. As much as I hate to say this, I could use a friend here.”

His eyes lit up with laughter as a grin spread on his face. “A friend. I think I can do that.” He squeezed my hand gently, causing sparks to flare, before gently releasing his grip. My hand dropped to my side. I felt bereft now that we were no longer linked together. “But just so you know, I want more than that. And I think you do too.”

“You don’t want that Chase. Trust me. I’m trouble. Ask anyone who knows me.”

“Do you believe everything people say? ‘Cause I don’t think you’re trouble. Difficult, yes, but not trouble.” His words hit home. I looked at the grass for a moment, my heart thumping out a painful rhythm. What do you say to something like that?

“Why are you so damn nice, Chase? I mean, nice is one thing, but you’re really nice. I don’t get it. At all.” I looked up and our eyes locked.

“Why do you always expect the worst of the people you meet?” he countered.

I wanted to shake him, show him that the world wasn’t all peaches and cream. There were terrible people out there who wanted to do horrible things to others. There was no reason to think the best of people when they continued to show you their worst. I knew this from experience. My own parents were one of the worst examples. They had given up on their love so easily, letting it fall through the cracks because it wasn’t what they initially hoped it would be. They had proven that life was cruel, and the people in your life would tear you down, from the inside out.

“Because people are destined to let you down. They’re selfish. They’re doomed to disappoint.” I had to avert my eyes as I spoke. I couldn’t keep staring into his eyes and not get tongue tied.

“Who told ya that?”

“No one had to tell me. I’ve learned that first hand.”

“Then maybe ya haven’t met the right people yet.”

“Let me guess. You’re the right person, huh?” I smirked at him. He shrugged his shoulders and looked at something far away. As I studied his profile, my insides churned with longing. He looked so innocent right then, so unlike the flirtatious guy that I had come to know. His intentions towards me were no secret, even if mine towards him were.

“I didn’t say that. But I will say that ya will never know unless ya get to know me.”

How do you tell someone that you can’t get close to them because you don’t know how? Would he laugh at me if I said that? Would he end up telling everyone at this party about my inability to have “real” friends? I couldn’t risk it. That was something I wasn’t ready to give up just yet. My secrets were held close to my heart; right where I was determined they would remain forever.

“What’s the point? I hate to sound like a broken record, but I’m leaving here at the end of August. I’ll go back to New York, back to my old life, and everything will go back to normal. Why get attached?”

He shook his head, but didn’t say anything else. There wasn’t much he could say because he knew I was right. Why cause ourselves unneeded grief? It was easier to just keep things simple. We sat there for a while longer, neither of us talking, just watching. The party was in full swing. The music was blasting from every speaker around while people danced and drank, swaying clumsily to the sound of Trace Atkins’ amazing voice.

I caught myself mentally tracing the lines of his face, my hand itching to reach out and caress the slight stubble on his chin. Could we keep something between us casual? Or were we destined to break each other? Our summer could be filled with romance and fun, but what would we do at the end? He didn’t deserve the baggage that I brought, or the pain that I would cause. I had to squash my urges and be his friend. The word felt hollow and empty, just like my heart.

Chase stood up and stretched, then turned to face me, his hand outstretched. “Would you like to-”

His voice was cut off by a scream that pierced the night. I jumped up and scanned the people around me. My heart was thrashing wildly in my chest as I searched for the owner of the screams. It sounded familiar, but I had a hard time placing it. I looked at Chase’s face which had gone stark white.

“Chase? Is it-”

He held up his hand, his eyes searching the surrounding area. As the realization hit him, he grabbed my hand and pulled me along. I had a hard time keeping up with the strides of his long legs, but at that moment I was thankful I had worn sensible shoes tonight. My lungs burned as we ran, my breaths become shallower with every stride.

My feet kept catching on roots as I struggled to keep up with him. His hand no longer felt comforting. It felt fierce and strong. I could imagine what they were capable of as they pulled me closer to the source of the screams. At that moment I felt safe with him. I hadn’t felt safe with a guy in so long that the sensation was overwhelming.

We pushed through the crowds of people, searching for Katy. No one else seemed to notice the panicked looks on our faces until we bumped into one of them. They glared at us, shooting evil looks as we ran, but we kept pushing. Another scream pierced the night, much closer this time. I pointed in the direction of the scream and we took off running again. Chase’s hand still grasped mine as we darted towards a dark patch of trees. A blur of movement caught my eye. We slowed down as we approached, unsure what we would find. As the figure became more visible I sucked in a sharp breath before releasing an ear splitting scream of my own.