“So, when should I do it?”
“Unless you want to wait until next time you’re up, you’ll have to see him tomorrow. Which means ringing him today.” Shit. That felt soon. Very soon.
“I guess it does. Umm, do you want to watch a film? TV?” However, Little Miss Assertive was not going to let me procrastinate.
“No. I want you to ring him.”
“Now? What do I say?”
“Yes, now. And you’ve already worked it out – it’s point two in the plan!”
“But what if he’s at work? Or not alone? Or not able to get to the phone and then I think he’s ignoring me when really he isn’t and I don’t ring him again and spend the rest of my life alone and get eaten by my Alsatian and people only find my bones years later?”
“Oh, bloody hell, Neve. Where’s your phone?” She picked it up from the bed and, after a few taps, placed it on the desk. “There you go. Your fate is in his hands now. Let’s just hope he’s a bit more decisive than you are!”
I hoped he was, too.
Myrtle: Can I call you?
You know how people say your heart skips a beat? Well, my heart skips a whole fucking song.
Four words and I’m breathless.
Four words and I’m ready to scream ‘Yes!’ until my lungs explode.
Four words I’ve been dying to hear without knowing it. Every nerve ending is a power surge, jolting me back into the world.
I am alive.
Four words and she brings me back to life.
But then reality kicks in. This isn’t about my life. It’s about hers. If I let her back in, all of this pain, all of her pain, will have been for nothing.
“You okay, Jake?” Grace’s voice stills the thoughts competing for attention, turning my head into a whirlpool of conflicting emotions. Maybe a girl’s perspective is what I need.
“Neve just texted me, asking if we could talk.”
“So why aren’t you already on the phone, talking to her, begging her to take you back? I take it you’re going to forgive her? I can’t stand the way you’ve been moping around for the last few weeks.” She pauses. “Unless she cheated on you, of course. Then ring her, tell her to bugger off and get on with your life!” There’s no way around this; if I’m going to get Grace’s advice, I need to man up and tell her the full story.
“It wasn’t Neve who dumped me,” I begin, before telling her pretty much every gory detail. To her credit, she doesn’t talk, doesn’t flinch, doesn’t judge. When I’m finished, she walks over and hugs me. I could cry but I’ve done enough crying lately to last me a lifetime.
“Oh, you are a silly boy,” she says, her smile over-riding the patronising words. “Don’t you know you can’t make decisions like that for other people? You can’t stop someone loving you, like you can’t stop falling in love, even if it’s with someone you think is the wrong person. Sure, we think we have free will, but we don’t really.
“It’s like breathing, see? Most of the time, we don’t even register that we’re doing it. Our body carries on, regardless of everything else, just breathing. Keeping us alive. Love is the same. Like those moments when you lie awake at night, only aware of the sound and rhythm of your breath. You don’t know you’re in love, are focused on just loving, until everything else stops. And then it hits you. This is what is keeping you alive. Love.”
“Shit, Grace, that’s deep. Where did that come from? Please don’t tell me you’re in love?” My fists tighten at the thought of some fuckwit touching her. Ruining her.
“Nah, I just read a lot. It’s amazing what you can learn from books, you know? You should try it sometime.” Her playful dig lightens the mood a little, giving me the confidence to ask the dreaded question.
“Should I say yes, then?” After what she just said about breathing, I’m happier to put my fate in the hands of my kid sister. I might as well, after the mess I’ve made of things so far. And, worryingly, she seems to know a lot more about love than I do.
“Of course, nuthead. But then you’ve got to listen. You took away any say, any choice she had when you pulled that stunt. If you want to get her back, you’ve got to prove to her that you won’t do that again.” She pauses dramatically, relishing the moment of power she has over me. “Honestly? I’m amazed she’s got in touch. I don’t know if I would give you another chance. She must really love you, I guess.” I know Grace is right. I’d given up believing that my future would ever involve Neve again. This chance to build my dreams around her, with her, again is too tempting. I’ve run out of self-control.
“Flynn said to ring her when I saw him last week,” I admitted.