His Love Endures Forever

Twelve




LEVI PAWNED BETSY OFF ON HIS STUNNED FAMILY before he went directly to Martha’s house. But Martha wouldn’t even let him step one foot inside.

He stood outside and bellowed up at Danielle’s window. “Danielle! Just give me a minute! I need to talk to you!”

Arnold came out to the porch, arms folded in front of his chest. “Best give it a rest, son. Give her some time. Give us all some time.”

Levi closed his eyes and then rubbed his face. Slowly he turned away and climbed into his buggy, staring up at Danielle’s window, watching as Arnold slipped back inside. He didn’t blame them. He was an idiot. How could he have allowed himself to be in that position with Sarah? So soon before his wedding?

His heart was split in two—broken over losing Danielle, and splintered with anger that Sarah would stoop so low as to try to keep him from doing what he believed he was called by God to do. He was sure his parents had shown up at the church, heard what happened, and were back home by now.

By the time Levi pulled up at his house, the anger had built to a point that he probably should have gone somewhere else to cool off, but he wanted Mamm to know exactly how much she’d hurt him. Because she was behind it all. He was as sure of it as he was of the sun rising in the east.

“How could you do this?” he said to his mother as soon as he walked in. She halted the sweeper she was running across the floor. “Levi, I’m so sorry this happened, but maybe—” She reached out to stroke his arm, but Levi jerked it away.

“Sorry? Are you kidding me?” He took another step back.

His father and Betsy were on the couch, and Daed quickly stood and sent Betsy upstairs. He turned back to Levi. “You watch the way you talk to your mudder in this haus.”

Levi locked eyes with his father. “Did you know about it too? That Sarah was headed to Danielle’s to convince her not to marry me?” His father’s frown told him what he needed to know. Levi turned to his mother. “But I’m sure you were in on it.”

His mother stepped forward. “Levi, I promise you. I only asked Sarah to make sure that you had fully considered what you were leaving behind. Our community. Your faith. I never knew she planned to go and see Danielle.”

Daed walked closer and cleared his throat. “You may wish to lay blame at your mother’s feet, but tell us, sohn . . . why were you kissing Sarah, if you were planning to marry Danielle?”

Levi rubbed his forehead, avoiding his father’s eyes. He felt bad enough about the kiss with Sarah, but he knew he couldn’t stand to be under the same roof as his mother. He didn’t want to have to explain anything to anyone at the moment. He rushed past them both and up the stairs, knowing he wasn’t spending one more night here. Married or not.


MARTHA SAT UPSTAIRS on Danielle’s bed, doing her best to comfort the girl. She was shocked that Levi would promise himself to Danielle, then do something like this.

“Honey, you need to catch your breath and stop crying.” Martha wrapped an arm around Danielle’s shoulder and pulled her close. “I have a feeling there is more to this than meets the eye.”

Danielle blew her nose, then twisted out of Martha’s hold to face her. “Like what?”

“This sounds like a huge setup.” She raised her hand. “Don’t get me wrong . . . I’m mad as all get-out at that Levi, but this just doesn’t sound like him. Sneaking off for a little hanky-panky right before he gets married? I’m guessing Sarah threw herself at him.” Martha shrugged. “Women have been known to do worse things.”

“They’re Amish, Martha. You always talk about what good and righteous people they are.” Danielle rolled her eyes, then walked to the mirror and stared at herself in the ivory wedding dress before covering her face with her hands and sobbing. Again.

Martha wanted to slap that Levi silly. And if she found out that Vera had anything to do with this, she’d give her a talkingto that would be as good as any lashing. “Honey, please don’t cry.” She walked to where Danielle was standing and stroked her hair until Danielle turned around and fell into her arms.

“God hates me, Martha. He hates me.”

Martha eased her away, brushed away her tears with her thumbs. “No, baby girl. He doesn’t hate you. God loves you.”

“Then why can’t I seem to catch a break? Every time I think that someone might love me, it turns out not to be real. Like my mom . . . she couldn’t possibly have loved me.”

Martha could hardly stand to think about the beatings that Danielle had suffered at the hand of her mother. But right now, Danielle needed to hear that her mother loved her. Martha could see the longing in her eyes.

“Honey, your mom loves you. But she’s messed up in the head, and she doesn’t know how to show it.” She smiled. “I love you too. And God loves you.”

“God, God, God! Whatever!” Danielle threw her hands up in the air and walked back to the bed, plopping down before she kicked off a pair of ivory heels. “I’m sick of hearing about Him.”

