chapter Fifteen
As soon as I saw her, I could not take my eyes off her. She stared at me expectantly. I knew the damage was already done. I didn’t deserve her.
“Are you okay?” I asked, walking slowly, hoping she didn’t turn me away.
“I’m fine” I released the breath I didn’t know I was holding and took her face in my hands. I kissed her softly on the forehead. I could tell something was bothering her, but I was fairly certain it was not me.
“I’ll get your things. Wait in my car.” I clenched my jaw as I thought of what must have transpired between Emma and her aunt. I grabbed her purse and headed back to my car, willing myself not to care. I knew she was having doubts about us now. Her texts messages replayed in my mind.
“Find everything?” She asked as I slid her purse into the back seat. I nodded, not wanting her to see the anger that boiled under the surface. It made me sick that anyone would hurt her. I tucked her hair behind her ear. The irony of my thoughts was not lost on me. I hoped one day she would confide in me. I wanted to know why she was so self-destructive. I had always been pretty reckless with my own life, but I couldn’t bear to see her destroy hers. Perhaps that is all I was to her, a way to destroy herself.
We rode in silence. She stared out the window at all the people in the streets. Emma’s face looked sad and like she was a million miles away. I placed my hand on her leg to comfort her. I could have said something to make her feel better, but words failed me. I was too lost in wondering why it bothered me so badly. I don’t like to see any woman hurting. Not outside of the bedroom at least. This was different and it f*cking scared me. I was struggling to convince myself that the attraction I had was purely physically, but watching her sad and withdrawn had stirred up emotions in me that I didn’t know I was capable of feeling.
My mind quickly moved to the note. If someone wanted to hurt me, I was sure I had given them ample reason. If they wanted to hurt Emma… I let the thought fade away.
When we made it to my home the air hung thick with her sadness. I placed my hand on the small of her back as I guided her up the dark stairwell. She didn’t speak and I didn’t push her. I had no right to ask her what was going on. I excuse myself to my room to grab something for her to wear. I needed a moment to think. I raked my hands through my hair trying to figure out what I could do to help her take her mind off what she must be feeling. I could take away her pain. I could make her forget. But who was going to take my pain away? I left my room with a new resolve. I wanted her to feel anything but how she felt at this moment. I wanted her to know I was hurting too. Her slight rejection earlier still stung.
I left my room and made my way towards her.
“I want to show you something.” She did not respond. Her eyes searched the cavernous room. “Come on” I coaxed her. Her eyes fell back to me, but not really looking at me. I walked slowly to the other side of the living room. The soft sound of her feet padding behind me on the wood floor was the only sound I could hear over my heartbeat that thudded in my ears.
We reached the elevator doors and I took a deep breath before opening it. If she ran from me now it would be my undoing. I stepped inside. She hesitated for a brief moment then joined me. We rode silently, side by side to the floor above.
The doors opened to the large dark room. I wrapped my arms around her waist and guided her forward, begging her silently not to run. I felt her body tense under my fingertips. I wanted to make her feel at ease. I wanted her to submit herself to me fully so she could forget about the sadness and just feel taken care of.
“What is this?” She asked, her voice stronger than I expected.
“This is where I play” I felt an involuntary chill run through the length of her body.