I held back my tears the best I could in order to finish my story.
“When we got to LA, my mom went through bouts of depression, and it terrified me. I forced myself to come out of my shell and tried to be everything my mom wanted me to be—cheerful, lively, and strong. She did her best to stay content and this was when she and I bonded. Even with my grandparents around, we felt like we only had each other. Rather than spending time with friends after school, I spent all my time with my mom. She told me everything she could about Dad up to when my memory clicked and I shared about all my days with Dad when it was just the two of us. She had become my love and my new best friend. Then she died the end of my junior year, a few days before my birthday.”
At this point, I couldn’t hold back. Jake held me and let me cry. My body shook as I sobbed uncontrollably thinking about both Mom and Dad. No matter how wonderful Jake was or how much he loved me, or how much I loved him, he could never replace the love my parents gave me while they were alive. I regretted not having appreciated this love and not having spent more time with Mom.
“A year later, Max came into my life and soon became my best friend, my love, and my only family. Four years later, I lost him too. My heart’s been severely broken three times. I don’t think I can stand another heartbreak. That’s why I’m so cautious with us. I’m sorry I frustrate you, but do you think you can be even more understanding of me than you’ve already been and allow me to move at my own pace? I know I’m being unfair to you, but this is the only way I can be in a relationship right now.”
His eyes bore a tender and heartbroken expression.
“Emily, I love you regardless of how fast or slow our relationship has progressed. I am happy to do what you’ve asked if you will promise to do one thing for me.”
I looked up at him, wondering what that one thing would be.
“Promise me you will stop looking at me as the one who will break your heart, but try to accept me as your new best friend, your eternal love, and the one who wants to create a family with you. That’s what I want to be for you.”
In my mind, it wasn’t entirely possible to believe what he’d just confessed, though in my heart I desperately wanted to believe him. Nevertheless, I nodded my head and agreed.
“By, the way,” he added, “when’s your birthday?”
I guess we had never asked each other this very important question.
“May 20th,” I answered.
“No way!” he said in amazement. “My birthday is May 19th. We have almost the same birthday. We’ll celebrate our birthdays together and for two full days, OK?”
I nodded my head once again.
Sunday was a precursor to our Hawaii trip. Jake went in early to check on his patients and came over by 7:00. He woke me up, as usual, and milled around the house while I showered and got ready.
“How do you function on so little sleep?” I asked while putting on makeup.
“I’ve never needed much sleep. Three or four hours a day is sufficient.” He sat on my bed flipping channels, waiting for me.
“I need at least eight hours, and I feel like I’ve been on your schedule this entire week. Good thing I’m on vacation. I’ve taken a nap almost every day this week. It’s pathetic!” I said laughing.
Jake walked over and hugged me from behind. “What do you want to do today? I feel like I’m starting my vacation early. Whatever you want, we’ll do.”
“Anything?” I asked.
“Anything,” he answered. “Speaking of, I have a question for you. What are some things you’ve always wanted to do?”
“What do you mean?” I was a bit unsure of this open-ended question.
“You know, like if money were no object or in your wildest dreams, you’d like to…”
“You mean like a bucket list? Aren’t I a little young for a bucket list?”
“Emily Logan, your list,” Jake commanded.
“OK.” I thought about it for a minute and came up with a short list.
#1—I want to hear Andrea Bocelli sing in some outdoor stadium in the hills of Tuscany.
#2—I want to take a series of cooking classes in Italy, France, or Japan.
#3—I want to climb all the steps of Machu Picchu
#4—I want to eat a formal Kaiseki meal in Japan
#5—I also want to go on a dining spree in Spain
#6—I want to live in New York City for a while
#7—I want to spend a few nights in a hut in the middle of some island—like the ones you see in travel magazines.
#8—I want to learn to ballroom dance.
#9—I want to go on one of those trips with that chef from the No Reservations TV show
#10—I also want to be a judge on Iron Chef