Martha decided this wasn’t the time to push the issue. Danielle was growing more bitter by the moment. “I have an idea.” She sat down beside Danielle, snapped her fingers, and grinned. “How ’bout I go beat the snot out of Sarah for you? Or maybe Levi? Or even Vera, in case she had anything to do with this. You pick.”

The result was a slight smile. “Don’t try to make me laugh, Martha.” Then she started to cry again, and Martha just reached over and pulled her close.


VERA FOLLOWED LEVI to the door as he carried out the last few items from his room, things he’d previously said he would leave or get later—like his old baseball cap and other memorabilia that would have given Vera comfort down the road if he’d gotten married.

“Please, sohn. Don’t leave like this.” She reached for his arm, but like he’d done earlier, he pulled away, and Vera brought a hand to her chest as she turned to Elam. “Do something.”

Levi turned before he got to the door. “Mamm, it’s time I move out anyway. And I’ve already put money down on the haus for me and Danielle. My things are already there. I’ll still close on it, whether or not I can convince her to take me back.” He looked at Elam. “Do I still have a job with you, Daed?”

Elam nodded, tucking his thumbs into his suspenders. “Of course. And we wish you well, Levi, however all this turns out.”

“But you don’t have to move out right now, Levi,” Vera said.

“Let the boy go, Vera.” Elam spoke with an authority that Vera didn’t like, but she took a deep breath and held her tongue. How had this situation blown so completely out of control? And one thing hung in her thoughts like fog in the air.

“Will you be keeping up with your Amish ways?” She pinched her lips together, fighting tears, as she waited for Levi to answer.

With tears in his eyes, her son glanced at her. “Wherever I go, whatever I do, Mamm . . . my beliefs in God and His plan will not change.”

Vera wanted to tell him that he didn’t answer the question, and that now that his marriage to Danielle was off, he could continue on his path, find someone to marry among their people, and raise his kinner according to the Ordnung. But she’d heard him say that he was going to try to get Danielle back. Does he love her that much?

Sarah had certainly taken things past what they’d discussed by kissing Levi and telling Danielle about it. But it had worked. The wedding was off. So even though she couldn’t fault Sarah for her actions, it seemed more manipulative than Vera ever intended.

She watched from the window as her son loaded up the last of his things, barely aware that Betsy had come downstairs and was speaking to her.

“Why is Levi moving out if he’s not marrying Danielle?” Betsy frowned. “I don’t understand why they didn’t get married.”

Vera pulled her eyes from the window, glanced at Elam, then down at her daughter, glad Betsy didn’t know all the details. “He feels it’s time to be on his own. And things just didn’t work out between him and Danielle.”

“He’s sad. I can tell.” Betsy twirled the string on her kapp. “He said good-bye to me upstairs, and he looked like he wanted to cry.”

“Everything is going to be fine.” She leaned down and kissed Betsy on the forehead. “You’ll still see Levi all the time.”

But who will cook for him? Her son had never cooked a meal in his life that she knew of. Who will tend to his clothes? Pack his lunch? Mend his socks? It just wasn’t normal for a young man to go off on his own without a fraa to tend to him. Perhaps the lesser of the evils would have been for him to marry Danielle. At least Vera would have known that he wasn’t alone.

“Betsy, go play outside on the porch for a few minutes so I can talk to your mudder. The sun is shining, and it’s a beautiful day.” Elam pulled the door open and Betsy marched outside, huffing slightly but not arguing with her father.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Vera walked to the window again just in time to see Levi’s buggy rounding the corner. “He shouldn’t be alone, on his own.”

“He’s twenty-two years old, Vera. He’ll be all right.” Elam ran his hand the length of his beard. “His heart must heal, though, and that will take some time. Unless he’s able to win the Englisch girl back, which seems to be what he wants.”

Vera stayed quiet, but she was sure that being alone was better than living a life in the outside world. For now, she’d just have to travel to his house and tend to him. Take him food, carry his clothes back and forth for laundering, and whatever else he needed.


LEVI WALKED INTO his new home, dropping his few trinkets inside the doorway. He knew that taking his baseball cap and other things was an immature thing to do, a way to let his mother know that he was never coming back, but it was better than losing his temper with her. He glanced around the living room.

The house looked better, but there was a long way to go. He’d had a bed, two rocking chairs, and kitchen appliances delivered. He’d figured that he and Danielle could take the little bit of savings that he had and go buy dishes, linens, and other things that they needed.

What had he been thinking? As he looked around, he mentally tried to calculate the hours he would have to spend fixing the place up, which had all seemed worth it, knowing he was doing it for Danielle and the baby. Now the house represented what he’d lost.

As he walked from room to room, his heart ached. Not only had he lost his future wife but his best friend as well. When he walked back into the living room, Jacob was standing in the doorway.

