Ever After

Chapter 20



The Great Difference



William spent many afternoons with me. He only slept three or four hours at a time at night, so he was always watching over me. The weather was improving not that it was late spring. I loved to get out into the gardens and walk. The problem with that was I had to use a stupid cane now. I had severely damaged my hip at some time when Todd attacked me.

The result was physical therapy and continuous use of the cane to lessen the pressure on my injured hip. I hated it; it made me feel old and feeble, and even more vulnerable to just about anything. I never really thought about the whole major difference with me and Will till now either. I guess using a cane to get around makes you think of how it would be to really be old.

Will would forever be young, beautiful, and alive or however you want to say it. I on the other hand, was prone to injury and death, not to mention wrinkles. I tried not to think of it today, as we walked (I hobbled) in the rose gardens. Will was here to cheer me up, and all I could think of was my aging body walking next to his, not walking very gracefully, I might add.

The trees were blooming and the flowers just had a few hints of new buds forming. I took a deep breath, trying to improve my mood as we walked very slowly down the path. William was careful to walk slowly for me, his intense blue eyes watching me for any signs of pain.

“We don’t need to go too far,” he warned me, holding my hand and smiling. I felt like he was waiting for me to collapse any time now.

“Oh Will, would you stop treating me like I’m an old woman. I can walk, you know!” I fumed as he stopped, staring at me. “It’s not like I’m ninety or something. I can get around despite this damn cane!”

“Well hell, I’m one hundred and fifteen, what are you talking about?” He flashed a smile at me, and I had to laugh.

“Oh shut up, you old man.” I smiled at him. He could only laugh, giving me a boyish grin that melted my heart. “You’re impossible, you do realize that.”

“Indeed I am. That’s why you adore me, is it not?”

“Of course.” I rolled my eyes. I could never stay mad at him for long it was not possible. A stone bench was coming up, and I steered us toward it; my stupid hip was starting to ache.

“You need to sit for a minute.” I didn’t argue. He could see it in my eyes and my stiff movements, the walk had been too long.

“Do you see me, William?” I asked softly trying to control the fact I suddenly felt so angry, weak, and different from him. He smiled, looking a bit confused; he tilted his head as he looked at me.

“Of course I see you.” He ran a finger along my cheek. “Lovely as usual.” I leaned into his touch, always mesmerized by him.

“Yes… but do you see how weak I am compared to you?” I studied a small rosebud not yet opened by the spring sunshine. “Like that stupid rosebud there, when it’s done blooming, it will shrivel up and die!” I threw up my hands. “Just like I too will get old, shrivel up and die.” I could see I struck a nerve with him. He flinched when I said the word “die”; he did not like the sound of that. I watched him as a disapproving frown slid across his perfect face. He knew where this was going.

“Every day I get better, you keep saying that, but don’t you see every day I also get closer to dying?” I could feel my heart race now, as I got mad. “I’m getting older every day and you are not. I will die William, and you will still be here.” I didn’t look into his eyes as I fumed. I could see him nodding in silent agreement with my lecture. I could see him shift uncomfortably, not happy with this conversation.

“I don’t understand what you want me to say about it, Corrine.” His voice was low, soft, and extremely controlled unlike mine. “I cannot change myself to be fully human, and you will never know how badly I want to.” He looked away, overcome with emotions. “If I could grow old and wrinkled with you.” He shook his head. “Then by God, I would in a heartbeat, never question me on that! I have never been given a choice on what I am you know this. I just have to deal with what I am the best way I can. I love you to the depths of what little bit of soul I’m still lucky enough have, and cannot live without you.” I could see the torment in his eyes. He was in agony over our difference, and I just had not seen it until now.

“But I have a choice, William.” I took a deep breath as he looked up straight into my eyes.

“What are you talking about?” He narrowed his eyes, as he realized what I was getting at. “Corrine no. I could never do that to you, it would be wrong on so many levels!” I hated that he caught on so fast; I needed time to convince him of my idea.

“Why? You love me, don’t you?” I grabbed his hand, placing it on my chest so he could feel my heart beating. “This will stop someday, Will, and when it does I will be gone from you forever. We will be no more.” He sighed as he rubbed his forehead in frustration.

“I could not kill you. Corrine, that’s basically what I would be doing, you just don’t understand.” I could feel the anger welling up inside me now like a volcano about to explode. “You wouldn’t be a half blooded vampire it’s extremely rare, if you even survived the whole thing.”

The anger in me was so strong now; did he not want me forever? I couldn’t believe he was saying this. Did he not want me with him always? I had to grip the bench. I was overcome with so many emotions. I didn’t care if I was just like him, I just didn’t want to die.

“What is this then, am I just on your list of amusements for a few decades. If I am really lucky. Then when you tire of me or I am too old and crappy looking, or maybe even dead you move on to somebody new? I don’t get it. Maybe you can help me understand what your deal is. I wonder are you going to keep playing hero and saving my life every other day.” He winced at my harsh words, but he was speechless at my honesty. “Tell me William, what happens when I am ninety years old and wrinkled up like a used Armani handbag? I guess I can brag to the other old crones in the nursing home about how I don’t need the life alert necklace as they all do! I can explain to them all how I have my own personal vampire instead. A vampire who has followed me around for seventy years or so and refuses to let me die a natural death!”

I knew my words cut deep and were harsh, but I was hurting, and I wanted him to hurt as well. I needed to know where I stood with him. I loved him so much, and I refused to be a plaything for an immortal. I had to gage his true intentions right here and right now.

“It’s not like that Corrine; please don’t say things like that.”

“Oh, it’s not? I can tell you this when I have too many near- death experiences and never die. The doctors and other people are going to wonder why the heck I am still alive. I think it’s going to be hard to explain to people.” I stood up much too quickly as pain tore across my hipbone. I gasped leaning hard on my crutch. “Look at me, won’t you? I am already in bad shape; it’s not going to get much better!” I shrugged off his hands as he tried to help me stand up.

“Let me help you please.” he begged, getting up holding my arm to steady me.

“No!” I shrugged off his hands and struggled to balance myself out alone. “You’ve done enough William, you can’t always be there to save me and help me, not anymore. That’s just not how it works in real life, and that’s where I live, the real world. I cannot relate to yours. I don’t know how vampires live…or whatever you want to call it…exist maybe? It’s apparent that you’ve no intentions of allowing me to be part of your life anyway.”

I hobbled away as fast as I could. It hurt to leave him standing there, speechless and in shock at my sudden outburst. I managed after what seemed like forever, to get back up to my bedroom. I flopped onto my bed and broke down crying. I just couldn’t bear to feel his touch or stare into his eyes, knowing it was all only temporary. I just didn’t work like that, for me it was all or nothing.

I had to have 100% of him or none at all. I could accept his lifestyle, and I was willing to do what I had to do to become part of his life. I needed him in my world, and I wanted to be in his. I didn’t care what we had to do to make it happen. I refused his calls the next few days. However, it killed me to do so. I made Gran tell him I couldn’t talk. I had to make it clear this was a major issue for me, and he was going to have to think about it.