“God, how can you sit there and thank me?” Jake shifted so he could look at me. “Fuck, Neve, if you’ve felt even a fraction of the pain I’ve felt over these weeks, I could never forgive myself for causing that. I’m so sorry, so, so sorry.” He hung his head and I wanted to cry for the pain he was still experiencing.
“Look at me,” I demanded, tangling my hands in his hair and raising his head. “I know why you did it. I think you were wrong, but you did it for what you thought were the right reasons. I know how important Josh and Grace are to you and how you’ve got to keep the promise you made to your dad.” Still gripping his head in my hands, I kissed him slowly. I wanted, needed to have my say. Maybe I was saying it too soon, maybe I was rushing things, but I couldn’t leave it unsaid.
“But you’ve also got to live your own life. You were a twelve-year-old boy when you made that promise, and you’ve done an amazing job of keeping the family together. But they’re growing up now and you’ve got to let yourself do the same. That one promise can’t dictate our future. I want Grace and Josh to be a part of our lives, but we also need a life beyond them. You need a life beyond them.” I kissed him again, applying a little more pressure this time, trying to distract him from the fear I could see in his eyes. “There are no guarantees in life, Jake. All we can do is make the best of what we have and try not to let the good things go.” Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
“I still don’t get why you’re not making me beg on my hands and knees right now. I fucked up. Big time. Yet here you are, kissing me and telling me it’s going to be okay. You’re messing with my mind, Myrtle. I hurt you. Really hurt you. Why aren’t you going mad at me?” The sincerity in his eyes was all the apology I needed. For now. In the longer term, it would take time to rebuild my trust, and his faith, in our relationship. But I couldn’t hold back, restrain myself. I had to let my heart rule my head.
“It’s like that saying: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. That’s us now. We’re both still here, alive,” I said, holding his hand over my heart. “And we will be stronger because of this. Now I know how much it hurts to lose you, and I will fight to the death to not have to go through that again. And I will personally turn you into a girl with the aid of just a pair of blunt scissors if you are the one putting me through it. Understood?”
“Yes, Boss,” he replied before pulling me into him. Gently wiping away the remnants of my tears with his callused thumbs, he looked at me. Into me. “I love you, Myrtle. And I promise I will never, ever do anything to hurt you again. On my life.”
His mouth descended to mine and landed with a surprising softness. His lips closed on mine and I heard, as well as felt, him inhale. My lips were subjected to a rain of light kisses before he paused and ran his tongue along my lower lip. I shuddered, anticipation just about giving me the self-control not to stick my own tongue straight in his mouth. He pulled my lip in, nipping at the tender skin before releasing it and gently kissing it back into place. At the moment when I wondered if he was going to kiss me properly or not, the pressure on my mouth increased and his tongue made its way into my mouth, deepening the kiss and the mood with every movement.
One of Jake’s hands cupped my breast through my damp top and he brushed his thumb over its peak, causing a sharp intake of breath. Squirming on his lap, I could feel he was as turned on as me and I looked around. The van windows were misted with condensation but I could just about see that the car park was still deserted.
I pulled back from the kiss with a muttered “Hang on,” and manoeuvred myself to a half-standing position. Despite the quizzical look on his face, Jake still took advantage of the opportunity to push both hands beneath my top and cup my breasts through the thin material of my bra. I swatted his hands away so I could move in the confined space. Thankful I had opted for yoga pants instead of skinny jeans that morning, I shimmied them over my hips and kicked them off. I pulled my damp top over my head, leaving me in just my plain black cotton underwear, Jake’s smile giving me the confidence that more seductive underwear might have helped with.
I leant down and started to unzip his jeans when his hand stopped mine. Surprised, I looked up.
“I don’t want to rush things. I want us to take our time. Get to know each other again,” were the earnest words which fell from his smiling mouth. Really?
“Jake, that sounds really sweet, and I really appreciate the romance and all, but I want you. Now. And I sure as hell can feel that you want me, too,” I added, gripping him through his jeans.