“Can I come in?” His older brother waited until Levi motioned for him to do so.

Levi rubbed his forehead. “What brings you here, bruder?”

“Checking on you.”

“I’m okay.” Levi walked to one of the only two pieces of furniture in the living room and settled into the bentwood rocker, motioning for Jacob to have a seat in the other one. “I would offer you something to drink.” He lifted one shoulder, then dropped it. “But I don’t have anything.” He rubbed his nose when it started to run, blinking his eyes a few times. “I figured Danielle would stock the kitchen after we were married, or we’d do it together.”

“I can see you’re hurting. But do you think . . . Could it be that this is for the best?” Jacob tipped back the rim of his black felt hat, then rested his elbows on his knees as he tucked his hands under his chin. Levi assumed the same position, and both men stared at the wall in front of them.

“If it were for the best, it wouldn’t feel so wrong. I’ve stepped off of God’s path, Jacob. I can feel it.”

They were both quiet for a moment before Jacob spoke up. “This place still needs a lot of work.” He turned to Levi. “I can help you for an hour or two in the evenings after I close the store.”

“Danki, Jacob.” Levi tried to smile, knowing his brother was trying to distract him. But how could he think about anything else? He’d let Danielle down. His parents, for sure. And God. Maybe even Sarah in some way, although he was having trouble feeling much of anything for Sarah right now.

He appreciated Jacob’s visit and his offer to help, but mostly he just wanted to be alone in prayer. If God was calling him to marry Danielle, how had He let things get so messed up?

“Danielle agreed to live here without electricity?” Jacob glanced around the walls that were void of electrical outlets.

“Ya. I’d told her that I would get some solar panels when I could afford it.” Truth was, Levi had been hoping to ease into all the luxuries that Danielle was used to, even though lots of Amish folks were adding solar panels, especially for heat and lighting.

Jacob stood up and stroked his beard. “It’s a gut haus. You will make it into a fine home, I’m sure. And I’ll help you as much as I can.”

“What does Beth Ann think about all of this?” Levi knew his sister-in-law had a large opinion about things that didn’t go as she thought they should.

Jacob shrugged. “She was relieved that the wedding didn’t happen.” His brother eyed him. “We all were.” He paused, glancing down at the ground. “I’m sorry, bruder, if that hurts you. But watching you leave the faith to marry . . .” Jacob shook his head and stopped, but Levi knew what he’d wanted to say . . . a woman from the Englisch world carrying another man’s child.

When Levi let the thought sink into his mind, it did sound crazy. He closed his eyes. He couldn’t get a grasp on what he was supposed to think. His whole world seemed topsy-turvy.

“I have some time now,” Jacob said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his black jacket. “Do you want me to help you work on this place for a while?”

Levi thought about accepting his offer, but his need to be alone was too great. “Nee, but danki. I’d like to spend time in prayer for a while.”

Jacob nodded. “I’ll come by Monday after work.”

Levi smiled, knowing his brother was risking Beth Ann’s wrath for coming home late in the evenings. But it’d be both a help and good to spend time with him. “Danki.” He walked with Jacob to the front door, shook his hand, then closed the door behind him, having to give it an extra push for it to click into place.

He sat down in the rocker again and begged the Lord for guidance. I thought I was doing what You wanted me to do . . .

As he tried to focus on prayer, his stomach rumbled, and he realized he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. And he’d missed the big meal planned after the wedding. He briefly wondered what happened to all the food, but shook his head to clear the selfish thought, fueled by more stomach growling. He tried to think about something else, like how he planned to tend his ten acres. In Canaan, they had to make the most of their short growing season.

He forced himself up and went out the back door, which also stuck, and came back in with an armful of firewood he’d gathered earlier in the week. Building a fire in the roomy fireplace, he pictured Danielle sitting beside him, warming her hands, and he wondered if she could have lived in these conditions for a while. He swallowed hard, realizing that this would have been his wedding night. Instead he was alone. For the first time in his life. He already missed Betsy’s busy steps running up and down the stairs and the smell of his mother’s kitchen.

The old house was damp, dusty, and empty. Soon there wouldn’t be a need for a fire, but it was still chilly, and he was glad he’d cut wood a couple of weeks ago. Squatting, he watched as the timber caught fire, orange sparks shimmying up the chimney. As the oak began to crackle and pop, he knew he’d be warm on the outside tonight, but inside he felt cold and alone. And despite his misery, he was hungry as a man could be. He stood up when he heard a knock at the door, half hoping it was his mother with a basket of food. Even if it meant they’d have to have another conversation, hunger would undoubtedly win out.

But it wasn’t his mother waiting on the other side of the stubborn door.