As angry as I was that Jake would think so lowly of me, I knew I needed to explain everything that had led up to this proposal. Ignorance only encouraged him to jump to wrong conclusions.
“Max told me last night, he was going to propose to me after graduation but got cold feet. Then this morning, he asked if he could give me my graduation present that he’d been holding on to all these years. Well, the ring was the graduation present, and he asked me to marry him.”
Jake’s tightened visage relaxed in a show of obvious relief that a proposal was all that had happened. He had forgotten what he had accused me of just moments before.
“So, what did you say to him? I assume you said no, but how did you turn him down?” Jake sounded insecure when he asked this question and rightly so. What little trust he had in me right now was about to be shattered once he knew that Max and I had found no resolution. But, I believed Jake would end up listening to reason once his anger subsided, and after I turned down Max’s proposal, we could get back to our own proposal. Yes, we’d weather this storm and eventually get married. I just couldn’t be sure how long it would take for Jake to calm down.
“Jake…I didn’t get a chance to answer Max,” I confessed.
“What do you mean you didn’t answer him? Emily, I don’t understand.”
Immediately his eyes shot daggers of pain straight into my heart. It will be OK. Once he calms down, he’ll forgive me and we’ll be all right. This is only a misunderstanding. It will clear up soon. “Jake, I’m sorry. I don’t know why but I went mute. I was in such shock when he asked me…and I knew the right answer was no…but it wouldn’t come out. Then you came and…I don’t know what happened.”
“How could you turn down my proposal without a second thought but give his proposal a second chance?” Jake cried in disbelief.
“I’m not giving him another chance. I don’t want to marry him.”
“Then why didn’t you tell him that?” He enunciated each word in a biting tone.
“I don’t know…but I will…I will as soon as I see him.” The plea came out more despondent than desperate. The bright light in my life grew dim. Judging from all we’d been through in the last two months, a shutdown would be his next course of action. I tried to explain my feelings to him, but Jake ignored me like he had the morning he proposed to me. He wouldn’t respond or listen to anything I had to say. He was trying to protect me from his hurtful words, but this lack of communication hurt even more.
I begged, “Please, Jake. Don’t shut me out. Talk to me. Yell at me. Do whatever you want, but don’t go silent on me. Please…I don’t love Max. I love you. As soon as we get home, I’m going to have a talk with Max and tell him the truth. I’ll clear everything up.”
Nothing worked. Jake’s afflicted face made me hold back, and I gave him room to think. Only a few minutes passed before he let go of my hands and walked away. Afraid to be alone I walked toward him and attempted to grab his hand. He gently pushed me away and walked into a crowd of people and out of sight. I crouched down in the middle of the Skywalk, hugging my knees to my chest, and waited for Jake to return. Once he calmed down and gathered his thoughts, I trusted he would come back and talk to me. He would reassure me that he loved me just like he had Christmas morning. He’ll be back. He’ll be back soon.
My phone rang, and I was only too happy to answer it, believing it was Jake.
“Emily, it’s me, Sarah. Are you OK?”
Not knowing what to say, “I’m OK,” was the lie that came out.
“Do you want us to come and get you?”
“No, I’ll go back with Jake. I’ll see you at home.” I trusted Jake would come back for me.
“OK, call if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Sarah.”
Visitors came and left, and many were annoyed that I was in their way. My body didn’t move. I became a part of the Grand Canyon scenery. As the hours ticked by, I thought about my life. I couldn’t believe the hurt both Max and Jake were putting me through. My mind fought with my heart trying to figure out why I couldn’t have answered Max’s proposal sooner. I knew in my mind I didn’t love Max anymore. There were no more desires or fanciful thoughts of marrying Max. We didn’t have a future together. I knew in my heart that I loved Jake. Though I had refused his Christmas proposal, I would answer yes to his next proposal and live my happily ever after. All thoughts of my future only included Jake. Jake will be here. He’ll be here any moment now.