Everyone loosened up once our ring conversation was forgotten. It had been a long time since the five of us had sat down for a casual meal, and Max and I eventually relaxed and started chatting like good friends again. We planned out our trip to Vegas, and Peter told us that he would take care of all the hotel arrangements. We deliberated on whether or not to allow Peter to make the sleeping arrangements but since none of us wanted to do it, we let it be.
In the middle of lunch, I received a text from Jake that made me laugh.
Are you done with lunch yet? You did keep your promise concerning Max?
I understood his text but decided to make his life a bit more difficult.
What promise? I didn’t make you or Max any promises, did I?
Yes, you did. You weren’t going to allow him anywhere near you.
Well, he picked me up, drove me to lunch, and is now sitting next to me. Does that break my promise to you?
Emily! This isn’t funny. You’re torturing me.
I’m not the one who kissed another woman in the middle of our weekend together.
I thought you said you’re going to let that one go. I promise! I didn’t kiss her back.
I laughed again.
When will lunch be over? You want to come visit me at the hospital?
I don’t know when lunch will be over and no, I don’t want to go to the hospital anymore. After the ER incident, I’m afraid of doctors now. Everyone at my table is giving me an unpleasant look because I’m ignoring them while texting you. Come over tonight. I will consider whether or not I want to kiss you since you’ve now reminded me of Allison. I have to go. Bye.
“Sorry,” I said to all my friends. Sarah rolled her eyes at me.
As the hour was up, Sarah and Charlie both had to get back to work, and Peter left soon after. Max and I decided to walk off our lunch and browse the shops. We had a surprisingly pleasant time together. I shopped for Christmas presents for Jake’s family since I would be seeing all of them in Hawaii and for Christmas dinner. I had no idea what they might like so it was like searching for a needle in a haystack.
We stopped for coffee and Max had that look again—the one that made my heart fear.
“Em?”
“Hmm?” I asked looking up from my coffee.
“I need to ask you a question.”
“OK. What?” I felt queasy about where this was heading.
“Do you love Jake? Is he the man you see yourself with, for the rest of your life?” Such a matter-of-fact question caused me to burn my lips taking an unintentional gulp of hot coffee.
“What? Where did that come from? Why are you asking?”
“Just answer. Do you love Jake? If he proposed to you today, could you say yes?” He was now demanding an answer from me rather than just asking. His demeanor turned abrasive, and yet there was fear in his eyes.
“Max. I don’t know why this concerns you.”
Max glared at me, and I hesitated, but answered his question.
“No,” I answered softly. “Not yet. I mean…I don’t know. We just started dating.”
“You’ve been dating for a while. Didn’t you tell me that you loved me from the moment we met?”
My unconvincing first answer obviously gave him courage to move forward with this conversation.
“Yes, but what does that have to do with this situation? Not every love is love at first sight. With us, we spent every waking moment together. With Jake, it’s different. He’s so busy, I feel like we’re just getting to know one another.”
“We would’ve spent every moment together if you weren’t so stubborn.”
I ignored his last comment.
“Max, I really like Jake. You know how introverted and shy I am. He’s the only person I’ve dated since we broke up. When we’re together I feel like…like I’m with my family…like I’m home…he makes me feel…”
“Yeah, yeah. You made yourself clear last time when you told me how he makes you feel comfortable and secure.” He imitated my tone. “I can’t believe after four years together, you tell me now that you were never comfortable with me, that I never made you feel secure.”
“I never said I didn’t feel comfortable with you!” I shot back. “I loved you more than anyone in this world. You were the most important person to me.” The tears began. “What I said was, I never thought you felt the same way about me. I was never the most important person in your world, and now I understand why. You have your family. I technically was not your family. Why would you put me above the people you grew up with your entire life? I don’t fault you for this. I was just stating a fact.”
Without much warning, tears spilled over. I hated myself for crying so easily. I remembered our love and the happiness it brought to my life. I also thought about the countless days of misery after our breakup. “Why are you bringing this up now?” I asked him. “Why do you find such satisfaction in hurting me? Wasn’t once enough? I finally felt like I was putting all this behind me.”