“Emily, why can’t you even consider this proposal? Why do you need to reject it so quickly? I’ve known since the first day we met at the grocery store I wanted to marry you. Can’t you see how much I love you?” Jake became visibly upset. “Why are you so scared all the time?”
“Jake, it’s been two months. How do you know already?” Cautiously, I asked, hoping to discuss rather than to argue. “How do you know a few months down the road you will still desire forever with me? Maybe we were both caught up in the bliss of Hawaii.”
“The bliss of Hawaii..? Why do you always doubt my love for you? Is it because of Max? Just because he callously dumped you rather than marry you doesn’t mean I’m going to do the same thing to you. Don’t compare us!”
Just because he callously dumped you…my heart broke at Jake’s callous word.
Before I could recover, Jake’s tone elevated to an even angrier pitch. “Are you still not over Max? Is this what your rejection is all about? Would you have said no to him if he’d asked you to marry him?”
“Why are you bringing Max into this?” I yelled back. My anger rose above my pain. I regretted my tone, but couldn’t understand why he would bring Max into this conversation. It was unfair of him to ask me about a proposal from Max that never transpired. I didn’t know what hurt more right now—the fact that my ex-boyfriend of four years dumped me the night I expected a proposal, or that my current boyfriend so cruelly reminded me that he dumped me before I had any chance at a proposal.
“Forget it, Emily. Forget I just proposed. Let’s just forget everything.”
My heartbreak multiplied exponentially. Of course this was too good to be true. Jake, what does it mean to forget everything? Does everything include us?
Swallowing all of my tears, I took a last glance at Jake then stared out the window.
Jake looked angry and aloof. I knew this—Jake, Jane, the Reid family—was temporary. Happiness appeared to be so commonplace in most people’s lives—parents, siblings, extended family, love—where was all this for me? I probably just pushed away the best thing that had happened to me since my parents. Why did he have to move so fast? Couldn’t he tell that I’d be too scared to commit so haphazardly? If he loved me so much, couldn’t he let me answer him in my own time? Although I was scared beyond belief right now, I knew if given a little time, my fear would subside, and I’d admit that we would be together for a lifetime.
My pain aside, I feared what was on Jake’s mind at this moment. I knew he believed I didn’t care for him the same way he cared for me. Never once did I explain to him how much he meant to me, just how much I loved him. Every time he professed his love for me, I’d never fully reciprocated. He probably believed I didn’t feel as strongly for him as he did for me. How ironic Jake might feel this way when I loathed feeling this way with Max. I hadn’t been fair to the man I loved.
“Jake? Please say something. I’m sorry for turning you down. Can’t you give me more time? I’m not ready to get married.” I kept swallowing back my sniffles.
Silence.
He didn’t seem to care.
Jake drove the entire forty minutes without saying a word or breaking his visage. I kept looking at him, wanting to say something to ease this tension, but I decided to leave him to his silence. Sadness surrounded every corner of my being. I had lost another person who felt like family. My face stayed focused on the window to hide my fears. It’s over, already.
Could there be a second chance for us?
The welcomed sight of my driveway brought with it the inescapable tears.
“Do you want to come in and talk?” My eyes blinked rapidly to hold onto the tears.
“No.” He wouldn’t look at me. “Let’s just forget this whole ordeal…just forget everything. I’ll see you later.”
That was all he said as the car pulled away.
Some time passed and the doorbell rang. Thinking it was Sarah stopping by before heading up to Oxnard, I opened the door to a face that looked as sullen as my own.
“Hi,” he whispered—very penitent, very unsure. “Emily…” We both said nothing for a while. “Can I come in? Can we talk?”
Taking a step back, the door opened wide, and Jake was welcomed in.
“I’m sorry,” was all he said as his arms draped around my body. “I’m so sorry! It killed me to see you walk away, so hurt by all the things I said to you.”
Speechless, I stood there wondering what my reaction should be to his remorse.
“I knew you’d be hurt, I knew you’d be crying, but my ego got the better of me, and I couldn’t stay to work this out. My head needed to be cleared before I could come back and find a resolution.”
His body still covered mine and slowly my arms lifted to cover his as well—tentatively.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry I was so angry with you. And I’m really sorry that I brought up Max and said all those crazy words to you.”