“I should have done that. I was stupid for not discussing our future together. To this day, I regret not having worked this through with you. We’d probably be engaged, maybe even married by now if I hadn’t let pressure get to me.”
“Did you feel that much pressure to figure out what you wanted to do? How come you never told me how stressed you were about your future? You always appeared so relaxed.”
“Pressure mounted when I thought of it as our future. What if I never figured out what I wanted to do? What if I worked some nine-to-five job I hated? What if I couldn’t support you or a family? I had so many doubts in my head, I kind of went crazy. During the entire ceremony, I wrestled with questions that had no answers.”
“Why didn’t you talk to me?” I asked, quite frustrated.
“Knowing the pain you’d been through with the loss of your parents, I thought you should be with someone who could provide a stable and secure future for you—emotionally and financially. I didn’t ever want you to suffer again. I didn’t know it back then, but maybe that someone is Jake. That’s when I decided to let you go on with your life, and I went on to figure out what to do with the rest of mine. You have to believe me when I say letting go of you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You were my world. I truly love you more than my own life,” he declared sadly.
Odd that he used the word love in the present tense. It was probably a grammatical error.
“OK, assuming I believe everything you just told me, why Jennifer? Our breakup was hard enough without having to hear about you and another girl so soon. Did our four years mean that little to you where you could move on so easily and so quickly? Was I just some girl you had fun with and then tossed by the wayside?”
“No, Em. I’m sorry you believed that. If breaking up with you was my biggest mistake, getting together with Jennifer was my second-biggest mistake.” Max gently caressed my head and wiped away more of my tears. “Has Jake seen you this weepy or have you not had any reason to cry in front of him?” This question carried a heavy tone of regret. He knew I had shed far too many tears over him.
“We weren’t supposed to be apart this long. Once I figured out what I wanted to do with my life, I was planning to beg you to take me back. This—our separation, Jennifer, Jake—none of it was supposed to happen.” Regret, anger, frustration soared to a loud crescendo. “Remember how I told you I was in a car accident? Well, after our breakup, I was so upset I purposely crashed my car into a wall. I really didn’t want to go on with my life without you. It was during my rehab sessions where I met Jennifer. She was kind to me, and she filled your void. I know. It was stupid and I feel terrible for having hurt you both for my indiscretion.”
My body agonized at the thought of Max being so hurt. I wished I could’ve known. I would’ve been there for him. This sympathy didn’t last once I envisioned him purposely driving a car into a wall.
“What were you thinking crashing your car? You could’ve died. That would’ve sent me to my grave as well.” If there was ever a doubt, Max understood tonight how much he was loved.
“You know, I came by your apartment every night after we broke up. I sat outside staring at your window till you fell asleep. More than anything I wanted to get back together with you.”
“What stopped you?”
Max hesitated…”My family.”
“Your family? Did they not like me?”
“No, they liked you very much but they wanted me to focus on my future and not spend so much time focused on a girlfriend. They didn’t empathize with my feelings of wanting to make you my wife one day.”
Max’s confessions about wanting to make me his bride made my heart ache. I’d had no greater wish than to be Max’s wife.
“Thank you for your explanation, Max. I think I understand now. I needed to believe that you loved me during those years. Our four years will always be a beautiful memory for me.”
“I should be the one thanking you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’m sorry I was such an inattentive boyfriend. Jake is good for you. I hope he will be for you what I should have been all those years.” With that he kissed my forehead and we turned to our private thoughts away from one another.
For the first time, I felt at peace with our breakup. All my questions were answered and doubts erased. Wonderful memories of Max could live deep within my heart.
Bright and very early the next morning, we got back on the mule and headed up the canyon. Max’s solemn mood kept me quiet for most of the ride. I hated that we were back to our awkwardness. Yesterday was so much fun for both of us. After three hours, we finally arrived at the Skywalk.
In awe, but terrified of the glass walkway, I grabbed on to Max’s arms. It felt like we were walking on air. This free-fall feeling kept me from looking over the glass to glance into the canyon. Knowing my fears, Max stood behind me and pretended to push me, and I jumped into his arms.