Ever After

Chapter 22



A painful past



I could see the pained look on Will’s face. He was rubbing his eyes. I placed my hand in his to reassure him. I knew whatever he wasn’t telling me must be bad, by the way he was acting.

“It doesn’t matter, William. He was bad, not you. Vincent and you are nothing alike. You are not a dark one like him.” He looked into my eyes. He was extremely intense and he didn’t even blink as he took my other hand in his.

“Yes Corrine, it does matter. You have to understand the changing process.” I felt another chill down my spine. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to know what it was. I was feeling unsure now, even scared.

“When a vampire changes a human, the human takes on some of the blood from the vampire who bites them. We sometimes call the vampire who turns a human a mentor. The vampire is often considered a parental figure to the newly changed. The two combine somewhat; it’s very complicated.” He stopped to watch my reaction. I made myself stay calm. I didn’t want him to feel like he couldn’t tell me all of the details.

“So the changed human will retain some of or all of the mentor vampire’s traits, much like a child has traits from parents. It’s almost like a rebirth of sorts, if you want to put it that way.” He shrugged and looked away.

William seemed to be growing uneasy as he went on trying to explain the details of his complicated existence. I sat quietly, waiting for him to go on, giving him time to collect his thoughts. “The mentor vampire, will then guide the newly changed one, and teach him or her their ways, good or bad, depending on which coven they are tied to.” I sat there taking this all in, and now understanding the deadly seriousness of William’s revelation. The details to changing were many and now I understood why he was reluctant to reveal them to me.

Vincent was a dark one, meaning William had traits from him, possibly many possibly few. I now had to think of how many and how strong they might be. Could William possibly turn on me, triggered by his inner make-up from Vincent? I tried to hide my uneasiness as I held William’s hand. I tried hard to block all the thoughts flying around in my head as William went on.

“It’s why I left Vincent’s coven. I was desperate to be better than him, to not…” He paused taking a ragged breath, nearly in tears. “Not to be a murderer, a killer. I could not do it. I couldn’t allow myself to be like that. I am not as good as you think me to be. I have done things I can’t ever seem to forget, no matter how hard I try.” He looked down at my hand in his, shaking his head. “I have battled the part of Vincent instilled in me for decades…” He took another deep breath. “I haven’t always succeeded either,” he said in a whisper, not looking at me. I had to hold my breath. I knew exactly what he meant by that. He had killed. I tried not to panic. I guess I tried to block that part out. I mean I figured in his early days he had, but I guess I just blocked it out.

“I never want to be him Corrine. I will never succumb to the dark ways. The dark covens enjoy inflicting pain and hurt on humans. I had to witness Vincent’s murderous ways. He seemed to reap extreme pleasure from making his victims suffer painful deaths; it was all too much for me.” I looked into his eyes so tormented, my beautiful William. He walked the line between an angel and a killer and I loved him either way.

I hated to see him in so much pain. I could see him telling me all this was very hard. He may possibly have a tendency to be a killer. I knew he feared that I would become scared of him and turn away, leaving him alone. I could understand his fear; I too feared he would leave me someday when he could no longer justify his youthful appearance. I was aging and he was not, at least not very fast. I did recall him telling me he aged slightly, not like a typical vampire that never aged at all. I held onto his hand as he watched me with wary eyes, as if he were waiting for me to run away, much like the afternoon in the park.

“Your past doesn’t matter to me Will; it’s who you are now that does. I know you can’t help what’s inside you from Vincent. I know you are a good person. You don’t like hurting others, and you’ve overcome the evil from him.”

“That’s kind of you to say Corrine, but even now I still sometimes feel a pull toward the darker side of me. I hate myself when the thoughts even briefly cross my mind. I cannot control it when they do. I have to fight my mind to think of other things, to stop the insanity of it all.”

“That day by the river…” I took a deep breath. I needed to know if he had thought of killing me then. I didn’t know why but I just had to ask him. “I was bleeding badly, did you… I mean…” I searched for words trying not to hurt him. He put his finger to my lips, his eyes filled with pain and regret.

“Yes… Corrine. I thought of it then, more so than I had in a very long time. I had this voice in my head telling me over and over, just this once, nobody would ever know. I had to fight it so hard, you were unconscious, helpless lying there. It would have been so easy.” He didn’t look at me; he was ashamed of something he really had very little control over. I patted his hand reassuring him.

“You didn’t William; you were able to control it. Don’t hide your face from me. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” He looked over to me, his eyes damp. He took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, Corrine. I never wanted to tell you that, but you asked and I will never keep anything no matter how bad, from you about myself.”

I moved closer into his arms. I needed to feel him closer to me to feel his warmth. He pulled me into his arms and held me.

“I was having trouble resisting till you opened your eyes. I fell in love with you that moment and the desire to harm you was instantly gone. I had never felt anything like that in my life, a force so true and powerful. I knew from that moment I had to have you in my life somehow.”

“I felt it then too. I couldn’t even speak for a little while after I saw your eyes. It was so amazing William, it was truly fate.”

“I agree. I have heard of such things, people falling in love like that.” He sighed, kissing my forehead. “I just never thought it possible for it to happen to me.”

“No. I never thought any of that love at first sight stuff was real. I really thought it was all crap, especially after Todd and all that.” I leaned my head up under his chin. I felt so safe, so loved so protected there. I never wanted to know a day in this life without him. I couldn’t possibly handle that ever. I had to have him with me; thoughts of him consumed my mind at all times. He was the love of my life half-vampire or not. That was simply the way it was.